Friday, September 02, 2005

Wanna Bond? lol

This is what my ex said in a text to me last night. (hello everyone. It's Faiths Twin here...I'm guest blogging today)

I filed a petition for a divorce from my ex in July 2003. Yup, 2 years ago. Now, I will spare you the details of my ex except for this note you will need for future reference: he is a man with the ability to go from 34 year old grown up to a severly idiotic 10 year old in mere milliseconds. Retarded Super Powers Force, UNITE!

I am having a bad week. I have been, understandably, a bit low due to what has happened in the Southern states. I have been wondering why those poor people have to be treated the way they have been. I have supported GW through everything. But let me tell you, between him and my ex, ONE of them is gonna get a high heel in their ear sooner than later.

I found out yesterday that I am not divorced. This comes as a surprise because a) I've never been divorced before so I thought I had done what needed to be done to be divorced, b) I was told something by the courts that I took to mean one thing and they meant another and I JUST now realized what they meant 2 years later and c) it is causing a situation where I am feeling like I have smoked a pound of pot and am walking in this haze not knowing who to talk to, not know how it will end up and not knowing what can make it move forward. This is the worst high EVER.

It is now left in the oh-so-incapable hands of my ex. HE has to file his response. Which he did the first time around. Only he didn't want to pay to file. So he requested they waive the fee. But they wouldn't because, hey moron, you make $4k/month, you can afford to pay this itty bitty filing fee, dumbass! So they essentially tabled my petition and are waiting for his response. That will never come. Because he has a Super Power and they don't.

You wonder how I didn't know I was divorced? A number of fuck ups. First? I didn't get the Starting a Divorce Handbook. I just found out about this handbook today. Nice timing. Apparently there are three phases to a divorce. We are officially in the beginning of stage 2. Which means I have filed, and he has to answer. Phase 3 is, I can only guess because I do NOT have the handbook, where we go in front of a judge and see what's up and then they decide whether we should be divorced or not. Now, back when I filed I asked the chicks at the family law counter what I needed? They said nothing. All I needed to do was file and get a case number. They failed to mention the handbook (see? Proper timing people. It's HUGE for some of us), they failed to realize the ex is in a special Super Powers Club, and assumed he would do what HE needed to do and didn't think they needed to tell me anything more. I went on my merry way thinking that in 6 months if he didn't contest that we would be divorced. He didn't contest, so in January of 2004 I thought I was a free bird!

I found out yesterday through an odd series of events that I am, in fact, still legally married.

Have you ever wondered how one becomes "estranged"? I have. I mean, how does that happen? Now I know. You marry someone in the Retarded Super Powers Club, you try to divorce them, they let the paperwork slide because they are incapable of following through on ANYTHING unless you do all the work for them and therefore they just need to sign. And in fact, YOU can sign because their signature is so childish and scribbly and never looks the same as the last one nor the next, but doing that outside of writing yourself a check on the checkbook they left behind when they left all their shit at your house because your garage is their storage space? That would be wrong. (I've never done the check thing, but don't think I haven't thought about it...)

In any case, I am lower than low. I will start drinking heavily tonight after the kids are gone for the weekend and won't stop even on Sunday because Dad is driving to LA and I'm not, so I will kill whatever is left of my liver and sing, "I Love This Bar" on my sister and brother-in-law's balcony, dutifully pass out and have monday to recover before starting the rest of my week.

No comments: