Thursday, September 30, 2004


I'm crying uncontrollably all of a sudden. I started out the day with just a total "meh" feeling to begin with, and then it dawned on me that it was payroll day and commission pay-out day, and it all just started rolling down-hill from there. But the degree of malcontent just didn't make sense, really. The co-worker asked me right off if I was in a bad mood, and I said that I guessed I was, but really I just didn't feel well, and it seemed like there was an air of gloom settling in, for some reason and I didn't know why. She understood...

But then this afternoon, the Twin sent me a note that told me a bunch of stuff that I just didn't want to hear. And it suddenly made sense! I'm in a bad mood because of the "twin thing" that happens every now and then! I must've known, on some random level, what it was that she was going to tell me. And to be honest (and she knows this), the news didn't make me happy. And then I sent her a note telling her that I wasn't going to be supportive, and that if she called me to talk about bad stuff that happens as a result, I'll hang up, because I can't take it any more.

And now I feel like a total bastard asshole bitch rolled into one big fuckhead. And I'm crying. I don't want to be not supportive. I mean, I want to support her in everything she does, really! It just breaks my heart to feel this way about the whole thing. But it sucks. And she knows why I think that. But how else can I say it, but that I don't want to have to go through that stuff again? I can't imagine anyone, especially her, would want to. And I thought she'd gotten past all of it, but she's back there again. And it scares me.

Funny how fear is at the base of most negative emotions, isn't it? Fucking fear...

Anyway, I'm gonna call her and talk to her about all this too, but I can't stand the way I'm feeling right now, and I've tried talking about other stuff to try to get my mind off of it, which worked for about 10 minutes, and now all I can think about is whether I'd get very many strange looks if I went to buy some cigarettes in my robe and pajama pants. I mean, what's the problem with that, really? I'm fully clothed...I have undergarments on...I'd be getting out of a BMW, so maybe I'd look like and eccentric freak housewife that just had a great big fight with her asshole husband, or something, and people would just understand. Or maybe I could throw on a pair of fucking jeans, and deal with it. GAH!

Ok, sorry to bring the room down. It's been a while, though. We were due for a bit of a downswing around here, weren't we? Hopefully, we'll be back to normal tomorrow...

Do you really want to screw with me today?

I am in the worst mood imaginable.

I'm likely to go out and do something like this, I swear.

So, look, just don't fuck with me today. I'm sure things will be better tomorrow. I hope.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Ok, it's not exactly "Must See", but it is pretty high on my list...

God I love t.v.!

Ok, tonight, we start with the new love of my life's t.v. show, "Lost". I cannot stand that I have to wait a whole week to pass between episodes of this show, and it only just started last week. What did I expect, though? J.J. Abrams was also the creator of "Alias", which is an addiction for me. The man is a genius.

Then we move on to The Bachelor. Really, I could give a flying shit about this show, except it fascinates even me that women can become so attached to some guy they barely know so quickly, and bawl all over national television about it. Sickening.

But after that, we have Wife Swap. Oh glory be! I dig these switching places shows! And I know they call themselves "the original", because Fox managed to steal their idea, and do it even better than them (because they give the families $50,000 each at the end to spend however they want to...sort of) and then release it about a month and a half earlier than ABC did, but I couldn't care less that there are two of these types of programs on the air at the same time. They're on on different nights, and that's all that matters. I cannot believe how fucked up some of these families are, is the thing.

The only problem I had with Wife Swap was the announcer guy being so repetitive with the info they gave at the top of the show. "Bobby-Lou is a mother of three who comes from a background of being raised by apes in a tropical forest in Ecuador. She is more of a friend to her kids than a mother figure, and she feels it's important that they grow up knowing that animals are people, too. As such, she allows her pets - all 23 of them - to roam freely about the house, and do as they please. [Flip to scenes of other family that's swapping...] Muffy is an ex-sorority 'girl' and cheerleader from Alabama, where she attended Imprettierthanyou University. She's analy retentive about everything, spends 5 hours per day cleaning things that don't need to be cleaned, and never speaks to her 3 children. Ever. Her husband needs to get laid in the worst way, and he also likes pickles a lot. [Screen is split between the two women, with Bobby-Lou shown bouncing on her bed with her 2 year old, and Muffy on her hands and knees cleaning the stairs with a brush...] They couldn't be more different if they tried!" Then we go to commercial, thinking, "Holy shit! I cannot believe these two women! I can't wait to see what happens!"

We come back from commercial (mind you, 15 minutes of the allotted hour for the show has passed with them giving us background on these two lovely families...), and announcer guy is back. For some insane reason, he starts saying the same shit he did before. But in a slightly different order. "Bobby-Lou - who was raised by apes in an Ecuadorean forest where it rains all day for the most part - is getting ready to leave her 3 children and her husband to go to her new 'home' for the next 2 weeks. She's going to miss her children, because they're like friends to her. [Flip to shot of Bobby-Lou jumping on bed with her 9 year old kid...] The animals that roam freely about the house will have to deal with a new mom, now. [Music indicates a sort of tense occurrence, for some reason. And we flip to a shot of the other mom as she pulls a Swiffer from the closet. Can almost hear an audible *sigh* from the announcer...] Muffy, who hates any kind of dirt more than being kicked in the left tit with a steel-toed boot, makes her lists that her family that she never speaks to and the new 'Mom' will need to follow while she's away for the next 2 weeks. She was a cheerleader and the treasurer of her sorority at her Alabama university, and her husband needs to get laid in the worst way. He also likes pickles."

It's just weird! I was sitting there during the sneak preview episode they showed on Sunday, or whenever thinking, "Dammit man! Get on with it already!!" And they did, eventually, and it was funny as hell to watch. But it was just excessive announcer crap, in my opinion.

Anyway, I like t.v. I will be watching some tonight, in case anyone was wondering...

The perfect weather...

I'm wearing my favorite jacket right now. I'm reluctant to take it off when I get into the office, because it's so cozy and wonderful. Mmmm....

It's finally getting to be the kind of weather I truly enjoy more than any other kind. It's chilly out this morning, and then it'll warm up to about 70 sometime today, but by the time I go home it'll be in the upper 60's. It's sunny, too. And it's just the best!! I love Fall.

I started thinking about Christmas this morning, and about how much I'm looking forward to heading home, and spending some quality time with the Twin and my Dad, and hopefully my other sisters, if they're able to pull their heads out of their asses long enough to behave like grown-ups. And, of course, seeing the big brother and his prego girlfriend will be a bonus. I can't wait! I love walking in the garage door, and trying to figure out which room I'm gonna stay in, and the way the house feels when everyone is in it all at once, and hanging out watching t.v. with my dad and step-mom before I fall into bed exhausted from travelling and catching up with everyone, and everything else that goes along with Christmas. I didn't get to go home last year, and it was the first Christmas in my entire life that I spent away from my family. I had seen them all a lot leading up to the holidays last year, as a couple of close family members passed away in the late summer, but it wasn't the same. I felt sort of alone and icky when the week of Christmas arrived, and it was hard to deal with. Fortunately, I was with the ex-ex-boyfriend at the time, and it was the early part of our relationship, so we were very happy together. And I spent Christmas with him, his friends, and his family. It was a good substitute, I think.

So, Christmas shopping needs to start ASAP. (I think the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog is gonna help with that, though...) And keeping up with eating well and exercising, so when it comes time to head home and eat yummy food that my sisters make, I won't feel too guilty about it.

I think I'll go and buy a pumpkin this weekend. :)

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Ya big bunch of treehuggers, you!

Ok, so I've been reading the answers to the meme that we all managed to find the time to read through and answer yesterday, and have noticed that a good majority (read: all) of the bloggers that I read have answered #9 (hugged a tree) in the affirmative.

I'm so glad I'm not as much of a freak as I thought I might be.

The tree I used to hug was a great big oak in our backyard of our mountain house where I grew up. I used to sit out behind it, where no one could see me from the house windows, and tell it all my troubles. Then I would thank it for listening, and give it a big hug before I'd head back inside to deal with my world. I saw the tree as a great, big, going nowhere, hey, you HAVE to listen to me because you're rooted to the ground and inanimate friend.

Then we moved back down the hill. (a.k.a. "off the mountain" for all you flatlanders...) And I started high school. And I got a diary to write in.

It just wasn't the same, though.

And shut UP!! I am NOT a freak! :P:P:P


I didn't get the job I was interviewing for at the end of last week. *sigh!* I guess it just wasn't meant to be!

But I can say this: I hope the person they chose instead of me crashes and burns. I think that'd be foonay...

But what irks me is that I had to write to the interviewer to ask him whether the position was still open or not (I didn't know how else to put it...), and he said that they had chosen someone else yesterday. Um, oh, OK asshat! How about you call the other people that interviewed (at least the ones that put things on hold for two freaking days in a row to hustle in to meet with you people), and let them know about that decision, hm? No,'ll want to make us chase your ass down, and make fools of ourselves. Thanks a ton. Jerk. (And don't think I'm picking on this guy for no's literally his job to interview and pick out candidates for open positions at this company. If the Potential Boss I interviewed with had chosen one person out of, say, 15, I would think that it would take Asshat Recruiter about 2, maybe 3 hours to call/e-mail all the other people that interviewed with potential boss for the position to let them know that they had gone with someone else. If I get a letter in the mail within the next couple of days, I'm going to send it back to them, and tell them what I think of them. Because, helloooooo? It's not 1950 anymore. Time to actually communicate with people in an efficient manner, so they know what's up. Geesh!)

I'm a little bitter. But I do think that things happen for a reason. If they found someone better suited for the position, then more power to them. Looking on the bright side of things, now I don't have to worry about any lapses in medical insurance, and dealing with the idea of leaving my boss and co-worker that I love. AND I kick ass at my job (most of the time), and it's comfy for me here. So, while a higher salary and a slight change in industry would have been fun as hell, there is a silver lining to staying put.

So I'm not hurting too much, really. And I'll keep looking, too, I s'pose. Maybe I'll hold off until after Christmas...we'll see.

Ok. That's all I got for now.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Booger King and Starbuccos

I don't know what's hit these two companies lately, but their ad campaigns please me more than anything else on the planet. (Well, except for the satisfaction that comes with driving my baby around town. It really is a "sweet ride", as it was called last week by the kid from the liquor store who volunteered to carry my purchases to the car for me...gotta love those comments!)

Let's see, I've already gone over my love of the Stacy Rumple Starbucks Frappachino (again, no idea how to spell that correctly...) commercial. And then there's the "Eye of the Tiger" double shot espresso or whatever with the Glen guy getting ready for work and heading to the office with the entire band following him and singing his anthem as he goes. "Glen!..Glen! Glen! Glen!...Glen! Glen! Glen!..Glen! Glen! Glennnn..." Cracks me up!

And now, Burger King is cracking the ad whip. I mean, they had me with the whole Ugof thing, with their little baggies they have of hot chicken and shrimp you can put on their salads if you want. I haven't ever purchased said baggies of chicken or shrimp, much less the salad, but it was a funny commercial.

Now they have the weird king in bed with the guy in the morning, pawning a breakfast sandwich that I can't eat. "...with meat. And cheeeese. And meat...and cheese!" The king is just about the creepiest thing I've seen lately (and I've been checking out some pretty darned creepy shit online, with my sudden websites-about-ghosts fascination that has kicked in...), but for some reason, it just makes me want to see the commercial - watching this guy "waking up with the King." Weird.

And now, they have the whole music give away with the purchase of a Whopper thing. Just hearing that cop say, "What? Are you guys Whopperheads, or something?" and the kid reply, "Maybe..." in his little sarcastic way sends me into stitches!

I used to hate commercials. What is this world coming to, I ask you?!!

Merrily, merrily, merrily...

Yep. Merrily is a weird word. I have just discovered that after typing it three times in a row. Hm.

I am having that annoyed feeling - the kind where everything seems to be annoying me, but I can't even really tie down what it is that's annoying me. Suddenly, I feel like I must get the fuck out, but I don't know why or where to. Is this a mini-panic attack? Do I just need to eat the other half of my sandwich from lunch? Will it help if I just get up and go downstairs to check the mail, or something? AUGH! What is it???

I'll tell you what, though...whiny-ass music on the local alternative station isn't helping worth a shit, so that just got turned down. (It was making me want to hurl the radio at my window, it bugged me so much. That can't be good...)

Ok, maybe doing some work will help. Although I have been working pretty much non-stop for the past hour, so I don't get it.

Apparently confusion is a natural partner to this weird, unidentifyable annoyed feeling. Meh.

It was a Monday morning, and so the meme was done. And it was good.

Just want to get the week started, already. I still haven't heard about the job, btw, and I'm finding it hard to figure out what to do first here at the office after having gotten in so early (I was here at 7:40 a.m. - bleh - because the contractor came today to do the touch-up shit in my bathroom from the remodel...lumpy things in the wall and a couple of gouges that needed to be filled in. He's repainting two walls, it seems...), and after having taken Friday off last week. So I'm starting things off with a meme found at Mikey's. The ones that are bolded are the things I've done...

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster

42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on (specifically, the underside of people's tongues. don't ask)
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ...more than once? - More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions (not on purpose)
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196: Dyed your hair
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199: Written your own role playing game
200: Been arrested

Saturday, September 25, 2004

I don't know what happened to my mojo...

Well, the e-ex-boyfriend could have had something to do with it. :) But I have absolutely no motivation to go out now. I'm watching the USC/Stanford game, drinking a couple of beers, and feel like watching a movie after the game rather than heading out the door.

I don't usually flake like this, by any means. But what can a girl do? A mood change is a mood change, I s'pose. Hopefully, the girls don't take it personally. I really was looking forward to heading out earlier. I was all pumped as I drove home from grabbing my din din. But then I ate. And it just went away. Weird, is what I call it.

So I'm home for the night. Woo! Home! Meh.

All pent up, with nowhere to go...

The ex-ex-boyfriend is being a dollface and a half right now, and seeing if he can figure out the problem with my bathroom sink. Love it! I don't know if it's going to work, though. But just the fact that I asked, and he agreed to help is enough for me. 3 other guys just brushed me off. So he wins. :)

Going out with some of the girlies tonight...I think I should pick up some film, so I can get some pics. I haven't taken any pictures since I went to Cali in July, so it's about time for some new ones. Plus, I didn't like those pics all that much, so it's time to try again to capture the old photogenic me (and Cheri and Sheri, etc...), if possible. She hasn't been very cooperative for the past 3 years, and you never know when she's going to come out and play, so I might as well try to surprise her tonight. Plus, I need some film to take some shots for the boobiethon, anyway. So, it's ON, baby! Yeehawwww!!!

That's all for now. Too much caffeine and not enough food in the system is having catastrophic effects on my antsy-ness, so I need to get up and move around now. Bye!

Friday, September 24, 2004

Friday I'm in Love

God I love Fridays. Don't you love Fridays? They rock...that's all.

So, the interview went well. I like the guy I'd be working for, and it'd be such an interestig change of pace...working on investments, and all that good stuff. Fascinating! I don't know if I'll be hearing from them today, but I'll give an update when I do find out what's up...

In the meantime, I'm home, recovering from another fun and happy date with Josh last night. Rather than go to dinner and then the movie that we had planned, we just stayed at the bar we had dinner at, and drank and talked all night. We covered loads of topics, and one of them was very touching and interesting. I have a thing about talking about exes. I don't need to hear the shitty stories about how someone was jilted or how they still pine a little bit (or waaaay too much, in some cases) over someone that left them after they'd been together for a decade, blah, blah...It just doesn't give me insight into that person like I used to think it did. In fact, I find that some people just blatantly lie about past relationships, which is such bullshit that I won't even go there.

So when Josh had mentioned before I even met him that he'd been engaged at one point, but it was another story for another time, I told him that I hope he didn't mind if I told him that I really didn't care if I ever heard about it. He agreed with my idea that learning about/talking about past relationships isn't really the most productive way to get to know someone. But now that we've been talking as much as we have over the past few weeks, and we've seen each other a couple of times, the story finally got told. His fiance died two years ago. And he hasn't been in a relationship since then. She was in New York visiting her family (he was in Baja surfing and camping on a beach with his buddies...), and she took her dad's dog out for a walk early one morning, and got hit by a drunk driver as she crossed a street. She only lived for 6 hours after that. And Josh missed seeing her, as well as the funeral and everything because he was unreachable on a beach in Baja.

OMG. Just about the saddest story I've ever heard. And I don't think he's full of shit, folks. There's no reason for this guy to lie to me about that sort of thing. I mean, one never truly knows, I suppose, but at this stage of things, I don't have any reason to not trust him or believe him when he tells me stuff.

I told him about my dead boyfriend, and how I didn't date anyone for 4 years after he died. We chatted a little bit more about those things, and then somehow the discussion turned to anal sex.

So overall, it was a really, really revealing evening.

And I'll leave it at that. Because ending posts with a comment about anal sex is always fun. And hell, it IS Friday!! :P:P:P:P

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Terrifying Woman

Ok, the Twin wanted to hear this story, and I can't write her about it through work e-mail, but for some reason feel it might be safer to put it out here, so here goes...

Last night, getting ready to close up "shop" for the night, I was chatting with my co-worker when our front door opened, and a woman with this weird and somewhat mean look on her face said, "Did you guys move or something?"

*blink blink* Huh?

Ok, my initial thought is, WTF? Then I thought, well, yes we did move...from the office next door to us down the hall, but this woman seemed upset about whatever move she was referring to. And she just burst in so suddenly, too. It was weird.

My co-worker called my other co-worker into her office at that point, and I said, "That's ok...I'll take care of this, you go help Jennifer." I then turned to the woman to see what she was talking about. She thought we used to be someplace else on the street we're located on. I told her that there are actually 3 offices for our company on this same street, all within 5 blocks of each other, so maybe she had us confused with another location. She gave me a "Oh, well, fuck it..." kind of look, and then held out a set of keys - there were probably about 8 of them on the rings she had put together - and told me that she needed to drop these off. I'm sure I looked confused, and I said that we don't handle such issues like collecting keys to properties that are in foreclosure - which I just assumed was the issue...and I was sort of right - and she started to BUG the FUCK out on me! She said stuff like she's been through too much to have to listen to me talk to her like that (???), and that she was setting the keys down (which she then proceeded to do), and leaving. I was a bit flustered and freaked out to say the least. I called out for my co-worker Jennifer to come see what she could do to get more info out of this lady. Jennifer didn't come though, and the woman started for the door. I said, "Whoa! I don't even have an address, or a phone number, or a name to go with these keys! You can't leave!" She stood there saying that she wasn't going to be yelled at any more, and then started out the door again. I said, "Please, wait a minute! JENNIFER!!!" At that point, my co-worker finally realized that I was in desperate need of help (my other co-worker told me that from the other office, it sounded like the first time I was calling out for her, it didn't seem as urgent as I had intended for it to...), and she came out to find out what was up.

The woman told her she wasn't going to be yelled at any longer (at which I totally protested, because I wasn't yelling at her by any means...I had been calling out for my co-worker, but this woman was taking my confusion over her desire to drop a set of totally unidentifyable keys on a desk and run away as being obstinant or beligerant on my part, for some reason...she was insane, it seemed...), and that she was leaving these keys to her house in our possession because that means that she no longer possesses the house (WTF???), according to her attorney. Jennifer took the keys and said to the woman, "You need to leave the premises." For some reason (again, insane woman we're dealing with, apparently...), this stopped the woman in her tracks. She looked confused, and then said, "Look, I've been told to do this, and so I am just doing what I've been told." My other co-worker then waved me over to the office that was out of sight and somewhat out of earshot of this woman, and I almost ran to her! Jennifer stayed with the woman (who eventually began crying) and got the info she needed, including the name of the attorney that told her that dropping off the keys would release her from any obligation on the house, as well as the location of the property and all that stuff. Turns out, the woman (and her husband, I guess...) are filing bankruptcy, and obviously, this is all causing a great amount of strain for her.

But DAMN!! What a way to end the day, huh? I mean, I pride myself on my customer service abilities, and being able to get to the bottom of things, and help people on something that no one's been able to help them on up to that point. But this woman just attacked me! And I did nothing but ask her very rational questions, in a very rational and normal tone of voice and volume level, and she just freaked out on me. I don't think I've had that happen since I worked at Ruby's Diner in Palos Verdes, and a man that was a part of a party of 6 got irrate with me for seating a party of 4 before him, even though they were behind him in line. The problem was that the only table I had open was a 4-top. There was absolutely no way his party of 6 would have fit there...not even uncomfortably. Just wouldn't happen. And he screamed at me like I had suddenly punched his wife and 3 kids in the face one by one for no reason. It was so very strange that all I could do (mind you, I was 18 at the time) was run to the back office, grab my manager to go and deal with his nasty, mean ass, and sit down to cry. That memory will last forever, it seems. This woman will have a lasting impression like that, too, I think.

Mean people suck. So go forth, and be nice, will you? Because really, what the fuck? Will someone please tell me what the fuck the point is to being mean and mad and, um, crazy to people that did absolutely nothing to you to provoke that kind of reaction? Call me stupid, but I just don't understand it...

If you call me, and I'm crying, don't ask why...

The interview went very well. I felt confident, and had fun, and was a little bit challenged, which was interesting, but the result is that the HR Director bumped some other person from the schedule tomorrow, because he wants to fit me in, as I'm a stronger candidate.


So, by tomorrow afternoon, I might just have a new job. Which is frightening, but wonderfully frightening. I'd be (a) supporting one, single person, which has been my goal for the past 2 years, (b) paid a bit more than I am now, which is always a good thing, and (c) well, does anything else matter really? Let's see...achieving goals at a higher rate of pay. Um, no, nothing else matters, I don't think.

But here is the problem. My current boss is like my brother. He's been such a cool guy to work for and with that it's hard to imagine just how I will ever get the words "giving my 2 week notice" out of my mouth without uncontrollably sobbing my heart out. I'm tearing up just thinking about it! Shit...

So, anyway, I counted the number of favorite branch managers that report to us, and out of 14, there are only 4 (and really, that's just 3, because although one person does things right a majority of the time, she still can be rather bitchy every now and then, too. And no one likes that at all...especially not me...), so moving on from that aspect of the job will be easier than I have been prepared for it to be, when I look at it like that. The person who will likely have to step into my roll after I go is competent, and will be able to reach me any time to ask me questions if she has an issue, so I think we'll be cool there. But I will miss working with her every day, I think. But we're going to get together for drinks, for sure. We talked about it today (she's the only one who knows that I'm interviewing and all that...), and she said, "Now that you'll be able to afford to, you can buy me a drink or two when we go out! That'll make up for you leaving, sort of..." She cracks me up.

So, keep thinking positive thoughts. It's feeling really good so far...and unless I don't click with the guy at all, then I'm pretty sure I might just be in. But I'll be sure to let y'all know what happens, fo sho...

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Hot damn!!

UMB (a large local bank...) called me in for an interview tomorrow morning. Yeah, I also have to take a test in Word, Excel, and for my typing skills, but I can swing those without any issue.

The Executive Admin for one. Single. Guy! YAY!!! That is my dream, if you didn't know, and I am happy as anything to even be considered for an interview for the position. And they're willing to offer me close to what I'm requesting for my salary...which is awfully cool. I mean, I know that there will be some discussion of it, of course, after meeting me and deciding how well my skill set fits into their required needs. But I've got a great big Good Feeling about this. So I'm going to keep thinking positive, I think.

So, cross your fingers for me, and send all kinds of wishes for good luck my way. (Especially on the typing thing...I'm not the best at typing under pressure. Hopefully, my winning personality and my fabu references will take precedence over any test results...)

The only "dun-dun-DUN" thing about this is that the Ex-boyfriend That is an Asshole works at the same place. But it's a rather large building. I'm thinking we can successfully avoid ever seeing each other. Unless my potential boss is his boss's boss's boss, or something. Heh. That'd be foonay.


Shit. What am I going to wear?

My search for new and unusual blogs - GAH!

Ok, I'm turning up nothing on my random search through blogspot's blogs. Time to hit Yahoo! for some suggestions. I mean, that is, after all, how I originally managed to stumble across Joelle, and all the rest o' my regular reads.

If you know of any good "social" blogs, lemme know, ok? I might have happened across them on a blogroll once or twice before, and simply can't remember them right now. Or maybe I've never seen them before at all! So let me know, m-kay? I need distractions...lots and lots of distractions. :)

'Cuz I'm a lazy-ass son of a gun...

I just got around to updating my blogroll to a more appropriate level. I realized that I read way more blogs than I had listed, and enjoy a great deal of them. So I figured it was just about time to let everyone in on what I visit day to day...

If you don't know them, mosey on over and check 'em out! I don't generally blogroll someone unless they (a) make me laugh almost daily, (b) write really, really well, regardless of what they're writing about, or (c) fascinate me with their lives/lifestyles. I'm not into the sci-fi or political blogs, obviously, so you won't find any of those there. But I like to visit Ordinary Morning because of the baby-face thing that she has on there (plus, she cracks me up...), or Dooce, because she writes oh so well, and has had some absolutely fascinating posts about what's gone on in her life over the last couple of months that make me admire her and wish her well. I like Fricative because she's cute, and because her life is interesting, too. The list goes on and on...

In fact, why is anyone reading my blog? Go forth! Enjoy the blogosphere as Faith intends for you to do. (And know that I will be checking out new blogs starting today. Because so far, I've been relying on other popular blogrolls for direction in what to read. But I know there's stuff out there in blogspotland that I haven't given myself the chance to read I'll keep updating as I find blogs I think might be worthy of a bit of attention. Hopefully, there'll be lots of 'em...)

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Makes a girl glad to think her family is "normal" and "run-of-the-mill"!!

We've had some strange activity in the world of prostitution around Kansas City as of late. Several women have shown up dead, and police believe it's a serial killer that did it.

What I've learned from this particular case of serial killings is this: Not all serial killers are very smart. (Not that any of them are smart, per se...but most of the time when you hear of one, they tend to put on a good chase, at least, before getting caught!) And some have good reason for being as dumb as they are. Especially those who come from "unusual" and "rare" families.

The police got lucky a week or so ago, and found a suspect that seems to have motive and opportunity to be considered the murderer in the cases of the 6 women they found dead in the city recently.

Read this article. Then tell me whether you think that genetics or whatever was at work here. The experts talk about it being a case of "someone socialized into a culture of violence".

Dammit, this world is fucked up.

The mind is a terrible thing to waste...

I am totally overthinking this new dating situation I'm currently in. I really like Josh, and have been taking the time to get to know him over the course of two nice dates, and about 3 weeks of conversations via e-mail, online chat, and on the phone. He's funny, smart, handles my jabs at him well (because our senses of humor are pretty well in synch, it seems...), cute, tall, etc, etc...we get along well in just about every respect thus far. Which makes sense, because it's only been a few weeks, right?

The last time I was getting to know someone at such a slow pace was last summer. Jeff. He wasn't particularly attractive, but we clicked in lots of ways, I felt. Mentally, physically, etc...but he wound up giving me the brush-off (the most grown-up one I've dealt with in a long time, I think) after about 5 weeks of dating. I was trying to figure out where we were headed. I was kind of tired of making out all the time, and not actually getting any further than that. I also liked him a lot and would have preferred for him to let me know what he thought about us trying out a relationship that consisted of more than just dates once or twice a week. He told me that, while he felt a strong connection to me physically, he didn't feel anything for me emotionally. There's not much a girl can say to something like that! I appreciated his honesty, and although he said that he wanted to try being friends, I knew I couldn't do that with him, because I was so attracted to him that hanging out with him would inevitably lead to make-out sessions that would only confuse me and make it hard for me to move on. So I just said good-bye, and moved on my way.

I hate, hate, hate comparing relationships, and try my darndest not to do it. But I feel like that same thing that happened with Jeff is happening with Josh. It's only been 3 weeks! But my mind is twirling into a twisted mess of crap that I can't separate out from everything else. Part of me is saying that it's nice to take things slow, and to give one another a good amount of time to get to know the other person before jumping into anything too hastily. Another part is wondering (already!?) what this might turn into...and how long it will take for it to turn into whatever that is going to be.

So, I continue to think. And then go out on a date with Josh, and chat with him until the next opporunity we can find to get together. And then I get together with the ex-ex-boyfriend again, and am grateful for the freedom I have at this point so I can manage to do such things. (Being with the ex-ex-boyfriend is like curling up with a soft, cuddly, warm blanket on a cold Autumn evening next to the fireplace, watching your favorite movie, and sipping a cup of hot chocolate. While our time together is fleeting and only lasts a few hours now and then, I cherish it sooooo very much. Who would've ever thought that he would become such a comforting force in my life? Anyway...) And now I wonder just how much that "relationship" I have with the ex-ex-boyfriend might hinder my ability to move on in any way with Josh. It didn't when it came to the pilot. So I would hope it won't do anything in this case, either. GAH! I don't know!!!

I need therapy. :) As if you didn't already know that, right?

I don't have a square to spare...

I just had my morning bathroom "break" interrupted by an idiot woman who apparently needed to have her "break" at the same time. I can't remember where I read it, or when, but there was a post in someone's blog about the etiquette of using a bathroom at the office which I fully agreed with. (Damn, I wish I could find that! Does anyone know what I'm talking about? They had a full list of rules that I totally agreed with...) I think it was a boy that wrote about it, but they were soooo right on about it all.

Anyway, this chick totally ruined things for me. She should've known to go away and come back in five minutes, or to go find another bathroom on another floor to do her business in, but she sat in there, waiting for ME to leave. What nerve, eh?

I hope she's constipated for the rest of the week. Because I'm evil like that.

Monday, September 20, 2004

Choices, choi...*urp*. Excuse me. I had to throw up a little bit.

Ok, so the new twist on The Bachelor? Where the women first choose between two guys and decide which bachelor they'd like to pursue/cat-fight for? Sounds like a fun idea, except it's a rip-off of what they did on the second For Love or Money this past time...but whatev. The other thing that makes it a bit less fun is the choices. Ok, they're older than the past few guys they've chosen as bachelors, and I give them kudos for that, really. But um, hi! Mullet-freak bass-fisherman guy? OR, gay-looking "ew, I'm kissing my dad" type of guy. Good Lord, is this what it's come down to? I know there must be more attractive 40-year-old men out there!

I love that they still have chicks as young as 26 competing to be with one of these guys. But, again, to their credit, ABC did some thinking ahead on this one, and loads of the women are over 31. I personally am not attracted to men (especially these two) that are 10 years older than me. But if I was 35? Maybe they'd be cuter to me. Ok, I take that back...mullet-freak would never be attractive to me. Cut. Your. Hair! That'd probably be a big improvement on him, I'd be willing to bet.

I'm looking forward to what happens on the premiere this Wednesday. I can't say I'll be watching the show as religiously as I did Outback Jack, because I lost interest in watching the Bachelor/Bachelorette shows a couple seasons ago, for some reason. I think it's the rose ceremonies. They drag on too much...but it could be that it's just boring to me compared to other shows that are on this time of year...I'm not sure.

Anyway, go, look at the bios of the men, and tell me if you don't agree with my opinion of them. They just ick me out...

Monday is just my favorite day, you know?

I love it when I kick off the workweek with an inability to access my e-mails. It probably won't seem strange to most folks, but my job efficiency relies about 75% on the e-mails I send/receive. Not much can be done without being able to access my server, and respond/read the e-mails that are waiting for me out there. The last time this happened, several e-mails that had been sent to me never even arrived, and loads of the ones I sent never got where they needed to go, either. I'm hoping that won't happen this time, because, of course, I'm in the middle of fixing someone's pay, and it'll be really, really fucked up if we can't get it done today.

Ooh! It just started working! Gotta go...

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Tonight, I will sleep like the dead.

I've had a split weekend. Split between fun and work, that is...Friday night, I stayed in, and talked to Josh (the new boy I'm seeing) for a while on the phone. Saturday, Josh and I went to lunch and then to the Nelson-Atkins to view a photography exhibit about the civil rights movement in the 50's and 60's, mainly. It was worth while. Lovely photography. Very touching.

Then last night I went out with Cheri, had some dinner, and some drinks, and we talked and talked and talked. It was a great time for me. I don't get out much with just girls very often, so it was fun to be able to hang out and not worry about anything for a while. Although I kind of wish I had had the guts to approach a very attractive man that was sitting nearby us on the porch at The Blue Moose...he was alone. And man, oh man...just my type. :) Things are going pretty well with Josh, though, so it's probably best that I kept to myself.

Then I rolled around a bit this morning, got up at 11:15 finally, and then went and grabbed some food before the Chiefs game started. I watched a bit of that, got online and chatted with Josh a little, and then decided that I absolutely had to get to work on staining the rest of my back deck. The floor of it was the easy part, and I finished that several weeks ago. Today I needed to stain the railings, and all the little slats that run from the floor to the railing itself. All 3 billion of them. Christ, my hand and my arm, and my back, and even my right leg hate me right now. That's alright, though. I don't like them much either. So they can just fuck off...

I only was able to finish half the deck before it started getting dark and I thought death was imminent. Now I've showered, eaten the rest of the sandwich and salad I had bought earlier for lunch, and am relaxing, guzzling water.

Like I said, it was a split between fun and work. Even though the fun stuff occurred over several more hours than the work part, the work was so hard, it kind of evens itself out, in my opinion. Dammit! I just found a splinter. Gotta run...

Ahh...Beaver Lane. Now THOSE were the days...

The Twin reminded me of the Beaver Lane house. We lived in it when we were in the mountains from 5th grade until we graduated from junior high. Good times...good times, indeed.

Even then, I knew that "beaver" was another word for, well...something else. I was 10 at the time. And I was like "Beaver Lane? We live on Beaver Lane??" Yep. We sure did. Now, it was on Beaver Creek, so it sort of made sense. And it intersected Mallard, so it wasn't as dirty as we might've thought, but it was still Beaver Lane.

Ok. Not as interesting a story as I thought. But I must say that I was always somewhat embarassed when giving people directions to the house because of it.

I can say that my coworker had no idea that "beaver" was another word for a woman's privates. So that made for an interesting few minutes of conversation on Friday afternoon...

Friday, September 17, 2004

See, now THIS is a cat I can get on board with...

Anybody read "Get Fuzzy"? I do. And this week has been leading to this sort of banter, but man, they are pushing the limits of decency. Which, of course, I love...

Check out today's strip, and tell me if you don't agree with me.

Ring bells! Do jigs!! THE KITTY IS GONE, DADDY, GONE!

I just did the kitty hand-off to the chick who's going to foster her until she can find her a perm home. I'm exhausted, have a sinus head-thing going, am sweaty as hell due to all the running around I was forced to do in the last 2 hours, and I want a muffin...but I am happy. Happy as hell, I think describes it accurately.

Wait a minute...I just thought about that. "Happy as hell?" That really doesn't make sense, does it? Hell isn't a notoriously happy place. So I take it back. Accurate description of my happiness would be as happy as a person (like, say, me) relaxing poolside with a yummy fruity drink, looking perfect in her bikini, and listening to her favorite music without a care in the world. THAT is the happy I feel right now.

Except I really could use something harder than a fruity drink. And it's only 10 a.m. Damn. Maybe I am breeding that alcoholic in me better than I thought. Hm.

Also, the blogrolls have all gone missing. This happens every once in a while to me. I go to Joelle's, and I see no blogrolls. I go to Mikey's, and still no blogrolls. Hell, it's missing from my blog, even.

Perhaps the blogrolls are currently sitting poolside, with a fruity drink, looking perfect in their bikinis, listening to their fave tunes. They must be doing something, so why not that? Where do they escape to, I wonder? And is it just happening to me?

I need to figure out how to make my sinuses stop beating on me for no apparent reason now. Bye.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Pondering Afterlife

I've been caught up reading some ghost stories online for the past couple of days. They fascinate me...I find them immensely interesting because of my own experiences with ghosts growing up. Our family has always had one in the houses we've lived in. One, or whatever...there could have been more, I s'pose, but I never counted more than one, really. I always got the feeling that she's my dad's mom. (She died when he was 14 or 15, I think it was...well before her time.)

My own experiences with her have been strong ones. Besides the feeling one gets when walking up or down a set of stairs, or down a long hallway, and you suddenly feel like running to get out of that space (and if you've lived in a haunted house, you know what I mean...), I actually had two close-up and personal experiences with her. Both in the same house, a couple of years apart from each other. One time, late at night when I'd woken up to go to the bathroom, I saw her coming up the steps (very quickly, mind you...), and then she turned and went through the wall into a hallway, and then passed through another wall into the bedroom I was sleeping in. Contrary to what I always thought I'd do when I might see a ghost, I walked boldly into the room, and didn't see her. So I opened the closet doors to check there. She was gone. I climbed into bed and went back to sleep. She was a white vapor-type of thing. Not a very defined shape, but I knew who she was, for sure.

The other time, I was in the same house (it was the house we had lived in in Lake Arrowhead when the Twin and I were growing up...we didn't sell it for years after we moved off the hill. We used it instead as a vacation house now and then...) with my boyfriend at the time for the weekend. We had been drinking, rather heavily, actually, and he was going through his normal annoying routine of, "Make the room stop spinning, Faith! Make it stop..." I hated that shit. Anyway, I left him on the bed at one point to use the bathroom...I kept the door opened a crack, and the toilet was right next to it, and I could hear him saying something to me, but I couldn't hear what it was. "Wait a minute, honey! I can't hear you...I'll be right out," I said to him from the bathroom. I washed my hands, and then opened the door, and he was still talking to me. "What did you say? I couldn't hear you, sweetie...I was in the bathroom, " I said, as I crawled under the covers next to him. He looked at me (I could see him faintly...the light was on in the bathroom still, and I had left the door open a crack case he needed to stumble over to it in his drunkeness - I didn't want him throwing up in my duffle bag because he couldn't find the toilet, you know?), and he said, "But you were right here! You were hugging me, weren't you?" I snapped on the light in the middle of his first sentence. "What?" I asked him. "Come on...we're going downstairs for a minute, " I said, and we got up, and went down to the kitchen. He then told me that he knew I had left him for a minute, but that he wasn't feeling well still, and he wanted me to stay in bed with him. Suddenly, he felt someone holding him, hugging him, and he felt all warm and comfy. And he was talking about how he wanted the spinning to go away, and how he just wanted to stay holding me like that, and he was sure it would make him feel better. I repeated that I had been in the bathroom that whole time, though, and I assured him that it was NOT me that had been holding him. I said, "But you felt comforted by it? And it was hugging you, really?" He assured me that it was a nice feeling...that he felt so much better because of it, really. That was the only reason I felt comfortable going back to bed in that room that night. It was the weirdest thing.

Of course, other things have happened throughout my life. One night, I thought I heard my sister, clear as day, right next to my bed saying my name. But I turned over, and no one was there, and my door was closed to my room...there was no way she could have been there and gone that quickly. Another time, I was almost asleep, and I heard a deep voice say, "Get out..." I ignored it, and went back to sleep. I chalked it up to me being almost asleep, and very, very tired at the time. Could've been my imagination. But I doubt it, really. My brother-in-law and sister told a story of the time they were staying in the mountain house in the same room where the thing happened with my boyfriend and I the one time, and they had an issue with the door to the room closing, with my sister inside the room, and my bro-in-law outside, and they couldn't open the door. It wasn't just simply wouldn't open. They both were trying to open it from either side of the door. After a minute had passed of them trying to figure out what was wrong with the door, my sister stepped away from it, and it suddenly just opened...just like that. They gathered their things quickly and left the house. (My bro-in-law said he stopped for a moment on the staircase to the garage just before they left, and said to the thing that was there, "Ok, just to be sure we aren't being stupid about there something here? If so, prove it to me somehow." He felt a hand gently push him on his back between his shoulder blades. "Ok," he said, and they left.)

So I believe in ghosts, for sure. I don't know if there's a specific person that's haunted in my family, or what. I don't feel like I am. My mother and my dead boyfriend are with me, but in a different way. They don't need to be "here", per se. I don't know how to explain it. They aren't trapped here, I guess is how I would put it. I was talking to the new boy I'm seeing last night, and we brought up John Edwards (I was saying that I like him better than John Kerry, but only because of his name...because it's the same as John Edwards, the guy who can "hear" dead people talking to him...LOVE that guy!), and he said that he thinks it's all generalizations, and just trickery that those people work from when they're "reading" people. But I went and saw John Edwards live in Wichita once. I can't wait till I can get the opportunity to see him again. Not only is he immensely entertaining (and rather cute, I think...), but it's sooo fascinating to see him hone in and start "reading" someone the way he does. He knows things that he shouldn't know, folks. There's no way that man is faking it. I'm not naive...I know there are fakers out there. But I also know there are sensitive people, too. I'm one. I just haven't tapped into it, and I don't care to, really. The Twin is, too...she's been more successful at tapping into her abilities, but I don't know that she does so much any more, and it's not like it's a profession she's looking to get into, or anything. It's just something she allows to be true about herself.

Anyway...I've been thinking about all this shit for a couple of days, and thought I would share. I like my ghost experiences. They've been odd, but definitely easy to deal with. Anybody out there have any they want to share? Please do...I love ghosty stories!!

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

I can't constricted!

Ok, so the kitty thing. Gah. Someone has finally stepped forward that is willing to take her as a foster kitty until they can find her a permanent home. (They have a problem with me taking her to the shelter because they'll put her down within two weeks if she doesn't get adopted.) I really didn't want her to be put into another temp home. I think this sort of shifting around can really fuck with a little kitty's head, and they only get more rambunctious and icky to deal with when it happens. I could be wrong, but it's my perception.

Anyway, so I'm realizing that the problem isn't that I'm treating her bad. Yes, admittedly, I do yell at her. But I feed her good food. I keep her litter box clean. I play with her fave toy with her every now and then. But the problem is, when I'm home, generally relaxing on the couch, or cooking, or whatever, I keep her closed into my treadmill room much of the time. When I leave for work, I let her roam about, and when I sleep at night, I let her out (and close myself into my bedroom). My treadmill room is definitely bigger than a cage at the local shelter. But I would certainly hope the people who work there are nicer to the animals than I am to this kitty.

I have come to really hate myself while she's been in my house, is what I realized today. My coworker was all, "Calm down! You're getting all red!" when I was talking about it earlier. I walk by that door at night, and I feel terrible that she's in there, all alone and unhappy, maybe. I hate that she has little human contact, because I don't want her on me at all. I hate that when I opened the door to my bathroom this morning, because she was scratching on it, and I was just going to pop her into the treadmill room, because DUDE, I am done with that shit while I'm in the shower, she totally shrank away from me and looked up with this scared little look on her face. I don't hit her, guys. I haven't sprayed her with the waterbottle for days now, because she hasn't been around me doing her bad kitty stuff enough for me to have to. (Because she's always in "her" room...) When she gets on my foot while I'm at the sink in the kitchen, I push her away from me, and she slides across the kitchen floor, but that's as "bad" as it gets. I pick her up when she least expects it, I guess, when she's doing things that are bad. But seeing that light on in "her" room when I walk by the closed door, and knowing that she's in there wondering when I'm going to let her out is just tearing me to pieces. Thinking about it right now, I feel like there is a weight on my chest that I can't get rid of.

Why did I take in this kitty? Why did I even go down to the office that day to see her? I knew I wouldn't do well with it! I could feel it in my bones. But she seemed so mellow, and just like the cat I would like to have. Man...I was soooo wrong. Maybe that's part of what's hurting me right now, too. I mean, why can't I deal with a playfull kitty attacking my hands and playing with my feet? Ok, yes, it does hurt, and I have scratches galore from it. Also, my skin has been looking like shit since I got her. My chest is all broken out, which is very weird, and I just figure it must be due to the stress, is all.

I'm just sooo upset about it all. And I needed to get that out of my system. I'm sorry I'm such a horrible pet owner, world! And this is why I hope people will never, ever think that I don't know what I'm talking about when I say that I don't want children. Hell, at least I've got that issue down pat.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

And she shall be named "Najestica"

Ok, y'all have to check out the "Memories" post at Is Not Chicago today. Please. Go...

So very, very entertaining. I'm going back for more right now...

Excuse me? I wanna talk to your manager!

We got the new Hammacher Schlemmer catalog at the office this week, and I've spent the whole morning going through it finding stuff I want...stuff I need...dammit, stuff I can't live without!

This is my favorite. I will be the coolest house on the block, man...

I've also found gift ideas for dad (man, that's always the hardest thing to do...but Hammacher made it easy, gosh darnit!), and the coolest sweeper thingy that I simply MUST have.

Man, I love the holidays. :)

Yum. YUM, I tell you!!

I made the Best Chili in the World last night. Because I kick ass. Usually, I do a turkey chili dealio, but this time, I chopped up two chicken breasts and half an onion, and threw in a small can of no salt added corn, a can of black beans, a can of no salt added chopped tomatoes and a small can of no salt added tomato sauce (thank GOD for the store brand items that are starting to come out with a no salt added version, by the way. The stores that're doing that are my new best friends...), some chopped jalapenos, a little lime juice, and it tasted FABU!! I'm getting so good at making chili. I'm quite proud of myself, really.

I was thinking this morning about how my friendship landscape has changed so dramatically over the past year or so. I mean, I confide in my ex-ex-boyfriend, when I used to think he was just a major ass for being the way he is about relationships; all of the friends that I originally moved back to Kansas to be around pretty much only e-mail/call me when there's a wedding or a Superbowl party or something; both of my best girlfriends are mommies now. I also never thought I'd have any kind of friendship with people via the internet, but since stumbling onto this whole blog thing, I feel like I've "met" a few very cool people that have loads of things in common with me at this point in life. (And I've been lucky enough to actually meet a few of you, too, which makes it all seem so much more real to me...which is nice...) It's just funky to reflect on it all like I have been today...I'm really grateful for the friends that I do have. I'm somewhat resentful of the group of friends that I don't hang out with very often any more, but I really only like a couple of them really well anyway. And friendships change, you know? Lifestyles change...reasons to hang out change...people fucking change. It's all understandable.

You know what else is on my mind? Those shows that are popping up all over that involve a large crew of people rebuilding a home for a family in the matter of a week, or whatever? Where the hell do they get the cash to pull shit like that together? I mean, the man hours and expertise that must be involved has to be expensive as hell for those 7 days. And the materials...well, I know that on ABC, lots of the stuff is donated by Sears, and all. But the wood, and the pools, and the cement, etc...How do they do it? The landscaping. The plumbing. It just fascinates me, really. Oprah can afford to give cars away to her entire audience...something like 220 people. (She chose them beforehand based on their need for a new car, by the way...which I thought was clever and very, very kind of her...) Then there are the shows about people receiving massive life-changing makeovers. They're given a couple of month's worth of physical training, a place to stay, and probably food to eat. They're given radical plastic surgery that costs into the tens of thousands of dollars. And they're made into new people.

I love the benevolence. I love the hard work people do for people they've never met, and probably will never see again after they finish the electrical wiring, or the digging of holes for fence posts, etc...why don't more people do shit like that? I wonder what kind of charitable activites Bill Gates is involved in. Or Warren Buffett? There's a whole Walton family listed as being the 4th through 8th richest people on the Forbes top 400 richest people in America list. I wonder what they do with their extra cash. brain is all over the place this morning. I'm going to go ahead and chalk it up to PMS, like I am everything else that seems to be "off" about me today.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Only 3.5 hours to, this sucks.

I want to get out of here right now. Our customers apparently all smoked something bad over the weekend, and are now taking it out on my office, as they started calling here at 8 a.m. (why did I answer? Why?), and have continued to call throughout the day. Makes me question whether they're using their brains, or what. But you know what? You can take your angry ass out back and STUFF it, folks, because we didn't do anything, m-kay? The most current asshole signed his paperwork, accepted his loan terms, and then 2 months later has suddenly discovered that he has a variable rate loan rather then a fixed rate.

DER!!! Fuckwad, you have to read the loan papers prior to signing them. I know they're long, and involved, and have lots and lots of pages to them. But at least read the important things, like how much your payments are going to be each month, and what the goddammed RATE is going to be!! (You also might want to scan and make sure that your name is spelled correctly, and the proper address is on there, and all that. Loan processors are human. Sometimes, they make mistakes. Pay attention, or YOU'RE the one that can get fucked in the end...), soooo tired of the dumbasserie.

Is this normal growth?

I feel bad for the copier/fax machine in our office. It was jammed by an asshole co-worker (who's here maybe 5% of the time...) about 2 weeks ago when he came in and made an inordinate amount of copies on the machine, and then he had to leave mid-project because he was running late. (Um, if he didn't need the copies in the first place, why the FUCK was he making all of them, I wonder?) So my co-worker and I were left to fix the machine. I actually didn't have to, as she worked out the issue the next time she used it.

But now, ever since then, the machine has been making this horrible "clackity-clackity-clackity..." noise every time it goes through it's warm up routine. It sounds absoluely awful. But it's not effecting the function of the machine - it still faxes and copies things just fine. But I called for a repair guy, anyway. I can't imagine that it's a good thing that's making it make this noise. And it would suck for us to have a worse problem if I ignore it. Poor little fax/copier...

Had a good end to the weekend yesterday. I wound up being lazy all day, and then getting on the treadmill at about 6:45. Then the ex-ex-boyfriend called, and asked if I wanted company. Hell yeah! So got a little lovin' in as well. Woo!

I'm really, really, really hoping that the cat will be leaving my house either today or tomorrow. I haven't heard from the lady who's working on the deal yet, but the people who wanted her were supposed to return to work today, so I'm figuring that she has to wait for them to get back to her first. Cross your fingers that she has a new home as of this evening!

Oh, and my trash service has been cancelled, I found out this morning. My trash wasn't picked up on Saturday morning, so I called the trash company and left them a message that I needed to hear back from them as to when they would be able to come by and get it. So they called me bak this morning, and told me that my Home Owners' Association had cancelled the service for my house.

Um, huh??

First of all, I was aware that the HOA was in charge of that function. When I first moved in, being the responsible homeowner that I am, I called our local trash service to find out how to set up my account. They said I didn't need to worry about it, as it was paid for by my HOA. Oh! I didn't even know that I had a HOA! (My realtor didn't either...neither did the sellers' realtor. Ookaaayyy...) I never paid a HOA fee, and it wasn't in the specs for the house, or listed as part of the sale info, so I just let it go. Figured they'd be in touch with me eventually.

Well, sometimes, other responsibilities pop up that make you forget about certain others. Plumbing issues, and lawn mowing, yard upkeep, and all that sort of thing. I just failed to keep up with my search for my Home Owners' Association. I do remember trying to contact the county about it, and looking through city info as well, and got nowhere. That was last November, I think.

So, I've never received a single piece of mail from this supposed "HOA", and suddenly, they decide they're going to just cut off my trash service?! Um, how about letting me know about that idea, bastards? So the trash people call me back and tell me about this decision, and I ask for the contact info for my HOA, since I have no fucking clue who they even are, and this chick tells me that she can't hand out their info. Come again? I can't have trash service because of these fucks, and you won't give me the info on how I can even get in touch with them??? WTF?? This lady is nice, though. She said she would be happy to contact them for me, and have them give me a call. I haven't heard from anyone yet, and it's been a half hour. Yeah, this is something I wanted to deal with this week. Great.

Happy fucking Monday. :P

Saturday, September 11, 2004

ABC is my new enemy...

I just finished writing notes to both ABC Sports, as well as KMBC (local ABC affiliate) to let them know how SHITTY I think it is that they switched to broadcasting a fucking Georgia Tech/Clemson game rather than to let us continue to watch USC trounce Colorado State into a fine paste.


Not only was my date a wash out (too tired. And understandably so...I'd explain, but no one cares except me and him, so moving on...), but now I don't even get to watch USC finish their game tonight? Bullshit, man!

Georgia Tech and Clemson aren't even within their local viewers' interests. I'm sure! I wonder how badly ratings went down at that point...How do I find out stats like that, I wonder?

Anyway, FYI, I survived the night last night. My dizziness is cleared up, and my bruise is getting better. Slowly but surely...I still wish I had been able to get out tonight, but life goes on. (I look adorable, btw. Curled my hair, and it's getting to a cool length where it just does exactly what I want it to when I curl it. much fun.)

But I'm really mad about this not being able to watch the USC game thing. In my note to KMBC, I told them that if anything similar happens during 'SC's game with Stanford in two weeks, I will be pulling together a protest, goddammit. I've never done anything like that before, but even if it's just me out there with a sign, it'll be worth it. Fucking ABC, deciding what kind of football I fucking want to watch...bastards.

I'd better go have another cigarette. I'm feeling kind of worked up about this, and it's been almost an hour since it happened...sheesh!

I'm alive...:)

Ok, the dizziness is gone, and the bruise definitely appears to be in it's middle stage. It's still very purple and painful in it's main part, but it's turning greenish around the outer edges. So it must be working on healing, I hope.

Did a good solid hour of yardwork today, sweat like a pig, and now I'm hanging out, doing little things here and there to get ready for my maybe-date tonight.

So, I survived! In case anyone wondered...

I love Saturdays. Especially during college football season. Gotta get back to the Notre Dame game now...(and finish my pedicure, of course.) Happy weekend!

Friday, September 10, 2004

Apparently, inspiration abounds...

Just finished catching up over at J1B. Poor thing. She seems to be going through some crappy shit. And I admire her so! I really hope things look up for her soon...

Her situation with the boy she likes reminded me of stuff I've been through. Stuff I think about daily, but doesn't nearly get to me like it used to. Unless I've been drinking. And am feeling a bit dizzy...

I moved to Kansas back in August of 1996, after I'd graduated from Pepperdine, and couldn't find a job for the life of me in LA. My sister lived here, and I'd visited her and my brother-in-law, and fell in love with the town. So I picked up and moved here.

I didn't have any friends outside of my bro and sis, and they were really ok with that, it seemed. My bro-in-law was the branch manager of a company here in town, and he hired me soon after I'd moved here. Well, as soon as he could really. It was December before I started working for his company.

Through that job, I met a cool chick who lived in the college town nearby (Lawrence...home to University of Kansas - a.k.a KU. Rockchalk, babay!!). We would go out on weekends, and go to lunch together/hang out around the office during the workweek. (We pretended we were a lesbian couple so as to deter the freakish IT guys that lived behind the glass wall we didn't dare pentrate...anyway...) One weekend, we wound up at an afterparty at an ex-boyfriend of her's house. I met a boy named Dan at that party that changed my life. It was January of 1997. We only dated for about a month and a half before he pulled the whole "let's be friends" thing, but we hung on and went in and out of a relationship for the next few months.

In June, we happened to be on again. I went out to Lawrence to hang out one Friday night (after spending some valuable happy hour time with my dear Old Best Friend), we danced to "Son of a Preacher Man", we said goodbye. It was 5 a.m. That next week, I called him on Wednesday. I was blowing up balloons for my bro-in-law's birthday, decorating his office at 11:45 p.m. Dan and I talked for about an hour, and then said our goodnights. Things seemed to be going well.

Thursday night, I decided it was a good night to head to Target to return the lawn chair I had purchased that had broken as soon as I sat down in it. (I only weighed about 140 then, so shut it!) The only Target in the KC metro back then was in Lawrence. I drove out, exchanged the chair (for one I still have incidentally...), and then stopped by the usual apartments to see who was home. Everyone was out at the bars, apparently. I drove home. I missed Dan, but I figured I'd see him the next night.

I went to bed that night hoping he would call. I was desperately in love with him. So cute! So perfect in every way...I so wanted him to just reach out to me...

I woke up at about 3 a.m. with the phone in my hand. Dan was asking me what was wrong. I realized he had called me, and I had answered the phone before I really woke up. I told him I didn't know what he meant. "The guys told me that there was an emergency, and I needed to call you. What's wrong?" he said. I told him I hadn't seen or spoken to anyone since the week before when we had last been together. He sighed. "Oh. Well...I'm sorry to have woken you," he said. I told him, "You know you can call me any time you need to. Are you ok?" I could hear his printer working in the background. He told me he was fine. I told him to call me Friday night, and he said he would.

I couldn't sleep after that. I wondered if I should go out there, or if I should try calling him back at least. For the first month of our relationship, he would call me at about 1 or 2 a.m. and ask me to drive out. I would do so, and we would sleep side by side until morning, when I had to get up and go to work. I hadn't done that in a few months, though. Was that what he wanted, I wondered? What was the emergency he was talking about? I think I drifted off again at about 4:30 a.m.

The next morning, I got ready for work as usual. I "listened" to the radio while I was in my bathroom, putting on makeup and doing my hair, etc... They spoke of another housefire that had happened overnight. Damn...there had been about 3 that week already! They gave the name of the person who was found inside, the address, and all the particulars they had on the fire. I was tuned out. Didn't even listen, really. Then I clicked the radio off, said goodbye to the cat, and went to work. I wanted to call Dan and make sure he was ok after the call from the night before...

I called him at about 8:30. He should be getting ready to go to class, I thought. (He was taking 2 summer school classes...he had some units to make up from his sophomore didn't go so well, due to his parents' divorce that happened...) His phone rang and rang and rang...suddenly, a man answered. I asked for Dan. "Dan Hamman?" He asked me. Yes, I told him. I thought that maybe the phone lines had been mixed up, and some business had suddenly been receiving Dan's calls. "May I ask who's calling?" he asked me. I told him I was a friend of Dan's, and I was trying to catch him before he went to class. "I'm afraid there was a fire in his apartment last night, ma'am..."

I was stunned. I heard the firechief tell me that Dan had been flown via helicopter to a nearby hospital, and I asked him if they knew anything about the fire, and he said they were still investigating, and then we said our goodbyes. (Oh, he asked me if he could talk to me later, as well. I gave him my work number, and told him he would likely find me at the hospital, too...)

Dan died at about 3:30 p.m. that day. I had spoken to him about 12 hours before, and had wondered what the hell it was all about. If anybody knows the feeling of true regret, you know what I still feel to this day, and will always feel for the rest of my life. He hadn't been burned...he was making hamburgers, and they lit on fire in his oven. He had removed the batteries from his fire detector because he needed them for an engineering project, his roommate (who was at his parents' home for the summer) later told me. (Dan was an engineering student at KU...very smart boy, too...except for the whole battery thing...dammit.) Someone walking by the building had noticed the smoke coming out of the roof...his brother lived in the apartment next to Dan's so he called him, and then he called 911. It was about 4:10 a.m. I ran into the guy that Friday night. (I was sitting on the steps next to Dan's car, and the guy asked me if I'd known him.) I thanked him for calling the authorities as he had. Dan might've had a chance if he hadn't been so long exposed to the smoke. But he had already pretty much died from the inhalation. The firemen had revived him enough so that they had a heartbeat when they transported him to the hospital, but the doctors told us that he would have had severe brain damage if he had survived at that point. His mother and I cried and cried together when we heard that. We knew in our hearts that he wasn't going to make it.

It's been 7 years now. I only have 3 pictures of Dan, and I still refer to him as "the dead boyfriend"...people hate that, for some reason. After he died, I didn't date for 4 years. Well, I went on two dates about 2 years after he died. They were within 2 weeks of each other. I consider it a fluke, really. Neither boy struck my fancy, and I went on for another 2 years without anyone in my life. (Hmmm...wonder if all those 2's mean anything? Um. Naw...pretty sure they don't actually...)

I think of Dan every day. I still talk to him regularly. For the first 5 years after he died, I wore a neclace I'd bought for him (which I stole back after the whole "let's be friends" thing, obviously) constantly. I still wear it when I travel, feeling like it's a bit of extra insurance that he's watching over me. I don't think he felt nearly the same as I did about him when he died. After all, he was a BOY!!! But I do feel like we have a connection. I was the last one he spoke to. I was his girlfriend, sort of. I think that, besides his family, I'm the only one of his friends that visits his gravesite annually. But I can't be sure of that. It just used to be that when I'd bring it up, everyone would always say, "Man, I've been meaning to get down there..." or, "Wow, can I go with you the next time you go?" but then they don't go with I just stopped bringing it up.

My mother died less than a year after Dan did. He died on June 27th, 1997. Mom passed on June 13th, 1998. So when I visit his grave, I dedicate it to the both of them...I visit in the middle of their "anniversaries", as best I can. Depends on weather. His grave is off of a gravel road in a rural area of Kansas...It's so weird that every time I go there, I cry like they died yesterday! But then I get up, and I wander around all the other old graves (the oldest person there is from the 1790's!), and I calm down, and realize I have to pee again, and I go home. And then I talk to them all the same just before I go to sleep. Mom has Dan with her...she promised me before she died that she would.

So that is what J1B got me to thinking about tonight. I know how crappy it is to worry about a loved one that is sick. I know how crappy it can be, and how alone you feel, even when surrounded by several people who know that person better than you, and they're all feeling the same thing. It's a unique relationship...the whole early-on-don't-know-what's-going-to-happen-yet thing...and no one else knows how you feel. So let it be.

Oh, and the "emergency" that Dan had referred to when he called me that night? His roommate told me that he liked to use that as an excuse to call girls he was dating, so that it didn't seem so weird for him to call out of the blue.

But I think it might've been more than that, really. It's my prerogative. And, he's never disputed it.

Having a Sheri flashback...

Earlier this week, Sheri blogged about being a hypochondriac (GOD I love it when I need to break out the dictionary! It... *sniffs*...smells sooooo good...Aaaahhhh. I needed that...), and now I feel like I'm following on her shirttails. Here's my problem: I wound up with a bruise that hurts like a mo, looks like hell, and came out of nowhere on the middle of my bicept earlier this week. Wednesday morning, I think it was. At first, I wondered if it was some sort of spider bite, although there wasn't any distinct puncture area, and it wasn't really swollen in any way. So I ruled that out. Now that it's had it's time to develop, it's clear that it's a mother of a bruise, although I maintain that I did nothing to cause the bruise to happen. So it freaks me out. Usually, unexplainable bruises maintain leg locales on my body. So I don't get it.

And now, since about 6 tonight (it's currently almost 9 my time) I've been really dizzy. Sometimes, I have to hold onto walls as I walk around, I'm so dizzy. (And I type this as I sit drinking my super-cheap Leinenkugel Berry Weiss, thankyouverymuch...)

What the hell is wrong with me? Suddenly, the bruise is inexplicably connected to my dizziness (in my dizzy and somewhat tipsy pea-sized brain, of course), and THEN I feel like my left arm (where the bruise is at) is suddenly feeling like it's going numb! AUGH!

Then I remember that it's also been bent to my ear while I chatted with the Twin for the past 40 minutes, and I stop dialing 911.

I think I'll wait until tomorrow to decide if impending death is knocking at my door. But if I die tonight, I leave everything I own to Mellow Kitty. Who is currently living in my treadmill room. Please make sure the coroner knows this so she doesn't have to live off of her own poop for the next week. Because even though I hate her, I still wouldn't wish that kind of life on her. Poor thing.

Ok...gonna go back to watching that new NBC show Medical Investiagtion now. I think I found my new Friday night addiction. Woo!

I'm bored...bored, bored, bored....

Ok, is anyone else grateful for the squeezy bottle of mayo that you can stand on it's head so that when you open it, it's all ready and waiting to squeeze out at your earliest command? AND they even thought of making the dispensing cap in a clever way, with a slit instead of a hole. So it comes out in a wide, flat stream of mayo, as opposed to one that you have to spread with a knife after it's come out of the bottle in a long, thin string.

Just a random side note, too: a few weeks ago, I was reading a comment on this post at Losing the Cow that kind of freaked me out. This woman said that she had suddenly thought to review the amounts of calories involved in the usual amount of margerine she was using regularly on her baked potatoes. And she was shocked to find out that there are 80 cals per TBS (which means tablespoon for you non-cooks out there), and she was using 8 at a time!!!

Um, whatthefuck?

Am I the only one that might wonder what drug this woman was on to not have known that using half a freaking tub of butter on her baked potato each time she ate one might not be helping her keep her weight down? (And 8 tablespoons of butter? How the hell did she even find the potato under all that stuff after she'd put it on there?) I'm not trying, by any means, to make fun of this. I was actually shocked when I first read her comment, and it's been haunting me ever since. Made me wonder, am I using the "right" amount of salad dressing on my salad? Or, am I using the "right" amount of mayo (from the amazing bottle) when I pull together some tuna on toast? This past weekend, I purchased some salami, because I had been craving it, and I didn't know if I was going to have guests over who might want something salty to munch on, and so I bought it when I was at the store. On Monday, halfway through the package of sliced salami goodness, I glanced at the nutritional info. 4 slices had about 260 cals and 15 grams of fat, I think it said. Or 24 grams of fat. I can't remember. I do remember thinking, "Holy shit!" and hoping I wouldn't have a craving like that again for a long time. 4 slices was not a lot. And I'd eaten a LOT of that salami at that point. Anyway, it happens to the best of us, this realization that we need to be aware of portions/calories/fat grams, because we have been ingesting far, far too much of some of the bad stuff for a while.

But her comment is still going to haunt me, I think. I mean, I'm grateful that I've never gotten to that point with my love for mayo, butter, or pesto, etc...(although I do have an unhealthy love for ranch dressing.) And I'm even more grateful that I'm non-dairy, because that shit is easy for me to overindulge in, lemme tell ya. But ever since then, I've been much more dilligent about checking to see that I am only using a tablespoon of dressing on my salads, or spreading my mayo a bit thinner than I used to. So the shock of the comment was worth it, fo sho...

Still bored out of my skull, people. Comment, and entertain me. Please.

You Bet Your ASS It Is!

My boss sent me a forward just now that seemed a fitting way to start my blogging day. He sent it because it said the words "Woo hoo!" in it, and that reminded him of me. But I liked it because of what it said. Read on, muthafuckas!

Today is International Very Good Looking Damn Smart Woman's Day, so please send this message to someone you think fits this description.

Motto to live by:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO - what a ride!"

HELL YEAH! I liked that. And tonight, I will be smoking and drinking, and enjoying the ride, my friends. Hope you'll do the same. (Even if you aren't a very good looking damn smart woman...)

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Mikey should like this...

I've been wondering when the normal Jeopardy programming would return, so I can watch to see when Ken Jennings might fall off his little Jeopardy throne. Here's the latest speculation...

I'm still recording/watching to make sure I don't miss the question he loses on! So exciting!!

Man. I make me sad.

Let's try this again, shall we?

Fucking blogspot has been acting up for two days in a row now. I'm getting real tired of it. Because I have funny stuff I'm thinking that I want to share with my friends, dammit! Bah!!!

So, yesterday, the second time I blogged, it somehow miraculously helped the original post I had blogged in the morning to come to life. So I'm hoping this will do that same trick today. Because my previous post was a good one, and I'd like some feedback on it. (It involves hurricanes and Jamaica...) And I can't pull it all out my ass again, because it came out perfect the first time, gosh darnit!

So here's to hoping this works! Fucking blogspot...

Da "Sping" is da ting!

I can't believe this hurricane season. I'm absolutely fascinated by it, really. (And I hope Sphinxy does ok through this next one, and am very glad to know that she and her loved ones did alright through Frances. I'm also glad she now knows what she can withstand, though, and will be leaving town if Ivan comes along at category 3 strength or higher...) I sincerely hope all the residents of Florida are spared any more washouts...they've been hit hard enough already, dammit. Mother Nature, leave them alone!!!

Looks like Ivan might just wash out Jamaica entirely. I mean, looking at that island next to the spinning graphics of the storm on the news made me cringe with sadness. It's like a second home to me. Hell, I consider myself to be part Jamaican, really. Although my coworker disagrees. Tell me what you think: See, the Twin and I were conceived in Jamaica. On the floor of the hotel room, apparently. (My dad hates that mom ever told us that story!) So it's not like I can say I've never really been to Jamaica, because, really, I have! Sure, it was in pre-embryonic form, but I was there, man. It should count for something, IMO...

Ok, I have to leave to grab some lunch, but hang in there Florida and Carribean folks! It'll be over soon, and we're all praying for you...

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Even the Internet is in a bad mood today...

I tried to post earlier, but it failed to work out. No biggy. Crappy post anyway, I'm sure. I'm in a pisser of a mood, so nothing happy is really coming out of my head, it seems.

I keep trying to post a comment over at Mikey's too, and it's not working. It was funny, too. Oh well.

The cat punctured my chest last night. Right on my collar bone, actually, and I wanted to kill her. But I didn't. She will be one lucky, lucky little feline to make it till next Tuesday while living under my roof, my friends. Not that I would ever do anything to her, really. But I want, how I want to. Whenever that feeling comes over me, though, I go outside for a minute, or for a drive, or I put her in "her" room, and close the door for a bit. I'm like Dr. Jekyle and Mr. Hyde in those moments, though. Take her attempt at puncturing my jugular, for example. It hurt...BAD. I screamed very loudly, started crying immediately, picked her up with one hand, and screamed at her about what a bitch she was for doing something so totally unnecessarilly cruel to me, and tossed her into her room and slammed the door. An hour later, I opened the door to her, and pet her, cooing at her about how sorry I was for getting so upset, but that she hurt me very badly, and I can't help but scream when that happens. Then I spoke to her in a soft voice about how we were going to find her the coolest home ever, where she would have another kitty to play with, and where people would be used to such antics as her's, and wouldn't react to them as I do. I hate myself around her. It's not a fun living situation at all.

And that's a little bit of my day. Not that the bastard internet is actually going to allow me to post this, really. But we'll see...