Monday, February 14, 2005

Pure torture.

Tonight is a night of self-restraint. I did go to the Moose, so that was my little reward before the evening really began, I suppose. I sat and had a couple of drinks with Dave and visited with one of my favorite bartenders. Watched a bit of the Syracuse game, and then headed out to load up the car with gas, and came home. Then I emptied the dishwasher, so I could load the crap in my sink into it before I made my dinner. Had a spaghetti and meatballs Lean Cuisine and some veggies, and then rested a bit, read the e-mails from my little pen-pals (damn those men...neither of them have called yet, and no hints at dates at. all. Which is total bunk, but whatev...), wrote back to one of them, and then went to get on the treadmill just as The Bachelorette began. Or should I just call it the "Jen Asks Jerry 'Why?' Over and Over Again Show." I couldn't stop yelling at that bitch to just shut it. GAH!

Somewhere in there, I got my clothes into the washer, which is nice, because now I have my favorite jeans clean to wear to work tomorrow.

But here's where the restraint comes in...I want to write back to Trey, but I'm not gonna. I wrote him a note the other night telling him that the ball is in his court, and his response was "Oh, so the ball's in my court huh? We'll have to see about that..." and then he mentioned that he was sorry that he'd been so busy. And that was that. So I could write back a witty and sexy little response, but I think I'll do the run away thing with him right now. Give it a couple of days, see if he calls/writes again, and then roll with that. I think he'll probably get in touch with me one way or another, but I'll let y'all know what happens.

The other thing I'm having to exercise a great deal of restraint on: Yesterday, I treated myself to both a #2 at McDonalds (which I haven't had in what seems like an eternity...) for lunch, with no cheese of course, as well as an Amy's Soy Cheese Pizza from Whole Foods for dinner. The pizza splits itself into 3 equal servings, and I ate all but 2 of the pieces. I was prepared to eat the whole thing (which I used to do every Sunday night when I lived in Boston), but got down to the last 2 slices and felt like I would get a tummy ache if I continued, so I stopped. So I have these two pieces of yummy pizza in my fridge, and I want them sooooooo bad!!! But I did NOT just work my ass off on that fucking treadmill only to burn calories that I don't need to eat. Uh-uh.

So I'm resisting. And it's killing me! I figured I'd come in and type this instead. Dammit, I had dinner, and it was a whole 240 calories. (I also had two beers earlier, so there were another 300 cals, I'm sure...) So I don't need anything else. I am hungry, though. Which sucks. Losing weight is always hard. I like to lose it, really, but the physical difficulties of getting to that point where I'm actually losing enough to motivate myself to keep up the work is a very hard time for me. (And I'm shutting off comments on this post, because this isn't a post where I'm looking for a bunch of "good job!" comments from people - eh-em, Mark - I'm needing something to do with my hands right now, before I finish watching the KU game, and can head in and read before I crash out for the night. Some people thrive on the "Go girl!" types of comments. I'm not one of them, kay? At least not tonight...)

Hopefully, tomorrow won't be such a difficult day for me. I have to go grocery shopping (yay! It's a payday!!!), and I'll come home and work out again. I keep feeling like I have something else going on tomorrow night, too, but I can't figure out what. Hm. Anyway, I'm keeping busy, and trying not to focus on the little, teeny, tiny restrictions I'm placing on myself.

Hopefully, it'll all pay off.