Ok, this is a TMI post. Just to warn you.
I need some helpful advice from all my girls out there. Here's the deal: I'm afraid to swallow. Not so much afraid, really...but just concerned about it, for some reason. Maybe a little background info will help...
Ok, I didn't have sex for the first time until I was 18 years old. And even then, it was not the right time or the right guy or the right anything. So I didn't wind up liking sex all that much until I met my favorite boyfriend my sophomore year in college. With him, it was natural and fun and easy. And life was good again. He was the first person I felt comfy enough to go down on. And it was a good time for both of us. I realized that while beejers can be a little bit of work (as Samantha from Sex & the City says, "They call them 'jobs' for a reason..."), I actually liked doing them, which was a nice surprise to me.
Ok, most guys up until this point in my life have not minded the fact that I don't swallow. I've never tried, and it's really never been an issue with them, happily. (Here's the really, really TMI part...) We either finish up with sex, or I give a boob job (because dammit, the girls are very good for that sort of thing, IMO) and they finish up on my chest or belly, or they finish on themselves. And I always offer to clean up. Because I'm cool like that.
But I want to be more cool, dammit! I want to swallow! I do. But I'm freaked out by it, for some reason. At this point, Dave seems to be a little bothered by the fact that he's given so much to me (because he likes it, apparently...go me!) and gotten pretty much nothing but some half-assed hand jobs from me in return, and I sincerely don't blame him. In my defense...no. Really, I have no defense. I want to have sex with him, he keeps saying that we will soon, but we haven't yet (this past weekend was a bad weekend for me, what with my being in a girlie way and all...), and to be quite honest, I find beejers to be a bit more intimate than sex, even. Most guys don't get that. I don't really, either, but it's the way I am. But I really want to please him in return. So I'm struggling with this at this point.
I also have a subconscious fear that I'm not good at giving them. I've never had any complaints, but for some reason (I think because of the fact that I've never stepped up to the swallowing plate) I think I'm not good at it.
So tell me I have nothing to worry about, will you girls! Tell me to just get over myself already, and take the plunge so I can make my man as happy as he makes me every time I see him! (Yes, you heard me right. Every. Time. He is a good man, my friends...this morning, had I not needed to get up and head to work, I would've shown him my appreciation, I'm sure. But time didn't allow for more than my turn. And the funny thing is that he keeps saying that he's not going to do it any more...but he just keeps on doing it! I really, really want to fix this problem, if I can...)
Any advice for me?