Friday, December 02, 2005

Everyone has one...come oonnn...admit it. You have one too!

So last night, after a couple of beers at the Moose and a yummy dinner of split pea soup, I found myself bothered by the dusty collection of VHS tapes and DVDs I have. They aren't set up in an appealing way in my entertainment center, and they get on my nerves looking as messy as they do sometimes. Last night, I was done with looking at that crap. So I sat down on my floor in front of the unit, took out all the tapes and DVDs, and started putting them away in a more aesthetically pleasing way.

But I noticed that one of my tapes was missing. Crappy Porn Tape wasn't there! (Thusly named because it is literally the crappiest porn ever, recorded off of an HBO movie that was played very late-night one night - too late for me to stay up and watch, really - and it's German or something, and is dubbed, and the chick-on-chick stuff isn't anything more than them fingering each other, it's so bad. So yeah...Crappy Porn Tape.) And I remember asking the boyfriend one time if he had found said crappy porn tape, because when I was still working, he had this habit of watching everything in my house on his days off, even "Emma", and I figured he'd come across it at one point or another. He confirmed that he had indeed found it, and we laughed and moved on.

So last night, when boyfriend got home, and I proudly pointed out my organizing skeeills that had manifested themselves, I thought about it. "Hey, do you know where the Crappy Porn Tape went?" He kind of got a little smile on his face, and looked a bit sheepish for a moment. I said, "Did you do something to it, because it's not down there any more." "Yeah, I took it home," he said. "Aww! But it's my Crappy Porn Tape! Don't you have your own porn at your house?" Sure enough, he does, but he wanted to watch it in the comfort of his own home, he said. And he'd just forgotten to bring it back, was all. (Which is really fine with me, because I read porn on Literotica when I feel the urge these days. So Crappy Porn Tape can stay at his house as long as he wants it to, really. Plus, my VCR kind of started eating tapes a bit ago, so it's on it's way out anyway.)

I said, "But I thought that when you masturbate, you think of me! That's what you told me a long time ago..."

"Yeah...I DO think of you! But I also watch porn."

Boys. Gotta love 'em. I never even cared about what he masturbated to, honestly. He volunteered that information one night, I think because he thought it was romantic or sexy in some way. So I'm glad he has Crappy Porn Tape to turn to for extra help when the thought of my boobies isn't doing it for him. Unfortunately for Crappy Porn Tape, he doesn't go home very often any more, so it's probly sitting all by it's lonesome wishing someone would watch it and get turned on by it. Poor little Crappy Porn Tape. Oh well...c'est la vie! I'm sure it's happier at his house than it was here at mine.

And now I'm all creeped out due to my transference of human emotion to the Crappy Porn Tape. I need to go shower now...*shudders!*

1 comment:

FaithsTwin said...

"Everyone has one..." How 'bout several. I mean, there are a few good ones in the 'collection', but for the most part? ALLL the tapes the ex bought/recorded are shit. I've bought a couple online that advertised differently than they actually are. But it's still porn. I need a new vibe, though.

I've never heard of that website and will be sure to check that out after the kids are in bed.