Tuesday, December 27, 2005

A little bit too quiet...

Hey. Where's everybody at? Am I the only one that's updating/reading during the holidays? Sheesh!

My ass is growing ever wider and wider as each day passes. It's maddening, really. I work out 4 times a week, avoid french fries as much as possible, and try to eat more veggies and fruit to balance out the other stuff I eat. I told the boyfriend last night that I'm going to back off on the alcohol for a while. Maybe just have it on special occasions, or something. I'm already being pretty good about lunches...I bring mine to work most every day. (Last week on Friday was the first time I didn't, and that was because I went to lunch with an old friend I hadn't seen in a while...) But I'm confused about what else I need to do! The boyfriend suggested that maybe we eat Chinese take-out a bit too much. (He likes the chicken lo-mein, and I'm a dumpling fan, myself...) We only have it about once a week, if that, but he has a point. I quit eating fast food about 4 months ago, and while I have bowed to the hamburger meal at McDonald's once or twice since then, it's not nearly as regular as it used to be, and I don't stop through there for breakfast at all anymore. (I used to get it at least once a week...but now it's not as convenient, fortunately for my ass.)

See, I had to go and buy new pants last week, so I can skip wearing skirts to work every now and then. I went to Old Navy, of course, because they have the cheap but still mostly stylish clothes, and they have them in loads of sizes. And I had to buy pants that are a size 18. Which is unacceptable. Especially considering that I work out like I do, and when I do eat crap, it's not completely out of control crap, and it's not as frequent as one would think a size 18 girl might be eating the crap. Maybe I need to step up the work outs? I don't know...there's only so much I can do at 5:30 in the morning without hurting myself. But I'm tired of being afraid to wash my jeans (which are all a size 16, by the way) because I don't want them to be tight when I put them on for the first (and second and third) time I wear them after they've dried! I'm tired of lugging around the boobage that has grown onto me over the past 7 years. I'm tired of hanging on to old clothes, hoping I'll fit into them again someday soon. (This weekend is Major Closet Clean Out Weekend...I'm gonna be ruthless. The boyfriend needs someplace to put his shit, and I need to make way.) I'm not so bad about that as some might be, but I admit that I do have a few things that will never see my body fit into them again.

So I'm having a hard time of it. I showed my boyfriend the new pants last night. I held them up, and saw just how wide they were, and how much material there was to them. And I told him that I was tired of the huge clothing and my fat ass. This morning, I put on the new pants, and he came in the room smiling at me, asking me if they were the new ones, and I said, "Yes, they're the new enormous pants that I had to buy in order to fit my ever-growing, enormous ass!" And he just walked over and hugged me, and kissed me, and then left the room. He's probably getting tired of me talking like I am, and admittedly, while I don't do it very often, it can't be very attractive. I know I need to stop it, and just do something about it. So I'll go back to making seriously bland food without additional salt/sodium in it (which I actually started to like when I last lost some weight...without the salt in the food, you can actually taste the ingredients like the turkey and the tomatoes and the onions...it's a strange concept - actually tasting the main ingredients, but I got to liking it a good deal), and if he wants to eat something else, he can do so. If he wants more salt, the shaker is on the counter. Hm...I wonder if I can make his chicken piccata into a more healthy meal? That might be fun to tackle...

Anyway, I'm tired of the fat. I know I've said it before, and I know I'll probably say it again. But this time I'm serious. I wanna lose 10 pounds by the end of January. And I'm gonna do it, dammit.


FaithsTwin said...

Aww. I'm right up there with ya Twin. I started thinking the old saltless turkey plan should be instated pronto just last night.

Since the food poisoning incident I have been good about cutting WAY back on my portion size. It's ridiculous the amount of food I can pile onto a plate in one sitting I tell ya! But when you are putting the kids in front of you in pictures just because you don't want the camera to catch on to your wide angle? It's gotta stop.

Faith said...

See, we're on the same wavelength right now, is the thing. Hm.

And I'm STARVING right now! I have half an apple I'm gonna eat, but I want the popcorn from in the kitchen, dammit! I want it soooooo baaaaad.