Tuesday, January 18, 2005

I am the walking dead...

I don't think it's possible to be more tired as I am right now. Ok, fine...it's probably possible. But I'm just so tired, I don't want to think about the possibilities of people being more tired than I am at this moment. Cuz that's just sad.

So my nightmares that I had were creepy, but still very interesting. In the one (had on Sunday early morning...), it was as though I was Boone from the show "Lost", and for some reason, I had found a boat, and I was getting off the island. I remember thinking that it was a bad idea to leave, especially alone, but I/he did it anyway. (It was as though I was inside him, but I was still myself while inside his personality. So it was almost like there were two of us in there, but I was the only one aware of it.) We, of course, ran into rough weather right away, and the waves were monstrous. Suddenly, a great big sea monster (something akin to a large fish-man, with snarling teeth and very sharp claws at the end of it's webbed hands...it was green and scaly, too...) was visible amongst the swelling of the waves. Scared the shit out of us. So we started rowing/paddling/whatevering away from the damned thing. Then I realized that we weren't alone on the ocean, and noticed that there were lots of other people trying to escape from the sea monster guy thingy. Next thing I knew, I was in a car on the ocean with Boone. I was in the passenger seat, and there was a girl in the backseat. I looked back in time to notice that the sea monster was reaching for us, and it grabbed the girl in the back with one of it's claws. She screamed, and the monster told her that it was no use struggling. I was crying, and I heard the monster hit the girl to subdue her. He was sick, though...kept coughing and spitting up some mucous-type stuff. That's when I realized that the monster had split off into several different monsters, somewhat like in a body-snatching way. The monster that had hold of the girl in the back of the car I was in was actually still half man/half sea monster (and he was regular-person sized, and able to fit in the back of the car). I rationalized that this was why it was sick and spitting up stuff. He kept clawing at her, though, even though it seemed like the man that had been taken over by the monster was struggling with letting his body get taken over.

Then I woke up. I was terrified, and felt very scared and pissed that there was nothing I could do to help the girl. It took me a bit to wake up out of it. It's vivid details have stuck with me since I had the nightmare on Sunday morning, and thinking about it still scares me a bit. I think that the half man/half monster thing represents a couple of things in my life right now, namely the whole Fucktard/Dave situation, and my New Boss issues at work. I don't know who the chick was that the monster was beating up on, or why it took place in the setting it did, but I'm sure glad I haven't had a repeat of it since then.

Although last night's nightmare was a bit simpler in format (wolves chasing me and several other people...caught up with a bunch of them and tore them to bits, and all I had to defend myself was a large stick that meant nothing when I tried to wield it with my puny arms/power...), it was still just as disturbing. Especially because of the weird face thing that happened when I woke up after having it. I just did NOT sleep well after that. And now I'm grumpy and pissy because of it. Dammit...

Tonight, I'd better sleep. You hear that, body?? We're sleeping tonight! A good, normal, minimum of 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep so I can be happy with you again, and so I don't have to feel like kicking my own ass all day long, m-kay? Alrighty then...


Julie said...

One theory of dreams is that every single character is some aspect of ourselves. That is, YOU are every person in the dream. I don't know if I buy that, but I suspect you are both the girl in the front and the girl in the back. ("I don't know who the chick was that the monster was beating up on" -- it's you.)You are being hurt, damaged, scratched by a man (a man who once seemed nice but has been taken over by a monster, a man who wants to struggle with the monster within him but instead is merely made sick by the monster within him--all while continuing to hurt you). You can't quite connect with how much this hurts, so you are also the observer--the person who feels powerless to stop yourself from being hurt. You are impotent, scared, and pissed off that you can't stop this monster guy from hurting you.

Notice how much clawing there is in the dream. Didn't Dave get a manicure, and that was the event that precipitated the bad stuff? And him coughing up mucous-type stuff...ironic that when you had been feeling tender towards Dave, you were thinking about oral sex and swallowing.

Sounds like you are struggling with 1.) Dave's meanness towards you, and how you can't quite connect with how hurt you are by it but you know it's going to be PAINFUL when you do finally connect with it, 2.) impotence and rage that you can't stop him from hurting you, 3.) your own understanding of whether he is a bad, hurtful person (a monster) or a good person that is sick with his own dysfunctional psychology (possessed by the spirit of a monster, with which he battles), causing him to act like a monster.

I wonder what the driver represents? What were your feelings about him?

Just my $.02. I kinda dig dream analysis, but feel free to tell me to stop!

Faith said...

Hm...that is a really interesting perspective on it. I mean, I had placed Dave in the spot of the monster, what with the whole half human/half monster part of it and all, but your analysis was so interesting beyond what I'd gone over in my head about it!

The driver remained as Boone from "Lost" throughout the dream. While the girl was being attacked, he kept driving the car through the waves (because we were still on the ocean at that point), and was yelling for the monster that was attacking the girl to stop, but he couldn't do anything but continue to drive the car. I seemed sort of detatched from him at that point, whereas earlier in the dream, I'd felt like I was "riding" along with him within his body, you know? Once we were in the car, it was like I was an entirely different person, and that I was myself, but that all I could do was observe the horror of it all.

Thanks Julie. Very helpful indeed.

Anonymous said...

all i have to say is boone from lost is one helluva hot stud, but i'd pick sawyer over him any day. i love bad boys =)

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