Friday, September 30, 2005

And I wasn't even drunk...

So. I did it again…made a HUGE mistake that made me look and feel like an idiot/asshole/fuckup/etc…I gossiped with some servers at the Moose with info that the boyfriend had shared with me last week, and it turned out that (a) it wasn’t true at. all. And (b) there was more to it than I knew which made it very CLEAR that it wasn’t true, and had I known the other half of the info, then I NEVER would have brought up the bit o’ gossip with the servers last night anyway, and dammit, why do I even SPEAK after leaving the safety of my empty house???

I’m supremely busy today at the temp job, as it’s their end of year fiscally, and they have tons of clean-up to do, loose ends to tie, etc…mostly just some data entry work (which, when I told them all that I LOVE data entry!, they laughed, and then I said, no, I really DO love data entry, and now they all probly think I’m more weird than they originally thought…), and then the normal other projects that I’ve been working on all week. But I did have time to have lunch with Alisha (my lunch was free, since this place kicks ASS at the end of their fiscal year, and they buy us all food in hopes that we’ll stay in the building and not wander far from our desks all day long…works for me!), and to get her advice on the whole gossip/me being a fuckup thing. I don’t know if I should try to make up for my nasty blunder with the person it effected, or what. Alisha said I should just let it go, and not bring it up again, and it will eventually all be forgotten. I don’t even want to go to the Moose tonight (or tomorrow…) for fear of stirring things up just with my presence again. (Not that I think I’m like “All Powerful Faith…FEAR ME – ARGH!!” or anything, but you know how drama can just rear it’s ugly head, especially for girls, even at the sight of certain people? Yeah…I’m afraid it might be like that. Who knows, though?) Anyway, I don’t know what’s going to happen, and I’m just a bit freaked out that someone WILL bring it up, and I’ll start crying, and BLEH! I hate being a girl sometimes. Especially when I do stupid shit.

Gonna crawl back into my hole now. Happy fucking Friday, everyone…:P

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Hope you enjoyed the gravy boat...

Every once in a while, I like to sit and fantasize about how I can get back at all the "friends" that I used to have here in KC that invited me to their weddings (including the showers, both wedding and baby in some cases), received gifts from me (usually money, contrary to what the title of this post might lead you to believe...I'd want money, so it's what I give to people when they get married), and then systematically shut me out of all of their lives after the last one got married a year ago.

Here's my plan: When I get married, I plan on "inviting" them to join in the festivities. I will send them all invitations to a black tie affair I plan to have, for which most of them will have to rent tuxes and buy new dresses, and then they will show up for a party that doesn't exist, as I will have given them a phony location in their invite for my wedding. I know that this would mean that I wouldn't receive any presents from them, but it'd be worth it. Especially as I will hire a photographer specifically to go to the fake location in order to photograph their confusion and pissiness at being invited to a non-existent party. Because they're all assholes.

Of course, this is just a random and weird fantasy that I have, and I would never do such a thing, even to people who I thought were my friends, and who have pretty much dropped me like a rock after I gave them all that they needed from our "friendship" it seems.

You know, I understand that things change, and people move on, but how tough is it to include me in an invite to the annual SuperBowl party (last year was the first time I didn't get invited in over 7 years...)? I wouldn't go, but still, invite me at least! Or to a birthday party every now and then? Or to a 4th of July celebration? I certainly hope that since they've run into me at the Moose a couple of times in the last 8 months or so that they will realize they need to stop going there if they plan on avoiding me for the rest of their lives.

I don't know why this is on my mind right now. It just is. I guess that group of friends that I'm bitter about had their time in my life, and it's all passed along on it's merry way nowadays. I have new friends now, and the old ones that matter are still very much in my life, as they should be. But still, I went to 6 weddings for that group of people over the past 7 years (4 weddings in the last 2 years alone...), and it just seems odd that it was soon after that last wedding (which I didn't even really feel I should have been invited to, really...) that I stopped hearing from everyone. Fuckers. Whatever...I hope their lives are going well, and that they still have as much fun together when they hang out as we always used to have. And I would never have a fake wedding location, really. Honest. Cross my heart.

(But it's a fun idea, no? I guess I can't say that I'm totally gonna rule it out...we'll have to see. I might not get married for a long, loooong time, in which case any one of them might find it super-odd to be invited at all, and probably wouldn't go anyway. But it would be fun...)

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Uh oh...

I just found out that I'm boyfriendless tonight after a 2 week streak of us being together every night.

*blink blink*

This is a weird feeling, for sure. I can guarantee that I will be talking to myself a lot, and running rampant with my t.v. watching. I will also be eating a BIG caesar salad, a good amount of the salsa that the boyfriend made for me yesterday when he was home, and peeing with the bathroom door open so I can see my t.v. in my treadmill room from my toilet. OOH! Walking on the treadmill! That's a definite as well.

Wow...didn't realize I had so many lofty goals for my "single" self. Damn...

What the hell?

I just finished eating lunch with Alisha, and as we were finishing up, I felt "the thing" growing on my lip. I get these little "things" every now and then, usually as a reaction to something I've eaten, or possibly even as a reaction to something my lip has come into contact with during the meal, like a plastic spoon, or possibly the plastic bottle of soda I'm sipping on. They sort of suck, because they hurt, and they're big and ugly, and I hate them. HATE! They sort of itch, too. So I came back to my office, where I am armed with Benadryl cream, concealer, and Advil, and took care of it until it decides it's ready to go 'way (which it usually does within an hour or so, I've noticed).

When I get these "things" when I'm out with people, I usually point them out right away, so as to help people avoid the having-to-pretend-not-to-see-it reaction. (Although, sometimes, it's kind of fun to fuck with people in that way...when the mood strikes.) Like with Alisha, I was all, "Man, I hate when this happens...I get a reaction to food, or something, and they look so cool." She suggested it might've been a reaction to MSG, not that I know that there was any MSG in the Chinese food I ate, but it's possible. I said that if that's the case, then at least I don't have severe reactions to it, like seizing, or what have you. I'd much rather take a little raised bump on my lip for an hour rather than passing out and biting my tongue.

But what I love is when I point the reaction out to people, and I KNOW it's extremely obvious that it's there and visible, and people are all, "Oh. I wouldn't have even noticed it if you hadn't pointed it out!"

I hate that bullshit! So don't do it, kay? Alisha did the right thing...she offered up a possible reason for the reaction. Nicely done. Pretending it isn't there isn't the answer. Maybe that's just me, though. Ok, gotta go pee and get back to work. Bah!

Is a temp job supposed to really be "work"?

Sorry for the lack of posts yesterday. Things have been busy.

Let's see...stuff that's bothering me today? - The radio in my office is a bit loud. It's on my coworker's desk, though, so I can't do anything about it. It does drown out the annoying-voice-girl that works directly across the hall from us, though, so I guess that's a good thing.
- Stayed up a bit too late last night. But that's ok, because I can go to bed early tonight, I think. 10 p.m. YES! That means that tomorrow I will be well-rested and pretty and loving the world again. Today, I want to love the Chinese food I plan on having for lunch, and then I will love the fact that ABC is showing the season premier episode of "Lost" tonight again before they show tonight's new episode, so my little blunder last week of recording 2 hours worth of the Weather Channel is a wash. Thank goodness.

(Ugh. Let me just say that I am soooo not in the mood for the funk they are playing on JACK right now. It's making me ill. Seriously.)

Lately, I've been discussing my priorities of things that make me happy with the boyfriend. He's bothered by the fact that I have certain shows that I watch, and doesn't understand my love for t.v. I've told him before about my fave things in this world. They are as follows: (1) Sleep. (2) Food. (3) T.V. He's not only bothered by my prioritization of t.v. (I've told him I would make a living watching t.v. if I could, but I don't know how...I don't think I'd be a very good critic. I cuss a LOT when I write. Which might not be that obvious from just reading this blog. I don't know...), but he's bothered by the fact that Sex With My Boyfriend isn't anywhere on the list, and he feels it should be, especially after we've been together for a couple of months. And he's right. Really, I need to reprioritize. So here's the new list: (1) Sleep. (2) Food. (3) Sex With My Boyfriend (when there isn't something really good on t.v., and I'm not too tired, and I've eaten a good dinner that was filling and delicious). There. That's better!

But I'll tell you what...maybe I will really adjust the list as soon as he stops behaving like a retarded hyena whenever we watch Chiefs games together. Hm. I need to discuss that with him when we have dinner tonight, I think. Because I don't know how else to get him to stop acting like he does when we're watching those games. Luckily, the next game is on when he's working, so hopefully, he'll keep his antics confined to the kitchen this Sunday. I swear, on Monday night, if the group of men in the bar weren't going to kick his ass for cheering for Denver, I was going to. So. Annoying. Boyfriends aren't supposed to annoy their girlfriends like that, are they? I don't like it at all...

I'd better get back focussed on work. We had a meeting yesterday, and they said they would need me here for at least another month, if not more. So that's nice. It's not stellar pay, but it is paying the bills right now, and that's helpful to me...I'd hate to have to dip into my savings any more than I already have. I just hate that I'll have to use my savings to pay my car payment to my dad in November. Back in May, I worked out a deal with him where I pay him every 6 months for the payment, rather than month to month, and in the mean time, I would put the amount I owe him into my savings account, so I can earn a little interest on it. I was able to put it away for June and July, but then I quit my old job, and I wasn't able to put any in for August or September thus far. There's enough in there to pay him the car payment I owe him in November, but I hate that I haven't added to it at all, like I needed to. Maybe I need to scrimp a bit on the next two checks so I can work that out...hmmm...I need to think about that. And, I totally didn't mean to go off on that tangent. Dammit, that's what I get for missing a day of posting. Sorry...

Monday, September 26, 2005

Grumpy is as grumpy does...

My thighs SUCK!!! Yardwork was thy foe, hamstrings-o'-mine! Why must you attack ME for something I didn't even do to you??? Argh!!

And to the little, weird, apparently invisible bugs that were on the patio at the Moose the other night after the USC game? Yeah, FUCK YOU! My feet are a miserable mess today, thankyouverymuchNOT! What the hell are you? And what did my feet do to you to make you so ANGRY at them? I was wearing cute shoes! So that couldn't have been what I was being punished for...Maybe you don't like the polish color I chose when I got my pedicure a couple of weeks ago? Regardless, you suck, and I hate you. My feet hate you. And even my left ankle hates you. A LOT!

I'm so glad to see that everyone that I know in the Houston area escaped the nasty weather of the weekend without too much trouble. Apparently, Louisiana just isn't the state to live in this year, which is too bad. Hopefully, the communities that have been hit hardest will be able to recover eventually, and return to normal. I remember how difficult it seemed like it would be to "return to normal" after the fire in Malibu in 1993. I remember sitting on my dad's couch watching the news coverage of the evacuation and the homes/businesses being destroyed, and seeing how hard they all had to work at saving as much of the community as possible, and not understanding why it was happening to us. I was so grateful to have a safe haven so nearby that I could run to...and I asked my dad if I should start looking at new colleges right away, or if I needed to wait until the following semester. Fortunately, my school was a central location for the firefighting efforts, and was kept safe and sound as possible. We also had the advantage of having a road that encircled the campus all the way round which kept all of our buildings separated naturally from the burning brush. In several parts of campus, the fire burned right up to that road before they got it out. We were very, very lucky. Fire is a different force than a hurricane, of course, especially the one in Malibu since it was arson and all, but I remember the feeling all too well...the being stuck in traffic trying to escape, watching the smoke and flames get closer behind me with every hour I was stuck on PCH. Wondering if I'd grabbed everything that I should have before I hopped into my Chevy Blazer to run away from campus. It was crazy, and I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone. Especially those folks that had to return to find nothing left of where they once lived. It's not fair, sometimes...

Good things to focus on today: boyfriend's friend's wife started working at the same place I'm temping at today, so we can hang out and have lunch together...yay! And the Chiefs play Denver tonight, and I can't wait to see them kick some Denver ASS!! And I don't have to do any yardwork of any kind at all today! And that is just such a lovely feeling...

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Busted it OUT!

I did loads of yardwork yesterday and worked out all my aggressions. Unfortunately, I also worked out my hamstrings, and they're screaming bloody murder at me today for it. No matter...I never did get around to mowing yesterday (the soil was a bit wet), and today it isn't raining, and things are a bit more dried out than they were yesterday, so I'm gonna head out there in a couple of minutes to get it all done finally. My neighbors all mowed, so I hate looking like the white trash shithead that doesn't care about how her house looks, or anything.

I spoke to the boyfriend about the sleeping on the couch thing. He just said he wanted to do it, and he didn't understand why it bothered me at all. I told him that when he's here, I like for him to sleep next to me in bed, is all. If he doesn't want to sleep with me, then he has an apartment he can go to in Westport. He said, "I'd been sleeping in the bed all week...I wanted a change." I told him I've been sleeping in the bed almost every night for a year and a half...never makes ME want to sleep on the couch every now and then, so I don't get that logic. He said, "It isn't a big deal..." And I replied that, to me, it is a big deal. It's not like I'm holding a gun to his head telling him he needs to sleep here every night, or hang out here all day on his days off. He's choosing to be here. And I'm actually fine with him sleeping on the couch, when I think about it. But it was the way he did it...the whole "I don't know" thing he was saying when I asked him if he was coming to bed. I didn't know if I'd done something to piss him off subconsciously, or what. So I'm glad we cleared it up, really. As I started to head back out to the yard when we were discussing it, I told him that I do have a very comfy couch, so I can understand the draw to it. And he replied, "I actually slept better last night than I do in bed..." I just looked at him, and said, "Great. That makes me feel tons better about all this..." I could hear him apologizing as I closed the door behind me. Sometimes, guys can be such dopes.

He slept in bed last night, dammit. And gave me some good lovin' to boot. Considering he had to be up very early today in order to work a double shift, I appreciated that and felt it was his way of saying he was sorry for the whole thing. I asked him this morning before he left if he needed any of the clothes that were on the bureau, and he was confused, and I just asked him if he was planning on coming back here tonight, and he said, "Of course!"

I'm getting more and more comfy with him being around much of the time, but I still am trying to figure out how we should give each other space we need while we're spending so much time in the same place. It helps that on my days off, he's working, and vice versa. I think that's what definitely keeps things going in their own mellow little way. I hung some of his clothes up in my closet yesterday...they were always draped over a chair in the living room, and I felt bad that they were all wrinkled because of it. But I was a bit freaked out about whether he would feel weird about that. It's only been a couple of months, you know? I'm sort of amazed at what this relationship has done to skew my perception of how swimmingly things can go when you seem to belong together.

Anyway, I need to get out and mow. Hopefully, everyone is having a relaxing, mow-free weekend thus far. Oh, and USC kicks ass...that is all.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

I don't get it...

My boyfriend slept on the couch last night. For apparently no reason whatsoever. I decided to head to bed at about midnight, and asked him if he was coming, and his response was, "I don't know." I didn't know what that meant, so I just asked him if he planned on watching more t.v., or what, and he again said he didn't know. So I chalked it up to him being super-tired, kissed him goodnight, and went to bed. I woke up again at about 2, and he was still on the couch, but the t.v. was off, so he was just sleeping out there. I went and asked him if he was coming into the bedroom, and he just said he didn't know again. It was so weird! So I went back to bed again, and woke up again at about 4:45. He was still on the couch, and he was fully clothed, and was even wearing his glasses. I went out and sat down. I couldn't go back to sleep. I asked him what was wrong, and he said nothing. I said, "You're sleeping on the couch...why? You even have your glasses on, still!" He said I was "blowing it out of proportion". I didn't understand what he meant by that, but I could read into the fact that he was bothered, so I went in and climbed into bed and read my book for about a half hour, and then went back to sleep.

I got up this morning at about 9, and decided to go run errands. He had woken up just before I left, and was just sitting there. So I asked him again if he was ok, and he said he was fine (even though he looked like hell...), and I said I was going to run some errands and asked him if he needed anything, and he said no. And then I told him the bedroom was all his if he wanted it, and he just shook his head. I asked him if he wanted me to take him back to his car, so he could just go home, and he looked confused about that and said no. And then I left. I just came back home, and he's back asleep on the couch, but this time, he's taken off his glasses, at least.

I don't know why this bothers me so much. But it's like he's playing a mind game with me, for some reason. He MUST know why he decided to sleep on the couch last night. So why does he keep saying he doesn't know? Does he dislike my bed, but he's afraid to tell me so? Did I smell funny last night? (I think I smell fine, but whatev...) I didn't do anything to piss him off, that I know, so that's not the problem. I just don't get it. And my mind hasn't let me drop it, yet. I'm waiting, though. I'd really just like to drop it, if I can.

I think I'll get dressed, and go do yard work. It's a bit stuffy outside, but the lawn needs to be mowed, dammit, and it's supposed to rain more tomorrow, so I best get to it today. I have no idea where I'm going to watch the USC game tonight (it's not being shown here, as they're playing Oregon, and so regionally, that doesn't work into our grid...and the Moose decided against getting College Game Day this year, so I won't be able to see any of the USC games that are blacked out regionally this season. Which bites the big one, but I digress...), so that's on my mind, too.

Man...and I was in such a good mood yesterday, and everything! I guess I jinxed it by saying anything. I knew it...

Friday, September 23, 2005

Just wondering out loud...

Where the hell did my Ocean Blue cd's go? I can't find them anywhere...

Hmm. Did I ever own any Ocean Blue cd's? That could be the problem, I s'pose.

Don't wanna jinx it...

I'm in the BEST mood this morning! I don't know why...I had time to pull together a cute outfit, get my ass to Einstein's for a bagel with hummus before I came in to work, and even though it's raining like a mo, and I had to put my trash out in during a nice downpour, I'm just feelin' good, for some reason. It's nice. :)

Ok, so the last time I went to Old Navy, I bought a few new pairs of jeans. I was down to just one pair that I would regularly wear out of my closet, so I figured it was time. I bought a couple of pairs that are size 16, and then I got one pair that was a size 18, just in case I wanted to wear jeans and be comfy on those days in the future that I might be really bloated, or whatever. They're comfy...a bit big in the belly and waist, but they serve their purpose. I've only worn them once before today, and I kind of noticed a problem with them then, but not too much. Today, I'm fully aware of it. See, the jeans are a bootcut, and apparently, as the size goes up in the waist, so does the cut for the boot. These things are just a little shy of being bell-bottoms, IMO. I don't have boots, so I'm just wearing my fave loafers (they have a little heel on them, and I love them so!) which work relatively well with my other bootcut jeans, usually. But these just seem a little bit too big. It's bothersome to me.

But, hell, I AM comfy. I had another one of my stomach aches yesterday, so I'm trying to give my belly a bit of leaway when it comes to the pressure I put on it today. Hopefully, it won't act up again. I hate those stomach aches.

Ok, gotta go...

Thursday, September 22, 2005

An Apple a day...

Last night, prior to the concert starting, boyfriend and I were chatting about lots of random shit. One of the things he brought up was the name "Apple" that Gwyn and Chris chose for their baby. And I had an epiphany. "I think they told everyone they named their baby Apple just to throw us all off track. I mean, think about it! You go to school with a kid named Apple, and you know that it's Gwyneth and Chris's kid, right? But if you go to school with an 'Abigale Martin', she's just another Abby on the list, yo. No one would know the truth! It's brilliance, is what it is."

Anyone agree with my theory? I mean, unless they have a rather unhealthy obsession with Mac computers, why would they seriously have named their kid "Apple"??? Has anyone ever heard the story behind their choice for the name? No, I didn't think so. So go ahead...disagree with my theory. But if you run into a tall, thin, beauty with a British accent and the last name of "Martin" in 20 years, you might just ask her what her parents do for a living...

Um, can you come in on a Friday next time, maybe?

Saw Coldplay last night at Sandstone (a.k.a. "Verizon Wireless Aphitheater", a.k.a. "The Worst Place to Buy a Beer Right Before the Main Act Goes Onstage EVER!"), and had a blast. They really are wonderful in concert. Chris Martin was all over the place compared to the last time I saw them 3 years ago. He even ran onto a platform in the audience during one of the songs they played in their encore, which was lots o' fun to see. It was a great night. (BTW Twin, got the messages, thanks for keeping me in the loop, and I'll call you later today to phone didn't work at the "Amphitheater", and in fact it felt like it was going to light on fire at one point, so I just turned it off...glad to hear the news.)

Super-tired today, though, and cannot WAIT for the weekend! I'm even staying home from the Moose tonight, which is almost unheard of for me. I always go in for at least one beer on $1.50 Thursdays. But tonight, I really want to go home, make the Chinese Chicken Salad I've been craving all week, and call Time Warner to see if we can get my home e-mail all straightened out. (Since we installed the new computer, I haven't been able to "find" it.) And then I'll probably go to bed early. God, that'll be great!

Oh, and my fave thing that happened last night? Yeah, I set up my VCR to record "Lost" and that new "Invasion" show, or whatever it's called, and then just before leaving, the boyfriend and I checked out the Weather Channel to see how cool it was going to be while we were at the concert. (Not very cool, FYI...balmy 77 degrees when we left at 11:45 p.m.) When we were going to sleep last night, it hit me: I had forgotten to change the channel on my cable box to ABC. So I recorded 2 hours of the Weather Channel last night while I was doubt, they did some interesting coverage of hurricanes and the like, BUT I WANTED TO WATCH "LOST" TONIGHT, DAMMIT!!

Sometimes, I'm just the perfect ninny.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Trying to change focus, here...

Relatives in Texas are planning to "ride out" the hurricane. Great. Good luck with that. I think it's a simply marvelous idea, really. (They're in Galveston. Yeah. Whatev.) My sister in Houston has had the invite extended, and she can drive to my house in the course of about 14 hours, I think. I've never done the drive, so I'm not sure, really. But it takes 8 hours to get here from Oklahoma City, so however much farther it is to Houston from Oklahoma City is how long it will take her. Maybe it'd take 16 hours all together? I don't know. But I've got space for her and the girls, and that's all that matters.

OK! So, my story about my car. Here we go...

So, over the past couple of weeks, I've been feeling a funny wobbly motion in my car. I felt like it was coming from the right side of the car, and it was bothering me a bit because I didn't know what caused it. It wasn't like I noticed it happening specifically after the last time I bumped into a curb (shut up) or something. So I decided it was time to call the dealership and find out what their advice would be.

Apparently, they hired Opie a couple of weeks ago, and he's the one that answers my call for help last week. I tell him that I'm not sure if the alignment is out of whack, or what, but that my car feels wobbly, and I'd like someone to take a look at it. The thing is, I don't have a lot of cash right now, and I know that tires are the one thing that aren't covered under my warranty, so I need to make sure they don't do anything to my car at all without checking with me first. He understands, he says. I also tell him that the tint from my back window is still peeling off in the upper corners, and no one has ever gotten back to me about that, which they were supposed to do quite some time ago. Ok, he says, he'll look into that too. I make an appointment to go in on Saturday last week, and we're done with the convo, IMO.

Opie called me back about 15 minutes later, and tells me that they don't put tint on the windows in their facility, and he's got the name of a shop for me. Um, nooooo, Opie, I just told you that the tint was NOT supposed to peel off, and that this is something that should be covered by the warranty, and someone was looking into finding out where the job was originally done, because we apparently need to take it back there again. Oh...ok, Opie says. He understands now. He went on to explain that the alignment job wasn't covered by my warranty either, and it's going to cost...

Whoa, Op! I didn't say I wanted to have an alignment performed on my car! I said that I can't afford to have something done, and what I need to do is figure out why my car is wobbly, and THEN find out if the fix that needs to be done is covered under warranty. Jeez! Ok, ok, Opie says. He understands. The appointment stands for Saturday, and I decided I'll just follow up on the tint thing this next week, since the chick that needs to help me is out last week for vacation.

So on Saturday, I roll out of bed, a bit worse for the wear since the boyfriend decided to express his love and admiration for me until 3:30 a.m. the night before (which was lovely of course, but a bit ill timed, is all), and head up to the dealership for a perfect on-time arrival of 9:30 a.m. I'm the only customer there when I arrive, although another gentleman did come in soon after and sat down near where I was sitting to wait for me to finish up. The service guy that's there on Saturday, named Chris Smith, was moving about, and apparently my friend Opie is his assistant for the day. So Chris asks what's going on with my car, and Opie explains what I told him about the wobbly feeling on the right side of the car. Chris laughs and shakes his head, in what I would constitute as disbelief that he had to deal with a woman saying she felt something "wobbly" happening to her car. And then he heads out the door to check out my car.

I sat there, and turned around to look at the man that was waiting patiently behind me and asked him, "Did he just laugh at me?" The guy says yes, he did. And then he said, "He must need a vacation or something." I'm PISSED, but I hold it together and keep my cool. I don't know why, but I did.

Chris Smith comes back in the door, and says, "Let's go for a ride." He doesn't ask me any questions about how long the wobbliness has been happening, or when I feel it, or anything, but I think it's a good idea for him to drive it and get an idea of what I'm talking about, so I head out the door with him.

He proceeds to drive the car onto the highway, which isn't going to help at all, since I rarely get on the highway, and I don't feel the wobbly at high speeds, but rather at very low speeds, such as the speed I drive through the parking garage I park in at work. That's when the feeling is most prominent, and in fact, it's where I first noticed the weird feeling in the first place. I can also feel it while turning as well, so Chris gets off the freeway and heads into a parking lot to drive in circles.

All this time, I'm telling Chris that I just want to be sure my car is ok, and that I'm not making a little problem worse by driving it without getting it checked, etc, etc...I said I've been driving this car for 3 years, and little problems are rather noticeable to me. Chris counters with the fact that he feels nothing wrong, compliments me on how nice my car is, in fact, and then says he's been in the service department for 7 and a half years, and has been driving the cars for that long as well, and he knows when something is wrong with them. And there's nothing wrong with my car. He also had the nerve to ask me, "Do you happen to feel this 'wobbly' feeling when you're going over bumps?"

At this point, I just want Mr. Smith the FUCK out of my car, and plan on dealing with his condescending, holier-than-thou attitude by calling his boss on Monday. Which I did. The boss apologized for the way Chris Smith dealt with my issue, and said he was going to be speaking to him about it. We arranged for me to bring in my car in last night for the lead maintenance tech to drive in with me, and to pop up on a jack to check the undercarriage for issues. Conclusion to the whole thing?

- My left front wheel rim is bent, and needs to be straightened. (Probly happened when I went over a pothole, which KC happens to be infamous for, was on the inside of my wheel, and couldn't have been caused by a little bump on a curb.)
- My rear tires need to be replaced, and my car should probably get an alignment performed on it, if I can afford to do so.
- Chris Smith no longer works for Baron BMW.
- The service department manager is straightening the wheel for free, in hopes to restore my faith in their service department. (He restored my faith when he told me that Chris no longer worked there, but I was happy to hear I wouldn't have to spend the $75 to have the wheel straightened, too.)

What the HELL is with men that think women don't have any brain when it comes to cars? Sure, I can't pop the hood to my little 325 Ci and change the oil or perform a transmission check on it, or whatever. But I've been driving the car for 3 fucking years!!! To think that I can't feel when something is wrong with it is treating me with disrespect. And to laugh at me in my face because of my description of a problem my car is exhibiting? Absolutely unacceptable.

So that's my story of woe from the last week in my life. My car is broken, and it's going to cost me a good $250 - $400 to fix it (I'm hoping I won't need the alignment performed after they put the new tires costs $170!), but it's still driveable, which is a good thing.

Fucking potholes.

Well, that's just dandy...

I was all set to post about my experience I've been having with my car and the dealership this week, but when I sat down and opened my e-mail at work this morning, the Twin had sent me a note to let me know that my uncle, my mom's little brother, is dying. Gaaahhhh. So sad to think about, really. He's never really been a huge part of our lives...I remember him being around a lot more when we were little than at any other time. In fact, the last few years (the last 15 years, really), when he's shown up, we usually groan a bit and wonder where he materialized from, and why he's there. We don't get it. Since mom passed 7 years ago, we haven't seen him much at all. But then again, I don't live at home any more, and it was dad that he used to call, randomly now and then, to see if he could stop by and hang out for a bit. I don't know when the last time was that he did that. I remember him stopping by after mom passed...he had a new girlfriend, and he just came by to watch a game and have some dinner, I think. I can't remember all that well, actually. He's just never been a big part of our family, is all.

Butch was different...he always smelled like beer. He had a deep voice, and an interesting laugh. Even though it's been years since I've seen him/heard him, I can remember it all very clearly right now. He never made me uncomfy, really, but he wasn't the most admirable character in my life, is the thing. He did drugs, he drank heavily, and he couldn't hold a relationship for anything. The longest relationship he was in was with Aunt Gayle. (And I'm not even sure they ever really got married, but it's what we called her/knew her as...) I remember visiting them and hanging out at their house in Whittier when I was younger. They had a dart board, and I threw a bullseye on it once. I liked Gayle...she was cool. They broke up many years ago, though, and he's been bouncing from woman to woman since then. But inevitably, when I've thought of Butch in the past, I have thought of him as being alone.

I've always been sort of the "loner" of my family as well. While I've never been pulled into that seemingly constant tailspin caused by making one poor decision after another, I can relate to the loner life that Butch must have led much of the time. His sisters lived far away from him, and his mom went from living with one sister to another after she became to old to live on her own. He didn't go to my grandmother's funeral last year. I'm not sure why.

They called my dad to let him know that my uncle was in the hospital, and he told the Twin about the condition he's in. The Twin said the following in her e-mail to me: "...Butch is in the hospital. He's dying. His kidneys have failed. He's on dialysis. The rest of his organs are shutting down...

Dad said Butch said he doesn't want anyone there, but he's dying and alone? How much does that suck? [Apparently, my aunts aren't going to go see him while he's still alive...Lord knows if they'll even go for a funeral...] When Dad asked him what caused this to happen [which is so like my dad!] Butch said, 'Vodka.'"

I'm fine with dying. I'm fine with dying young, even. I do NOT want to die old, alone, and friendless, with family members that don't even think I'm worth the time to fly in from wherever they live to pay their last respects and give me a proper goodbye. I asked the Twin to see if she can find an address that I can send a card to, so that Butch at least knows that his oldest sister's daughter thinks enough of him to pray for him and think of him during this painfully uncomfy time he's going through. He DOES have family...we all may not have been that close to him, but when they called my dad, he went to be with him and to find out what's up. Hopefully that says something to Butch about how we feel about him. I don't know. I can understand where my aunts are coming from, sort of. But hell, one of them lives in Galveston and needs to evacuate due to the impending hurricane, anyway! Why not go to California to pay her last respects to her brother? Kind of bugs me a bit.

Anyway, it's a shitty morning. I feel real bad for Butch. More than I ever thought I would, really.

Reports are a-callin'. Later...

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Soooo many different levels of f-ed up.

This story has so many things wrong with it, I don't know where to begin. Let's see, maybe with the fact that a deputy for the Jackson County Sheriff was arrested after allegedly fleeing the scene of an accident, and THEN he refused to take a breathalyzer or field sobriety test? Or maybe the fact that he's been suspended from the force...WITH PAY!!

Or, is it that all of this happened near/on a street in Independence, MO called "Crackerneck Road"?

I...I'm at a loss.

The Week of Very Little Sleep

I keep getting about 5 and a half - 6 hours of sleep per night lately. It's slowly killing me, even though the reasons I'm staying awake are totally worth it. But the first 2 hours at work after such a short amount of sleep are just murder, is all. Need. Diet. Coke.

Went out to a new place last night for $1 sushi with the boyfriend's friends. They discovered it last week, and we're thinking that we need to make it a regular thing. It was sooooo good. Before we went to meet them, though, boyfriend and I went to buy the computer. It went well, overall. Got a new monitor too, which really was a necessity. My old one was, well...old. It was not a happy monitor, so we picked up a 17" LCD is fucking beautiful, and I'm very happy. After dinner, we went over to see the new place that the boyfriend's friends moved into, and then they were sweet enough to come over to my house and hook up the new computer for us. Literally, his friend did all the work on the thing while we sat and watched. A present is in order. Or a dinner, or something. Because I would have had no idea how to do all the stuff that his friend did, which included moving my old hard drive over to a space in the new machine, and now I have all my photos and essays and resumes and everything else in the new computer because he kicks so much ass. I have yet to find my e-mail that was on my old machine, but I'll be calling my cable company for help with that later this week, and I'm sure everything will be fine. The boyfriend doesn't know what to do with the computer now...he was asking me what he should do with it when we went to bed last night, and I told him he can do anything he wants! Play games, write the next big best seller, look at porn, etc...He's just so silly. He said he bought it mostly because I needed a new one. He's right, I did. I asked him last night if he thinks at all about whether we're moving too fast...he was all, "Why? Does it bother you that we share a computer now?" I'm just overthinking things again, I told him. I keep trying to look at things just being day to day, but when your boyfriend buys a computer for himself, and he installs it at your house, and all, it can kind of set a girl back on her heels a bit.

Why am I freaked out about a relationship that's actually working out? I don't know. I'm an idiot, I guess.

Anyway, we have a beautiful new computer, I'm glad his friends moved to town and like to hang out as much as they do, and I'm tired. That's the gist of the morning, really. Gotta run...

Monday, September 19, 2005

By the way...

I'm getting SUPER excited about the Coldplay concert boyfriend and I are going to on Wednesday. It's been several years since I've seen them play, and I just loved that soooo much. I can't wait! :D

Also, did you all know that it's really expensive to go watch a football game? I think boyfriend said his parents can get tickets to the Notre Dame/USC game for us, but I thought I'd just check around online today, just in case, and the prices are astronomical! Even the tickets that his parents are getting will cost something like $58 a piece. WTF?? Why does it cost so much to watch a damn game? I don't get it...hopefully, his mother knows someone, and can get us a deal. We're gonna save a bit of cash by driving up there rather than flying, and we'll be staying at his parents' house, so that's free. But still, some of the cheap, really bad seats online were going for $105 a piece! Crazy...

Also, I broke my fast food "silence" today, and had McDonald's for lunch. It's been over 2 weeks since I've eaten fast food, so I feel kinda bad about it, but I just was craving it too much to ignore any more. So tomorrow starts day 1 of the next stretch without any fast food. Wish me luck! I'm pushing for 3 weeks this time. Eventually, I hope to break it down to the point where I only have it maybe once a month, or even less. My stomach is feeling much better since I've been watching my fat and red meat intake over the past 2 weeks, so it's motivation enough for me to want to watch what I do eat a bit closer than I used to. Getting old sucks...

Give me peace...please. Just...SHUSH!

My coworker that I share an office with didn't apparently speak to anyone for the entire weekend. She just keeps talking right now. I'm just so tired and....aauuUUGHHHHHH!!!!!

Watched the Chiefs game last night. Stayed up too late after that talking to the boyfriend who was talking to his parents about going to the USC vs Notre Dame game on 10/15. Yep, we're planning on going. Which means I'll be meeting his family.

(She just keeps talking. I thought it was going to stop a second ago, but no...she just started up again. Anyone interested in hearing about her car search that she's currently doing? No? ME EITHER!!!)

Anyway, I'm excited, but sort of freaked out. Should be interesting. He wants me to go on their family trip to Hawaii in 2007, too. I told him that if we are still together, and his mother doesn't mind me joining them, then I'd love to go. I haven't been to Hawaii since I was 8, or so. The boyfriend was born there, but lived in South Bend for most of his life, and I don't think he's been back there since they moved from there when he was little. We talked about a LOT of stuff on Friday night, actually. The painkillers he was given for his tooth problem apparently give him insomnia and make him very, VERY chatty. He talked to me until 3:30 a.m. about how much he cares about me, and how happy he is to have found such a wonderful person like me...he is convinced that I'm a good person, and he just loves that about me. (Mwahahahahaha!! I fooled him, dammit! Just kidding...I am a good person, which I know most readers might not believe due to the fun nicknames I've made up for past boyfriends on this blog, as well as my little tirades about stupid drivers, and the like...but I really am a good person. As long as you don't treat me like shit, and you don't drive like an asshat in front of me, all is well in my world.)

I'm still trying to just take it all day by day, and deal with things as they come. We're going to go buy him a new computer tonight. We're going to keep it at my house, though. Seeing as he's there a majority of the time, it makes the most sense. And then when I can afford my own new computer, I'll get one, and he'll take his home. That's the plan for now, anyway. I'm actually thinking that when his lease is up at his apartment, he'll just be moving in with me. But again, day to day, not trying to get tied up in shit like that at this point. We'll just have to see how things go over the next few months or so.

Ok, I have 3 days worth of reports to do, so I'd better get with that now. Thanks for all the career advice y'all offered last week. I think Julie's suggestion was a great idea, so I'll be keeping that in mind when looking for future positions. I had lunch with my old boss on Friday (not the old boss that was a jerk, but rather the one that had been fired just before I quit), and he's going to be hunkering down and looking for a job someplace soon, too, so I asked him to keep me in mind for wherever he goes as well. I wouldn't mind being an admin again if I got to work with him. I don't's another wait-and-see sort of situation in my life, it seems. I've got a lot of those going right now. Which is just so damned exciting, I could cry. :P

Friday, September 16, 2005


I hate that I don't know where I'm going, careerwise. I hate the open-endedness of it all, and it's eating away at me every day. I do this sort of thing every now and then, though. Several years ago, after my job ended at the company I'd been at for 3 years, I decided that I needed out of the corporate world for a while, anyway, and signed on as a waitress at my fave restaurant in San Juan Capo for a bit. My plan was to go back to school for music in Boston, so I applied to Berklee College of Music, and then settled in for a bit as a waitress until I could move there and begin my new life.

Yeah right.

The waitressing only took about 4 months to get really old. I was 26, and the majority of the other "team" members I worked with were 16 - 19. Their immaturity ate away at me daily, and their lack of motivation to actually behave appropriately towards me as an adult bugged the shit out of me. I know, I know, I'm a bitch...this is not news to me. We got along for the most part, really. But I was the early shift waitress, which meant I was supposed to get off at about 1:30 or 2 every day, and that's not the best time to be doing sidework in the back of the house, it turns out. It tends that lunch rushes are just ending then, and that was right when a new shift of servers would be starting their afternoon/evening shifts. So my sidework that should only take about 40 minutes to do might take me an hour or even almost an hour and a half. And the kids LOVED to make fun of me for this fact. Of course, they'd make fun while they used the dressing I'd just filled up, and while they were standing in front of the cooler I needed to clean out before leaving, but apparently, I was too slow, and that was the problem...not the fact that they were in my way and/or using the items I'd just filled to the extent that I would need to fill them again before I left. It sucked. So I moved on much faster from that lifestyle than I'd expected to.

Music school didn't work out as I'd wanted, either. They wanted me to write a lot more than I was wanting to do, as I don't enjoy writing music all that much. I don't really play an instrument, although I had to learn the basics of piano in order to complete most assignments while I was there, and that bugged me, too. One of my classes - a staple course - was impossible for me to get a grasp on, and this left me feeling a bit disappointed in myself much of the time. I had to drop it, eventually, as I was warned by the teacher about halfway through the semester that I was going to fail, and it might be best to try again next semester. Yeah, I'll pass, thanks. I wasn't looking to get a degree, so it wasn't going to hurt me to not have that class in my schedule. BUt it really hurt that I couldn't get past that basic course. It was a theory course, though, and I've never been good with music theory, really. I wound up doing better than expected in my harmony class, which kind of balanced out my disappointed feelings in myself. And in my technician class, which was one of the bigger classes I had, the teacher once advised another student that was mocking a question I'd asked during a test (we were allowed to ask 5 questions regarding the test material during the actual was really cool) that I was probably the smartest student in the class, so he should probably shut up and listen to me, and that's gonna stick with me forever, I think. I don't know if the teacher thought I was someone else, or if I was actually one of the smartest in his class (I did get an A), but it shut the guy up, and I only missed 4 of the questions on that exam out of 150. Not too shabby. :)

Anyway, after that all ended, I moved back to Kansas City, and worked my way back into the comfy world of admin assisting. But I realize now that I'm completely dissatisfied with the world of admin assisting. I hate it, in fact. I want to be in charge...I want to have the opportunity to move forward, and up, and into new places in the career I choose. I want to make money. GOOD money, and being an admin isn't going to get me that. Ever. We are consistently the people that support and make every living, breathing team of executives or managers or just a group of people that are working toward a common goal get what they need in order to get things done. Yet we are consistently the ones that are overlooked when it comes to being paid appropriately for what we do. Sure, we may just be answering the phones, making copies, and shipping stuff, but how much shit would you get done, Mr. Manager, if you had to do all that yourself? What about those of us that are actually doing oh, soooo much more than just average admin duties, and yet we are still overlooked when it comes to appropriate compensation? I've dealt with it too much, and I'm done.

But now what? Yes, I'm still working on the voice over thing...that's what I plan on focussing on after this current temp job I'm at ends. Which should be in a week or two. I really want to make that work for me...but it might not happen right away. Can I settle into a life of mediocre income and no health insurance for a while as I try to get my foot in the door in a very difficult-to-break-into industry? Will it take off faster than I expect it to? (According to my horoscopes this past week, it should do just that, but one can't really rely on such nonsense, can one? Not in my book, no...) What's going to happen to me?

I hate this feeling. I hate being up in the air, floating about as though I haven't a care in the world, when I DO have cares. My car is doing a funky thing that might not be covered by the warranty, and I can't afford $100/hour for servicing. My stomach is settling down a bit, it's true, but there's definitely something wrong in there, and I don't have the ability to go visit a doctor right now to find out what it might be. I really need a new computer at home. The printer I bought a few weeks ago is just sitting there, not hooked up, because my ancient motherboard can't handle the load it adds to the machine when I install it. And let's not even discuss how lucky I am that my monitor hasn't totally conked out on me yet, ok? Oh, and visiting home or Vegas or wherever for the holidays? Yeah, that might not happen, seeing as prices for flights are literally through the roof for Thanksgiving, and I'm not going anywhere for Christmas this year, so Thanksgiving is it, baby. Then again, if I don't have a job in November still, I might just be able to make any random weekend Thanksgiving...but will the rest of the fam be able to do that? Probly not. Seeing half the fam is better than not seeing any of them at all, though. Oh God. What if I don't have a job in November? How the FUCK am I going to pay heating bills this year?

Shit. My stomach is going wonky on me when I think of all this shit. I'd better stop it now...I'm just freaking out, is all. I need some good friends around me, some nonsensical social activity such as watching a movie or going to a couple of art studios for 3rd Friday tonight, and some football this weekend, and all will be right in the World of Faith again. Now I just have to make it through the next 7 hours at "work", and not think about the fate of my career during it. How do I do that? Ok, think of happy things...puppies. Aaah. :) A beautiful path that runs along side a small stream winding through a lovely clearing in a wooded area of central England...mmm, nice. FALL is almost here! Yay!

Ok...that should do it. Stomach is settling again. Meantime, why don't some of you readers make suggestions on what I should consider as a new career path. I was talking to some friends last night about how we could make a killing if we opened a strip joint in Kansas City, KS right now, seeing as the new laws in Missouri have kind of caused a buzz kill for everyone that used to head to that side of the state line for their adult entertainment. But I can't truly see myself as a strip club owner. So that might not work out, really. Especially as I don't have any money, and I think that could be helpful when it comes to openening any kind of business. So go ahead and suggest away...

Thursday, September 15, 2005

I'm just a girl...

Let's see...

Period? Check. (Confirmed last night by my need to eat the entire fucking house, and the foundation underneath it...)

Missed the boyfriend last night, even though I'd just spent the last 4 days straight with him? Check.

Happy to have a night alone at the same time as missing the boyfriend? Check.

Bloated and feeling like kicking my own ass today for having broken down and eaten the entire house last night? Check.

Yep. I'm a girl. It's been official for a long time now (i.e. since birth...or at least since 5th grade when I started getting boobs, and then definitely by 6th grade, when I was already a full B-cup - and not wearing a bra, mind you...I was in a sort of denial that took a while to get over), but every now and then, it seems necessary to make a check list so I can remind myself that I'm not an asshat, but rather just a girl that has her period and therefor has a certain need to eat a dinner that consists of a large caesar salad, 6 oz. of swordfish with way too much steamed rice, some bites of leftover Thai food from the night before's dinner, and then a plate of nachos (w/ rice "cheese" topping) about an hour later. Oh, and when I first got home from work, I'd snacked on 4 bbq meatballs that I'd bought at the supermarket on Sunday in a moment of weakness, which just goes to show that my body and mind were conspiring against each other as much as 3 days before the period started.

Also, what the hell is this missing-the-boyfriend-and-glad-to-be-alone-at-the-same-time thing? Very fucked up, IMO.

Thank goodness it only lasts a few days every month. Men, you don't know how lucky you are. (Unless you're married or living with a woman. In which case, just know that we don't mean to get like this as often as we do. In fact, I'm sure that most, if not all of us, would prefer to not have it happen either, if that helps at all. Not that I give a shit about how you all feel, really. Do you have to bleed for 5 days or so, have to deal with expense of keeping said bleeding contained, deal with the weight ups and downs during the tough months where food is a constant companion during those 5 days, plus deal with internal mood swings that cause you to laugh AND cry at the same time (for completely different emotional reasons, mind you...not because you're laughing so hard, tears are coming out of your eyes)? No. I didn't think so. So fuck off.**)

**Men, I apologize for that last rant within the parenthesis in the paragraph above. Again, I'm a girl. On her period. It's just bound to happen like that every now and then. I wasn't there when Eve took a bite of the apple. Had I been there, I would have knocked that fucker right out of her hand, and asked her to think about what the consequences of taking the advice of a talking snake might be. Dumbass bitch...

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Date night, and other stuff...

Had a date night with the boyfriend last night. He marinated some swordfish that I'd bought on Sunday, and we were considering grilling that, but he'd been cooped up in my house for the past 2 days (his days off), and seemed itchy to get out, so we went for Thai food instead. (I'm gonna eat the swordfish tonight...yum!)

The poor sweetie has a major tooth problem that he hasn't yet had a chance to get taken care of (read: he doesn't want to get taken care of, because he has issues with the dentist), and just as we were settling in to go to sleep, he started getting squirmy. Turned out his tooth was really hurting him, and he got up to take some Advil. We had discussed the issue earlier, because I finally brought it up and asked him if he'd had a chance to go to the dentist yet, and he said no, and the conversation turned to his issue with needles, and his memories of the dentist growing up, and he got really bothered just discussing the surface stuff of it all, which is why I don't ask him about his tooth very often. But lately, he's been taking more Advil than normal while he's been at my house, and I started putting 2 and 2 together. It's getting to emergency point, from what I can see. After he took some Advil, he came in and laid back down, and I just sort of cuddled up to his side, and he took my hand, and put my finger in his mouth, and let me feel his tooth. It's bad, guys. He needs to get it fixed. But I've done all I can...I've offered to go with him to the dentist, even. But he just waives it all off, and I leave it alone, because I'm not his mother, and the last thing I'm gonna do is nag him about something he needs to take care of himself.

But it's to the point where something needs to be done, and his fear, or whatever, needs to be pushed aside somehow. But how we do that is the problem. I'm just so worried about him. All I can do is hold his head when he curls up next to me, waiting for the Advil to kick in. He went out to the couch last night, because he was so antsy waiting for it to do it's thing (that's when I called you, Twin), and I went out to see if he wanted me to go to the drugstore to try to find something that might help numb the pain (the Twin suggested Ambesol, or whatever that stuff is, and I thought that might be a good idea...), and he was lying on my couch just telling me that he didn't want to keep me up, and that I shouldn't worry. But then he changed positions, and put his head down on my lap, and I just held him for a little bit again. After a minute or two, he told me again that I should just go to sleep, and he'd be fine. I think he was probably out on my couch for another half hour or so before he came back to bed. He said this morning that he did get some sleep, so the Advil must've finally kicked in. (I told him that the Twin had had tooth issues in the past that were similar to his, as near as I can figure, and she had said that only massive doses of Advil would help her pain in the slightest...and since he was only taking 2 at a time, and I know that's not gonna do anything for the kind of pain he's in, he upped his doses last night. He took 6 over the course of an hour, I'd say. My normal dose is 4 for any kind of pain I have, so 6 doesn't phase me...but for someone who's used to only taking 2 at a time, 6 might seem a bit excessive, I s'pose.)

Anyway, it was such a sad night for me, overall, because I hate seeing him in pain like that! The date was lovely, though. I just love him so any suggestions on what you'd do if you were me in this scenario would be very welcomed.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005


The Bud Light guy is in the parking lot delivering beer to that crappy "The Drink" place across from my work. Is it a bad thing that I want to go down there and steal his truck? It is, huh? Dammit. Fine, I won't steal the truck.

But now I really, really want a Bud Light. Never underestimate the power of suggestion.

**Update: Apparently, "The Drink" is not only a crappy bar, but it's also a place where football players go to get into altercations with their exes. Just found this story after I posted the comments above about the Bud Light truck.

C'mon guys! Pushing girls around in bars? Bad bars at that! WTF is up with that? LJ didn't deserve to play in the game on Sunday, it seems. I don't care how stupid the ex-girlfriend is, you don't exert force like that on them...and vice-versa. Just walk away, jackass. I mean, how tough is it to pay the tab, and take your new chicky to another bar? Or, hey, here's a thought: you have a game at NOON the next day, so maybe it'd be a good fucking idea to be, oh, I don't know...home asleep at 12:30 a.m. the day of the game? Really, just a suggestion from a chick who's never played the game. I'm just a fan who would love to see her team win all year long. But whatev. I'm probably the only one who feels that way...

Tuesday Shmoozeday

God, I love putting the sound of "shmoo" on the front of things. It's just so fun sounding!

Also, I'm very happy to not be tone deaf. That would seriously suck. I'm just sayin'.

I'm also happy I'm not the idiot that attached the wires to the wrong breaker, or whatever it was, out in LA yesterday. That must have been a really embarassing mistake. I made a typo in one of the reports I pulled together yesterday. I might've been embarassed about it had I not heard about the electrical genius that caused a major power outage (and subsequent fear in the hearts of many, many Angelinos, I'm willing to bet) throughout several parts of LA when I watched the news this morning. But since I'd heard about that, I laughed at my mistake, fixed it, and gave the updated report back to the boss less than 2 minutes later. I know my job is probably infinitely easier than the electrical dude that caused the problem yesterday, but I can still make fun. You know...because it's sort of their job to know which systems to hook up to that won't cause an overload problem and black-out half of Los Angeles the day after a terrorist video thing was released that showed a dude threatening to do something to LA. Fuckin' great timing, genius. Hope you have a big hole you can crawl into, and a large rock that will cover it over. Jackass.

Also, I'm really greatful that I've been blessed with a chef for a boyfriend. He made me a turkey stir fry last night that is beyond words to describe it's deliciousness. He knows how to use just the right amount of sesame oil, it seems...which is something that I would inevitably go WAY overboard on if I attempted to make the same thing. But that's ok. I know what I can and can't cook, and that's what matters overall.

A couple of things about the boyfriend that have been on my mind lately: I don't think I initiate things often enough with him. He initiates plenty for the both of us, but I wonder sometimes if it's offensive to him, or bothersome to him that I don't do more of the initiating when it comes to fooling around. I tried talking about it the other night, but he didn't take me seriously, or didn't really care to discuss the matter (which I should probably interpret as him not feeling any resentment over the issue), because I don't remember any kind of resolution to the topic. I might try to bring it up again tonight, just to be sure. Because it's not that I don't want to initiate last night. I would have liked to have fooled around a bit. But he wasn't tired at the same time I was, so I wound up going to bed earlier than him again. As in, I went to bed at 11:30 (Monday Night Football + Midwest timezone = suckage for the bedtime), and he was still up watching a bad movie at 1:30. I woke up when he came in, and would have gladly put up some action, but I was afraid to bug him with it. I don't know...I figure that if he wants to fool around, then he'll let me know. And I know that's the wrong way to deal with it...maybe I'm afraid of the posibility of being rejected if I do show an interest in it at a random time? I'm very confused over the whole thing. Hence my plan to discuss it again. Hopefully tonight, or tomorrow. We'll see...depends on whether we get together tonight or not.

The other thing that's suddenly been on my mind about him? Yeah, I've never been in his car. How weird is that? I just thought about it on my way home last night, for some reason. Whenever we go somewhere, we either meet there (at the movies, at the Moose, in Westport for dinner, etc...), or he's at my house to begin with, and we automatically climb into my car to go wherever we're going. I don't mind it, really. But I told him last night that I'd suddenly realized I'd never been in his car, and he started laughing when he heard it. I asked him if it was offensive that I automatically just head to my car whenever we're going somewhere, and he said absolutely not. I thought it was just funny that we've been dating for 2 months now, and I've never been in his car. I couldn't even really tell you what kind it is...a Toyota? It's beige, that I know. And he has some body damage on it that he plans on fixing relatively soon. That's about all I know.

And now I must get back to my exciting reports and stuff. That's something that doesn't work with the "shmoo" sound. Can't call them "shmooports" instead of "reports" to make it more fun for me. Dammit.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Two things...

(1) I need to stop loving Cheez-Its. Now.

(2) Drinking Diet Pepsi on top of chewing a piece of Ice Breakers Cool Mint gum creates a flavor of dirt in my mouth. It's nasty. (However, I can usually successfully chew the same gum and drink a beer without the same effect. I like gum. And I like beer. So this is a good thing...)

Just wanted to get that off my chest.

Notre Dame, the Chiefs, and Dave's dog

What a weekend. Notre Dame beat Michigan (the boyfriend is a Notre Dame fan, which should make things interesting come 10/15, when they play USC at home...), which was a great way to kick things off for me, anyway. After the game was over, I went shopping (returned some things I bought last week at Old Navy, and bought some new things...), and then I went to the Moose to watch football, eat dinner, and hang out with friends. Not much happened, except the boyfriend's friends showed up after a little while, and we all hung out and drank waaaaay too much. :) It was fun.

The Chiefs were playing on Sunday in their home opener against the Jets, and they kicked some major Jet ASS!! I think that the Jets happen to have an offense that meets up really well with our crappy defense, is all. Made for not only a winning game for the Chiefs, but also an entertaining game to watch. Pennington (the Jets' QB) fumbled the ball, threw interceptions, and had false starts that really looked like it was a circus out there rather than a football game. Foonay!!

Unfortunately, Dave didn't show up to watch the game. It was just me and another guy named Bill that were there, as my other friends were out of town, and weren't getting back until last night. I always worry when Dave doesn't show up as usual at the Moose, but last week when he wasn't there, it was because he wasn't feeling well, which makes sense. But his dog has been rather sick off and on over the past 3 weeks or so. And I thought of calling him yesterday while the game was on to give him shit about not being there, but then to also say that I hoped Sammy was doing ok. But I didn't call, because if she wasn't ok, then it would be totally inappropriate.

So Dave's girlfriend comes in towards the end of the game, and she's wearing the same clothes she had on the night before. Not a good sign. She came over to me and Bill and asked us if we'd seen Dave at all. We said we hadn't, and then she told us that Sammy had died the night before. We'd all been worried about this happening someday...wondered what it would do to Dave to lose her, and how we should react and all that. And it finally happened. Man, I liked that dog more than I like Dave! Ok, you know what I mean, but she was just such a sweetie...a big, old black lab that was as set in her ways as Dave is, but she's always been more consistant with her emotions towards me. So anyway, Dave's girlfriend tells us that she hasn't heard from Dave since about 1:30, and she tried calling him, and she went to his house and he won't open the door (I asked her if she had a key, and she said she'd had one, but she didn't have it any more, and she just looked like that was yet another trying issue that she'd had to deal with over the past 5 months she's been dating him...I didn't pry), and she's worried about him. So we got her a glass of wine, and we talked to her, and about 20 minutes later, Dave called her. He's doing ok, it seems...obviously, he's very sad, but he did come down to join us for a bit after the game ended. We tried to keep his mind on other things. Then I went home. God, he was such a, keep him and Sammy in your thoughts. She was a good, good girl. And he loved her a LOT. Poor man...

Ok, back to work I go. Hope everyone else had a fun weekend, and that your teams won, etc, etc...

Friday, September 09, 2005

Wanna hear it? Here it goes...

Work is kind of slow today. I'm all caught up on the regular reports that I've been doing, and projects have kind of dissipated over the last week or so, since we're getting caught up in other areas. Seems they'll want me to stick around until the end of September, though, and I'm game. But what will I be doing each day? Will they find new and interesting things for me to keep doing here and there? I've learned a lot already, but I'm willing to learn as much more as their ready to teach me.

And even that paragraph about it was boring. Dayum.

Ok, stuff that's been on my mind lately:

- I'm a rather girly-girl, for the most part. I like to behave properly in public, and feel that while a certain amount of "letting loose" (i.e. I cuss like a sailor, watch sports with passionate response at times, and drink beer rather than wine) is acceptable and almost expected by most people when it comes to society in general, there is still a big part of me that feels it's completely inappropriate to talk about or acknowledge certain gross things. So why do I feel it's ok to post about my stomach issues and subsequent meetings with Mr. Brown on a regular basis on this blog? I would never talk about said issues with anyone other than the Twin or my doctor regularly, so why is it ok out here? Because there are very few of you who actually know me? Because I think it's funny "material"? Why? I don't know. I've been thinking about it since yesterday when JC (Jesus Christ? Are you a regular reader? That's impressive...) mentioned that I included too much info in my post. (What part, by the way? The comment about almost needing to shit in a bucket? Because it was true. And like you've never been in that position! Puh-lease, boy. At least, I assume you're a boy...I think because of that Jesus Christ association my mind does automatically when it comes to your initials...sorry if I have that wrong!) I'm just trying to be truthful, yet funny when it comes to my blog. That story struck me as being a funny one when I reflected back on it. (Even though it was NOT fun to experience when it was happening...) I don't know. It's just something that's been on my mind. If I'm so proper and all, then why do I belch in front of family members (again, mostly just Twin, but also Big Bro...), walk around my house naked, sit on my living room floor to eat meals in front of the t.v., etc, etc...Am I being "fake" with my friends/boyfriend? Or am I just using this (meaning my blog) as an outlet for a side of me that only exists every now and then day to day? Would I want to hang around a girl that told stories about her stomach acting up on her all the time? Um, no. So is that it? Hmm...

- In the office I'm in, there's only one ladies' room that is rather far from where my desk is located, and in order to get there, I have to walk down a long hallway full of people I don't know. Half the time, I encounter other people while I'm walking down the hallway to the bathroom. And I've noticed something that I've noticed before in life, but never paid much attention to, since it only happened now and then, really. But now that it's happening every day, I thought I'd ask about it. When I'm walking towards the other person, it seems...uncomfortable to look them in the eye, for some reason. Today, this one chick had some paperwork in her hand, and she kept her focus on that, which I thought was helpful. But other times, I noticed we all do the same thing. We see each other from the end of the hallway, and as we approach one another, we generally do the following: look up, make eye contact once, nod or say hello with a smile, and then look at the ground as we get closer to each other and finally pass one another. Sometimes, the other person is much too eager to make this eye contact/nod hello thing happen, and I find that we've got another several seconds before we actually make it past one another, and it's very uncomfortable for me to have to wait that long to pass them after I've already nodded and smiled. I look at offices as I pass them, or I stare at the ground, but after that nod/smile/say hello thing has happened, it seems creepy to keep looking at the person. Especially as it's usually a woman (probably returning from the place I'm headed to), I don't want to seem like I'm hitting on them, or something! I'm probably weird because of all this, but I thought I'd put it out there as a little experiment. Let me know if I'm alone in this discomfort I feel, or if you also have issues with the early-acknowledgement walk-by thing.

- I know it seems like a theme, but I can't help it. I'm bored, and trying to pass time. Plus, it's on my mind. I just came back from the ladies' room. It's an odd one for an office of this size, if you ask me. It's a single bathroom, and not a stall one...there are stall bathrooms in the building, but the one on my floor is behind a closed door that I don't have a key-card to, and the other one is on the same level where I park my car. Incidentally, if I have to do anything other than pee, I head to that bathroom. Usually, I try to "save it" until I'm leaving to head to lunch or on my way out of the building at the end of the day. Anyway, I don't understand why anyone would do anything other than pee in this bathroom. Not only is the door not soundproof, but it's around the corner from someone's office. So if you let something go that's gonna linger in it's own fabulous way, then that might just make itself known to that person in the office around the corner! Which I think is rude. If something unexpected happens (happens to all of us...I farted in there the other day, in fact, and had no warning of the need to do so), then leave the fan running when you leave the bathroom, right? Sure, it may seem suspect, but it's overall just courteous and polite, IMO.

Well, I just went in there, and someone had taken a MAJOR meeting just prior to me being in there. And they hadn't left the fan on, so I could smell it around the corner as I approached. I had to pee, though, and it's not like it was toxic, or anything, just obnoxious in my view, so I did my thing, and then opened the door to see one of my bosses waiting for the restroom. The first thing that enters my head in those situations is that the person heading in probly thinks I'm the one that took the major dump. And that bugs me. I know it's a stupid, self-conscious way of thinking, but see the above paragraph where I talk about wanting to be as proper as possible most of the time. This is one of the areas where that proper persona of mine kicks in. And it's just so annoying to me. It just really made me wish that the person who had needed to take such a dump in the first place had gone someplace less public, is all. Like the bathroom that I use on the first floor, maybe...

One of my former coworkers just sent me the following little "prayer" in an e-mail. Thought I'd end this post with it, since it gave me a giggle...


Before I lay me down to sleep,I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh, send me a man who'll make love to my mind, knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray this man will love me to no end
And always be my very best friend.

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs, who owns a liquor store and a bass boat. This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.


Ever put in a cd that you haven't listened to in, oh, about a year, and marvel at the fact that you still know all the words to every song? And I'm not talking about a U2 cd, or something that everyone hears all the time anyway. I'm talking Frente! I popped in "Marvin, the Album" this morning, and was shocked to hear myself singing along with "Labor of Love" all the way through.

Man I loved that cd, though. When it was popular, my boyfriend at the time and I were sort of on the rocks...but we cleared things up enough to go to their concert at The Palace in Hollywood when they were touring. He liked them as much as I did, which is weird when I think back on it...but then again, he and I had a lot of musical tastes in common. Seal, The Cranberries, Kate Bush (which was the biggest shocker, and was the main reason I gave him a chance in the forst place when I met him initially...he was 17, and I was 20. It freaked me out to even consider dating him, naturally), Smashing Pumpkins...he got me into Lenny Kravitz, and I think I was his main intro to 10,000 Maniacs. We really had a good time when it came to music. Everything else? Not so much.

It's fun when a single song can bring back so many memories. And good ones, at that. And no one is allowed to make fun of my love of Frente! You all have weird shit you like too, I'm sure. So keep it to yourselves...:P

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Almost the end of the week?

It's so weird that it's Thursday already. :)

So yesterday, the food and drink that I'd been eating over the prior few days finally caught up to me. Not that I'd been completely out of control by any means, but apparently, I'm getting old, or something, and can't eat the way I used to, blah, blah, last night I had the Worst Stomach Ache I'd Had in a Long-Ass Time. It sucked. I put heat on it...I found Tagamet, and tried taking that...I considered throwing up, but didn't really want to if I could avoid it. So I wound up laying on my couch, moaning through the pain while holding my water bottle to my belly, wishing that the pain would just go 'way.

It finally subsided sometime in the middle of the night, as it usually does. So today is bland food day. Egg whites for breakfast. Turkey and rice and canned green beans (no sodium added) for lunch. Lord only knows what I'll do for dinner. I want to make some veggie soup, but I don't know how. I need to look up a recipe...

Anyway, I hate my stomach, and I didn't DO anything to it, so the fact that it got pissed off at me really makes me mad. So I'm not speaking to it right now, of course. Unfortunately, it's speaking to me every now and then. In the only way it knows how. Bastard. I got to the point over the past couple of days where I didn't care if the boyfriend knew that I was heading into the bathroom for a meeting with Mr. Brown. Usually, I try to keep those sorts of things on the downlow, if I can. But the other night, we got home from the barbecue we'd been at (where I had eaten a single brat for dinner, along with some salad), the dinner was knocking, and I needed to answer. So I told him straight up, "You look up the movie time, because I need to go give birth to the brat I had for dinner." Yes, I'm just that sexy, my friends. I had no choice. Yesterday morning, I decided to have leftover Chinese for breakfast, and then I woke boyfriend up so he could shower before work. And about halfway through his shower, I think I was ready to head into the garage and shit in a bucket, I was so uncomfortable. But I managed to hold it in until he was well out of the bathroom, and then I closed the door, locked it, and let loose.

I really think sometimes that I might have IBS or something. Who knows. I don't have med insurance right now, so I'll just continue as normal, and eat a blander diet than usual to try to abate the problem. Eventually, I'll work for a company that has insurance again, and I'll go get it checked out. Because it can be a real nuisance, honestly. Not that my lovely description of my experience yesterday morning didn't already give that fact away. Whatev. :P I'm off to get some work done...ta!

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Party's over...

Back at work today, and just plugging along as needed. Sort of a mellow day, which is good. Lots of catch up, but it's not too bad.

Yesterday, the boyfriend and I went to a party for his work. The Moose is a part of a larger corporation that owns several restaurants in the KC area, and all the employees were invited to this thing, along with their family members/significant others, so I got to go, too. It was such a nice day out. And his coworkers got dru-huuuuunk! It was a fun day. Boyfriend and I left the party as it was winding down at about 4:45 or so. We went to get a movie, and then we got Chinese food (boyfriend was a bit worse for the wear as well, so he wanted some grease to soak up the alcohol, he said...he had a couple of shots of jaeger, as usual. Don't know how he drinks that stuff, seriously...), and then we went home where he fell asleep on the couch while I watched the movie. I told him last night when we were going to bed that drinking and hanging out like we did all day was a good way to do things...not only did I not drink too much, but what buzz I did have had worn off by the time we went to bed, so no hangover today! It was a good weekend overall.

Not much else is going on. Looks like that job I interviewed for last week doesn't want to hire me, as I haven't been called back in for the 3rd interview. These things don't get me down too much, though. It wasn't meant to be. Who knows how much longer they'll need me around the current place I'm at, anyway. Yeah, it's not a whole bunch of money per hour, but it's enough to cover me for now. The one guy I work with asked me this morning how my job search was going, and I told him I'm not looking all that hard, actually. He asked about the interview last week, and I told him they must have decided to go with someone else. He said he was sorry, but he's glad I get to stick around...they need my help! I thought that was nice of him to say.

I'd better get back to it. Hope everyone is having a fun week. It's a super-short one for me, of course. Woo!! :D

Saturday, September 03, 2005

My private time...

Last night, the boyfriend and I were getting ready to head to bed after a productive night at the Moose. We'd watched the Chiefs play the Rams, we'd shared shots with other co-workers of his as well as an ex-coworker that had dropped by, and we'd come home all the worse for it. Him much more so than I, but not too bad overall really. I'd had a headache all day that threatened to rain on my parade consistently throughout the evening, but I was able to stave it off well enough, I guess. We played a hand or two of gin when we got home, and then I decided I'd had enough, and I wanted to hit the sheets.

I was in the bathroom, peeing for the last time before going to bed, and that lovely boyfriend o' mine walked in on me. He KNOWS how I hate this kind of intrusion. I've told him before that it's really just the only thing that he needs to respect above all others. I like my privacy when I'm in the bathroom, because...well, I just do. I'm uptight, ok? It's the way it is.

So I just sat there and told him to get out, and he kind of went out and then came back in, and kept doing that, so I couldn't even concentrate on finishing up, really. I have a small bathroom, so I can reach the door from the toilet, and had no problem fighting him out the door. He gave up eventually, and laughed his way back into the bed. I finally finished up, and went into the bedroom asking him why he does things like that...why must he have such a disregard for the ONE major request I have. His answer?

"I guess it's because I love you."

Hm. Well then. So that's what love is, eh? (It makes me chuckle now just thinking of it. I just don't get it. I want to be comfortable with that sort of thing, honest. But I just can't be. Not now, anyway. Maybe when I'm older, or after he and I have spent more time together.)

But he said he loves me. I climbed into bed, kind of still picking at him for having been so disregarding about my privacy, and he asked me if I'd heard what he'd said. I said yes, and that I had to admit I was surprised. He said he'd been thinking about it a lot lately, and realized that he did, so he just thought he'd tell me. I just hugged him, and then things rolled on their merry way from that point.

I haven't had a boyfriend tell me they love me since I was about 20. I've told boys I've loved them, but the feelings haven't been reciprocated. So this is new to me, really, and I don't know how to handle it. But I think one day at a time will work out just fine.

Now I need to go shower, because I stink like a muthafucka, and I'm tired of it. Tonight, USC plays Hawaii, which I'm looking forward to a great deal. Tomorrow, yard work galore. I have Monday and Tuesday off, so this is a lovely 4-day weekend for me. And lemme tell ya, I need it. I'm so not used to the type of work that I'm doing day in and day out at the company I'm temping at right now, and it's really taking a toll on my back and neck and my right hand (mouse-clicking issues...). I'm going to have to ask them for a better chair this next week, I think. That should help a little. (Right now, I sit in a conference room chair that isn't very ergonomically friendly to my back. And I can't really afford another massage right now, unfortunately. I want one badly. But I just can't do it...)

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend!

Friday, September 02, 2005

Wanna Bond? lol

This is what my ex said in a text to me last night. (hello everyone. It's Faiths Twin here...I'm guest blogging today)

I filed a petition for a divorce from my ex in July 2003. Yup, 2 years ago. Now, I will spare you the details of my ex except for this note you will need for future reference: he is a man with the ability to go from 34 year old grown up to a severly idiotic 10 year old in mere milliseconds. Retarded Super Powers Force, UNITE!

I am having a bad week. I have been, understandably, a bit low due to what has happened in the Southern states. I have been wondering why those poor people have to be treated the way they have been. I have supported GW through everything. But let me tell you, between him and my ex, ONE of them is gonna get a high heel in their ear sooner than later.

I found out yesterday that I am not divorced. This comes as a surprise because a) I've never been divorced before so I thought I had done what needed to be done to be divorced, b) I was told something by the courts that I took to mean one thing and they meant another and I JUST now realized what they meant 2 years later and c) it is causing a situation where I am feeling like I have smoked a pound of pot and am walking in this haze not knowing who to talk to, not know how it will end up and not knowing what can make it move forward. This is the worst high EVER.

It is now left in the oh-so-incapable hands of my ex. HE has to file his response. Which he did the first time around. Only he didn't want to pay to file. So he requested they waive the fee. But they wouldn't because, hey moron, you make $4k/month, you can afford to pay this itty bitty filing fee, dumbass! So they essentially tabled my petition and are waiting for his response. That will never come. Because he has a Super Power and they don't.

You wonder how I didn't know I was divorced? A number of fuck ups. First? I didn't get the Starting a Divorce Handbook. I just found out about this handbook today. Nice timing. Apparently there are three phases to a divorce. We are officially in the beginning of stage 2. Which means I have filed, and he has to answer. Phase 3 is, I can only guess because I do NOT have the handbook, where we go in front of a judge and see what's up and then they decide whether we should be divorced or not. Now, back when I filed I asked the chicks at the family law counter what I needed? They said nothing. All I needed to do was file and get a case number. They failed to mention the handbook (see? Proper timing people. It's HUGE for some of us), they failed to realize the ex is in a special Super Powers Club, and assumed he would do what HE needed to do and didn't think they needed to tell me anything more. I went on my merry way thinking that in 6 months if he didn't contest that we would be divorced. He didn't contest, so in January of 2004 I thought I was a free bird!

I found out yesterday through an odd series of events that I am, in fact, still legally married.

Have you ever wondered how one becomes "estranged"? I have. I mean, how does that happen? Now I know. You marry someone in the Retarded Super Powers Club, you try to divorce them, they let the paperwork slide because they are incapable of following through on ANYTHING unless you do all the work for them and therefore they just need to sign. And in fact, YOU can sign because their signature is so childish and scribbly and never looks the same as the last one nor the next, but doing that outside of writing yourself a check on the checkbook they left behind when they left all their shit at your house because your garage is their storage space? That would be wrong. (I've never done the check thing, but don't think I haven't thought about it...)

In any case, I am lower than low. I will start drinking heavily tonight after the kids are gone for the weekend and won't stop even on Sunday because Dad is driving to LA and I'm not, so I will kill whatever is left of my liver and sing, "I Love This Bar" on my sister and brother-in-law's balcony, dutifully pass out and have monday to recover before starting the rest of my week.

Messy world

I jotted some thoughts down while I was watching a game at the Moose last night. I was watching the UCF (University of Central Florida) vs. South Carolina game (and, btw, when the fuck did Steve Spurrier move to South Carolina? Weird...), and one of the players from UCF has a sister missing in New Orleans. They were talking to him about it prior to the game, but while the game was on, during the 2nd quarter, they showed him on the sidelines, and put up a little "ad" at the bottom of the screen that said that Tahisha James is missing, and if anyone knows anything about where she might be, to please contact the UCF sports department. (They had a number up, but I didn't write it down in time...)

I love how this country is pulling together right now. It's just fabulously amazing. How much are we helping at this point, though? My coworker was telling me about some guy she saw on the news that had taken a bunch of supplies like water and toiletries to the Astrodome in Houston, and he was being turned away by authorities. What the FUCK is that all about? That pisses me off. Here in KC, the news station I watch (KMBC channel started a fund raiser earlier in the week to help out, and by yesterday morning, they'd raised close to $500,000. It had only been 2 days at that point...I need to check and see how much more has come in since yesterday morning. I haven't contributed yet, and I can't do much myself. But I'm hoping that by the end of the weekend, we'll have over $1 million from KC alone. Every little bit helps, right?

But again, what's actually being done for the people that are still trapped? Last night, after I went home from the bar, I sat and watched some t.v., and started crying over the images that were being shown, and the stories being told. Those people have no place to go. No way to get out of their homes, which are stiflingly hot, and lack water and power. It's not right. We HAVE to be able to help them, if there are any left to help at this point.

I swear, I feel like we're sitting watching the Titanic of the 21st century as it goes down, and there's nothing we can do about it. Absolutely nothing. But we can watch it all happen, thanks to the modern day technology of remote reporting crews.

God bless them all. Praying for them every minute...