Thursday, June 10, 2004


It's taco salad day here at 6900 College Blvd. I'm very excited, as those closest to me know I have a severe addiction to the taco salad they make in the deli downstairs, for some reason. I don't know if there's crack in the ground beef, or what. But it's been 3 weeks since I've had it, and I was ready to go begging on the street to get the cash I need to pick it up today at about 12:15. I wound up getting money from the ATM (thank goodness for the weird phatom money in my checking account...appeared from no where, and as it has been there for over a year now, and I'm poorer than I've ever been, I'm using it baby!), so at least I'm not as insane and desperate as I thought. However, had there not been money in my account to be able to get the taco salad goodness, I'm not sure what I would've done, really.

Things are getting better and better this week. I've been active every night when I've gone home, which makes me feel good about the effort I'm making towards not becoming a great big cow. (I like to see myself as being somewhat like a blond Nigella Lawson...curves in all the right places, even if there is a little bit more weight on them than most women would prefer to have. I don't think I'm as tall as her, though. And she has that cool accent going for her, as well...) I also had a chat with the boyfriend (?) last night that (a) made me realize what a jackass I am and have been for probably the last several years, and (b) hopefully helped him to understand that I can't read his mind, and if something I'm doing bugs him, then he needs to tell me. I'm a big proponent of making adjustments to your personality if you know that there's something offensive that you do, and which you know negatively effects the relationships you have with those who matter to you the most. I can be as fun, easy-going, and caring as I like. But if I can't control my urge to attack someone when I think they're making a bad decision, then none of the other stuff matters. I do it to my twin all the time. And I realized I was doing it to the boyfriend when he told me about it recently, as well. Will I be able to change? I don't know. I hope so. I really just feel so strongly about certain things! And I hate to see people I love or care about walking into a potentially hurtful situation, you know? Bleh...

So, here's to hoping for good changes! Anybody have any tips on how to make a positive change in your personality, throw 'em at me...I need all the help I can get, I think!

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