Friday, February 25, 2005

I'm SOOOO going to hell!

So this guy wrote me through Yahoo Personals the other day. Calls himself an attractive Christian something or other, but I let that slide. He is very cute, and he's moving to Kansas City from Hew Hampshire soon, it seems, so I thought that maybe I could be someone to show him around town when he gets know, go have a couple of meals, get some drinks here or there. Just regular welcome-wagon type of bullshit. I'm pretty good at it, as I have been exposed to just about every part of town in this city, and feel comfortable getting around it all, and know where some cool hang-outs are, blah, blah...

So I write him a note that just says a basic, "So you're moving to KC? Are you originally from here, or is this a first-time-living-here thing?"

He writes back that he found Jesus here in 2000, and will be moving back to serve at the church where he originally found Him. He's looking to move in a new direction career-wise, and thinks this will be a good step. He's also hoping to find someone special that he can share this journey with! [That's his exclamation point, btw...not mine.]

Well, what else can I say to that? I'm a smart-ass, and I'm in a semi-pissy mood this morning (early stage of PMS. Dammit...), so I write him back the following: "You mean Jesus is here? IN Kansas City? Ok, does the media know about this? Because if he's been here since 2000, he's been hiding himself really well. I mean, this is HUGE news..."

Then I told him I was sorry, but I couldn't resist being a smart-ass, and explained how I was a faithful Christian in that I believe in Christ, and love our Lord, etc...but that I'm a non-practicing Catholic, and I love cussing, swilling beer, and am basically the type of person that he would be looking to "save", I would imagine. And I'm not down with that.

So I wished him luck, and told him I hope he finds a girl that has the same kind of faith that he has somewhere along the line, and told him that I hope he has a great time when he gets back here to KC, since it's such a wonderful city to live in.

I think I need to just let the internet dating thing go for a while. Let's see...there's the Christ-lover, and then there's the guy who has this strangely intense look on his face with a title to his profile that says, "Would you trust THIS guy?" that keeps writing to me (I finally wrote him back and tried to politely suggest that his photo scares the SHIT out of me, and while he seems like a really attractive guy, if he has one where he's smiling, it'd be lovely to see...I mean, he looks like a serial rapist, or something! GAH!), and then there's the "eccentric artist" that wrote me back an e-mail last night, in which it became painfully clear that he doesn't know how to type the English language at all, and his ability to spell the word "eccentric" might be a fluke...I'm just losing it. I'm not in the mood any more at all to try to find someone to date. So I'm just going to back off of it for a while.

On another note, The Apprentice is having an open "casting call" tomorrow here in KC. I know it seems insane, but I'm considering going. I've never seen someone who had a lengthy career as an admin assistant on that show, and while I'm not sure that I'd actually really want to run one of Trump's companies, or whatever, maybe it's just because I haven't ever considered that a position like that would be attainable for a girl like me.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that it really should be attainable. I'm educated, I've been through several different levels of the "executive world" at varying times in my life, and all of the executives that I've met at my company have told me that it's those of us in my position that "turn the wheels of this company every day". Goddammed straight, boys. If we were to all walk out for a week, they'd get a true taste of just how painful life can be, trying to remember all their policies and procedures, and having to pull together their reports all by their lonesome while they continued to try to do the jobs they need to do. HA! Man, it'd be great to see what would happen if we did that. Anyway, if I go to the "casting call" then I'd at least be able to tell my dad that I tried. He asked me once why I didn't go on the show. (Well, besides the fact that it's not just a free-will, "I think I'll go be on The Apprentice this season" type of dealio, Dad...) I told him that I wouldn't really want to run a company for Trump. But you know what? Maybe I do.

So that's me this morning. I'm feeling saucy, and I like it, dammit.


lyn said...

eeek. definitely time to lay off the personals.

and feeling saucy on a friday is a good thing.

i'm sure if you're out tonight and still feeling saucy, some guy is bound to like it too.

Ms. Pants said...

I wasn't aware Jesus was lost. You'd think the son of god would have GPS or some shit.

FaithsTwin said...

Jeezy Creezy. This is, in so many ways, just wrong. We were going to hell a long time ago for way too many other things. Maybe being honest with people like him is actually slowly helping you collect points for redemption towards a 4 night stay in heaven or something. You never know!

P. McB. said...

You know, I was just thinking to myself yesterday that the KC Metro area doesn't have enough Bible Thumpers.. wouldn't it be great if they could be imported from other parts of the country.

Yep, Hell is gonna be pretty crowded. But it will be all the fun people!

zagood said...

"Okay, coffee break's over, back to standing on your heads..."

Lyn's right, we can pick up on a girl's "saucy" aura.

Just make sure you don't get it confused with "soupy" because, well, that's just not attractive.


mikey said...

you should come here for tryouts... i think there's an open casting call here for "The Apprentice - Martha Stewart". seriously. you can have all the fun of the apprentice, with none of The Donald.

of course, you have to put up with The Martha.

there's also an open casting call (for families of 4) for The Amazing Race. do you & the twin have any other brothers/sisters?

FaithsTwin said...


at 31, the Twin and I are the babies. Our Brother just had his first kiddo last wednesday; our older sister is always busy all the time; our second oldest sister is in Texas and having serious personal problems right now.

The Amazing Race for us would be to get four of us together for more than 24 hours. And if longer than that it would be a miracle if we didn't kill each other- we have LOTSO love for one another, but we can't be around each other for too long or we get cranky.

I think Faith will do really well for an Apprentice stint!

Faith said...

Actually, I saw that Martha Stewart apprentice thingy yesterday when I was printing out the shit for the other one. And I thought it'd be fun, as long as she doesn't mind that instead of crafts, I'd like to drink a few Bud Lights, and instead of growing plants, I'd like to figure out the best soil for putting out my cigarettes in. (I need to find one that absorbs the stale ciggy smell...)

And what would be her tag line rather than, "You're fired!" I thought she might say, "You're not a good thing." Heh. :)

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