Wednesday, December 07, 2005

What else would I be doing?

Yep, I'm cooking again. Filling my snowy day today with laundry, roasting of potatoes and onions, and then getting on the treadmill soon. I swear, I am. I swear...

I kinda wish I could go home for Christmas this year, just so I can cook a bit for the fam, and show them all what a little time off can help me do. I'm not bad at cooking, actually. I always thought I was, especially when it comes to baking things, but watching Food Network and seeing how things are supposed to be done has really helped, I think. Tonight, I'm gonna pan-sear some halibut with capers and white wine, and then finish it off in the oven. I'm gonna have the potatoes and onions and some steamed asparagus on the side. See? I. Kick. Ass.

Not spending Christmas at home this year is becoming a bigger deal than I thought it would be. I didn't go home a couple of years ago for the first time, and it seemed like everything was fine. I had a boyfriend at the time (Dickhead, for those of you who remember my past nicknames for boyfriends), and we spent Christmas eve over at his parents' house having dinner and opening presents, and then went to his best friend's family's house for Christmas day/night. We ate shrimp coctails and drank beer and other things, and had meatballs (they were eating cheese ravioli with it, but I just had the meatballs, of course...) and salad...they let me watch the Laker game when it was on, and we played games with the kids and the was a blast! Unfortunately, I drank anything that was put in front of me, and wound up quite drunk at the end of it all. I didn't make a fool of myself while I was with the new people, and Dickhead was nice to me later when I couldn't sleep, but I also couldn't throw up for some reason. It worked out alright. It was weird not being at home, but it was ok, overall.

Last year, I went home. I went home for about 6 days, as I recall. Since Christmas was on a Saturday, work was off on Friday. So I flew to Cali on Wednesday, and didn't return until the following Tuesday. By the time Monday rolled around, I'd had a fight with both of my older sisters, and my brother and his fiance at the time (now his wife) wound up leaving at one point, because the house was so out of control. My twin had said exactly what was on her mind to the oldest sister, the next oldest kept telling me that I was an angry person and she felt bad because I was clearly so sad. (Um, for the record, I wasn't ever sad...just pissed off because people were bugging the shit out of me, and I don't keep my emotions to myself when I'm irritated and pissed off, der.) She told me at one point that I had hurt her feelings because I was grossed out by her suggestion that I should try dating my step-brother. (I've talked about this before...sometime last January or February, I think it was...I'm not gonna re-hash the whole thing for the sake of this synopsis, though, so go check the archives if you're interested...January and February were entertaining months last year - full of Dave crap and work crap and family crap. It's worth checking it out if you don't know what I'm talking about.) Aaanyway, Christmas wound up becoming a big pile of poo last year. Christmas day itself was lovely. It was just the breakdown of shit after that that got abnoxious.

So that left an icky taste in my mouth, obviously. I visited again last May, at which point I went to a concert with the Twin, visited with Dad and Stepmom and brother and his wife and their new baby one of the days I was there, and then I flew home as quick as I'd landed, it seemed. But it was enough for me at this point in time. For the last year, my life has been full of job uncertainty, problems with men, and then luck with one man, and basically, I've been feeling my way around, trying to figure out what to do with myself for a good part of it. Going home and visiting people (whom I love and would LOVE to see, of course), just isn't a big part of the end of this troublesome year for me. What I'm looking forward to is waking up on Christmas morning, making some yummy food (I'm thinking eggs, turkey bacon, and some Pillsbury cinnamon rolls) and having breakfast with my man, and then opening presents and relaxing a bit before he has to go to work that night.

I think the problem is that I'm the first one of the kids to do this sort of thing. To stay away from home on Christmas, and to not be a part of the family on that day. This bothers my dad a bit, and I guess I can see where he's coming from. But I am planning a visit in March, to celebrate his birthday, as well as the older sister's and brother's birthday, and that should be a very good time. There's less of a chance of having to deal with snowy travel in March, and I'll have been at the job for a longer time at that point, so it should be easier to take a couple of days off. Plus, I want the boyfriend to come home with me to see where I grew up and to meet the family, and he can't do that as soon as Christmas, unfortunately. In fact, with some changes that are being made at his work, it's questionable that he'll be able to get away in March. But we'll see.

I love my family. I'd love to see them at such a warm, lovely special time of the year such as Christmas. But I'm a growing girl. I need to focus on my life most of the time, and unfortunately, that means that I can't always do the traditional, acceptable-to-the-family things. Someday, I'll be more settled, like I was last year, and I'll be able to get together with the family the way they want me to, when they want me to, according to their rules. In the meantime, I guess I'm here to mix things up a bit, and throw a curve-ball in their direction. It's ok with me. I just wish it would be ok with them.


FaithsTwin said...

Well, I know I'll miss seeing ya at Christmas, but what I am missing even MORE is having someone cook for me- I'd like some of that halibut, with a side of some roasted veggies, a ceasar salad to start (with your expertly made crutons, of course) and how 'bout a small bit of linguini with butter and parmesan? Mmmmmmmm

Faith said...

I just so happen to have linguini in my fridge right now. (I always make lots whenever I make pasta, so I can have some on the fly when I want it. :) But I only have fake parmesan. It tastes real, I swear!

FaithsTwin said...

The girls like the fake stuff when we go to Papa's. Otherwise, at home, they are parmesan snobs.

Great. It's 11:35 p.m. and now I want Chix Parmesan. Fuckin' PMS...