Monday, August 08, 2005

By the way...

Can someone please help me to stop buying the 5 ears o' sweet corn when I'm at the supermarket? You know, the kind that are prepackaged, and shrink-wrapped while half-husked, so as to show off and tempt me with their yummy deliciousness as I walk by them in their little stand in the middle of the produce department? It's irrisistable to me, and I wind up buying them, cooking up enough corn to last me for 2 weeks, and then when I realize it's about to go bad, I start eating it in large quantities. Quantities that shouldn't be consumed all at once, according to my lower-intestine.

Yesterday, I ate a lot of random stuff. Some chips and salsa, a salad with yummy caesar dressing (Gerards...mmmm...), half of a baked potato with bbq sauce on it, some white cheddar Cheez-its (a.k.a. the most delicious spawn of Satan, ever...), a plum, and then decided at about 4 p.m. that a plate of corn sounded good. So I heated up about 3/4 of a cup of the corn I cooked up last week, and which was calling out to me to be eaten before it has a chance to go bad, and poured a little hot sauce on it (Crystal, in case anyone cares what my preference for hot sauce is...), and then ate it with a vengeance. I then proceded to go meet the boyfriend at the Moose, where I had the BEST bowling game ever, consumed a few beers, and then we went home to watch a movie before we hit the sack.

And then the corn came to visit. Well, really it had been warning me all night. I had a feeling it wasn't going to be happy. And it wasn't. What the FUCK was I thinking eating all that corn, and then not eating anything else for the rest of the night? Not only was I starving by the time I got out of the house this morning, but then I didn't think I'd even make it all the way to the office before my ass exploded in my car. Fortunately, I managed to get here without issue (elevators never seemed to go so slow before...it was excrutiating!), but I'll tell you what...I will NOT be eating corn again for a while. Or a caesar salad, for that matter. And the Cheez-its are almost gone, so once I polish them off, that'll be it for a while.

Damned delicious sweet corn.

3 comments:

Lushy said...

I used to work at a large office building that had one ladies room per floor. Every day, around 1:30, an attorney that worked in the office next to ours would go to the bathroom. It is fair to say that she had some digestive problems because she would grunt, moan and talk to herself as she did her business. I tried my best to never go in there when she was, but my bladder didn't always cooperate. One day, I was in there, peeing as fast as I could because she was two stalls over, when I heard her say to herself, "There. Finally. *sigh* CORN?!!!?? WHEN DID I EAT CORN?"

I will never eat corn again.

mikey said...

dude, that's hilarious!

so, level with us. did you look at your corn turds? did they look like brown ears of corn? tell us, woman!

Faith said...

It's been very yellow. Which could be the work of the white cheddar Cheez-its. Not really any way to tell. (Not that I really want to know.)

Things seem to be finally mellowing out today, and yes, I've seen a kernel here and there. I think I must've chewed it really well, or something. :)