Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Hitting the proverbial wall.

I'm tired as hell all of a sudden. WTF? I went to bed really early last night, but have been having this problem with nightmares over the past few days or so. I had another one last night, and woke up totally freaked out. I could also see faces in my line of sight when I opened my eyes. I don't know how to describe it, but it's kind of like when you look at a bright light, and then close your eyes, and the spot of brightness stays with you? And then when you open your eyes, you can see a dark spot where the brightness was when you have your eyes shut...does anyone get what I'm saying? Well, anyway, I saw faces. They weren't nice, either. Some were cartoonish, and some were normal. None of them looked happy. I tried to close my eyes to make them go away, and they were there, too. So I thought of my happy place, and they finally disappeared. It was a bit disconcerting, to say the least.

Dave and I had a rocky weekend that finally seemed to get resolved yesterday. We had a few drinks, laughed a bit, talked some of our shit out, and then agreed to talk more later/at another time when we have the chance. I don't know what it is about him...I really think he has some major insecurity issues. But he agreed that he's nasty to me for no reason at all, and that he needs to stop doing that. I asked him if he wanted to be "with" me, and he said no, he doesn't think so. But we do like hanging out around each other, and I think we're both glad that we will be able to get past all the bullshit that's been going on, and finally just hang out as friends again. I don't know when we're going to talk, but I'd rather do it in a neutral place that doesn't involve the bar at the Moose, or the couch in his living room. I'm going to let him approach me about it, though.

One of our friends (the other Dave) has a new chick that he's seeing that everyone likes a lot. The only problem with their little fling/relationship is that Dave (not mine, but the other one...) is married and has a kid. He's been wanting to leave her for a long time, and so we're hoping this might be the catalyst that helps push him through that mess. But we're also afraid he's going to smother the new chick. They do spend an awful lot of time together, it seems. Anyway, she's super-cool, and she was there last week when the whole Boobs on a Stick thing happened. So she had a present for me on Saturday. A book called "He's Not That into You." Now, I'm not quite to the point where I can read it for it's comedic qualities, but I'm thinking I'll get there sometime this week. Right now, I'm still sort of in denial about the whole Dave thing. As sick as that may be, it's just the way it is. And every time I pick up the book to read a bit of it, I wind up throwing it across the room. It's a nice book. So I need to stop doing that...

I do love my friends right now...they've all been so supportive and helpful to me while I've been dealing with the bullshit. I think it'll be nice for all of us when Dave and I finally get past this back and forth crap. I know that I won't be going over to his house to hang out any more...I think that'll be my first step. Wish me luck with getting through it!

Ok, off to work I go. My desk is calling me, and I've already ignored it for a good 30 minutes now. Stuff to do, people to hate, and all that...:P


Anonymous said...

I think you knew early on that Dave wasn't "right" for you and I even think you knew he "wasn't that into you" like the book will explain. However you were having fun and enjoying your time with him. That makes our brains malfunction and we start telling ourself "hmm - maybe he does really like me in "that way".
Hopefully you'll be able to become friends. It'd be nice to have someone to hang out with from time to time until the one who really is "into you" comes along, I'm sure.
I think you're MUCH too good for Dave anyway. Not that he's a bad guy - you just deserve MUCH better!!
Good luck with things getting back to "normal".
And I wish the "one who's into you" comes your way VERY soon. You deserve such happiness girl!!

Faith said...

Ironically, I don't think it's a problem with him not liking me. I'm pretty sure that he does. But the problem is with him not liking himself. He's just clueless as to how to recognize a good thing when he's got it because he doesn't accept what he has to offer someone else that he might let in his life.

You'd just have to know him better, like I do. But no...I'm pretty sure about the fact that he likes me. No question to it, really.

Julie said...

I read that book, and I liked it. If I had to read it as I was coming down from someone, though, I can see why one could easily throw it across the room. Unfortunately, the book tries its best to debunk the things you are thinking right now (that he likes you but he's too insecure to be able to deal with it). Like I think the book uses that as one of its verbatim scenarios. So I can see how reading that would be upsetting.

There are a lot of people writing about the book on the blogosphere, however, who say the book is terrible because it promotes the idea that the woman needs to just wait around, engaging with no one, waiting to be selected by the guy that IS into you. So you can use that as your grounds to say "stupid book!"

FaithsTwin said...

Ok, now I must go find said book and look into why it is causing such a stir for myself.

Hopefully no one will be in my way while I am in Borders and throwing it across the self-help section to the travel section.

lyn said...

dude, i need to read that book.

anyways, i'm glad you're at this point with dave. he's a fucktard and you don't need it. i said that at the beginning, but you have to believe it for yourself in order to move on.....