Friday, August 19, 2005

My digestive system sucks.

** The following is a very random post. Just to warn you all...I just read through it before clicking the publish button, and I realized that I sound like I might be on crack. But I'm not. I swear...

If you could all do me a favor, and collectively think happy, solid thoughts about my digestive tract, I'd appreciate it greatly. I don't know what my issue is...maybe I have IBS or something, but lately, all of my shit has been liquified. All. of. it. Maybe I've been partying too much this week. I've been eating a really balanced diet, for the most part, so I just can't pin down what the fuck is going on. But, whatev. I'll survive. My stomach doesn't hurt, or anything, so at least it isn't that bad of a deal to have to work with. But it doesn't seem healthy to me at all, is the thing.

Soooo, I have a temp job that starts on Monday, which is nice. Money is a good thing. It's only $13.50 an hour, but it's also only for 4 - 6 weeks. And with no healthcare being taken out of the checks, and all that good stuff, really, it ought to bring in plenty o' cash to pay the bills. I have to teach myself MS Access over the next couple of days, though. I'm looking forward to learning it, really. There are sample databases that exist in Access on everyone's computer (if you have MS Office, that is), and I bought a Complete Idiot's Guide to MS Access 2000, which is helping me navigate the system and learn it a bit faster, so I'm on top of it. Should be an unusual temp job. One where they actually need me to do work, for chrissakes! Usually, I'm getting paid to sit, read, answer a phone that might ring every now and then, and make a copy here and there...simple shit. But this is in some financial department, and they need me to be "proficient" in both Excel and Access. So we'll see...could be quite a learning experience, I hope.

Oh, and I have a grasshopper invasion occurring in my home. I have had to escort a couple of them from my house today so far...one was little, and the other one was HUGE, and took a flying leap at my head as I went to leave a bit ago. I think it wanted to blind me so that it could easily confuse me, before dismembering me and eating me. It was a really big muthafucka! Scared the hell out of me...which was really a bad idea for it to do just before I ran an errand. Driving was involved, and integration with other Target shoppers was necessary. While I was there (at Target, I mean), I needed help finding the soda aisle. Just then, a worker came along and asked me if I needed help. I laughed (why? I don't know!), and told her no, I didn't need help. Um, yes I did! See, the grasshopper-flying-at-my-head thing really threw me off my game when it came to my errand. Stupid big-ass bug.

Ok, I must get back to my self-tutorial of MS Access. Woo! Oh, and don't forget to think nice thoughts about my bowel. We (being me and my bowel, because right now, I like to think of it as being a separate entity apart from my body, as it clearly needs some time to itself) sincerely appreciate it. Love yoouuu!

1 comment:

FaithsTwin said...

You know, when I come to comment the thing asks me to "Choose an identity." :/ Are they serious? 'Cause really all they are is fuckin' with me puttin' stuff like that there for me to ponder.