Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Stopping to smell the pavement

A strange phenomenon amongst the squirrel population has been occuring here in KC over the past month or so, as I've noticed. They seem to be resting or "playing dead" in the street for some reason, and I don't get it. A couple of weeks ago, I saw one lying in the road in front of me, so I turned a bit to avoid hitting it. (I really don't like the idea of having squirrel guts on my tires as I drive down the road...) But as I came up on the little sucker, it stood up, and ran off to the side of the road! Scared the daylights out of me! Are they playing a weird squirrely game of Russian Roulet? Are their lives just not interesting enough that they've decided to live a bit on the edge by lying in the street waiting for cars to come upon them before they scury away, rather than to keep on doing the normal dart-out-in-front-of-cars-to-cross-the-street thing that they usually do? Ironically, the darting-thing they usually do seems to have waned a bit as well. Today, I came across one that seemed to have started crossing the road quite a bit of time before I came upon it, and as I drove closer to it, it's like it snapped out of whatever random crossing-the-street-coma it had gone into, and finished it's trip across the street. It hadn't been lying down, though. It was just standing there when I saw it initially.

So I don't know if this is a country-wide phenomenon, or if it's just the KC squirrels that have lost their minds. Let me know if you've noticed an odd change in behavior amongst the squirrels in your neighborhood, will ya?

Along those same lines, what the FUCK is with the birds that fly right across in front of your car as you drive down the road? Do they not know they can fly higher than that, and pretty well avoid all large solid objects that travel down the road and can therefore slam into them, rendering them lifeless if they don't make it? I haven't hit one in a while, but they always scare me, and I really, really want them to stop it. It must be a game for them as well, is what I figure. And I know it might not be all that interesting to be a bird, or a squirrel for that matter...but this whole kamikazi attitude thing needs to be taken elsewhere. Because some of us humans feel bad when we've accidentally hit something we couldn't avoid. Dammit.

Did I leave the gas on?

Nuh..no! I'm a fucking squirrel!

14 comments:

FaithsTwin said...

http://www.scarysquirrel.org/skwerlsays/

FaithsTwin said...

Queens detectives are searching for a furry felon – a gray and tan squirrel who flew into the open sunroof of a car driven by a 26-year-old Queens woman on the Grand Central Parkway on Thursday, Sept. 21.

Police said the woman was traveling eastbound at about 2 p.m. near the 94th Street/LaGuardia Airport exit on the Grand Central Parkway when things got, well, squirrely. The furry felon flew into the car and plopped into the passenger seat, as the woman steered the 1999 Acura toward a shoulder in the road. As the terrified woman stopped the car and turned to exit, the squirrel looked around, sniffed, and grabbed a partially-eaten Pay Day candy bar the woman had placed on the passenger seat, then fled in an unknown direction.

The woman’s frantic call to 911 brought police and animal control officers to the scene, who searched the surrounding area for a trace of the squirrel.

Police recovered a piece of the candy wrapper, but found no trace of the woman’s uninvited passenger.

FaithsTwin said...

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_65609.html

I'm trying to find the story about the woman who died because a squirrel jumped into her sunroof as she got onto a freeway, which made her tweak her steering wheel and she turned herself into the path of an oncoming car which slammed into her and killed her.

Duncan said...

Yeah, it use to be that they would run out and read the brand of your tires, then run back. Now??? Killer squirrels?? ZOMBIE SQUIRRELS????

Faith said...

Thank goodness I tend to drive with my sunroof closed. (It messes with my hair when it's open all the way.) Because that story about a squirrel jumping into the woman's car and then finding a partially eaten Payday bar to munch on is very strange. In fact, it seems like the woman probably pulled herself over for a Payday break, and then decided to make up a ridiculous story about the squirrel after she littered when she'd finished her candy. I mean, would the cops really look around for the squirrel? Why? To ask it to pay her back for half of the candy bar? To give it a ticket for trespassing?

I'd be more likely to jerk the wheel. If you can find that story, send it to me, please...:)

Ahahahahaha!! Zombie squirrels! I swear that's what it seems to be coming to, Duncan. Honestly, they have no limits these days...

Peach said...

Perhaps Kentucky squirrels are plotting to take over the state? Maybe they are in the planning stages.

It could also be marijuana.

Faith said...

Oh..."KC" stands for "Kansas City". I think Kentucky is abbreviated with the letters KY, isn't it? :)

Anyway, the squirrels could very well be high. I hadn't thought of that. And it certainly would explain their stony behavior as of late. Hmmm...

Ms. Pants said...

Fucking NUTS! I loooooong for a grapefruit.

Faith said...

I was waiting for you to quote that part, Ms. Pants! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!

FaithsTwin said...

I can't find that other story they were talking about this morning- which bugs me to no end. Maybe the squirrels are like, "Fuck this; it's Kansas, I don't want to live anymore!" Then they decide it isn't worth it and take off again. =P

Pink Lemonade Diva said...

I once heard (read?) something about squirrels scampering like that b/c they respond to the reverberations of an approaching car, so in fact you're not supposed to slow down because they can't tell where the car is coming from. An urban legend perhaps, but I can't help but think of it when I see one of the things bearing down on me.

FaithsTwin said...

Sqirrel 1: Do you feel that?
Squirrel 2 *looking around*: yes, yes I do. What do you suppose it is?

*squirrels both lay heads on ground. One lays down to see if they can get better idea of vibration*

Squirrel 1: OMG! *jaunts away before car is even seen*

Squirrel 2: What? George? I can't tell. Where'd you go? Gosh the ground is so nice and cozy!

Julie said...

One of my cats has suddenly become incredibly squirrelly. Does that count?

It's like someone's feeding him crack on the sly. If someone's doling out free crack, they better give some to me, too!

Faith said...

They're apparently only doling out free crack to the rodents, birds, and felines. It's only a matter of time before they hit the dogs and then start moving their way up to larger animals, like bears and mountain lions. I think it'll take a while before they start to give it to the humans, though. Because whoever is doing it is clearly evil and fucked in the head.