Thursday, December 15, 2005

Reruns...gotta love 'em.

Although it's been said many times, many ways...

How the FUCK do retarded* people get driver's licenses, huh? I had at least 3 mentally challenged** people in front of me on my way to work this morning, no joke. My brain became occupied with questions about how they were able to slide by on the written exam, and how in GOD'S NAME they ever passed the driving evaluation!

I actually remember my driving exam. I missed 2 questions on the written (I can't remember which ones they were...) and in my driving evaluation, I had trouble backing up in a straight line along a curb. So I was marked off 1 point for that. Seriously. (I have since become an expert in backing up in a straight line. Many years of beach-going and attending a school with incredibly crappy parking gave me skeeills, y'all...) Since then, I have attended Traffic School (for speeding violations) 4 times. (In California, they have a point system on licenses. If you get pulled over for speeding, it can count against you over time. If, for example, a person gets pulled over for speeding 4 times in 1 year, I'm pretty sure their license can be suspended and/or revoked. So they offer traffic school as a way of clearing the "points" off your record. You can't attend traffic school more than once in 18 months - used to be 12, but they changed that loooong ago - and you have to pay for both the price of the class as well as the charge for the ticket. It's a decent system, and I've always sort of enjoyed traffic school...) So I have re-learned the ways of our traffic laws many times over. Questions that are asked most frequently: 1.)Will a cop pull you over if you’re going with the flow of traffic? Yes, they will. 2.) Can you pull out of a designated turn lane if you change your mind and realize you need to go straight instead? No, you can’t. And my all-time favorite, usually asked by the older or foreign drivers in the class: 3.)Why was I pulled over and ticketed for going the speed limit in the fast lane/carpool lane on the freeway? Well, because impeding traffic is just as bad an offense as speeding through it is, dumbass. And you were pulled over for your own safety, because the truck driver behind you was about to pull his shotgun out of it’s secret spot and take care of your impeding ass forevah, kay?

Anyway, I know my shit when it comes to driving. I know that if two people get to the stop sign at the same time, the one on the right has the right of way (I don’t know why, but I know that’s the rule…), and while that rule becomes increasingly confusing if 3 or even 4 people hit a 4-way stop at the same time, it still applies. I also know that you’re usually safe going about 5 miles an hour over the speed limit on side-streets. Anything above that will guarantee you getting pulled over. And if you’re on the freeway (or surface street, for that matter), and the person next to you turns on their turn signal to indicate their intent/need to get over, it is illegal to pass them. That’s right, folks. It’s illegal. Basically, if you can see their rear signal blinking, and you pass them anyway, then you can be pulled over. If you’re next to them, or if you have to significantly adjust your speed to accommodate their need, then obviously, use your best judgment, but to not let them over isn’t only mean and kind of a dick-move, but it’s a ticketable offense.

Ok, that’s all the time I have this morning for traffic lessons, unfortunately. Gotta go track a dude down and find his mailing address, and then use a nifty machine to make a copy of a big ol’ document…FUN!



*It should go without saying that I am not, in any way, bagging on actual retarded people, here. Just wanted to make sure everyone knew that.
**Same as above. I’m not making fun of people that are, indeed, mentally challenged. Because that would just be mean. And I’m not mean like that. I swear.

1 comment:

FaithsTwin said...

No no no...'mentally challenged' could mean ANYTHING: someone hasn't had their morning jolt of caffeine; someone hasn't smoked their third ciggie in an hour; someone didn't eat enough protein; someone literally has a mental diability..see what I mean? That, Twin, didn't require an asterisk IMO. And we all know if you spell "retard" as "retahd" then you're ok. So next time, follow these simple steps and you won't need the little *.

Traffic school 4 times!? Seriously? #1 NEW thing learned in my day. I've only been twice, btw. Last time I went? 1994. Mmmhhhmmmm...suck THAT you bad drivers! (not to be read 'bad ass' drivers. I meant those of you who drive the way you know you do & actually suck: you need to be riding bikes, or a train, or a bus.)

Listen, if there are 2 people stopped at a stop sign at the same time, the 'right-hand-goes-first' rule applies. Trying that with 3 or 4 people? I say whomever steps on the gas first has the right of way. You can NOT try and figure out who the fuck is on the right in that case- you ALL are, duh!!