I just had to write a note to the guy I went out with on Saturday to let him know that (a) he's coming on too strong, and (b) I didn't feel a spark between us.
He called me TWICE yesterday! I mean, 24 hours hadn't even passed between the last time we saw each other and the time he called to wish me a happy Easter and to say "hey". And then he called again just before my bedtime. I didn't answer either time, because I wasn't in the mood to make small talk and to make a conversation happen. He's one of those guys that you have to talk to in order to keep things going. Madness!
So I feel kind of bad, but honesty is the best way to go. I turned my phone off tonight, because I don't want to hear it ring. I don't want to talk to Dickhead, I don't want to talk to the date from Saturday, and if the Twin were to call, she'd leave me a message, and she wouldn't be offended if I didn't call her back until tomorrow.
I'm just in a quiet, PMS-y, "me" time kind of a mood. I cut up veggies and I baked some turkey (I eat it for a snack every day) and I sat and watched the Bachelor (I know, I said I wouldn't, but it was incredibly different this time. Besides the women being idiots, and the bachelor being a big, dumb piece of putty for ABC to play with for the next 2 months...). I'm thinking about the possibility of a new job, and the fact that my friends near and far are going through difficult issues and having surgery and shit, and the whole why-do-bad-things-happen-to-good-people argument with God. I don't want to deal with anything else right now.
But my headache did go away finally. So that's nice.
I just wish I could know how it's all going to turn out. Will I be alone forever? Fine! Let me know about it now, though, so I can stop wasting people's time talking about dating, and going out on dates with them, and discussing the best way to meet new people. Or will I find that guy that makes my heart go pitter-patter, as I do his? Even if I know that it's going to happen when I'm fucking 65 years old, at least I'd know. The wondering and the dating and the moving from person to person is getting old and boring. And it's not supposed to be like that.
Wow. I'm awfully pessimistic in my PMS this month. Damn!