Friday, October 14, 2005

Oh, it's gonna be a caffeinated kind of day, I think.

Had an "anxiety attack" last night after I went to sleep. I call it an "anxiety attack" in quotes, because it's really just what I call it. I don't think the things that hit me like last night could clinically be called anxiety attacks. But I'm not sure. They're weird, but I've never needed to seek medical attention for them, or anything. I went to bed at about 10:50, and expected that if the boyfriend was coming over, he'd be home at about 11:20 - 11:30. I woke up at about 11:15 to the sound of my garage door opening. I smiled, and waited for him to come in and hug me. But I wound up waiting, and waiting, and then realized that there was something wrong. So I got up, and put on my robe, and went to look out my front window for his car. It wasn't there. So I looked in my garage, and saw that the garage door was closed. Hm. So I went back to bed, and I layed there for a minute, but I thought I heard a "thud" from my guest room. That was enough for me. All the lights went on, I had on my robe and slippers, and I started trying to get in touch with boyfriend to find out if he was coming over or not, so I could figure out whether I needed to (a) look forward to having a man in the house to help protect me, or (b) turn on my fucking alarm, so I could blast the eardrums of any would-be intruders. I turned on my t.v., and tried to find something upbeat but mellow to watch. Anything that had red in the background (commercials for food, mostly) made my heart start racing, so I was flipping pretty constantly. I tried to watch Fashion Police on Style, but damned if the host wasn't sitting on a red couch during the part I was watching, so I tried HBO. Finally, the boyfriend came home, and was surprised that I was awake. I asked him if he hadn't heard me say in my message that I'd had an anxiety attack, and would probly be awake when he got there? He said his phone was being really funky, so no, he hadn't gotten that message. He assured me all was fine, and he was there now, so I was gonna be ok. I told him that wasn't it, though. I mean, it helped a lot, but it's hard for me to come back down off of those things. I was wide awake at midnight when he got home, so I needed to calm down some more. I had a cup of tea, I sat and breathed deeply, and then he started parading around the house in his underwear in a funny way, so that helped, too. I felt bad...he was pretty tired. So I climbed into bed at 12:15, and we chatted a little bit. He sounded fully awake, but as soon as I stopped talking, it wasn't even a minute before his breathing became deep and even, and I knew he was totally out. I fell asleep soon after, I think, but I woke up again at about 4 in a bit of a sweat, so I know it took a while for it to blow over.

I blame all of this on the fact that some chick was attacked down the street from my house last week. Apparently, she was jogging, and some hispanic dude with salt-and-pepper hair approached her, grabbed her shoulder with one hand and then grabbed her cooch with the other. She got away, and reported the incident, but it was literally about 5 houses away from where I live. I saw the story via Tony's site the other day, and ever since then, I've been very conscious of making sure my doors are locked, the window guards are in place (so that the windows can only be opened a certain amount that would make it impossible for an intruder to get in), and that my alarm is on when I'm at home alone at night. I have no idea what time of day the attack happened, or anything, but there's a looney on the loose in my neighborhood...Lord knows what he'll do next. So I'm trying to stay safe. But I need to stop thinking about it so much, because really, I'm always this safe. I never leave my doors unlocked, and I never leave my windows open enough for someone to get in them, and I always leave my front porch light on when it's dark out. So I don't know why this is bugging me so much. Too close to home, I guess.

So I'm off to find more caffeine, and to hope that this day flies by. Because week, I am done with thee...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

I have a anxiety chest pain site/blog. It pretty much covers ##KEYWORD## related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

Anonymous said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

I have a anxiety meds site/blog. It pretty much covers ##KEYWORD## related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)