Monday, June 27, 2005

Heaven knows I'm miserable now...

Why can't I get through a single first date without the topic of me not wanting children being brought up? Huh? Why? GAH! I even saw it coming this time, and tried to steer away from it. But nothing doing. The boy wanted to know if I plan on not having children, and then he asked me what I'd do if I got pregnant. Nooo! Nooooo! I want you to kiss my face later! PLEASE don't ask me these questions!

Oh well. I got him sufficiently drunk enough so that he kissed my face anyway. :) (And I'm kidding, of course...he wanted to kiss my face even without the alcohol in him. Because I'm adorable as hell, I am.)

(Oh, and the answer to the question of what I would do if I got prego is answered thusly: (a) I'd freak the FUCK out. (b) I'd put out an add for a nanny, pronto. And (c) I'd freak out a bit more. I cannot give a child up for adoption, especially if the daddy would want it. And I'm against abortion for myself, so that's right out. I'm really hoping that God has been hearing my prayers all these years to just make me sterile, and give some deserving woman my reproductivity. The date laughed when I said that I'd hire a nanny. I wasn't trying to be funny. I cannot be a mom to a child. I can be a friend, and I can probably discipline a child well enough, I'd think. But I can't be a mom. Besides, the nanny thing was done for several centuries prior to now, and it worked just fine. All upper-middle class households had mommies that went and did their thing, and the children hung out with their nanny all day, and just visited mommy and daddy at certain times when they were allowed to do so. Somehow, the world continued to turn with that arrangement, so I'd figure that's what would work best for me, should I become inexplicably and irrevocably prego.)

The date went well, I'm happy to say. And he called me last night, which was nice. Especially because I was sitting next to Dave and his newest conquest at the bar when it happened, and I had been telling them both about my date the night before, and how well I thought it had gone. So it was nice that he called right then. They even congratulated me when I told them that it had been him, seeing it as a good sign that he had said he was going to call, and then he actually did call. (Because you all know how boys can be...and I hate it when someone says they'll call, and then they don't. Bugs the shit out of me...) He said he'd probably call me again tonight "to bug [me] some more."

(Psst...don't say anything, but I think he really likes my big boobies. Oh yeah...they've done their job this time. It's nice when the pain-in-the-ass-big-rack actually is seen as a positive quality now and then. Woo!)

I didn't sleep with him, though. I was good. I sent him home at about 3:30 a.m. I find that it works really well for me to be on my P when I have a first date with someone. Keeps me on the good girl side of things, fo sho.

I've been openly discussing the "dry-spell" issue with people lately, and found that it's a fun topic for most people to talk about. My longest dry-spell lasted a little over 4 years. When I was in my mid-20's. And that freaks some people out. Well, it doesn't really "freak them out", I guess, so much as it makes them go, "HUH? How did you do that? And why? And, oh my God, I just can't even process that information, it's so unbelievably ridiculous!" But it just happened. I mean, I had a boyfriend that died right in the middle of me falling in love with him, and that sucked. (Today is the anniversary of his death, by the way. Hello sweet Dan!) And then Mom got sick, and the next 10 months of watching her die pretty much did my heart in for a while. And then I got busy with work, and just didn't even think about men, really. Also, losing a boyfriend as suddenly as I did can really fuck with your brain. I used to stare out the window at my office, and wait to see him being dropped back down to earth, as I knew that God was aware He had made a mistake taking him from me when He did, and that He was going to give him back to me because I wanted it to happen just that much. Of course, he's never been dropped back down to earth, but that fantasy (which I've heard from other people is a quite common one...) didn't leave my head for a full 2 years after Dan died. It still creeps back into my brain every now and then, even.

Anyway, I had a long spell there because it just wasn't time for me to be out and dating and being with a boyfriend, it seems. Men that I meet cannot understand this length of time I went without sex. Dave said that his longest has been a few months, tops. His new chicky said her's was a year and a half. The cutie-patootie bartender at the Moose last night said that his max thus far has been maybe a month or a month and a half. Right now, I'm at 4 months, because it's been since Dickhead moved to Northern Cali, and left me without a fuck-buddy to call my own. I think the date I went out with on Saturday said that his was 2 years.

So I wanna hear about more dry-spells. Tell me if I'm the Queen of Dry-Spells, will ya? I mean, think about it: 4 looooonnng years without sex. In my mid-20's!! That's just fucking amazing, when you put your brain to it. What's the longest you've gone? I'll be checking back regularly for your comments! Right now, it's back to work I go...

8 comments:

lyn said...

dude, 4 years? no freaking way could i survive that. i think my longest was 6 months. by choice even. there are always boys to sleep with, but i am picky.

lyn said...

oh, and glad the date went well. keep us posted on if he calls. crossing my fingers for you.

FaithsTwin said...

You wished he would drop out of the sky? Dude, no wonder today is even harder for you. I'm sorry...you made me cry a little, too. :( I don't count how long it's ben since I've had sex. That's what happens when you let your ex fuck you here and there. Currently, it's been about 4 months for me. Hoepfully not too much longer with the date I have tomorrow and all...

Maine said...

When he asked what you'd do if you got pregnant, I think he wanted you to answer by saying, "Well, we don't have to worry about that until after breakfast tomorrow, now, do we?"

simplygreg said...

I was married for 12 years. Need I say more?

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sheri said...

The ex-hubs (of nine years) and I had virtually no physical contact for about three months 'til we finally separated, but the day I moved out we ended up doing it for three hours (which was about ... 2 hours and 40 minutes longer than most sessions had been in the eight years prior).
Three months.
Girl, I fully understand the reasons for the length of your longest dry spell. But I don't think I'd ever last that long!
Best of luck with the new dude =)

B. said...

My boyfriend went over five years in the middle of his twenties after his last girlfriend dumped him for her math professor. I guess it screwed with his head so much, he just didn't feel like getting involved with anyone. Until I came along, of course. Because I'm super fabulous, yo.