Friday, December 31, 2004

It's official. My New Year's Eve is going to suck.

Well, I seem to have a nasty flu virus. Taking form in the stomach issues and a headache, and a new sort of exhaustion that makes me want to cry when I have to be awake. This sucks.

Oh, and Pepto is apparently powerless against it. Great.

So I'm here at the office, ready to warn everyone else that if they want me to stay here, then they probably shouldn't come here, because they could likely catch this little piece of shit virus. Unless they want to feel incredibly ill and unhappy in a couple of days. But what I'm really hoping for is that my icky co-worker will come in eventually and let me go home and go back to bed. Doubtful that will happen, though.

Thank goodness that most everyone else in the world has today off, and that all of our customers probably think we do too. Hopefully that'll make for very quiet phones, and will make it easier for icky co-worker to be able to let me go home.

What this effectively ruins for me, though, is a fun day of watching football, drinking a few beers, having a yummy dinner and hanging out with Dave. I MUST be better before tomorrow!! That's just the way it has to be, dammit.

In the mean time, I'm sipping Gatorade, having a little room temperature Coke every now and then (helps settle my stomach, and will give me some caloric assistance, since all I've had in the last 20 hours is rice and crackers, and I couldn't bear the thought of putting something solid in my stomach this morning), and I'm hoping to be able to lay down on my office floor here in a minute for a teeny nap. As long as the phone stays quiet, I should be fine.

So Happy New Year to everyone who might be on their computer reading blogs like mine today. I hope everyone has a safe and happy night!!

Thursday, December 30, 2004

What is this? My 50th post today? Do I get a prize for that?

I'm losing my mind. The stomach thing has gotten worse with it's spiky behavior (at least it's mellow right now...), and now I have a headache as well. But I'm afraid to take Advil, as I don't want to piss the stomach off more than it already is. Sheesh!

On top of that, work is exploding. I finally heard from the co-worker that tends to roll in late, and found out that she forgot that our other co-worker (her assistant) is out of the office today and tomorrow, and she'd left her a voice mail this morning explaining her absence from the office. So she calls in, and I tell her that the Old Boss is home sick this morning (he said he had a bad night last night. The guy has cysts on his liver and stomach that can't be removed, and they got bigger over the last month, which is no good...), and she tells me what's going on to maybe be making the cyst thing worse (HR stuff that I can't go into, but it sucks. Big time.), and my stomach pains start to spike when I hear that (and apparently when I think about it, as they are going nuts right now...), so now I know that stress makes the stomach thing worse, too. Goodie.

I want to quit my job right this minute. On principle. Which is not a good reason to quit a job, really. Well, unless it's a really, really shitty job (which this is not, overall), and you're directly effected by the issues at hand, which is sorta true in this case for me, but not so much from a different perspective.

See, I've worked with the Old Boss for 3 years now. He's the man that hired me. I love him like he's an extended part of the family, and I think he's a great guy who cares a lot about the company and it's success. He's been royally shafted by said company, IMO, over the past few months, it's obviously taken it's toll on him, and it's so very hard to watch happen! I can't stand for it any more. But I have to!! I wish I could say to the New Boss (who I also respect in a lot of ways, but I also have issue with many of the things he's doing right now in this transition period we're dealing with...) that I think the things he's allowing to happen are despicable, and that due to the fact that Old Boss is being treated the way he is, I simply need to speak up and say that it's not right. We wanted to fire a manager in one of the branches, and that got reversed (some say it's because the New Boss and the Manager We Wanted to Fire are good buddies, but I digress...), and then New Boss is allowing Manager We Wanted to Fire to hire their goddammed SPOUSE to work under them in their office. Which is totally not cool. Not at all. This person is a snake, and so is their spouse. Then we had another manager we wanted to demote, because said manager is an outright IDIOT, and is giving faulty info to their new employees, and retains little information that is passed on to them about policy and procedure, and is generally very frustrating to work with, and clearly cannot remain in a management position. So we didn't fire this manager, but rather we asked them to step down. And that was two weeks ago. Yesterday, HR tells us that we can't do that. And we hear that New Boss is sort of not caring about it much, and would be fine with this manager staying in the current position of manager forever, for all he cares. Um, even I have numerous e-mails I can provide to both New Boss and HR to show just how mentally challenged this manager is, and why it is they should be asked to step down. There are 4 of us who could provide several different forms of documentation. The company is worried they could be sued? Well, guess what? If this person stays in their position, it will damage the company. This person will continue to recruit, teach poor methods of how to perform business-wise, drive me to madness with their continuing/unending stupidity, and now my stomach is hurting again, dammit...

Anyway, I'm in a bad spot. And I'm tired of it. I have a call in to the trusted bro-in-law that I used to work for, so I can ask his advice on what he'd do/advise me to do in this case. I don't think I can just stand by and watch it any more. It's literally hurting my Old Boss, and it's starting to hurt me, even. Man, can I just watch some football now, yo?

Lookit me!!!

Tony O. published a post of mine from a couple of months ago in The Pitch's Backwash today. It's a nice way to end the year, I think...getting my prophesy out there to all the folks that might need to hear it. Even if it is a teeny-tiny part of all the common sense I tried to spew forth on this blog over the past 8 months, it's quite an honor to be recognized like that, and I appreciate it a great deal.

Now if I could just get people to learn how to fucking drive, I'd be well on the way to a new level of nirvana...

Time for my belly-aching. No, seriously. It's a belly-ache.

I have a tummy ache, and I don't know why. I ate normally last night, and this morning. I kind of woke up with it, is the thing. And I just do NOT understand why I've been dealing with this sort of stuff a bunch lately. I got sick from dinner on Christmas, for some reason. And then I felt all sour again on Monday. At least it gave me a break on Tuesday and Wednesday, I s'pose. But that's exactly how I would describe it, too. It's a sour feeling I have. Except today, little pangs of shooting pain are accompanying the sourness. I haven't been drinking too much of anything in particular (alcohol has been limited to just a couple of drinks a night...'tis the season, after all; Diet Coke is on it's normal plan, really), and salads haven't been wildly out of control (sometimes I get nutty over salads, and then my body freaks out at the amount of lettuce it has to digest, and it just stops digesting it. Lovely, eh? Anyway...), so I don't get it. I've been eating chicken mostly, so it's not a red meat thing (which can get on my tummy's nerves now and again. No warning or reason behind it, really...). What can it beeeeee???

I'm tired of feeling icky, though, I can tell you that much.

Maybe I'm out of balance? I haven't eaten much of any fruit in it's "raw" form for several days. Perhaps I have scurvy? Naw...I've been taking my vitamins, so that can't be it. But the fruit thing would be important, I'd think. I'll stop and pick up my apples on my way home today, fo sho.

OW! That pang hurt, dammit. Fuck you stomach!! What have I done to you, anyway? Tell me, you bastard, or I'll be forced to feed you nothing but rice for the next several days, you big jerk!! GAH!

Is the Internet broken?

No comments on any of my posts yesterday, and no e-mails from anyone for a couple of days now. I'm getting worried...

Although, I do understand that this is a busy time of year and all...people are on vacations and are relaxing away from their computers, etc...

But it sucks, is all. I want to hear from my buddies!! I miss you guys!

Hope everyone is having a lovely week. I, for one, am glad it's almost over. And then it's a 3-day weekend, thank goodness. :) Love these holidays...

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Karma reversing?

Dickhead called me again tonight...he's driving to southern Kansas tonight, and wanted to know if I wanted any "company" before he headed out of town. (That's his code phrase for telling me he's horny and he needs some lovin'.) Unfortunately, I'm not feeling it toward him right now. Not only did I have plans to meet my bartender friend for a drink before she heads home for New Year's tomorrow, but I have 3 loads of laundry to do (good Lord...that's THREE! loads, I said!), and I need to wash my hair, which can't happen until tomorrow morning, because one of the loads of laundry is towels, and I'm not showering and drying my hair after 9. Well, maybe I'm not...if I shower tonight, that means I can sleep in tomorrow. Hmm...

Dave then called while I was out with the bartender friend. Wanted to know if I was watching the Colorado game (which I was), which he assumed I wasn't, since I wasn't home. Hm. Here's a guy I hang out with primarily at a bar while watching football. Why he thinks I might be doing something OTHER than hanging out at a bar watching football if I'm not home to answer my phone is beyond me. Anyway...I called him back, and he wanted to know if I would come over. I said I couldn't, because of the laundry and the need to shower, etc, etc...But I sure wish I could. Man...it's hard to say no when you don't wanna. Dammit.

I called Dave back a couple of minutes after I hung up the phone, and it went right into voice mail, so I left him a message asking him if he'd want to watch the Cal game tomorrow night. Because that's something I'd definitely be up for! I don't think I should watch it alone. Cal. Must. Go. DOOOOWWWN!!! Hopefully, he'll be up for that. We'll see.

It's too bad Dickhead isn't into sports the way Dave is. He'd be a better man for me if he was. But I told him that if he needs a place to crash on Friday, I'll likely be home. He's going to some party a little southeast of here, and while he's not much of a drinker, I'd feel much better if he agreed to stay in my part of town with either me or his best friend (whom we shall call "Bitch" from here forward...) rather than drive all the way home. My night will end at about 9 at the Moose, it seems, unless Dave steps up and asks me to hang out with him. He's getting better at it, I think. Tonight, when I called him back after I first got home, I told him what I was up to, and then started to say goodbye. He said, "So that's it?" I said, "Ummm...how was your day?" I didn't know what he wanted me to say! Turned out he was fishing for me to invite myself over. After we talked a bit more, he finally asked me if I was going to be able to hang out with him. I had to turn him down, though. Not only do I need some "me time", but I look like utter hell, and I really have to get the laundry done. Really.

So I'm feeling a bit out there tonight. I know that Dickhead's was just a booty call phone call, but usually it's me calling him for it, so that was a nice change. And if Dave was looking for more of what we had last night, then we're on the same page. And I think that not being available to be there every time he wants it (just like he's been doing to me for the past 2 months, FYI...) is a good thing overall. Last time he showed me attention for a couple of days in a row, I got carried away with it, and it really messed things up. So I'm not going to fall for that this time. Nuh-uh...

I think I'd better go switch the laundry. It needs to get done. Seriously. G'night!

Hm.

I have a zit on my chest...right at the top of my left boob where the cleavage starts. It's not really a zit, though. It's just a bright red bump that appeared a couple of days ago, but isn't doing anything except bugging me really. But it looks like a zit.

It's annoying me.

Doesn't seem to be bothering anyone else, I s'pose.

I am also absolutely FULL of air today. Could be the whole decompression of the body after a full day of travel yesterday, I guess. But it's starting to get on my nerves. I've got WAYYYY too much to do, and I'd much prefer to do it all without feeling like I'm some sort of over-inflated balloon from hell, thank you very much. Bleh.

Vacation is Over; I'm a Flake; Oh, and I FOUND IT!!

Ok, so my vacation in Cali was a bit hectic at times, and fun at others, and generally relaxing, I suppose. Leaving for the airport was an ordeal yesterday morning, but there were so many people running about, and for some reason, Dad thought it'd be a good idea to make the oldest sister and her fiance rush to get ready, try to cram all of my stuff into their car with theirs, and have them drive me to the airport, even though I'd told them the night before that I wasn't going with them, and they didn't have to worry about it. It was a frustrating start to the day for lots of people and it was unnecessary. But the step-mom offered to drive me at the very last second, and she got me there on time, gave me some cash just in case my flight was delayed again like last time (I didn't have time to hit the ATM, and I refuse to pay money to get money from ATMs that aren't associated with my bank), hugged me and I was on my way. The flight was perfect, and I got home on time. It was a good day.

I want to apologize to the friends I had really hoped to hook up with. I was feeling very hermity and homebodyish the entire time I was home this time. I really should've taken the time to get out and away from the fam once or twice, but it just never panned out, so I'm sorry!!! Hope you all had a fabu and fun Christmas weekend, and that your week is going well. (Happy birthday, Lyn!!!! I hope you have a really, really, REALLY great day today and an awesome night tonight, chicky!!)

***********************************************************
Dave was waiting for me when I got off the plane yesterday. He even got my bags off the carousel for me. :) Then he dropped me at home, and we met up at the Moose for drinks a little bit after that. Apparently, I missed an eventful Christmas Eve and Christmas Day here in KC, and he told me all about it. I visited with my bartender friend a bit, had dinner, and then went home to unpack and unwind a bit more. Dickhead called me to say hi (he's been doing that lately...it's nice, but weird...), and I called my older sister to make sure she knew that I appreciated her offer to drive me to the airport yesterday, but that there was just no way it would've worked, etc... - damage control, really. She's sensitive lately. And then I called Dave and left him a message letting him know that if he wanted to hang out and watch the Notre Dame game, or whatever, he could call me back. So he did, and we watched, and, well, as the co-worker often says "long story short", I found his penis! There had been some concern about it a little while back, and I just wanted everyone to know that he does have one, it's just fine, and while it was a little bit difficult to find (it points down...I'm not used to that. Whatev...) it is there, and that's all that matters. It wasn't used for anything specific last night, but I have a feeling it will be in the near future. If I have anything to say about it, anyway...
So that is what's up with me at this point. I'm looking forward to a long weekend full of football, hanging out at the Moose with friends, cleaning up around the house (because DAYUM! It's a mess, yo!), and just generally lolling about KC. I can't believe the ASU game is on at 1:fucking30 on Friday, and I don't know if I'll be able to get out of work in time to watch more than just the last quarter of it. (I don't get off until 3, but I'm going to see if I can get out of here at 1, if my boss will let me...) But that's ok. It seems that my plans for New Year's Eve might be to stay in and be mellow, but New Year's Day is going to be so much fun that I almost don't mind. (I was hoping that Dave and I would be able to spend the evening together for New Year's, but he's awfully allusive about it. I don't know why he does that...it's a little annoying.) So I hope everyone else has fun stuff planned, and that weeks are going well, and that things are quiet for you at your place of business, so you can play a little more than usual right now...unfortunately, I've been off for 5 days, so now I've got to go bust some ass to catch up. Peace out!

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Home again, home again, jiggity jig.

Well, I made it safely to my dad's house once again. The Twin and I shopped all day yesterday, and picked up many of the remaining items I needed in order to have a happy Christmas here at the ranch. I'm up early, of course, because jet lag sucks, and my little nieces suck even more. (Which is really not true. They don't suck...they just stink a little for waking up as early as they do, and for playing in the space that's right outside my bedroom, is all. Buggars...)

I had some work to do really quick anyway, so I don't mind. Besides, I went to sleep last night at 8:45. Um, can we say "old lady"? I mean, WTF is up with that??? I don't want to get sick, though, so when my body tells me it's that tired, I listen, dammit.

Dave took me to the airport yesterday, as promised. He was great about it, actually...he got to my house a little before 7, and then he loaded my bags into the car for me, and he even took them inside the airport for me when we got there! I don't know why I thought that was such a sweet gesture (even if I did think it was stupid for him to leave his car parked at the curb like that...the "police" at the airport just love to find suckers like him and pounce on them ASAP...), but it was really nice of him, and then he kissed me, and we said our goodbyes. I'm really hoping that he starts to get somewhat normal, and takes dating me a bit more seriously after the holidays are over.

I had a lot of time to think on my flight, and I am somewhat perplexed by my attraction to a person like Dave. I mean, yes, he's funny in his little way, and he's darned cute, dammit...but his strange behavior isn't all that attractive, and his hot/cold mentality towards me is so odd. So what is it? I think it's his financial security that makes me want him as I do. He's got his shit together, you know? He's owned his home for 20 years, so obviously that's just an asset to him now. He drives a reasonable car, but it's still a very nice car. He doesn't have to work, which is weird, but still very cool. I don't know. He kind of reminds me of Mr. Knightly in "Emma". Except without the creepy big brother vibe, and a little less of the charm. He's not necessarily a father-figure, because my dad would never behave like Dave does, so that's not an issue. Plus, he acts so immaturely a lot of the time that it's not like I look up to him to learn something from him.

I only worry about the fact that we're somewhat alike in our abbrasiveness, and I don't know how well it'd work if we actually were in a relationship. I know I can actually be very conciliatory when it comes to being in a relationship that I want to work, and while I act aggresively some of the time, I actually am in love with my friends, so to speak, and want to be happy around them as much as possible. I don't like being around people when I'm feeling grumpy, and it's kind of a crappy thing to do to expose people to the grump, unless you plan on trying to pull out of it, of course. But those days when you know that all you need is a good cry, a movie or two, and a pizza all to yourself are rather obvious to me, and I keep to myself when they happen. I get the feeling that Dave doesn't know how to do that too well. So I'm wondering if it'd be a source of conflict for us, or if it'd be something that could be solved with some regular lovin'. (Because I honestly think that's part of his problem, too...he wants it, thinks he can't get it, and he puts himself down when he thinks about it...I sincerely cannot understand why the man doesn't realize how adorable he is. *sigh!*)

Anyway, I'm done thinking about it for now...just needed to get that out there so I can focus my brain on the important things. Those are: What should I get my dad for Christmas? When will I be able to get together and hang out with Lyn? And what the hell am I gonna eat for breakfast? Because I'm STARVING!!

Lovely Christmas Eve Eve to you all...

Monday, December 20, 2004

Back from the dead. (Oh, ok...it was just Wichita, but you know what I mean...)

Well, I'm home from my meeting in Wichita, and my long ass day of driving and then working and BLEH!! It really wasn't too bad, but now I'm procrastinating from cleaning up my room so I can pack tomorrow night without anything holding me back.

My weekend was fun. Friday night was weird, with Dickhead and all. We had dinner, we fooled around, we talked...it was just weird, though. I asked him about it on Saturday. He said he was just in the wrong mood. I mean, we were still able to do what we needed to do, and I had a great talk with him, as usual, but I just was turned off of maybe wanting to get together with him any more. Which is too bad. (In my book, anyway.)

Saturday, I was at the Moose off and on all fucking day long. There was this little football kicking contest that happened earlier in the day, and we were all there to watch, which was fun. No one won, but we didn't care. Oh, Friday night, Dave figured out that I was getting together with what another guy we hang out with called my "booty call". I just tried to pass it off as getting together with an old friend, but I guess this other guy had heard me talking with the girls about it the night before, and he decided to mention it aloud to Dave. The buggar. I didn't want Dave to get jealous, because we just got back to the point where things are mellow, right? Anyway, Saturday, sure enough, Dave seemed to be in another mood. He wasn't aiming it at me this time, though. When we got together later to watch the KU game (which rocked, btw...), his friend Robert started in on him, making comments about KU's performance up to that point in the game (they started out the 1st half with a lovely 0-13 "run"...it was NOT a good time to be a KU fan), and it pissed Dave off sufficiently enough that he left. No biggy. I wound up having a great conversation with a nice guy at the bar (old guy...but he has sons!), and then KU won, and the night ended happily for me, anyway. Sunday, my other friends were there to watch the Chiefs, and I warned them that Dave was in a mood. And sure enough, he didn't even sit with us (really, he hates the crappy picture quality on the big screen, and so do the rest of us...), but kept coming over to visit, especially as the game progressed and it was clear that Denver was going DOWN baby!! I took advantage of the mood, and made a request that he help me get to and from the airport over the next week. I can't believe I didn't think of it before, you know? The guy lives around the corner from me, doesn't work, he wakes up early every day, so having to get me to the airport on Wednesday by 7 shouldn't be a problem, and he'll be able to pick me up next week too. So my car can stay in it's little garage and stay warm and happy (and dirty as HELL right now...blech! Poor little car...), I won't have to pay the parking fees at the airport, AND I get door to door service. Maybe even with a smooch or two. Eee! I'm happy...

But I'm also hella busy. I've got to go clean now. And although I might have some time to post tomorrow (Tuesday), work might also be sucking-busy, so no guarantees. But definitely Wednesday night. Because apparently my older sister is pissed at me for that whole "fuck off, fucking family..." rant I did in my comments a couple of weeks ago, and thinks I was telling HER in particular to fuck off. When really, I was ranting about my entire family, and how disgusting it is to me that everyone is coupled up but me. But whatever. The world clearly revolves around some folks. It's just too bad for them that no one else is taking notice of it, I s'pose. That must really suck. So you'll likely hear more from me about that. Maybe not. Depends on my mood, I'm sure. She's not reading my blog any more (and I really didn't want any family besides the Twin to read it anyway!! FOR EXACTLY THIS REASON, GAH!!!), so it doesn't matter what I say, really.

Hope everyone had a coolio Monday, and that Tuesday is a nifty day as well. :)

Friday, December 17, 2004

My kingdom for a hashbrown...

Dear Lord, I am seriously craving some hashbrowns right now. I don't know why...it's not making sense to me, really. I had pasta for breakfast (shut up...I'm out of eggs, and it sounded good), and am not really hungry, per se. I don't get it...why the hashbrowns, and not a burger or my favorite chicken picata dish from the Moose?

Cravings are weird.

The New Boss is worrying me today, btw. He's trying to do things that he really shouldn't do while he's cracking down on other things that are being done (which I agree with), and for some reason, a manager in the region made it seem like there was an applicant that needed to remain a secret, although I'm not sure why that would be necessary. I'm not sure if the manager was confused about the request from New Boss, or what. But I've looked at the application, and I see nothing fishy, and it's not like I go around sending blazing red "URGENT! READ THIS!!" memos to everyone I work with telling them who we're running background checks on. I don't care! I just need to have the application in case we hire them, you know? So things are weird this morning. All mysterious and shit. Hopefully, when New Boss gets here, he can clear things up relatively quickly, and we can move on with our day.

But the mystery is kind of fun, I s'pose.

Dammit...I really still want hashbrowns, even after all that bullshit. I'd better go eat half an apple, or something. Happy mysterious Friday! :P

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Ugh.

I need to get laid NOOOOWWWWW, dammit!

AUGH!

To: Management From: Admin # 1,435,789

Dear Management of the World:

Why must you treat your admins as subordinate creatures, rather than as a co-worker that helps you function effectively in your day to day life? We are the ones that are here to open the office every day, to make your fucking coffee (when we don't even drink it), to start your computer for you, to print your reports and make sure the information given on them is accurate, to answer your phones and take your messages, to watch after your big, fat, management ass to make sure your day goes as smoothly as it possibly can.

And how are we rewarded? We're left to deal with all the customer service issues that we can handle on our own, to create reports in the blink of an eye becaue you needed them "yesterday, goddam it!", to try to decipher what the best route would be as far as setting up the meeting that you want us to miraculously plan in less than 4 business days for 20 people, to NOT EVER GET SICK or take a vacation day because, holy shit, where would you be then?, to work our asses off for hourly rates that barely pay for our lunches every day, etc, etc, etc...

So, when we have an appointment out of the office, and we let you know 3 days in advance of said appointment, and you tell us in return that we need to clear things like that with you first because you have something more important you need us to do (which, btw, consists of us sending out YOUR Christmas presents to your co-workers in the field. Really? Really?? THAT is why we have to cancel our appointment and reschedule it? Oh...ok. Sure.), so we reschedule, and then ask you if it's ok to go, like we're in the goddammed 1st grade and we need permission to go down the hall to the bathroom, for chrissakes. How about you step off your high and mighty manager pedastal for a millisecond to check and see what your life would be like without us here?

*blink, blink*

Get it, asshole? YOU would have to get here early to answer the phone calls that start up at 8 a.m., even though we don't open until 8:15, and YOU would have to figure out the best way to print that report that was sent to you in the strangest format ever, and YOU would have to call systems support to find out just why the hell your remote system kicked you out for no reason and wouldn't let you back in, and YOU would have to try to find another admin that could do as succint and wonderful a job as you've been touting we do for the past 2 years (and, oh by the way, we've been here longer than you, too, so you can stop pretending like you have some sort of tenure over us, m-kay?), even though you don't say a word behind closed doors to upper management about how we really should get a raise because just look at all the shit we do, right? Even though you pretend like you do. We can tell when you lie. Believe us, we can. Oh, and YOU would have to be the one to send out the Christmas presents that you should have not only shopped for on your own, but should be proud to send out on your own. Because, um, aren't you the gift-giver? At least we paid for them with your credit card, so we certainly fucking hope you are...

We're not lower on the totem pole just because we perform a different function for the company. We're your co-workers. So stop treating us like shit that you accidentally stepped in on your way in from the parking lot this morning (or this afternoon, or whenever it is you find it reasonable for you to stumble in the office today). We deserve as much respect as we are expected to give you, dammit. And you're an asshole motherfucker if you think otherwise.

Now, if you'll excuse us, we need to go type a letter for you, because it seems that in all your years of training and schooling, and superiorness in the job world (because, after all, you are a great manager and we are just an admin, so that must mean we're more stupid than you, right? Oh, I'm sorry...it's "stupider", isn't it. Pardon me.), you've forgotten how to actually do something as simple as pull up a template within MS Word and follow the goddam examples/fill in the blanks to create your own letter without our help.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Screw it...

The New Boss moved the meeting in Wichita to Monday, and I just can't bear the thought of having to hope my co-worker will show up here at 5:15 a.m. so we can make it in time for the 9 a.m. start of the meeting, so I made hotel arrangements, and she can either go the night before, or show up whenever she damn well pleases the next day. I don't care. I'll be waking up in the hotel where the meeting is located, and that's that. I don't need this kind of stress right now. Not worth it.

Things are busy in the office. I was here until 6 last night, and I was working pretty constantly from about 1 p.m. until I left. At least the morning had been slow. But I think I like it better when it's spread out, you know? I'm still waiting to hear back on several issues that need to be addressed before the end of today from a co-worker in Texas, and THAT is stressing me out. I finally broke down and bought Harry & David crap for all the co-workers I was going to make cookies for, because the cookie plans just didn't go the way I wanted them to, so that's done, at least. Now I just need to find stuff for my local co-workers, and then I'll be in a good spot. I'm hitting Pier 1 tonight. :) I need to send the presents I bought through Red Envelope for the girls in the family to my dad's house tomorrow, so that they'll be there when I get in next week, but as long as I remember to gather them all together tonight, I should be ok to go on that.

And I MUST get my eyebrows done this week. They look terrible. Really...

I'm afraid my exciting life is only exciting for me right now. I'm trying to relax as much as possible in the down time, so I'm not doing anything but walking on the treadmill and then lying around the house when I get off work at night. I'd love to head to the Moose for a drink right after I leave here, but if I do that, chances of getting on the treadmill get slim, and I need to make sure that exercise isn't ignored this week, fo sho. Like tonight...I look cute, so I'd love to run to the Moose right after work so Dave can see me looking cute, and stare at me a bit. Heh. But I must resist. He can stare at me this weekend, dammit.

Man, I really hope that Dickhead comes through with the plans to get together on Friday night. I need that a goodly amount right now, I'd say. I think he might be lucky to just make it through the front door without me attacking him, really. And then we can go get dinner. And then go home and attack again. Rawr! :P

So that's me in a nutshell this morning. Boring, stressed, and very little time to spare for anything other than work during the day, unfortunately. Bleh. Happy Wednesday, eh? :)

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

O M G

While I was at the Moose last night, watching the game with a couple of friends, Dave called me. At the bar. To APOLOGIZE for his behavior on Saturday this past weekend. He said he had just been in a really bad mood, and he felt bad for taking it out on me.

Hm. Dave apologized. It was weird.

As my co-worker often says, OMG.

So I guess he and I are back on a normal page together, and I no longer have to worry about whether I'm bothering him by being around, or whatever. Yay for me!

Monday, December 13, 2004

So weird...

I've been thinking about Dickhead off and on the past couple of days. It's been a little while (over a month, I think) since we've seen each other, and I've been trying to figure out if I should try to get together with him or if I should keep my Dickhead Abstinence going so I can keep on the proper track of falling out of love with his ass. I considered calling him last night, but kept my outside contact to the minimum and just spoke to the Twin a little bit. So when I was suddenly thinking of him again about 20 minutes ago, and was wondering if maybe I should just drop an e-mail, and then my cell rang and it was him, it gave me the shivers a bit. :) In a nice way, of course.

So we're talking about getting together this Friday for dinner and what have you, and I'm seriously looking forward to it. I know I'm a ridiculously stupid girl, and that I should snap out of my self-induced love/lust haze that I have for this boy, but I don't care what other people think. He's a little early-Christmas present I'll be giving myself, is how I see it. I need what he's got, and I don't care if he likes to tell himself differently, he needs what I've got. And what's funny is that when I was thinking about it yesterday, wondering what I should do and whether I should call him or not, I decided that I would wait for him to call me. Something told me that he would.

I wonder what the connection is that he and I have, and what it will mean further down the line. I like the idea of going into business with him at some point or another. I think that's one thing we can agree we appreciate about one another...our desire to be in charge of something for ourselves, and to not have to answer to some higher up, holier-than-thou manager-type person, and our desire to be happy doing something we truly enjoy doing. The last thing we wanted to do was open an Ikea in the KC area. That fell through, as Ikea sucks, and although it's a franchise, apparently one company owns the franchising rights in North America, and we can't get in on it. Weird. Anyway, so we're trying to put our heads together and figure out a new direction to go in. Who knows if anything will ever pan out.

But in the mean time, I'm left with my incredible desire to be with him, the knowledge that it would never work as long as we remain the people we are at this point in time, and the comfort of knowing he's there for me if I need him. Most of the time. :)

Stupid, stupid girl. In a silly, silly way...

In case anyone was wondering...

I will not be attending the blogger shin-dig that Tony O invited us all to this Wednesday. I appreciated the invite (as was told to Tony O via e-mail), and while it sounds like it'd be loads of fun, I leave those sorts of get-togethers to being the ex's domain.

Not that anyone has asked, but in case anyone was wondering. I will not be there. Besides, I'm pretty sure most people would know how to meet up with me if they really cared to meet me in person. I'm pretty open about the places I spend my free time, eh? :)

Thanks again for the invite, Tony! I'm sure it'll be a good time, and I hope it's a great turn out, and that people will be posting info about the who/what/why/how drunk on Thursday so I can read all about it.

I'm a worrier. So sue me.

I hate that I worry about shit that I should not worry about. Well, at least not as soon as I do. For example, next week, my co-worker and I have to travel to Wichita for a meeting in the early morning the day before we both have to leave town for the holiday. We don't mind, really. It's about a 3 and a half hour drive, I think, and it'll suck having to get up that early, but if we can be helpful by being there, then we're happy to do so. But here's the problem: my co-worker is a notoriously late person. Like, missed flights on a regular basis because she was running too late (and they were in the goddammed afternoon, even. Like at 3 p.m. And she couldn't get out of her house in time to catch the plane. Uh-huh.), and has made my old boss run late for meetings because they're driving there together, etc...The last time they drove someplace together, he told her to meet him in the parking lot here at the office at 6:30 a.m., and if she wasn't there, he was leaving without her. I think that worked, as I recall. The thing that freaks me out is that she wants to leave here at 6:30 to be at a 9 a.m. meeting in Wichita. I thought about that, and we'd have to be going super-sonic speed, which I'm just not comfortable with, really. I'm all for doing a max of 85 mph on the freeway, but anything above that is not cool with me. I want to leave no later than 5:30. (I really wish the meeting was at 10 or 11, but I digress...) And my plan is to tell her that I will be here at 5:30 a.m. ready to go, and if she isn't, then I'm leaving to head there on my own.

But why the fuck am I thinking about this a full week in advance of when it's actually taking place? I don't know! It's the retardation in my brain that makes me think of useless things that I can't do anything about far too much, and there's nothing I can do about it, really. I know I do it, I want to stop doing it, and I continue to do it. Meh.

Ok, so my weekend was a bit up and down. I went to bed late on both Friday and Saturday, and slept in until way late on both Saturday and Sunday. That was as it should be. Friday, I went directly to the Moose after work, and hung out with the friends I hadn't seen in a long time. Seems that Dave has moved on to an older blond that he's decided to try to torment. I've met her once before, and she's pretty...thin, big boobs, cute face. Kind of fried hair, but whatever. It doesn't detract from the total package, really, it seems. It does make me consider what my hair might look like in another 10 years if I keep bleaching it, but that's beyond the point. She's a really nice girl, and we sat next to each other and chatted about lots of things all evening. Dave left at about 7:30, in my estimation, and the chick stuck around (because that's how things work with Dave...you don't know if you're supposed to go along with him when he leaves, or if you're just supposed to show up at his house later, or what. It sucks...), and we wound up getting invited over to a table of men who wanted us to "just have one drink with them". We thought, why the hell not? They were really nice, and wound up buying us more than just one drink. Dave's new chicky got a bit tipsy, IMO, and then started complaining of a toothache that looked pretty bad. It was around 10 or so by then, and I could see she was in pretty bad shape, so I asked her if she wanted a ride to Dave's, and she thought about it, but said she'd be fine, really. (She and I had talked about how he and I were fooling around before he moved on to her...I told her he didn't impress me much as a human being, and she actually agreed for the most part, but whatever...) So she left, and then I finished my drink, and paid my tab, and left soon after that.

When I went to the Moose on Saturday, no one was there yet, so I chatted with my bartender friend and pretty soon, Dave walked in. He sat around 3 chairs away from me on my left at the bar, which was odd. But he's an ass, so I didn't care. I asked him if his new chick was doing ok. He said, "I don't know. How should I know?" And I told him that I thought she had planned on going over to his house the night before, because she left the bar in a rather tipsy state, and she had a horrible toothache. I even called his house to warn him to watch for her...did he not get my message? He just sort of was looking at me with his big, dumb look on his face, and then I said, "Well, didn't she go to your house?" And he said, "She may have, she may not have." I just looked at him with my best are-you-just-a-TOTAL-idiot? look on my face, and then I said, "Well, I hope she's ok...she looked like the pain was pretty bad last night..." and I turned the other way from him, and then the guy to the right of me at the bar started talking to me, and I ignored Dave the rest of the time. He's so, so grumpy and just plain nasty for no reason. You know, I don't know why he even ever started talking to me/flirting with me in the first place if he wasn't going to consider the implications of if things didn't work out between us, would he be bothered by spending time with me at the Moose still. He obviously doesn't like hanging out with me on our own, because he makes no effort to talk to me when we're in a small group or just by ourselves, and he's a total dick to me when I try to say anything to him at all. It was funny, on Friday night, someone made a comment about the facial hair growth he had on his face (apparently, he only shaves every couple of days or so...doesn't matter. Looks good on him, really), and he started talking about how he'd seen Jude Law on Oprah, or something, and he looked like he hadn't shaved in a week, and no one seemed to mind. And I started laughing (all us girls did, really), and I said, "But Dave, that's Jude Law!" And he's all, "Well, don't go thinking YOU look anything like Gwyneth Paltrow!" And I said, "Um, I would never compare myself to Gwyneth, Dave. I wasn't the one comparing myself to a hot, young movie star, now was I?" I mean, he's just cantankerous towards me, for no reason. I'd really like to talk to him about it, and tell him to stop it, but I don't know if it would do any good really. It's a good thing the people he hangs out with are all really cool. Because he's a total fuckhead, and they all seem to know it.

Saturday night I just sat and talked to another friend all night, and then went home and crashed out. Yesterday, I was asked to help my bartender friend clean up the new house she just bought, so we went and shopped for a bit at Target, and then we went to her new house (which is very cute...), and I cleaned the bathroom (because I'm good at it, dammit), and she cleaned the floors and the kitchen, and then she took me back home. I met her roommate for the first time, too. quite a flirty guy. What is it with guys that work in a bar? They just seem to always flirt. No matter what. Crazy. But fun! :)

I think that what I might do is see if one of Dave's guy friends might be willing to talk to him, maybe. I mean, I don't want to be the source of any discomfort for him, really, but I think there's nothing I can do about it, actually. Whatever his beef is, if it's because I'm showing up and hanging out, then I would rather just stop hanging out with those folks. I have a feeling that the only person that'd be happy about that is Dave, though. I'll ask my girlfriends tonight and see what they think. Dave might not even show up to watch the game tonight, but if he does, then I guess we'll just see how it goes. And I'll just keep my distance from him.

You know, for a guy that I hung out with for a mere 5 nights total (yep, that's it...5 nights. Sheesh!), he's getting an awful lot of time in my head all together. I guess it's because it wasn't so obvious that he was an ass, and then it became more and more obvious that he was, and now I'm stuck sitting here wondering how I was ever attracted to him in the first place. Bleh. :)

Now I'm looking forward to just finishing this week out, and heading back to Cali next week for some fun time off. Maybe I'll be able to get together with some folks in San Diego one of the nights I'm there, and having the time to hang out with the Twin is always fun. So I need to just stop worrying. But saying it and doing it are two very different things. *sigh!* Wish me luck!

Friday, December 10, 2004

This is becoming a monthly promise...

Ok. So I'm yet again resigned to getting myself back on the losing weight track, no excuses! I'm eating egg whites and mushrooms and pineapple for breakfast, I'm eating soup with green beans or baked chicken with rice and green beans for lunch, and I'll allow myself a salad at dinner, or some grilled chicken, or something like that. None of that "Spaghettios are cheap...and I need cheap right now, so I'll just buy Spaghettios" mentality is allowed to stick around. The weekends are not "days off" from being good the rest of the week. It's become quite clear that my body doesn't allow for "days off", and I can't have them any more.

So I'm cracking down. I usually like the way my body looks when I'm naked, and I've finally hit a point where I can honestly say that isn't true any more.

Size 14: we will meet again soon. You just wait.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Addiction is a cruel, cruel thing...

Thanks Mikey. Thanks a lot.

Just so you know, this is one of those painful kind of fun things. So check it out, and see how you do. My first time out, I was given several states in a row that were completely unfair to start me with. States like Tennessee, and Utah, and then I had to place West Virginia. Bastards. After 3 tries, though, I have a 96%. Not too bad, IMO. (But then again, it does get a bit easier as you do it over and over...)

It's the geography challenge. Are you up for it?

I'm feelin' it

I can feel my bad mood breaking up a bit. This morning, I was a bit grumpy because I was awfully tired, but now I have a BIG Diet Pepsi, and I'm rolling through my morning activities at work, have a list written of the things I need to accomplish, and am looking forward to getting it done today, and am generally just feeling good about being back in the swing.

I got my hair done last night. I look pretty. That's all there is to say about that.

I've suddenly been receiving more e-mails from interested parties on the dating site I'm using right now, and while not all of them are making me do backflips over how cute they are, each one of them seem to have some things in common with me, at least from what I can see in their profile, and I've written them all back, for the most part. (I've deleted one or two here and there, but I always let them know that we wouldn't be a good match before I do so...) I've been chatting with one guy for about a month now via e-mail, and am hoping to meet him next week. Another guy just wrote to me on Tuesday, and I responded yesterday, even though he's not very attractive in his picture. But he is 6'4", and his profile is very compatible with my interests, and all. So I didn't want to pass him up just because of my lack of attraction to his picture. When I think of the guys that I've been interested in over the past couple of years, they haven't been exactly Jude Law look-alikes, you know? I like guys for their character, and for their sense of humor, and the odd attraction I feel for them that seems to pounce on me in an out of control sort of way. So I'm not willing to say to this one guy that although we seem to have a lot in common, I'm not attracted to his picture, so he can just buzz off. Nah...I decided to give it a chance. Plus, a date is a date is a date. I usually have fun on dates, whether I feel chemistry with a person or not, and going out and doing stuff with new people is always a treat. He wrote me back last night, and it was too late for me to write him back again, so I'll do it tonight, I s'pose. But he sounded relatively smart, and he was sweet, so it might be interesting to get to know him. I'm just looking forward to dating again. None of this bullshit about going over to someone's house that I met at a bar, and then have to be friends with again after he decides that he's not a grown-up that wants a normal dating relationship with a girl, because he's a big dummy. Uh-uh. Just a few dates here and there, and then the figuring out of whether there's something more there than just the dating, etc, etc, and so on, and so forth.

Because the bullshit pisses me off. And even though I'm sure it won't be the last time I make the mistake of doing something that has to do with the bullshit (I'm weak when it comes to my hormones and their need to make me want to kiss someone's face...I admit it openly), I'm going to try to be more in control of myself going forward. This is definitely not an area of life to which I repeat the mantra of "I surrender"...no sir. I am NOT surrendering to any man, anywhere, anytime. That is, not unless we agree to surrender to each other, dammit.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

On my way.

Before I went to sleep last night, I begged The Cold to be 80% better today. I wasn't asking for a miracle...I just didn't want to feel as crappy as I did all day yesterday again. And it worked! Sort of, anyway. I woke up today feeling what I would consider to be about 60% better, which is better than nothing, IMO. So, yay me!

I'm still deep in the throws of PMS, though. That should only last a couple more days, though, and then I can drink this weekend, and make it aaaalllll better. :)

This morning, a customer called here looking for info on a home equity line of credit. It was only 8:05, but I answer the phone if I'm here, regardless of what time it is. (We technically don't open for business until 8:15...) I told her that she would need to contact a branch location, and offered to give her the Overland Park office number. She sort of sat there for a second, and then said, "I live in a ground-contact home." I didn't understand her at first, and asked her to repeat herself, which she did. When I heard what she said, I informed her that she had contacted an administrative office that had nothing to do with loans, and told her that I wouldn't be able to assist her with her questions since I know nothing about loans myself. I asked her if she'd like to have the number for the Overland Park office again, and she said she supposed so. I gave it to her, and told her she would need to wait a bit before calling them, because our hours are 8:15 to 5:15, and it was likely that the after-hours voice mail would still be picking up. She thanked me and hung up.

Less than 2 minutes later, and the phone rang again. I answered, knowing it was probably the new friend that had just called a bit ago. It was a hang up call, but I know it was her.

A couple minutes later, my co-worker arrived. I explained to her immediately the frustrating and weird lady that had called, and as I was finishing up, the phone rang again. I just looked at it, and my co-worker answered it. Sure enough, it was the lady again. My co-worker told her she couldn't answer her questions, and gave her another branch number, this time to the location in Lenexa.

I shit you not, the phone rang again about a minute later. I let out a little scream, and my co-worker, who does NOT have PMS, and is feeling much more patient than me this morning, answered and told the lady (yes, it was her) that she was probably getting the after-hours recording at all locations because their clocks hadn't hit 8:15 yet. Yes, even though the lady's clock at home was reading 8:22, it was possible that the clocks on the phones in the offices were not quite on the same time schedule.

CHRIST!!

My co-worker thinks that the lady wasn't all "there", really. She sounded funky to her. I thought she'd sounded a bit back woods, but not necessarily stupid, or anything. Of course, my opinion of her level of intelligence kind of changed over the course of those 4 phone calls, but DAYUM...What the hell? Do the dumb people crawl out of their beds under rocks that early in the morning just to vex me on purpose? DON'T THEY KNOW ABOUT THE COLD AND THE PMS??

That's all for now. The Boss wants a report. I'd better get it together for him. Bah!

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

I surrender, already!!

Ok, first, before I get going on my rant, what the FUCK is up with the internet lately? At home, it's taking me way too long to get in and view e-mail inboxes, make adjustments to my blog posts, and even to just go from page to page is taking forever, if it ever actually downloads the page. I'm tired of it. And I'd like it to stop already. Sheesh!

Outside of that, I'm not sure what's with my mood. Probably a good mix of a lot of things including , but not limited to, my lack of smoking for over a week now, PMS kicking into high gear, the effects of The Cold on my brain (makes it feel downright swollen, it does...), and the fact that due to time constraints and The Cold, I haven't really exercised since I went to the play place on Saturday with my sister and my nieces. So, let's add that all up, shall we? No smoking - check. PMS - check. Being sick as a dog and having to push through a regular day anyway - check. Lack of exercise - check. Yep...I'm in a mood for good reasons, I think.

I can't get over the fact that I have no ability to surrender to the things that happen to me in my life. Lately, I've been reading the ex-boyfriend's blog (a.k.a. Asshole), but I don't know why. I was somewhat pleased when I learned that he'd broken up with the girl that followed me in the list of girlfriends he's tormented in his lifetime, and then it seemed they got back together again. And then they broke up again. But she's still commenting on his blog, for some reason. Anyway, what bugs me? Um, why the FUCK do I care? Because I haven't settled into a new relationship myself? Because I secretly want him back? (Um, no...not that last one. Fo sho. He can suck it, and I hope to never see him again in my entire life, actually.) Because I'm a jealous piece of shit that wants everyone else in the world to be unhappy except for me? I don't know...I think it's a slight mix of door #1 and door #3. I haven't found anyone new to have a relationship with since Asshole, and I also really think it's unfair for dickheads and assholes to have someone to spend time with when I'm a perfectly nice girl who's pretty, rather easygoing, has a variety of interests, knows how to have a good time (wink, wink!), and I'm single as the day is long. It makes no sense in my head. It makes no sense to my friends that love me and have watched me comb the KC area for a good man who's willing to settle down for the past 4 years. It makes no sense to my family (especially my father, who apparently thinks I'm a lesbian now because I mentioned that I love that new Ellen commercial where she's dancing all over the place. The one for Amex? Oh, you know what I'm talking about...anyway...). And it's pissing me off.

And for anyone that knows both me and the ex named Asshole, this is not me dwelling on something I wish I could have. I don't want him, and I don't wish him any ill will. I don't really feel anything about it. But I do think he treated me rather shoddily, and that's hard to forgive and forget. It's only been about 6 months, after all. I'll give it a year before I go in and have it electrically shocked out of me. What I do know is that he doesn't deserve happiness after what he did to me and the girl he dated before me. He truly treated us like shit. And karma will do what it should to him.

Ok, so, what did I do to karma to deserve my eternity of aloneness? Love the men I've dated since I was allowed to do so? Treated them as well as any girl could, and try to let them know that I loved them no matter what? Tried my hardest to be the best girlfriend to them that they could ever hope to have, and simply wished for them to do the same in return? Perhaps the little in between "boys" that I dated have caused me to head into this downward spiral into relationship emptiness...the freshman at Berkeley that was a virgin before he met my 22 year old ass. His friend that I gave a blow job to (prior to sleeping with the freshman...prior to even getting to know the freshman very well, I might add. I did not cheat on the freshman by blowing his best friend), and then lied to the freshman saying that I would never do such a thing, and then said, "Not that it would be any of your business..." The "cheating" I might have sort of done during my sophomore year when suddenly it seemed like every guy that I liked was liking me back. Which had never happened to me before ever, and I took full advantage of it, lemme tell ya. But really, I wasn't headed anywhere with the one guy when I slept with the beautiful Chilean named Chris from my Western Civ class. And my favorite ex-boyfriend Scott came along when things with Doug (whom I had been crushing on hard for over 3 years...) were just getting to their most confusing point. And I didn't kiss Doug once when I was dating Scott. We just talked. But it still felt dirty for some reason. I'm just not sure what it's all about. But I'm quite tired of it. I want and deserve a new boyfriend that treats me like I'm the best thing he's ever had in his life. Dammit.

So I always try to remember the Oprah episode I caught one day where she was talking about how she had finally accepted the fact that she was the only one that could change things in her life, and that she needed to surrender to the things she couldn't change ever. And it became a mantra for her. "I surrender," she'd say to herself every time she needed peace. She'd do it as she ran on the track, and as she worked through her day. She'd do it all the time, it seemed. So I thought I'd try it. But I can't quite seem to accept it as my mantra. Something is blocking it. But what? I don't get it.

I'm tired of this mood. I'm going to go attempt to ignore it by reading some and then hitting the hay early again. Wish me luck!

Kids say the darndest things...

While I was home visiting the fam, the Twin's oldest daughter (who is 8, I think...right Twin?) came running up to me as I sat on the couch one afternoon. She said, "Aunt Faith, I thought your hair was blond!" I said, "It is blond." She said, "No it isn't," in a very matter-of-fact way. I said, "Yes, it is." She asked me, "Did you just take a shower or somethin'?" "No, sweetie, I didn't just take a shower." She asked, "Then why is it all black right here?" while pointing at my roots. (My hair was in a ponytail, btw...makes roots more obvious to 8 year olds, apparently...) "Oh! That's what happens when you're a fake blond, and you're not able to get in to see your hairdresser during the week you're supposed to, because you suddenly have to fly to California for a funeral," I replied. She just leaned over with a big grin and hugged me. And then she ran off to hang out with my other niece in another part of the house.

She cracks me up.

And, for the record, I'm seeing my hairdresser tomorrow night to fix the monstrosity that is My Hair right now. It should look fabulous at Christmas, which should make my niece very happy, I'd think. :)

Any other fake blonds out there? I have to say that looking at my roots, I can't believe that my hair is as dark as it is under all the dye I've put on it throughout all the years. The Twin and I started out blond, and it turned into a dishwater, nasty type color on my head by the time I was in high school. So I started dying it my senior year. Started out doing that at home...just a shampoo-in color of red at first. Then I went and had it professionally done at an Aveda salon in San Clemente before I headed off to college, and I was transformed, I tell you. It was like I was a new girl. The chick I went and saw bobbed it, and died it this bright, lovely red color. I felt really happy about myself with that hair. And I'd lost a lot of weight over the summer, so I was a happy, happy freshman. It's seen several different incarnations since that first dye job, but is currently hanging in the shoulder-length blond arena. I like it this length, and I like it this color. My friends that have known me with both red and blond (and everything in between, btw...never, ever doing dark brown again. Huh-uh.) agree that they like the blond the best. But when I go red, they all coo over how good I look with red hair, too. I like it best blond, I think. It'll probably be a good long time before I go back to red again. Maybe another year, or so.

Anyway, I'd be afraid to let it grow out now. I'm sure the color wouldn't nearly live up to the colors that I can make it simply by paying my fabu hairdresser to do. And can I say how lucky I am to have found such fabulous hair dressers over the past few years? My last one, Rusty, moved on from the hairdressing world back into retail because he really wasn't happy doing hair any more. But the chick he used to go to for advice on all his color jobs on me (he's taken me from red to bright red to blond, to lighter blond, etc...) is still in the biz, and she works at a more reasonable salon than she used to, so I go to her now. She's a bit boring compared to my old hairdresser, but she's still a cool enough chick, and she does great hair, so I'm sticking with her. Hell, I only have to see her once a month, so who cares, really?

Ow. My roots hurt. I need to go feed them some Advil. Latahhh....

Monday, December 06, 2004

One more for the road...

Ok, I'm tired of working my ass off for the day. Time to have a bit of fun...

So yesterday's flight wasn't my cup of tea. I was scheduled to fly out of OC at 11:20, which was going to get me back to KC by 4:30, in time to head to the Moose to watch the second half of the Chiefs game (vs the Shmaiders) with my friends, and hopefully see them kick some Oakland ass. 'Twasn't meant to be, I'm afraid. We all got loaded onto the plane, and they announced at about 11:45 that there was an electrical problem with the computer on board that helped navigate the plane. Apparently, it had worked fine on the flight in, but it zonked out when they docked the plane at the gate. Ok...we waited to hear what was up. And I had decided to eat when I got to the Moose, so the delay made my tummy start to rumble a bit. They unloaded us from the plane at about 12:20, telling us that they would keep us in the loop, but they expected the delay to last at least another hour. Well, there went the watching of the game with my buddies. But on that time schedule, I would still get in with plenty of time to relax, unpack, and hang out before bedtime. Fine. I went to grab some McDonald's, and then sat down to wait it out. At about 12:45, they suggested that folks might want to schedule alternate flights, and to line up at the desk where they could help us out with that. However, the flight we were currently on was not cancelled yet. That was all I needed to hear. I decided to wait it out. We finally got back on the plane at about 1:30 (2 hours late), and got in the air soon after that.

I hate turbulence. Hate, hate, hate. And there was loads of it heading out of OC yesterday. The winds and the rain extended for a good 20 minutes after take off, and I was just staring out the window willing us to get above the clouds so I could finally relax and read a bit. We finally found the smooth air about 30 minutes in, and I settled down. It was moderate chop...not light chop. And it sucked.

Our descent into KC wasn't any prettier. We were supposed to have clear skies yesterday in KC, last time I checked the weather report. (Which was last Wednesday, but I digress...) So when I couldn't see anything below the plane in the dark when the pilot announced that we were about 150 miles southwest of the airport, I was irritated. Ok, so it was cloudy...so what? It was supposed to be somewhat warmer than it had been when I'd left, and that's all that mattered, really. No. What really mattered was that the fog was thick as shit, and the pilot failed to let us know that he had to circle the airport for a good 20 minutes before landing. So we're crooked in the air, the turbulence is annoying at best, and I can't read to get my mind off of it. (Bouncing + me reading = throw up everywhere. Not good.) Finally we got on the ground, and I was in that sort of mood where I wanted to kiss the ground after we landed, it felt so good to be back on it! I don't know if it's the cold that's doing it, or the fact that I was so disappointed that I couldn't watch the game with my friends...I was just in a weird mood, it seemed.

On a side note, what the fuck is up with the folks that decide the best time to pee is when the plane starts shaking in a moderately violent manner? Ok, yes, I can give it to you that the pilot failed to turn the fasten seat-belt sign back on again, but really. For your own safety and the safety of those around you, stay in your goddam seat until it mellows a bit! Also, if you're peeing, and we hit a pocket of funky air, and the pee happens to miss, and hit the rim or the floor or what-have-you, how's about you clean up after yourself? I mean, gross. Just, come on, really. It's not polite to just leave it there. Duh.

So that's the story of My Flight yesterday. On Midwest Airlines. Because they have only 4 seats across (2 on each side of the aisle, of course), and because on the afternoon flights, they give you cookies. Also, they have direct flights from KC to OC, and that's just a lovely, lovely thing.

Time to head out the do. Peace!

Just a *little* behind...

Ok, I'm back home, after a whirlwind trip back to California for my grandma's funeral, a visit with my family, and some relaxing time. Unfortunately, as seems to be the norm these days, I got sick while I was gone, and while it seemed like it was going to be a simple little case of laryngitis as of yesterday, I woke up quite stuffy-headed in the middle of the night, and now I have a full-blown cold. It sucks.

So today will be spent making up for the lost time at work from last week. I've got reports that are past due, a conference call at 10, and lots and LOTS of e-mails to shuffle through. So I might not be posting again until tomorrow, or so. Sorry to be such a bore around here lately, really! But I do want to say thanks to those of you who said kind things in my comments last week after I posted about my grandma's passing. I appreciate the support! The funeral was mellow...a nice mass, a lovely day out for the burial, and lunch with the family afterwards. It was good to see everyone again. Although I can't imagine I'll be seeing much of them ever again, which is an odd thought, really. Less occassions to get together as we get older, and they're all so spread out and everything. It's fine with me. I like to deal with my immediate family, for the most part. Cousins and aunts and uncles and all that never really made me feel all warm and cozy. Except for a couple of people on my dad's side of the family.

Anyway, I'd better be off. Just wanted to say thanks, and hopefully things will return to normal around here very soon. Because I DO have ranting that needs to be done, and funny stories that need to be told. Dammit. :)

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

That's MY $3.70, dammit!

How sad is it that I just got all excited that my car insurance went down $3.70 this month? I mean, I saw my minimum payment, and I actually gasped, and started yelling about it to my co-worker.

I think I might have some issues...

But dammit, it's cool that I now pay $96.60 rather than the $100.30 I used to pay! There's just something about that over-100 mark that made it seem excessive to me. Kind of like it being ok to weigh 180 pounds as opposed to if I ever weighed 200. Ok, not that it's ok for me to weigh 180. In fact it's sort of pissing me off, but that's a different post for another time. My point is that there's some sort of psychological release that happened to me when I saw that my insurance was below $100 this month.

Ok, I not only have issues, but I'm a freak. I know it.

Life in my snowglobe...

It's snowing big, huge, beautiful flakes out right now. Fortunately, the streets are too wet for the flakes to stick. My car is not, though, and I'm sure I'm going to have to dig it out later, dammit. Oh well. It's never too bad, and it's supposed to stop relatively soon, I think. As long as the streets stay clear, I'll be fine.

I've got lots to do in preparation for heading back to Cali for the Mema funeral this week. Today is a busy day, as it's a payday/commission payout day, and it just so happens that tons of other stuff is going on as well. I'm having a very hard time getting a hold of one of the people I need to help me with something, and while I usually love working with this person, I'm getting very frustated with their sudden ability to ignore me and my 2 teeny, tiny issues I need to have corrected right now. Shit, I turned them in to her over a week ago! And she's not responding to my e-mails, and she's not responding to my voice mails, and I'm getting pissed. Because it causes me heartburn when I have issues that need to be corrected. And they haven't sat around uncorrected like this for a good long time. Irritating.

But I'll be with my family starting tomorrow through Sunday this week. Well, I fly back home on Sunday, really, so through Saturday, anyway. I got a really good deal on my flight (only $350!! Damn! Last time I flew home at the last minute for funerals, it cost me $600...so $350 is a nice price, IMO), and I'm trying to get in touch with Dickhead to see if he can help with the free parking/ride to the airport thing, but I'm afraid he might be out of town, so that might be a bust. I have a shitload of laundry to do tonight, and trash to take out, and packing to do, blah, blah, blah...there's just a lot to do, it seems. I also want to get one of those auto-timer things for my Christmas lights, so they turn themselves on and off while I'm gone. (Hell, I want them to turn themselves on and off when I'm here, even!) So I'll need to stop by K-Mart or something on my way home and look for a doohicky that does that for me. I also have to tromp over to my neighbor's house and ask them to collect the thousands of cataloges that seem to build up daily in my mailbox. (Do I really need another holiday version of Pottery Bran? Really? The first 3 I received in November weren't enough? Oh, all right then...)

I'm looking forward to spending time with my family. I haven't seen my dad and stepmom in a long-ass time, it seems, and I'll get to visit with my nieces from Texas, too. My brother's girlfriend should be showing by now, so that's neat-o. I'm just looking forward to family time.

And good sushi. DAMMIT I need some good sushi!! :)

Monday, November 29, 2004

And not so favorite thing...

I just got word from my older sister that my grandmother passed away this morning. *sigh!* Even though we were all ready for it as she has been quite ill for a while now, it still stings a little. Ok, more than I thought, to be quite honest. She was my last surviving grandparent. And while she wasn't the coolest old lady to me when I was growing up, she was always very...grandmotherly. She was the grandma that baked cookies with us when we went to her house for visits. She was the grandmother that lived in a mobile home park for a good part of her life. I remember when we used to go visit her when we were kids, and we'd play with her parakeet, Cookie, and we'd go for walks through the mobile home park, and we'd go to the little recreation center they had and visit with some of Mema's friends every now and then. (That's what we called her, btw...Mema. "It's mommy backwards," she told me once when I asked her why we called her Mema. Phoenetically, she had a point. Otherwise, I guess it doesn't make much sense. :) She's also the grandma that taught us how to play pokerkeeno, and other little games like that. She had a room full of stuff that we'd sort through all the time. Things that she'd never thrown away, but wasn't ever going to use again, either. When she moved out of her mobile home a few years ago, she gave me all the records that used to belong to my grandpa (who died when the Twin and I were about 7 or 8, if I recall correctly...), because they were classical music records for the most part, and she figured that I'd appreciate them more than anyone else. I don't own a record player, and they're the only records I own, but I'm always in search of a player that's reasonably priced, just so I can someday listen to the records that my grandpa loved. (Plus it really is good music...stuff I like a lot. So I look forward to being able to hear them someday...)

God, she was SUCH a grandma! She was squishy, and old, and smelled like mothballs. She sucked on hard candy, and she shuffled around the house slower and slower with every year that passed. One time, I had to do a project for a class where I spoke to someone who had lived during WWII, and I chose to talk to Mema about where she had lived, and what she had done. Turned out she was one of the riveters. She worked in a factory while my grandpa went off to Panama to work in the Army as a construction foreman, or something. It wasn't very exciting. But she told me that they got on just fine. My mom was the only child she'd had at that point, so it wasn't like the family was overbearingly large or anything. In old pictures, her hair was always blond and curly, and for a good part of the 60's and 70's, she wore some downright funky-ass glasses that I can picture very clearly in my head right now, but I don't think I could do justice describing them. She worked as a cafeteria lady for as long as I can remember, and did so until she retired finally about 10 or so years ago. She called black people "colored", and she hated the Asian community that had sprung up around her mobile home park, finally chasing her to live with her two daughters in either Texas or Northern California. (And it really was bad...all the signs had been changed to read in only Korean in her neighborhood. Her church community had changed drastically, and she couldn't understand what the priest said any more...the people she encountered in stores were apparently nasty to her - although it could have been her attitude towards them that caused it, who knows - so she didn't like going outside her mobile home park any more...) But she was a product of the 30's. She was not cool, in any sense of the word. But she was nice. And she was a proper grandma.

I'll miss you, Mema. Even though we didn't talk much over the past couple of years, you've always been on my mind, and I've always wished you the most comfortable days possible as you went through your latest challenge. Hopefully you've found a place where you can hang out with Mom and Pepa, and everyone else that you loved through life. Watch over the rest of us along with those who have already gone on ahead of us, and guide us toward the right path always. God bless you! I love you...

A Few of My Favorite Things - #1

I love the feeling of when I get up in the middle of the night to pee, and it's cold outside my bed, and then I climb back into bed after I'm done...that coziness that wraps itself around me is unequalled by anything else I experience daily.

I like a cold room when I sleep...generally, I keep my house at about 68 degrees, if I can, while I sleep. (Lately, with the winter setting in here in KC, it's been averaging at about 64, I've noticed...) I also run a fan in my room for white noise while I sleep. So it stays pretty chilly in there. When I get up in the middle of the night, I make a concerted effort to remember to cover the spot I'm leaving with my comforter, so that when I climb back into bed it hasn't lost the heat I left behind when I got up. So when I climb back into bed, and slide into my super-soft sheets and under my more-than-comfortable comforter, it's the best feeling in the world. EVER.

That is just one of my favorite things. :)

Friday, November 26, 2004

Friday is NOT a holiday. Well, not for about 20 of us, anyway...

Today isn't counted as a holiday at my company. Yes, you should feel bad for me having to be at work while you're all probably lolling about doing nothing all day long after a good morning of sleeping the fuck in. Fuckers.

Really, it isn't that bad. I think there are a total of about 15 people in my building today, and none of them are on my floor. Which means I have a private bathroom all to myself today. :)

I brought "Sabrina" (Audrey Hepburn version...) and "Bringing Up Baby" to work with me to watch at some point during the day. I also brought the book I'm currently reading ("The Mill on the Floss" by George Eliot), so I can relax with that a bit, too. I have a little work to do, but not much, and since most of the 30,000 employees that work at this company actually have the vacation day to burn so they could stay home today, there's really no one to do what I need to have done at the corporate level, and no one is in the branches that might need too much assistance today. It's almost 9 a.m., I've been here for an hour, and the phone hasn't rung once. I think I might actually tally the number of calls today, just for fun. I'm going to go ahead and call it right now: I expect to receive no more than 5 phone calls. One of those will be from the Twin. (Well, it had better be, anyway...) At least one will be a telemarketing recording thing, one will be a wrong number, and the other 2 are freebies.

My Thanksgiving was uneventful, for the most part. Wednesday, I was stuck at home due to the snow, but the end of the day worked out just fine road-wise, so I was able to make it to the supermarket to buy some food and stuff, and my friend was able to come over that night to cook our contribution to the Thanksgiving potluck that we were going to be attending on Thursday. After we were done cooking, we went to a party at her friend Joe's house (which was a very cool house in a very cute neighborhood, btw). She didn't know anyone there except for Joe and the guy that lived next door to him (Pete...I've met him once before at the little bar I go to, so I know him as well, sort of - and he's a cool guy. Older, and married, but cool all the same...), so she took 4 shots as soon as we arrived. (That's right...4 shots were had by this woman in the span of maybe 10 or 15 minutes, if that...she's insane.) She then proceded to plop down on the couch next to me, at which point I noticed she was already pretty loopy. She told me she'd had the 4 shots, and I was all dude...that's crazy. Then she said she wanted to go home because she didn't know anybody there. I told her that's the point of a party, though! To meet new people. Helloooo! I'm kind of a social butterfly like that, though. It's easy for me to jump into a conversation, or to start one up, or something, and to meet people that way. I went over to the bar area to have a cigarette, and wound up talking to a couple of very nice girls who apparently grew up in the same (very) small town as each other and went to high school together (although they were a year apart), and they wound up reminiscing a good amount of the time about people they know now, and people they knew then, etc, etc...They were really nice, though, and I was able to talk about my experience growing up in a small town a bit, too. Then the one left, and the other one was still hanging out around me, and all. When I met her, she was relatively sober. After a couple more hours, though, she was not. It was funny. :)

My friend left pretty soon after we'd arrived (we got there at about 10:15-ish, and I'd say she'd left by 11:30), and so I was left to make more new friends and to chat and dance and drink. It was a really fun time. I met this guy named Ed. We chatted just about all night. When I was leaving (at about 2:40-ish, I think it was...), he said he hoped to see me at the Moose sometime. I told him absolutely. Not very flirty of me, when I think back on it. I should have said something like, "I hope so!", or whatever. But nope. I wanted him to ask for my number, but he didn't. *sigh!* Anyway...it was a fun time.

Thursday we went back to Joe's for a bloody mary contest (between my bartender friend and Joe...Joe won, because his bloody mary's were more tolerable to me to drink. They were yummy, in fact. My bartender friend made hers with Absolut Peppar, which was WAYYYY too peppery for me. I don't like pepper-flavored shit, usually...I like my spice from other sources), and then we went to the little bar for Thanksgiving festivities. I had a few beers, and we ate turkey and potatoes and rolls and pasta salad (yes, I don't need to eat another carbohydrate for about 30 years, thanks to yesterday...), and everyone loved my brownies. It was a nice day. Oh, until the old drunk man that was wearing overalls called me stupid and ignorant because I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that Russia has 16 time zones, according to him. Actually, I was fine with the idea of that. I thought it was an unusual fact, and I can't exactly remember what it was that got us on that topic in the first place, but he kept going on and on about it (did I mention he was drunk? Oh, and he had stepped outside to have a joint at one point as well...mm-hmm...), and then he approached me after I'd thought the conversation about time zones was long over with, and he says, "Look, you have the earth, right? And what's up here (motioning with his hand toward the top of what would be the earth's globe)? And then down here (again motioning with his hand, this time at what would be the bottom of the earth's globe)?" And I have no clue what the fuck this old man is referring to, so I told him I didn't understand his question, and he starts saying that's because I'm a stupid girl. "You're just a stupid girl, is all. You're not very smart, are you?" And I kind of laughed, and the other guys around me are looking at this old man like they want to smack him, but they know he's an old and very drunk man, so they let it be, and I said, "Well, I graduated from college, own a BMW and my own home, and have held a job for 3 years now, so if I'm stupid, I'm unaware of it," and I just kept laughing at him. He kind of kept going about it, but I then began to ignore him, and turned my back to him, and pretty soon he paid up and left. It was very weird. I really can't imagine what would make someone like that just start verbally assaulting someone that didn't do anything to them at all. And I could have shot back with an assault of my own (did I mention how very drunk he was, that he was wearing overalls, and had slipped out to have a goddammed joint on the back-side of the bar? Yeah...I'm sure his brilliance would blind me, if I weren't such an idiot myself...), but I refrained, and went back to drinking my beer and watching football. Crazy people can pop up in the funkiest places and times.

Then I went home, where I had left my cell phone all day long accidentally, and I saw that the Twin had called. So I called back, but my dad was on the other line with my other sister in Texas, so he asked if they could call me back. I said sure! And they never did. You know, I love my dad, I really do. But he can be a real asshole sometimes. How do you forget to call your daughter back on a freaking holiday? Ok...tearing up to think about it, so I'd better stop now.

So I went to bed feeling pretty much like crap last night. But I knew I had to get up today and come into the office to do nothing at all for the whole day, and I was pretty tired, so I cried myself to sleep at about 10:30-ish, and woke up feeling a bit better about myself, I s'pose. I mean, at least I know that I'm not a stupid girl, even if everyone at the dive bar I spent Thanksgiving at thought I was. They also think I have great boobs, which I do. And that's all that matters. :)

Hope y'all had a great Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Snowday! SNOWDAY!!!

Well, I'm officially snowed in. Whereas the plows usually find their way to my street relatively soon after a bog snow, today, they haven't found their way yet. I got sufficiently stuck trying to make my way into the tire-track grooves when I tried to escape to work this morning, but wound up placing my car parallel across the street in front of my house, and then it wouldn't move. Between my neighbors helping to push, and the help of a little kitty litter around the tires, I finally got enough grip to sidle my way back to my garage. It was an interesting 20 minutes. I have since experienced about 5 power surges that have interrupted my ability to do any work, and now my work website won't let me back in at all. Must be pretty mad at me for leaving the way I have the last 3 times. Whoops!

So I don't know what's going to happen today now. My bartender friend was supposed to come over tonight to cook our dishes for the potluck thingy we're going to tomorrow, and then we were going to a party at her friend Joe's house. But I'm afraid to drive my car anywhere, for fear of getting stuck again. Once I get to big streets, it's supposed to be relatively clear and just wet on the road. But it's the side streets that are a mess. And I'm smack in the middle of lots of them. I'm sure everything will be fine by tomorrow, but in the meantime, I'm interested to see what happens. I might give it a test drive around the block in a bit, and see how it goes.

For now, I'm doing the things I didn't do last night and needed to. Laundry, nails, cleaning the house a bit. Since I can't get into my work e-mail, I'm pretty fucked when it comes to doing any work, unfortunately. But I have been trying every hour or so.

Ooh! Sunshine! Yay!!!

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

What to do?

What do I do when I have absolutely nothing to blog about? I don't blog!

Maybe more later, but nothing is hitting me right now. Which is really sucky. Because usually I can at least keep myself entertained with the shit I talk about here. Dammit.

Monday, November 22, 2004

And then there was one.

Well, the old admin for the new boss stepped off, finally. She told him that she felt like she was just a lackey, and that she didn't want to wait around for a decision to be made. When he told me this, he actually said out loud that he wasn't sure what decision she was referring to, but that she might have thought that she was going to be taking over my position from where she's located. Which he then followed up with by saying that she always knew that he wouldn't be able to have an admin from another city, so he didn't know why she might've thought that. Anyway, she's done. I shall immediately take over my old role of doing everything for the boss. Including travel arrangements, expense reporting, etc, etc...I get to do more than I used to for my old boss, too. I can approve things for the new boss in the AP system and in our HR system. (Of course I'll let him know whenever a red flag pops up...I'm really very strict with my flag-radar, so the managers might be a bit irritated with that for now! Heh...) I'm excited to get rolling on setting myself up appropriately.

Here's the weird thing...in our meeting, he mentioned that he was waiting for 3 expense reports to be approved/processed by our payroll department. He said that the old admin was looking into it, so I didn't have to worry about it. Being the over-curious and helpful buggar that I am, I looked into it anyway. And he hasn't had an expense entered under his name since September, and it was paid to him at the end of that month. So I just stuck my head in his office to tell him that, and he was all, "Since September? Are you sure?" I told him I was looking under his employee number, and I can't imagine where else the info would be if those reports had been entered. I'd love to hear what happened to them. He said it's something like $7,000 worth of expenses that are outstanding. Yikes!

So, I just thought I'd update you all. Hopefully, the stress that happens from now on will just be the good kind that actually makes me so tired, I sleep heavily and happily through the entire night. Eeeeeee!!! :)

I love it when you pout...

Not really. On Saturday, I went to watch some football at the Moose. Talked with my bartender friend for a good part of the first hour I was there, since I was the first of the group to show up. Then Dave came in. We chatted, I asked him if he wants me to leave him alone all together, since I can't figure out what the hell he wants to do, and still got no definitive answer. And then the bartender friend changed the channel to the big screen, as some other people in the bar wanted to watch a different game than the one that had been up. Ok, never mind that it was (a) a game that no one cared to watch except for the table of 4 women that asked for the channel change, or (b) that the game that HAD been on the big screen was the Auburn vs Alabama game, and it was a doosy, or even (c) that the women who asked for the channel change then continued to talk to each other, not even looking at the big screen once after the channel change was made for them. The main problem? The sound in the bar is attached to the sound for the big screen. So when the game was changed, Dave could no longer hear the sound for the game he wanted to watch. (I was focussed more on the Cal vs. Stanford game, and I don't give a flying crap whether I can hear a game or not...it's just important for me to watch it, really...)

Dave then proceded to FLIP out. He had just gotten a new beer, so he took a couple of swallows, and then asked the bartender friend why the hell she changed the channel. She told him about the table full of women that had asked for it, and then walked away, because she was dealing with her barteder duties, of course. And so Dave started mumble-whining about how apparently being a regular meant NOTHING in this bar, etc, etc...I suggested that he tell the friend bartender what his issue was, but he just slapped down some money, and walked out of the bar without saying goodbye.

The friend bartender came back after a couple of minutes and asked if Dave had left, and I said yeah. She wanted to know if it was because of the t.v. thing, and I said yes. I told her he had a good point...I'd been watching the chicks who'd asked her to change the station, and they weren't even watching the game at all. The friend bartender said, "Well, why didn't he say something to me?" I told her I don't know why...because he's an ass? She called him a baby, and swore that the next time she sees him she's giving him shit about it. I don't know though...I tried calling him and he wasn't answering his phone, he didn't answer his door, and even when I called last night to see if he was ok, and to let him know we'd be watching the Chiefs game at the Moose (we had been considering going to another bar, but it was decided yesterday to just stick with the Moose...), he still didn't answer his phone. He could have been out, but I've known the guy for about 5 weeks now, and he's always home on Sunday nights. (Probably didn't help much that I called him a baby in one of the messages I left him on Saturday. I was feeling playful, which is never a good thing...but you know what? He DID behave childishly, so I think it's good someone told him so...so there. Hmph!)

So, big baby it is. Needless to say, I'm not very attracted to him any more. :) But I do like watching games with him still. I hope he shows up tonight, and lets the whole thing go. Doesn't matter...should be a full bar, my other friends are going to be there for sure for at least the first half, and I really like them. They're sweet people...

I really hope to meet a non-ass guy relatively soon. *sigh!*

Friday, November 19, 2004

I appear to be seriously broken...at least in my estimation.

Ok, so the UTI seems to have moved on, but it's left behind some other icky discomfort. Mostly some nasty bloating, and a weird pain in my right lower back that Advil has no effect on, apparently. I'm also very grumpy. So I'll be glad to go to the doctor today, and see if there's anything that can be done.

That's all I have the energy and oomph to write for now. I'll update later maybe...sorry I've been such a loser lately.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

No good title in mind...

Ok, the meeting went ok. The configuration of the room made it easy for me to escape and pee every 20 minutes or so, which was nice. Sometimes, I was able to go for a good 40 minutes without having to pee. Go me!

Then I went back to the office after the meeting was over. And I think my uterus, or something in that general vicinity, decided that it was having NO MORE of this day walking around with me like I was. Uh-uh!! So doubled over in pain, I took some Advil, and crawled to my car to come home and put sweats on. At this point, I have made an appointment to see a doctor...who can't see me until tomorrow at 10. I don't care, really. GET THIS THING OUTTA ME!!! I'm hoping antibiotics can be prescribed, and it'll all be over. The Advil helped with the pain I was feeling in the office, of course, so I've been catching up on e-mails, and helping people out from home for the past hour. (Doing work that would take me 10 minutes to do at the office...I really need a new computer. And there's nothing like a server to speed things up, either.) I'm really rather pissed that my stomach did what it did. But I'm glad I've been able to send out the e-mails this afternoon. I already got an answer out to someone who needed my help, and I'm hoping to have an answer back to the other person by tomorrow morning. Woo!

Ok, now to go collapse with some more peppermint tea, in hopes that things stay mellow as they are right now down in my happy place. Bye!

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Time for this day to END!

Ok, so dinner went smoothly. I sat at the other end of the table from the old admin, so I was able to have a really good time talking to the managers and all. Yay! Now I'm hoping to get through tomorrow with minimal impact...should just be a long day of chatting about numbers and policies and changes, blah, blah, blah. I hope I can stay awake! The new boss wants me to sit at the front of the room with him. (Really, though, the info is interesting to me, for the most part, so it should be fine.)

My UTI is taking control of my nether regions. I am NOT HAPPY. When I pee, everything is normal for a bit, and then towards the end of the process, the pain sets in...and it's so bad sometimes, it makes me feel like throwing up. That's not good, right? The medicine was working fine this morning, but it's doing nothing much to help at this point. I might have to hit the doctor on Friday. Dammit. But I'm hoping that sleep will help, and maybe I'll wake up in the morning all happy and refreshed. Because having to get up to pee every 20 minutes during a meeting when the New Boss has asked you to sit at the front of the room with him? Yeah, that'd be real impressive, I'd imagine. I'll just have to tell him in the morning if it's still effecting me as badly as it is right now. Fucking stoopid UTI's. Why does this shit have to happen to me at just the worst times, hm?

So, off to bed I go. I won't be blogging at all tomorrow...maybe in the afternoon. The meeting is scheduled to end before the work day is over, so we'll see if that works out. Hope you all are UTI free! If not, I'm soooo sorry. Really. Because, bleh.

Letter to this here blessed vessel of my soul

Dear Beloved Body O' Mine,

I don't know what I did to piss you off, but I thought I would go ahead and address the evil things you seem to be hell-bent on doing to me lately.

First of all, I've been busting my ass on my treadmill for the past 3 weeks. Can you do me a fave and at least allow 5 pounds to drop off of you? You're heavier than you've ever been, and while you're still cute, it's getting difficult to fit into some of the clothes I have in my closet to cover you with before we leave the house every day. I've tried to cut back on the bad foods, and haven't put a single calorie produced by McDonald's in you since last Friday, which is unusual, I'll have you know. I didn't even eat a caesar salad over the weekend, the way I usually like to. Instead, I had yummy pasta with chicken one night, and a sandwich the next day. I only ate 2 french fries off my plate!! I gave the rest to my friend, so please, have mercy on me! Let me drop some of the weight. Please?

Secondly, this rash that you're suddenly producing under my breasts? Yeah, WTF? I thought it might be from the lavender-scented baby lotion I've started to put on after I shower/before I dry off every day, but I've stopped putting it on under the boobs, and you're still irritated it seems. So I don't know what's up, but it's a very uncomfy skin sitch, so can you please at least let me know what I can do to appease you? I had some oatmeal-based Aveno lotion left over from last year, when you were always breaking out in hives, so I've been using that on you, which feels nice, but you're still all red and bumpy under the boobs, so can you just stop it, please? Come on, I treat you nice, don't I? Be nice back, will ya?

And last of all, as if the other two weren't enough, and I wasn't going through enough crap emotionally this week, you had to go and contract a UTI somehow. I don't want to know why and I don't want to know where you might've sent out my urinary tract in order to contract such a painful infection, but here's the deal: I cannot take off work for the next couple of days. In fact, it's a very important time for me to be around, what with the other admin coming into town and all. But this UTI HURTS. And it's making me even more uncomfortable than I already was. I have to pretend enough over the next couple of days without having to ALSO fucking pretend that I'm not in a whole hell of a lot of pain down there, ok? So here's what I'm going to do: I'm gonna keep on feeding you different types of cranberry juice, and lots of water (I know...what's new, eh? Hahahahaha!! Anyway...), and I'll get some more medicine, since I only had one dose left from the last UTI you had (which was almost a year ago, God bless you...), and hopefully it'll make you feel a little better by dinner-time. I know it seems like I'm pushing it with that timeline, but I have no choice. And neither do you, really, so buck up, and kick that muthafucking UTI OUT, m-kay?

Thanks for the help! I love you, no matter what...just remember that. But if you could help me out with these 3 teeny, tiny requests, I'd really appreciate it.

Sincererly,
Faith, your owner and keeper for all time, until death do us part.

p.s. I'm sorry about all the cremation jokes, if that's what this is all about. I'll stop talking about it, really. In fact, I've changed my mind about ever wanting to be cremated. I want to have you embalmed and mummified when I die, and keep you as beautiful as I possibly can for as long as is humanly possible, I swear. I mean it...I'll start looking into it this week, even. Ok? I swear!