Friday, September 09, 2005

Wanna hear it? Here it goes...

Work is kind of slow today. I'm all caught up on the regular reports that I've been doing, and projects have kind of dissipated over the last week or so, since we're getting caught up in other areas. Seems they'll want me to stick around until the end of September, though, and I'm game. But what will I be doing each day? Will they find new and interesting things for me to keep doing here and there? I've learned a lot already, but I'm willing to learn as much more as their ready to teach me.

And even that paragraph about it was boring. Dayum.

Ok, stuff that's been on my mind lately:

- I'm a rather girly-girl, for the most part. I like to behave properly in public, and feel that while a certain amount of "letting loose" (i.e. I cuss like a sailor, watch sports with passionate response at times, and drink beer rather than wine) is acceptable and almost expected by most people when it comes to society in general, there is still a big part of me that feels it's completely inappropriate to talk about or acknowledge certain gross things. So why do I feel it's ok to post about my stomach issues and subsequent meetings with Mr. Brown on a regular basis on this blog? I would never talk about said issues with anyone other than the Twin or my doctor regularly, so why is it ok out here? Because there are very few of you who actually know me? Because I think it's funny "material"? Why? I don't know. I've been thinking about it since yesterday when JC (Jesus Christ? Are you a regular reader? That's impressive...) mentioned that I included too much info in my post. (What part, by the way? The comment about almost needing to shit in a bucket? Because it was true. And like you've never been in that position! Puh-lease, boy. At least, I assume you're a boy...I think because of that Jesus Christ association my mind does automatically when it comes to your initials...sorry if I have that wrong!) I'm just trying to be truthful, yet funny when it comes to my blog. That story struck me as being a funny one when I reflected back on it. (Even though it was NOT fun to experience when it was happening...) I don't know. It's just something that's been on my mind. If I'm so proper and all, then why do I belch in front of family members (again, mostly just Twin, but also Big Bro...), walk around my house naked, sit on my living room floor to eat meals in front of the t.v., etc, etc...Am I being "fake" with my friends/boyfriend? Or am I just using this (meaning my blog) as an outlet for a side of me that only exists every now and then day to day? Would I want to hang around a girl that told stories about her stomach acting up on her all the time? Um, no. So is that it? Hmm...

- In the office I'm in, there's only one ladies' room that is rather far from where my desk is located, and in order to get there, I have to walk down a long hallway full of people I don't know. Half the time, I encounter other people while I'm walking down the hallway to the bathroom. And I've noticed something that I've noticed before in life, but never paid much attention to, since it only happened now and then, really. But now that it's happening every day, I thought I'd ask about it. When I'm walking towards the other person, it seems...uncomfortable to look them in the eye, for some reason. Today, this one chick had some paperwork in her hand, and she kept her focus on that, which I thought was helpful. But other times, I noticed we all do the same thing. We see each other from the end of the hallway, and as we approach one another, we generally do the following: look up, make eye contact once, nod or say hello with a smile, and then look at the ground as we get closer to each other and finally pass one another. Sometimes, the other person is much too eager to make this eye contact/nod hello thing happen, and I find that we've got another several seconds before we actually make it past one another, and it's very uncomfortable for me to have to wait that long to pass them after I've already nodded and smiled. I look at offices as I pass them, or I stare at the ground, but after that nod/smile/say hello thing has happened, it seems creepy to keep looking at the person. Especially as it's usually a woman (probably returning from the place I'm headed to), I don't want to seem like I'm hitting on them, or something! I'm probably weird because of all this, but I thought I'd put it out there as a little experiment. Let me know if I'm alone in this discomfort I feel, or if you also have issues with the early-acknowledgement walk-by thing.

- I know it seems like a theme, but I can't help it. I'm bored, and trying to pass time. Plus, it's on my mind. I just came back from the ladies' room. It's an odd one for an office of this size, if you ask me. It's a single bathroom, and not a stall one...there are stall bathrooms in the building, but the one on my floor is behind a closed door that I don't have a key-card to, and the other one is on the same level where I park my car. Incidentally, if I have to do anything other than pee, I head to that bathroom. Usually, I try to "save it" until I'm leaving to head to lunch or on my way out of the building at the end of the day. Anyway, I don't understand why anyone would do anything other than pee in this bathroom. Not only is the door not soundproof, but it's around the corner from someone's office. So if you let something go that's gonna linger in it's own fabulous way, then that might just make itself known to that person in the office around the corner! Which I think is rude. If something unexpected happens (happens to all of us...I farted in there the other day, in fact, and had no warning of the need to do so), then leave the fan running when you leave the bathroom, right? Sure, it may seem suspect, but it's overall just courteous and polite, IMO.

Well, I just went in there, and someone had taken a MAJOR meeting just prior to me being in there. And they hadn't left the fan on, so I could smell it around the corner as I approached. I had to pee, though, and it's not like it was toxic, or anything, just obnoxious in my view, so I did my thing, and then opened the door to see one of my bosses waiting for the restroom. The first thing that enters my head in those situations is that the person heading in probly thinks I'm the one that took the major dump. And that bugs me. I know it's a stupid, self-conscious way of thinking, but see the above paragraph where I talk about wanting to be as proper as possible most of the time. This is one of the areas where that proper persona of mine kicks in. And it's just so annoying to me. It just really made me wish that the person who had needed to take such a dump in the first place had gone someplace less public, is all. Like the bathroom that I use on the first floor, maybe...

One of my former coworkers just sent me the following little "prayer" in an e-mail. Thought I'd end this post with it, since it gave me a giggle...

FEMALE PRAYER

Before I lay me down to sleep,I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh, send me a man who'll make love to my mind, knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray this man will love me to no end
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.

MALE PRAYER
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs, who owns a liquor store and a bass boat. This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.
Amen

3 comments:

lyn said...

your poop stories always make me laugh. i can't bring myself to write about poop, but i love reading people who do...

FaithsTwin said...

The prayers are classic. TOTALLY dig 'em. I don't REALLY like the you-know-what talk because of those certain words you KNOW I don't like and yet you use them around me just because I told you about my prob with them.

That guy I dated had the initials JC. I asked him about it, too. His response was funny, but I'm too tired to write anymore...

cleverabuse said...

really enjoyed your site. huge fan of shameless brutal honesty...fucking hilarious.will definitely begin reading regularly.