Monday, January 31, 2005

Meme, anyone?

It's been a while since I've run across a meme I liked and wanted to put up. Found this one today over at Lushy's place. Thanks Lushy!


High School Senior Year

What year was it?
1991-1992

What were your three favorite bands or musical artists?
Morrissey, Kate Bush, and Peter Murphy. Christ, was I in love with Peter Murphy back then!

What was your favorite outfit?
I can't really remember. I hated wearing jeans, and was sort of in a semi-goth/grunge stage then, so probably my plaid skirt, black sweater, and black tights that might have holes in them or not, depending on the weather. Big chunky black shoes. ("Clunkers" were what my mom called them...)

What was up with your hair?
Long and uncolored as of the beginning of the year...by the end of the year, I'd discovered the wonders of dying my hair red. It was great. :)

Who were your best friends?
Tina and Simon.

Where did you work?
Did I work? Hm...I think that was the year that I started out at a fast food Mexican place (a Baja Fresh-type of deal), and then lost interest in working at all. Really, my school work suffered when I worked, and that bothered me.

What did you do after school?
Went to the library in Laguna Beach to study. Sometimes went to Tina's house to chat and listen to music. Therapy on Wednesdays with Dr. Rad. Tried to avoid the Twin as much as possible, I s'pose. (We weren't in a good place then...see comment on therapy on Wednesdays...)

Did you take the bus?
Not since junior high. My senior year, I was driving the White Monster, a.k.a. a Chevy Blazer we'd had "in the family" for a few years at that point. Drove that puppy straight through the first part of my sophomore year in college. It was the best car...

Who did you have a crush on?
I think Tim Daly was the boy I was hooked on in the first part of the year. And then Simon. I loved my Simon. He was a doll and a half.

Did you fight with your parents?
Oh, hell yes. Although, by the end of the year, I think I was in a much better place with them overall. But I wasn't in therapy for nothing...dad and I were a mess, and my mom just couldn't understand why I had issues with the Twin. Blech. I was really lucky to be able to move out and go to college the next year...

Who did you have a CELEBRITY crush on?
Josh Charles was a big one for me throughout much of high school. I think I was pretty good and hooked on Kyle McLaughlin back then as well. But no one really stands out, when I think about it.

Did you smoke cigarettes?
Nope.

Did you lug all of your books around in your backpack because you were too nervous to find your locker?
I carried the books I needed, and had a specific pattern as to when I would hit my locker during the day to switch things out.

Did you have a ‘clique’?
Tina was immensely popular that year, and while I hung out with her and Simon lots after school and on weekends, when we were at school, it was usually just me and Simon that chatted and hung out while Tina floated about. But we hung out with the wrestlers mostly. So I'd say the jock clique would be the one that I was hooked into at that point. (I was a Mat Maid...we took stats for the wrestling team and acted as special cheerleaders for the wrestling team at meets.)

Did you have "The Max" like Zach Kelly and Slater?
I hate this comparison. But I guess I'd have to say no. I'm positive we didn't have any one hang out that we always went to. Starbucks in Laguna Niguel? I can't remember, really...

Admit it, were you popular?
Junior year, yes. Something happened my senior year that made everything go haywire, and I wound up dropping out because of it. Finished high school through independent study with the Twin, and graduated in a class of 3.

Who did you want to be just like?
I wanted to be just like who I had been my junior year. I really don't know what happened to change things around. But I have to say that I don't remember looking at any other girl and wishing I was like her. Oh, except Linda Evangelista. She was my idol back then.

What did you want to be when you grew up?
An opera singer. Yeah...that didn't happen. :)

Where did you think you’d be at the age you are now?
I certainly didn't think I'd be in Kansas! When I think back on it, I believe that at that time, I was looking forward to college, trying my hardest to focus on getting mentally healthy again. I wanted to be in control, and to have a good time in life. I didn't (and I still don't) think about anything past a 5 year mark. I'm all about the 5-year-plan.

Airborne can only do so much, it seems.

I've had a cold threatening me for about a week and a half that I was staving off pretty well by taking vitamins, taking Airborne, and getting rest. Friday, it was finally telling me that there was no way I could hold it off any more, so when I woke up on Saturday, there it was! It's a mellow cold, it seems. At least thus far. Hopefully it'll stay mellow.

Saturday, I had a friend come over and help me take down my Christmas lights. It had snowed on Friday night, but that didn't stop us. It was weird snow, anyway...started melting by 10 a.m., and by the middle of the day, it was almost gone, even from the grassy areas. So we got that done, and then we (meaning me and my Moose friends) were planning to meet up at a different bar (different from the Moose, I mean) at about 4:30. My bartender friend called me at about 2:30, when I was getting ready, so I called her back when I was done doing my thing. She wanted to tell me about the latest bullshit that's going on in her life (let's see, last week, she lost her job, and then she can't find a job, and then the Harley she owns hasn't been having the auto-withdrawal payments being removed from her bank to pay for it, so she now owes for 3 months, or some shit...I mean, come on!! That's a controllable thing, man! How do you not notice that your motorcycle isn't being paid for when you look at your statement every month? Um, apparently you DON'T look at your bank statements for a few months, is how you don't notice. Dumbass...), and then she asked if I could come pick her up to take her to meet up with our friends.

Now, I knew she was going to do this. It wasn't really a surprise to me. And I figured that I probably wouldn't have to take her home, since it was out of my way, and someone else would be heading in that direction for sure. But I just HATE this reliance she has on the rest of us all the sudden because she's getting shit-faced, and decides the best way to deal with it is to not drive. Of course, I can totally respect her for not driving while she's shit-faced. But here's the deal: How about you DON'T get rip-roaringly drunk when you go out, eh? I know, I know...odd concept, and everything. But maybe you could try not having a bunch of shots while you're drinking vodka drinks, and barely eating any food, hm? Oh, and by the way, the reason you're throwing up every day might not be nerves and stress. It could be that your body is so saturated in alcohol that it can't keep anything down at this point. I don't know...just a thought, really.

I don't know what it's like to be an alcoholic. I went through a period in my life when I was drinking a lot more than I had ever done, but I was in college, I was stressed, and it was never a take-a-shot-before-heading-to-class type of thing. Really it was just a drinking-a-bit-much-after-having-studied-my-ass-off kind of thing, and it stopped after my first semester of my sophomore year. I have family members that have gone through addiction issues, but outside of food and sleep, I can't say that I've ever had any issues with addiction myself. So it's hard for me to comprehend what must go through the mind of a person who wakes up, and is so depressed and irritated with how their life is going that they decide they should start taking shots of fucking Rumplemintz first thing in the a.m. to get them going.

I hate that I can't be more tollerant of her behavior. She's going through a hard time, but she really brings it upon herself. She hasn't been able to get over a breakup that happened over 9 months ago (seems like everything she does is to show him that she doesn't need his ass anymore. Um, yeah...he doesn't care. So let it go...), and then work at the Moose sucked because of management changes, and the things she told me and my other friends about what happened seem like they're being contradicted by each and every other person that worked with her. And they're sober. So I'm leaning towards believing them instead, you know? I haven't known any of them for a very long period of time, but when it's 5 people that work at the same place and have all worked closely with her for the past year or so, and they're all saying that she was fired (she says she quit), and that the shit she said had happened didn't actually happen...well, it's just hard to figure out what direction to think in over all of it.

I have enough drama at work and in my personal life. I don't need drama with the friends I hang out with to watch sports and drink beers on weekends, you know? Gah!

I'm irritable due to the cold, I think. I'd better go before my tirade gets any longer. (Because, believe me, I have even more to say on the subject! Scary, eh?)

Friday, January 28, 2005

See, THIS is why I don't go to Nebraska for visits!

Damn...can this happen in my sewer, do you think? I shit a LOT, IMO, so this has me wondering if due to my issue with the uphill plumbing under my house, and it's tendency to back itself up every now and then, could the decomposing, um, stuff actually smolder itself into a teeny blaze in my pipes?

I guess I don't have much to worry about unless it becomes a 30 foot tall, 50 foot wide, 100 foot long pile of shit. Until then, I can probably rest easy. Even though I shit a good amount, it certainly can't add up to 54 tons over the course of 24 hours. Although some days, it seems to get there...

I wish I was one of those people that go several days without doing it. But I'm not. It's weird, in fact, if I go 5 or 6 hours without dropping some kids.

So, didja guys miss me? :D

I think I must be back in the mood...

I'm feeling like sharing. So I must be back to normal. See, all it takes is a week or so for me to readjust sometimes. That's not too bad, right?

I put up a post last night before I left work, in fact, but the Proxy Server bullshit message popped up, and wouldn't let me re-connect. So I lost it. Oh well.

Dickhead is moving to Cali on Sunday. I've been trying not to think about it too much, and it's been working out, for the most part. Keeping myself busy, etc, etc...But last Saturday, I called him just to see how the packing and painting and all that good stuff was going. He was very short with me on the phone, and I wound up getting pissed at him. I mean, not only had he not made an effort to get together with me at all for over a week, but I knew he would have shit going on with his other friends (who don't like me, for some reason, and therefor do not invite me to get involved...) this weekend, and it was looking like the last little jaunt I had with him a couple of weeks ago was going to be the last time I saw him. Which wasn't enough for me, honestly. So I told him that I was pissed that we weren't getting together at all before he plans on leaving and he said, "Well, you haven't asked me to!" And I said, "WHY do I have to ask all the time? Why don't you ask me? Since you haven't made any effort to do so, I'll assume you just would rather not see me. So have a good trip, and keep in touch. Bye!" And we hung up. He hadn't called me all week, but he left me a message at home and on my cell while I was at the Moose last night. So I called him back. He wanted to see me. So he came over, and everything is good now. Except that for some reason, we didn't have sex. Which was weird. But we did other stuff, so we were both quite happy. (That TMI post I put up a couple weeks ago? Yeah, I tried that on him. Went quite well, actually...I was surprised...he said I was brave for giving it a chance. :) And we talked, and we hugged and cuddled. It was nice. After he walked out my front door, and I'd closed it behind him, I realized I hadn't told him I was going to miss him, so I opened the door again and said, "I'm going to miss you Andrew..." He stopped, and looked back at me and said he'd miss me, too. It's just going to be so weird without him here.

And so right now, I'm eating a taboo giant blueberry muffin from the deli downstairs, have a great big Diet Coke, and am trying to figure out what work remains this week that I must work on. Not much, thank goodness. I want the weekend to start now. My friend Rich is coming over tomorrow to help me take my Christmas lights down, and then I'll probably hang out at the Moose in the afternoon, and then figure out a place to watch the KU game tomorrow night (it's not until 8! WTF? Last week it's on at 11 freaking a.m., and this week, it's the polar opposite. Not a big deal for me, because I like being up/out late on Saturdays, but Dave was bothered by that info when I told him last night. For some reason, he generally likes to be home at that point in the evening. He's a freak...), and then Lord only knows what will go on by the time Sunday comes around. I want to cook, so maybe I'll do that then (I have this slow-cooking recipe that involves the oven, so I need to be there while it's doing it's cooking thang...), and clean my house, and all that good shit. Try my best to keep my mind off the fact that Dickhead will be heading out of town, and possibly out of my life forever that day. *sigh!* I need to get going now...

Thursday, January 27, 2005

But I'm Still Fond of You...Uhu-ho-o...

The Smiths say it all for me as of today...

Why DO I smile at people who I'd much rather kick in the eye?

I bought some music recently. Having fun listening to it. Thanks to Lyn for giving the tips on Paco and jem. I'm loving them to bits and pieces. (I can't find the specific posts for when she reviewed them/mentioned them...sorry!) And I bought The Smiths - Singles album that I've been wanting for oh-so-very-long. Because I needed "How Soon is Now" to be reverberating throughout my car as I drove through the streets of Overland Park in the worst way, honestly. I also picked up some other stuff at the same time. And you know what's funny? I received all the CDs I'd ordered on the same day, but they were all in different packaging. 3 CDs came in a little puffy bag, and then another 3 came in a box that was tightly wrapped around them (if you've ever ordered from Best Buy online, then you know what I mean, I'm sure...it's hard to describe, really...), and the last one came in a big box. All by it's lonesome. It was the funniest! But it was like Christmas all over again opening those 7 CDs in their separate packaging.

Mind you, it's been about a week and a half since I got them all. But I just remembered how great it felt to get all those CDs in the mail, and thought I'd share. Everyone should order their CDs online in bulk...it makes for some fun moments of package-opening happiness.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Not totally back in the mood yet, but a quick update is ok.

I'm not entirely back in the blogging mood yet. But here's a quick run-down of what's been going on...

Friday
- Made a fool of myself with regards to Dave. Again.

Saturday
- Made the decision to step back from the situation a bit by attempting to avoid Dave for a week or so, giving myself perspective on the feelings I'm having for him. Will be staying away from the Moose whenever Dave is there. Succeeded at this feat of greatness all day. (In the process, I re-discovered how great mid-afternoon naps on weekends can be. Man, it was fucking awesome to have a nap. 3 days have passed, and I still remember it fondly...)
- Also decided to buy the cute boy Trey (who I've been flirty-smiling with for the past couple of months) a drink in order to get us introduced. He was very pleased. My friends all think he's da bomb. They're gonna "hook it up," whatever that means. I'm just glad he knows my name and that I'm interested in doing more than smiling at each other across the room at this point. Moving slow on this one will be the key.

Sunday
- Despite my intentions to completely avoid him at all costs so that I can (a) not have to face the feelings I still have over having behaved so foolishly (and NO, I'm not talking about it, so don't even ask. It still makes me cry, it was so idiotic...), and (b) try to get past this Great Infatuation I have for the man, I ran into Dave right before the football games started. I tried to sneak by without chatting with him, he still managed to call me over and see me start to cry. He was then so nice to me that it made me wish things would work even more than I did before. GAH!
- Watched the Eagles slide somewhat easily to a victory over the Falcons. Yay!
- Barely watched as the fucking Patriots trounced all over the Steelers on their way to yet another fucking super bowl. Dicks.
- Made it to 9:30 before I completely passed out in my bed. Not from drunkeness, no. Just from exhaustion, it seems. Bleh.

Monday
- Finally got my ass back on the treadmill after a week long break. Watched the Bachelorette while I did it. Is anyone else completely in love with Ryan and Jerry? Dammit I want those men.

And that's what's what for now. My bartender friend quit the Moose last night, so I'm in a bit of a tizzy trying to figure out how to handle things from here on out. It's not like I will stop going there, because I am friends with all the other bartenders as well - she's just the only one I hang out with outside of that place, thus far. But the principle reasons for her quitting are bothering me, too, even just as a patron. So I'm trying to get a hold of my other girlfriend that I hang out with there, and see what she thinks. Otherwise, this is looking like a quiet week. Thank God.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

The Best Of?

I thought I'd re-post one of my favorite posts I've put up in the short almost-9 months I've been blogging. To give a bit of perspective on what I think about myself, and why things are the way they are for me. Hope it helps. I'll be taking a break for a bit, FYI...

June 2, 2004
As Edie Brickell once put it, "I quit, I give up. Nothing's good enough for anybody else these days..."

What is enough? How do you know when you've acheived the "right" level of happiness, or richness, or contentment? Can it be better? Will we wonder if it can be better when we reach what we used to think of as being comfortable, and then strive to acheive even more than we thought we needed in the first place?

Here's my deal today: I am a healthy girl. No abnormalities to speak of, really, except for my eyes, which are just about blind without the help of contacts/glasses. I've never broken a bone, nor have I had any extended hospital stays for any reason ever. The only surgery I've had was to have my wisdom teeth removed. I'm currently 30 years old, my organs are healthy, my teeth are healthy, and I don't appear to have any limiting disabilities to speak of.

I have never been in a relationship with a man for longer than 10 months. There was one, many years ago, that lasted longer because of the whole bounce back and forth, and continue to sleep with one another until we find someone new deal that happens in broken-up relationships sometimes. He finally found his new love of his life 2 years after we broke up. I dealt with it by moving my ass to Kansas City after I graduated from college. Then I dated a boy for 6 months, sort of. I was in love, he wasn't. Story of my life. Then he died. I didn't date anyone again for 4 years. Not a single date. Met my next boyfriend through a work thing. We dated for 10 months. He cheated on me (without me knowing, sneaky buggar), and decided she was the love of his life. They moved in together after we had been broken up for one month. Next guy was only a friend, but I tried like mad to turn it into what I thought it should be...and I'm glad it never developed into anything beyond the friendship, in retrospect. Then there were two very short lived romances. The first one was worthless...the guy decided he felt a physical attraction toward me, but didn't feel anything emotionally. Ookaaayyy...never heard that one before, but whatever. The next one was just plain weird. I even thought I loved him at one point, but that just had to have been the sex talking, honestly. I mean, he was nothing but a great big dud when it came to relationships.

And this all leaves me where I'm at now. In a relationship where I have no idea what's supposed to happen or what's going to happen. And isn't that how it should be? Do I really believe these people who say, "I just knew I'd marry her the moment I first laid eyes on her..." or, "I told my mom that Blah-Blah was the man for me and that we'd be together forever after we'd only been on one date..."? I don't think I do. And do I not believe them because clearly, I've been cursed in some way to live an eternal life without being loved by a man ever? Or do I not believe them because I wish it would happen to me soooo very badly? I'm not 12, nor am I an idiot. I know that love takes time to cultivate and to develope on it's own. I don't think I'd want to be with someone who thought they "knew the moment they saw me" that they were going to marry me. That seems sort of creepy, to be honest.

All I know for sure is that I'm not going to change for anyone. I tend to keep an open mind to the fact that change is inevitable, and that I need to be open to changing myself as much as I am understanding that we don't all change at the same time and the same pace. I hear suggestions people make. I see and meet new people daily that I admire in new and interesting ways. I like the person I've become over the years because of those influences. But I'm always going to be the girl who grew up with rich parents, who had to fend for herself because her twin had a debilitating and potentially life threatening disease, therefore garnering more attention on a regular basis. I will always consider myself lucky compared to most people on this earth. I will always be comfortable with myself, and happy with the majority of choices I've made throughout my life. (There are one or two...possibly even three...that I would change if I could go back and do so. But regret is an ugly thing to face in your head, so just don't do it...)I want to grow to be a cool old lady that has beuatiful silvery hair, and who lives in a nice home where I will have friends around, and shuffleboard to play, and people to watch after me. If you want to come along for the ride, even for just a little while, then good luck to you, and I hope you enjoy it!

Sheri's no fun. But I am. :P

Sheri changed my comments today on her post about the KC Blogger meet-up. She's got a great big loverly pic up of the group that showed, and apparently Asshole has yet another fucking girlfriend!! I just can't believe the way this guy flies through the chicks. I think I go through a box of kleenex slower than he goes through a relationship. But whatev. As I said in her comments before she (eh-em) edited it (truly understandable...I just like giving shit, and I'm in the mooood), I really don't understand how he does it. I mean, I can totally comprehend how he goes through them as quickly as he does (see aforementioned name of "Asshole" he has been bestowed with...), but how does he meet them and get them to fall for him as he does? I still can't figure out how I fell for him. Perhaps he has magical powers. After all, we did discover early on in the relationship from the astrology section of Borders that we were "doomed". And yet we still tried to make a go of it. I don't know. It's just weird to me.

**Note to Asshole's newest chicky-poo on the block: Just watch out, baby. He lies for no reason, eventually gives up when it comes to affection, and is completely lackadaisical when it comes to accepting his side of the responsibility for bringing a bit of unhappiness to the relationship when it happens. Yes, this could have all been caused by the anti-depressants he was on when we were dating (except for the lying part...that was all him, and damned if he isn't good at it), but if he's on them again, be prepared. It sucks.

Also, to those who might be trying to comment on my posts but are having no success, I don't know what's wrong. The Twin mentioned to me yesterday that she had been trying without luck, and it seems it's still happening today, even. I'm sure glad Julie was able to get through on my post about my nightmares, though. Geat fucking insight, really. I appreciated it.

How much fun can a Wednesday be? Pretty damned fun...

So I met up with my friend Melinda at the Moose last night, and we talked and laughed and ate and discussed the stupid men in our lives...it was so much fun. After she left, I joined other friends in another part of the bar (one of them is a server at the restaurant, and they aren't allowed to sit at the bar if they're going to be drinking alcohol...weird rule, no?), and we talked about the issues I have with my bartender friend. Well, not just that I have with her, apparently. Other people have issues, too, it seems.

See, we had tentative plans to head to a local bar last night for their steak dinner special (steak and a potato and salad for $9.95...), but then she ran into an old co-worker friend of hers on Monday, and he works at the bar way the hell out west of where I live, and suddenly we were going out there to see him on Wednesday. I told her I wasn't even sure if I was going to be in the mood to go out, but for some reason, she remembers that I told her I'd definitely probably want to go. So when I told her yesterday (when she called me at 4:45 wondering where I was at...um, it's called work? Der...) that I wanted to stay closer to home, and would rather go to the Moose to hang out and then watch the game, she got mad at me. Mind you, she was already drunk. I could tell by the way she was talking to me, and then the fact that she got pissed at me just cemented it. And I knew that she really just was mad because she either needed to find another ride to the west side bar, or she wouldn't be able to go, but it was stupid. She wound up saying, "Well, I just won't be making plans with you on Wednesdays any more. G'bye!" and then she hung up on me. And I was left sitting there thinking, um, she didn't make plans with me, she made the plans for me, and so if she's going to stop doing that, then great. But I hope she gets over it. My friends last night assured me that she gets over shit like that really quickly, so I hope they're right. Because I'm really fine with sticking around town and going out during the week. It was the 25 minute drive that she'd committed me to that had me irritated, you know? Sheesh...

Anyway, it's trouble, this drinking she does all the time. On Christmas Eve, she got pulled over after having gone from one bar to another to another, and blew a .29. That's not a joke, my friends. She blew a .2fucking9. (Legal limit is .08, I believe...) The cops wound up telling her that she needed to find a sober ride, and let her go. Because they were insane, apparently. She did find a ride, and now she won't drink and drive any more, which is fine with me. But she's relying on the rest of us to go places we don't want to go, and then give her a ride somewhere else or to her house, or whatever. You know, she might just go out and NOT drink instead, or something. But that's not an option for her, it seems. *sigh!*

So discussing it with my friends last night was helpful, I think. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one to think that she's an obnoxious drunk when she's been drinking, which seems to be a majority of the time. It's really kind of sad.

But overall, I wound up having a great evening, and slept really well last night, and am having a good morning so far. Except that it seems like terrorists snuck into my digestive system and planted a dirty bomb in there overnight. Screw that Boston plot-thing that everyone is talking about this morning...nope...they didn't go to Boston. They went to Faith's belly. I don't know what the fuck is up in there, but it needs to stop it. All I ate last night was penne pasta with grilled chicken, artichoke hearts and sun-dried tomatoes. While the artichokes can sometimes have a air-injecting effect on my bowels, it's never been this bad. Especially with such a small amount of them consumed! It's just weird. And annoying. And I'm done with it, is all.

And that's the news of the morning. I'm off to find fun things to read and look at and do a little work here and there. Because my desk is still a great big goddammed mess, and it's not getting any better on its own, like I keep wishing will happen when I leave here each night...stupid work on my desk.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

A 2-hour program with 1 hour's worth of commercials = a 1 hour goddam program

Ok, American Idol last night? I don't think I've laughed that hard since I saw Anchorman. Jeezy Chreezy...

During the marathon commercials in between segments of the show, I did laundry, my nails, and read a little bit of that new book I told y'all about yesterday. I successfully got through 3 chapters without throwing it! Also, it kind of makes sense to me now. While it does seem a bit on the sitting back and doing nothing, let the man do all the chasing side of things, the chick who co-wrote the book gives some good insight into how the advice from her male counter-part/co-author rings true with her, and her experiences kind of mirror mine, I've noticed. So I'm giving a good go of reading it now, hoping I can at least learn a couple of tips from it here and there. I'll report back on whether it turns to total crap or not...

Ok, now back to American Idol. That Mary chick? At the end? The one they saved for last, it seemed? Oh. My. God. She was absolute, beyond anything else I've ever seen, BATSHIT with a capital B. What I can't help but still wonder about is the friends that she said have told her that she sings well. Um, do they actually exist? Or are they the "friends" that are inside of her? Because if she has friends that have told her she sings well, they are either retarded and have no concept of what real singing is, or they are fucking with her, and someone needs to beat their asses to a pulp for treating someone like that, convincing them that they have talent that doesn't even come close to existing. Holy shit.

Oh, but at least she can fall back on her pursuit of a career in beauty. You know, because her fashion sense is clearly so prevalent. What with that cool hair-do, and the fabulous make-up, as well as the super-cool outfit she'd chosen for herself. Heh. I think when she was walking out of the hotel, she actually walked a certain way to try to dislodge the pants from her pussy. My co-worker thought she was walking that way to get them out of her ass, but during her "performance", they were clearly riding up the front worse than they were in the back. That was stright-up gross, yo.

There were so many others that were just as entertaining in my book. The chick who works as a scientist, or whatever, studying the West Nile Virus? Um...what was that "singing" she was doing? Was it a special form of Enya-inspired yodelling, or something? She was very sweet, though. Creepy, but sweet. And then there was super-spazzy girl..."I'm CRAZY!!" She was pretty and all, and I even think she'd probably win a kareoke contest if she entered one (as long as she ended it with flashing her tits to the crowd), but she was, indeed, crazy. Which was fun to watch.

It was a good night to stay in and watch t.v., IMO. Tonight is kind of messy. My bartender friend wants to go to this bar waaaaay out on the west side of town, which I'd be up for if I weren't her ride, and everything. Not that it's a problem, but I hate being tied to a place by someone that I'm giving a ride to, you know? Anyway, I do want to head out to watch the KU game, but I'm not really in the mood to head that far out, is all. We'll see what happens. I really just wanna go to the Moose...

So, have a good Wednesday, everyone. If you didn't watch American Idol last night, do yourself a fave, and try to watch it tonight, or at least one of the nights they're showing the audition thingies. Because they really, really are so very funny. Never fails to amaze me that 100,000 people will show up at something like that, and it turns out that 99,925 of them have no idea that they can't sing worth shit. Afuckingmazing, really.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

I am the walking dead...

I don't think it's possible to be more tired as I am right now. Ok, fine...it's probably possible. But I'm just so tired, I don't want to think about the possibilities of people being more tired than I am at this moment. Cuz that's just sad.

So my nightmares that I had were creepy, but still very interesting. In the one (had on Sunday early morning...), it was as though I was Boone from the show "Lost", and for some reason, I had found a boat, and I was getting off the island. I remember thinking that it was a bad idea to leave, especially alone, but I/he did it anyway. (It was as though I was inside him, but I was still myself while inside his personality. So it was almost like there were two of us in there, but I was the only one aware of it.) We, of course, ran into rough weather right away, and the waves were monstrous. Suddenly, a great big sea monster (something akin to a large fish-man, with snarling teeth and very sharp claws at the end of it's webbed hands...it was green and scaly, too...) was visible amongst the swelling of the waves. Scared the shit out of us. So we started rowing/paddling/whatevering away from the damned thing. Then I realized that we weren't alone on the ocean, and noticed that there were lots of other people trying to escape from the sea monster guy thingy. Next thing I knew, I was in a car on the ocean with Boone. I was in the passenger seat, and there was a girl in the backseat. I looked back in time to notice that the sea monster was reaching for us, and it grabbed the girl in the back with one of it's claws. She screamed, and the monster told her that it was no use struggling. I was crying, and I heard the monster hit the girl to subdue her. He was sick, though...kept coughing and spitting up some mucous-type stuff. That's when I realized that the monster had split off into several different monsters, somewhat like in a body-snatching way. The monster that had hold of the girl in the back of the car I was in was actually still half man/half sea monster (and he was regular-person sized, and able to fit in the back of the car). I rationalized that this was why it was sick and spitting up stuff. He kept clawing at her, though, even though it seemed like the man that had been taken over by the monster was struggling with letting his body get taken over.

Then I woke up. I was terrified, and felt very scared and pissed that there was nothing I could do to help the girl. It took me a bit to wake up out of it. It's vivid details have stuck with me since I had the nightmare on Sunday morning, and thinking about it still scares me a bit. I think that the half man/half monster thing represents a couple of things in my life right now, namely the whole Fucktard/Dave situation, and my New Boss issues at work. I don't know who the chick was that the monster was beating up on, or why it took place in the setting it did, but I'm sure glad I haven't had a repeat of it since then.

Although last night's nightmare was a bit simpler in format (wolves chasing me and several other people...caught up with a bunch of them and tore them to bits, and all I had to defend myself was a large stick that meant nothing when I tried to wield it with my puny arms/power...), it was still just as disturbing. Especially because of the weird face thing that happened when I woke up after having it. I just did NOT sleep well after that. And now I'm grumpy and pissy because of it. Dammit...

Tonight, I'd better sleep. You hear that, body?? We're sleeping tonight! A good, normal, minimum of 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep so I can be happy with you again, and so I don't have to feel like kicking my own ass all day long, m-kay? Alrighty then...

Hitting the proverbial wall.

I'm tired as hell all of a sudden. WTF? I went to bed really early last night, but have been having this problem with nightmares over the past few days or so. I had another one last night, and woke up totally freaked out. I could also see faces in my line of sight when I opened my eyes. I don't know how to describe it, but it's kind of like when you look at a bright light, and then close your eyes, and the spot of brightness stays with you? And then when you open your eyes, you can see a dark spot where the brightness was when you have your eyes shut...does anyone get what I'm saying? Well, anyway, I saw faces. They weren't nice, either. Some were cartoonish, and some were normal. None of them looked happy. I tried to close my eyes to make them go away, and they were there, too. So I thought of my happy place, and they finally disappeared. It was a bit disconcerting, to say the least.

Dave and I had a rocky weekend that finally seemed to get resolved yesterday. We had a few drinks, laughed a bit, talked some of our shit out, and then agreed to talk more later/at another time when we have the chance. I don't know what it is about him...I really think he has some major insecurity issues. But he agreed that he's nasty to me for no reason at all, and that he needs to stop doing that. I asked him if he wanted to be "with" me, and he said no, he doesn't think so. But we do like hanging out around each other, and I think we're both glad that we will be able to get past all the bullshit that's been going on, and finally just hang out as friends again. I don't know when we're going to talk, but I'd rather do it in a neutral place that doesn't involve the bar at the Moose, or the couch in his living room. I'm going to let him approach me about it, though.

One of our friends (the other Dave) has a new chick that he's seeing that everyone likes a lot. The only problem with their little fling/relationship is that Dave (not mine, but the other one...) is married and has a kid. He's been wanting to leave her for a long time, and so we're hoping this might be the catalyst that helps push him through that mess. But we're also afraid he's going to smother the new chick. They do spend an awful lot of time together, it seems. Anyway, she's super-cool, and she was there last week when the whole Boobs on a Stick thing happened. So she had a present for me on Saturday. A book called "He's Not That into You." Now, I'm not quite to the point where I can read it for it's comedic qualities, but I'm thinking I'll get there sometime this week. Right now, I'm still sort of in denial about the whole Dave thing. As sick as that may be, it's just the way it is. And every time I pick up the book to read a bit of it, I wind up throwing it across the room. It's a nice book. So I need to stop doing that...

I do love my friends right now...they've all been so supportive and helpful to me while I've been dealing with the bullshit. I think it'll be nice for all of us when Dave and I finally get past this back and forth crap. I know that I won't be going over to his house to hang out any more...I think that'll be my first step. Wish me luck with getting through it!

Ok, off to work I go. My desk is calling me, and I've already ignored it for a good 30 minutes now. Stuff to do, people to hate, and all that...:P

Friday, January 14, 2005

And the countdown begins...

So, when I got to the Moose, Fucktard was the only other person there that I knew besides the bartenders. I sat down next to him, and got a beer, and the evening began as it should.

On the way home, I'd called my friend Melinda to ask her to come out. Her boyfriend has been out of town on a snowmobiling trip for the past week or so, so we've been spending time together at the bar without him. Dave...um, I mean Fucktard...has been happy with that, because I really think he likes and respects Melinda and the relationship she has with her boyfriend. Plus, he likes that we girls talk when sports are on, so he can focus on the game. Of course, I love talking with Melinda, and keeping her clued in on what's been going on between me and Fucktard, so when she walked in tonight, there was an uproar from both myself and Fucktard. It was nice to see her.

Anyway, blah, blah, blah...Fucktard was chatting with some other people. I slipped in at one point when I thought he was getting ready to leave and asked him if he could bring the vodka I'd left in his freezer tomorrow when he comes down to watch the games. I told him that I felt I'd probably need it this weekend, and it's done being where it is, so I'd like it back. He made some comment about me saying it was done being where it is, but agreed that he'd bring it down. (We'll have to see if he remembers to do so...) Anyway, I was being very nonchalant, and was actually just having a great time chatting with my bartender friends and Melinda, and even Dave. I mean Fucktard. (That's just hard to get used to...I don't know why. Give me a couple days...)

Dave finally asked me, "So what was it that [Boobsicle] said to you last night that got you so upset?" I looked at him with an amazed look on my face, and then I sighed, and tried to figure out what I was going to say. I had wanted to tell him that I didn't want to talk about it, but he was seemingly genuinely clueless. (I know, I know...I'm a dope. Anyway....) So I told him that I think she's a complete asshole, and I was irritated to hear her say, "I hadn't planned on staying over..." And then I told him it made me want to throw up when I heard her say that. He replied, "But we didn't sleep together, if that's what you're worried about!" I told him he could do whatever he wanted. She grossed me out, and hearing her talk about staying at his house had pissed me off, end of story. He said, "Alright..." and then he stopped talking about it. (He had also said that she called him asking him if he needed a manicure, because she was strapped for cash, and could use the money. He then told me that when she showed up, she was drunk, and it didn't seem safe for her to drive home. I think he was trying to justify the situation. He's not doing it right, though. If he wants to make things up to me, he needs to apologize outright, give me flowers, and ask me to dinner. At the very least. God, he's just such an idiot! Does he think I was born yesterday? Goddammit!)

OMG!! What a story! I mean, she was fine enough to get over to your house in the first place, Fucktard! Why not let her go home after spending an hour or two working on your "nails". (Although it is very clear that he's had them done since I saw him last. They looked lovely.)

I don't know what to believe. She's a druggie bitch that doesn't have her life together at 45 (although she says she's only 39...yeah, right!), and he's being a dick to me on a weekly basis for no reason, has this chick over at his house conveniently on a night that he expressed that he thought I wasn't attracted to him, and then leaves her alone with me the next night, knowing that she'd spill the beans and I'd find out about their little rendevous. Which one of them is being the bigger asshat? I could give a flying shit about her, really. She's not a very admirable person overall. My relationship with Fucktard thus far leads me a different direction, however. He's obviously trying to make it all ok again. Manipulation galore...

But I could give a flying shit. I ate a yummy dinner, had a few drinks, and am home watching the Alias I recorded the other night before I hit my bed. And boy, I'm a-gonna hit it hard...

Keep tuned. There'll be more tomorrow, I'm sure...

Sheesh.

I drank too much caffeine this afternoon, and now I'm all shaky, and I feel like my heart is going to pound it's way out of my chest any second. Oh well...a beer or two should calm it down.

It's quitin' time! WOO! 3-day weekend!!

Thanks for all the support you guys have offered me this week. I appreciate it so, soooo much. I'll be sure to post about what happens this weekend with Fucktard. I'm kind of interested to see what happens myself. I'm thinking it'll be anti-climactic, and he's going to be pissy and just hang out at the bar for shorter periods of time than he usually does on weekends. But I'm hoping he'll be like me, let this shit go, and just hang out and have a good time, like I plan to do. We'll see...

Man, did I piss the gods off good this time.

I think the only way that life could get worse for me right now is if a freak tornado came out of the sky to strike my home, leaving me with nothing.

Turns out the reason Dave didn't want me to come over the other night was because he'd called Boobs on a Stick to come over and give him a "manicure". I haven't seen that bitch in a month, but she came in to the Moose last night just before Dave left, and then after he left she scooched her little ass down a chair so she could sit next to me, and tell me about how her car had gotten stuck in his driveway yesterday morning, because when he went to move it so he could leave for coffee, her key broke off in the ignition. "I hadn't planned on staying there, but..." That was when I excused myself to go to the bathroom.

Eventually Boobarella left, and I was able to confide in the friends that were still there that I was mad as hell, felt like throwing up, and didn't know what to do. I wound up sticking around the bar for a bit, chatting with the bartender friends, and then Bill came back a bit later, and we chatted for a while about random stuff, which was nice. When I got home, I sobbed so hard for about 5 minutes that I could barely breathe. Once I calmed down a bit, I called Dickhead to get his take, and to talk it out. This is where things get even better.

Dickhead lost his job last week, so he's finally making the move to Northern California at the end of the month. I couldn't talk for about 30 seconds after he told me that. I just cannot believe the way things are going for me lately! So I asked him if I would be able to see him before he left, and he invited me up last night, so I went. We'll see each other again before he goes, I'm sure, but I just can't stand the thought of him not being around any more.

So I'm a bit down today. I'm constantly on the verge of tears, don't know how I'm going to handle the Dave situation, don't want to be at work, but don't want to be at home, either...All I can do is pick myself up, and move on, I know. And I will - maybe soon. That cute boy Trey that I've been exchanging looks with at the Moose for the past 3 months was there again last night, and the exchange of smiles continued. Unfortunately, I wasn't much in the mood to make any move last night, but maybe this weekend, if he's there. I don't know how I will keep myself from unhinging on Dave. I left him a message last night telling him that I couldn't believe what he'd done, and he had to know that leaving me alone with doped up Boobitch was going to be a time for her to share her little Got to Stay Over at Dave's House Again story. I told him I didn't know how to handle the info, and that I was very upset about it. But he didn't call me back. Or if he did, then it was after I left to go to Dickhead's house, and he didn't leave a message. But I doubt he called.

I'm just very, very sad today.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Apathy has arrived...

You know what I hate? I hate that I haven't had anything funny posted lately. It's all been about work sucking or about me not sucking Dave (heh...ok, that was kind of funny...), or what have you, and I'm tired of that. But no one has done anything to me that makes me sit up and go, "Oh my God! That MUST be blogged about before I die!" The streets have been quiet, as have been the newspapers...and my life in general. It's just a ho-hum time of year, I guess.

I would think that with this kind of blogging going on, it'd be better to just skip it, eh?

OH! But did anyone see The Bachelorette the other night? Now that was worth watching, my friends. I liked the change in format, and the change in locale, and the many cute men as well as the many retarded men that made it through the selection process. There's a stalker, a stupid Frenchman, and an adorable guy that I think has pulled the fresh wool right over Jen's Marcia Brady look-alike head. Let's see...one guy passed out during the rose ceremony, and then he thought that was the reason that he was sent home (um, honey? No. Yes you may have really pretty eyes, but your head is too large for your body, and those eyebrows! AUGH It's like caterpillars are marching across the forehead!), another guy got completely blitzed on every type of alcohol that was made available to him and then thought that because he kept talking about what "eye-candy" Jen was that night, he was a shoe-in for a rose, and another one hit on her friends-posing-as-"waiters" (um, Chris? They were waitresses, jackass. Even more PC would be to call them servers, but let's at least get the gender right if we're going to refer to them the old fashioned way) I guess because he didn't realize he was on a show where he's supposed to be vying for the attention of the woman he hopes to marry at the end of it all. Eh, he was cross-eyed anyway. Maybe it extends to the lobe in the brain that handles his logical decisions in life.

It was fantabulous, and I can't wait to see this next week's episode in which something bad apparently happens, and the cops get involved. But I can't believe she kept the French guy around! He was just gross compared to some of the other adorable men she sent home. She even kept the A.W. guy which makes no sense to me at all. His eyes are creepy - like a Cabbage Patch Kid, or something. And what the fuck is up with that name? Gah. I hope she figures it out soon, and that this season's Bachelorette goes by quickly. My bets are on Jean Paul, Jerry, and Ryan being in the last 3. But I think Ryan (teacher from Manhattan Beach) will win. We'll see...

Bleh.

Ok, not because of that, you silly people. I didn't even have a chance to try it last night. Because Dave decided to go through one of his weekly mood swings again, and called me to say that he doesn't think I'm attracted to him, and we need to step back and take a deep breath, blah,blah,blah...

I don't feel like going into the details. But I was upset by the things he said, so I called the Twin to chat it out. She asked me, "Why do you even put up with him?" And I said, "Because I like him." Fortunately, she understands what I mean. If she doesn't, then she's very good at pretending otherwise and keeping her mouth shut. Which I appreciate greatly. :) If there's a lesson to be learned here, it's my lesson to learn, dammit. That's what's cool about chatting with the Twin.

I was upset for a while, feeling badly that I'd done something wrong, that I'd fallen short on my duties as the Girl in Dave's Life. But then I realized that this is his issue. I've told him numerous times how attractive I find him, and I told him last weekend that I don't want to date anyone else right now and that I like him a lot.

Unfortunately, that's not enough, it seems. I've been in his position before. The last couple of boyfriends I've had did a lot of "talking" about how much they cared about me, and wanted to be with me. But unfortunately, their actions said otherwise. As we all know, sometimes, actions can speak louder than words. As is clear in Dave's case, he needs me to show him rather than tell him. And while I am more than willing to do so at this point, he has a shorter fuse than I'm used to, and now that I know just how short it is, it's going to be tough to light it again, I'm afraid. Hopefully not too tough...we'll see.

Anyway, I popped a Benadryl or two to help me sleep last night, which they did, and now I'm feeling the effects of the Benadryl hang-over. So I'd better rush off to find me some caffeine. Thanks again for all the advice shared yesterday, folks! I'm hoping it will come in very handy in the immediate future...

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Need a little help from the girls...

Ok, this is a TMI post. Just to warn you.

I need some helpful advice from all my girls out there. Here's the deal: I'm afraid to swallow. Not so much afraid, really...but just concerned about it, for some reason. Maybe a little background info will help...

Ok, I didn't have sex for the first time until I was 18 years old. And even then, it was not the right time or the right guy or the right anything. So I didn't wind up liking sex all that much until I met my favorite boyfriend my sophomore year in college. With him, it was natural and fun and easy. And life was good again. He was the first person I felt comfy enough to go down on. And it was a good time for both of us. I realized that while beejers can be a little bit of work (as Samantha from Sex & the City says, "They call them 'jobs' for a reason..."), I actually liked doing them, which was a nice surprise to me.

Ok, most guys up until this point in my life have not minded the fact that I don't swallow. I've never tried, and it's really never been an issue with them, happily. (Here's the really, really TMI part...) We either finish up with sex, or I give a boob job (because dammit, the girls are very good for that sort of thing, IMO) and they finish up on my chest or belly, or they finish on themselves. And I always offer to clean up. Because I'm cool like that.

But I want to be more cool, dammit! I want to swallow! I do. But I'm freaked out by it, for some reason. At this point, Dave seems to be a little bothered by the fact that he's given so much to me (because he likes it, apparently...go me!) and gotten pretty much nothing but some half-assed hand jobs from me in return, and I sincerely don't blame him. In my defense...no. Really, I have no defense. I want to have sex with him, he keeps saying that we will soon, but we haven't yet (this past weekend was a bad weekend for me, what with my being in a girlie way and all...), and to be quite honest, I find beejers to be a bit more intimate than sex, even. Most guys don't get that. I don't really, either, but it's the way I am. But I really want to please him in return. So I'm struggling with this at this point.

I also have a subconscious fear that I'm not good at giving them. I've never had any complaints, but for some reason (I think because of the fact that I've never stepped up to the swallowing plate) I think I'm not good at it.

So tell me I have nothing to worry about, will you girls! Tell me to just get over myself already, and take the plunge so I can make my man as happy as he makes me every time I see him! (Yes, you heard me right. Every. Time. He is a good man, my friends...this morning, had I not needed to get up and head to work, I would've shown him my appreciation, I'm sure. But time didn't allow for more than my turn. And the funny thing is that he keeps saying that he's not going to do it any more...but he just keeps on doing it! I really, really want to fix this problem, if I can...)

Any advice for me?


Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Really not a good thing.

Work has become a place where, when I come in every morning, I feel like running screaming with hysterical laughter out the door after about an hour of being here, and then by the time the afternoon has come around, I'm so apathetic about it all, I could give a shit what's going on around me.

Hm. That's not a good way to feel about work, is it?

I know it'll change again, and things will be fine and under control, and the New Boss will learn that he can't make promises that we can't keep, and then expect me to find a way out of it. And he will actually back up his "Hang in there, it'll all be worth it..." comments with some actual incentive for me to hang in there, like a $5,000 raise, or something.

And pigs will fly, and rainbows will actually have pots of gold at the ends of them, and if I click my heels together 3 times while repeating, "There's no place like home..." over and over, I'll wind up in my cozy warm lovely bed in my bedroom in the cute little farmhouse, and it will have all been a dream.

Right now, what I want to do is hang out a bit, and then go to the Moose at 4-ish to start drinking, and then stumble back to Dave's house for some lovin' before bed.

Except I don't really want a drink. How weird is that? :D

Tonight, there is a going away party for one of the managers that used to work at the Moose before the company moved him to another restaurant down south of town. We're going to take pictures and hang out and have fun and it'll be a good time, I know. I'm worried that Dave might not come, even though I'm driving (and staying sober, yes indeedy...), but if he decides to stay home, it's his loss. I need to get out and hang out with people that don't talk about how crappy the New Boss is, and who only care about chatting about random topics like weight gain/loss, how drunk they got last weekend, or whether Joel will go into the bathroom only to emerge a few minutes later with nothing on but a Crown Royal bag over his manhood. (He's done that at the last two gatherings, and I haven't been there to witness it, dammit.)

I just need to get past this floundering feeling at work! I hate feeling like burying my head in the sand every time I come in. And I try not to let it get to me...I focus on one activity at a time, and keep on plugging away, and stuff does get done. But there's so MUCH of it, it seems. And people keep calling, and the e-mails keep rolling in, and the items that need my approval keep piling up. It's out of control, and it's driving me mad.

Better get back to it, though, before the entire afternoon goes to pot.

My own private corner in hell. Hm. How novel.

Work sucks. I hate being here right now and dealing with the new bastards in we're trying to hire. I don't like being rushed, dammit!

More info later. Right now, I must keep focussed...

Monday, January 10, 2005

I've GOT to stop this falling down thing!

Last night, I got home from hanging out at Dave's at about 10-ish, I'd think. I hadn't had a cigarette in a long time, and I was feeling like it was a good time for one, so I stepped out on my front porch to have one while I surveyed the melting that occurred yesterday in the yard, and thought about my absolutely lovely weekend. When I was done, I leaned over to put out the cigarette in the snow, and losing my balance, I fell on my face. Literally. I don't know why I didn't catch myself with my hand...maybe because the hand already had a mission, which was to put out the cigarette? I don't know. Anyway, I fell down and hit my cheek on the pavement. It was really cool. Now my face is all red and puffy by my right eye, and there are some tiny scrapes at the top of the bruise.

I'm the coolest chick EVER. :P

When I think about the way that Dave kisses me, it makes me smile. I can't stop smiling for a bit after thinking about it, actually. His staying power is rather impressive. On Friday, after having just about the worst day I've had in a long time, I called him while I was on my way to my hair appointment. I told him that after the day I'd had, I needed some hugs and closeness and lovin', and if he was willing to help me out with that, then he should call me back and let me know. (I was leaving a message, of course...) He called while I was at the salon, and said that he'd made plans with a friend, but that I could call him later and see if he was home if I wanted. From that point on, the weekend was just about perfect. (Except for the whole falling down thing. Oh, and someone side-swiped my car when it was parked in front of Dave's on Saturday morning...the roads were slippery, and they must've just slid right into me. At least I would assume that's what happened. I can't be sure...but they did relatively little damage to the car, except for knocking the shit out of my driver's side mirror. It was hanging pitifully by a little wire. The mirror itself was lying in front of Dave's driveway...no damage to it, so I saved it. I got to a body shop right away, and they're ordering the parts they need, and hopefully they'll be able to reattach it by Wednesday...it's weird driving without that mirror! Poor little car...)

Dave felt so very badly abut what happened last week, but I told him not to worry about it. I'm really, really, really glad that he apologized as he did, and that things are as they are for us. Last night, he said that we need to go somewhere sometime. Someplace other than the Moose. I told him that I thought it was a great idea. We could go to the movies, or to dinner somewhere. Eeee! An actual date! :D

The walls are coming down, and I can't express how cool it is that it's happening. We're pretty much talking openly with our friends about the time we spend with each other. So it seems like he's ok with people knowing about whatever it is we're doing. Not that it was any big secret, really. It just seemed like maybe he might've been uncomfy with it for a bit. But I told our friend Melinda about my car being hit when it was parked in front of his house, and while he had a slight reaction to my saying something, he just sort of wound up laughing it off, and then made a comment about how I might've broken this other guy's heart that seems to like me. His name is Mike, and he's quite possibly the most annoying person I've met in a long while. He has a habit of making rude comments that he doesn't even seem to consider are rude at all, and he talks and talks and talks. He interrupts people that are having a conversation to butt in with a stupid comment of his own. So when he sat next to me at the bar on Saturday, I was happy to get it out there that I'm seeing Dave. Dave and Melinda and I were doing shots and having a fun-ass time of our own, so Mike eventually took the cue to move someplace else in the bar to finish his cigarette, and then he left. Everyone thinks it's soooo funny that he liked me. So even our friend Bill came over to give me shit about having turned my back on him. Bill cracks me up, though.

I'm just rambling on and on, aren't I? I'm gonna blame the hang-over. Soooo very tired right now, I can hardly stand it! Maybe I'll be a bit more coherent later.

But just so y'all know, I realize that I've made Dave out to sound very mean and somewhat horrible when I've told my stories about him out here, but I can't tell you enough about the sweeter side he has. And now that things are going as they are, he seems to be losing a bit of the roughness, even. Which makes it sooo much easier to like him.

Ok...gotta get to work now. Hope everyone had a fall-free weekend! Or that if you did fall, you at least had the wherewithall to catch yourself with something other than your face...

Friday, January 07, 2005

My window into the cold world this Friday

Dave apologized. That's it for me for now, though. I'm gonna leave him alone for a bit, and see what it is that he wants. Because I know what I want. I don't think he does. So we'll see. (Guys/girls who do this sort of thing...why do you do it? You have a great weekend with someone that you've been hanging out with off and on for a while, and then you start to ignore them immediately after the weekend is over? What is that all about? Is it a power thing? Is it a fear o' committment thing (something I've never personally had)? What is it, really? Because I'm at a loss to figure out what the fuck I'm supposed to do while he crawls back into his little hole and tries to decide whether he's going to be nice to me or not, or even hear from me on any level...It's hurting my head, dammit. Or is it possible that the "retreat" has been turned on me, and after I tried doing it on Monday, he decided to do it himself the rest of the week? I just don't get it...)

My power went back on at about 6 p.m. last night. Took forever for the temp to return to "normal" (which, FYI, for me is about 68 when I'm home, and 64 when I sleep and when I'm out of the house...how some people survive when they keep their houses colder than 60 is beyond me. It's just not comfortable for me at all at that temp...), and while all the furniture in my house was still cold as hell, somehow my fridge lost all it's coolness during the period the power was off, and so all my meat and stuff that I had in there had to be thrown out, which was a pain. The stuff in my freezer was still frozen, for the most part, though. Anyway, I was glad to have my power back, and to be able to wake up in a toasty house this morning. There was a teeny part of me that was pissed it was back on, because Dave had asked me to stay at his house if it wasn't. And it would've been nice to have had the opportunity to have some quiet time where we could chat a bit about what the fuck is going on. But the gods spoke to us by turning my power back on, and that was the end of that. I watched the recorded LOST and Alias from the night before, and then went to bed at 9:45. It was lovely.

Now I need to dedicate myself to cleaning up the pile that is my desk. Because it, too, is hurting my head.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Forty. Eight. Freaking. Degrees...

So, last night as I'm finishing up my pre-bedtime activities, realizing that all I need to do is go pee one more time, and then I can head to bed to read for a bit, my power snaps off. And it's not a surge, like usual. No...the power just shut off. And I saw the transformer that was blowing somewhere over the roofline across the street through my bathroom window. Of course, it was just my side of the street that lost the power, but whatever. (My neighbors to the east also lost theirs...I saw their flashlights bobbing around their houses when I checked my backdoor to see if I was alone in my power loss...)

So I finally got my ass to bed after turning off the lights that I remembered had been on, and setting my alarm on my cell for this morning, and calling Dave to see if I could sleep at his house, or if at the very least I could count on showering at his place this morning, but he didn't answer, so I had to leave a message. See, it was 12 degrees outside when I was heading to bed at 10:30. It was supposed to drop into the single digits overnight. That means that my house was going to chill down by morning, fo sho. At 1:30 a.m., I got up and saw that the thermostat was at 54 degrees. Shit it was cold. I climbed back into bed, and slept fitfully until about 3:30. At that point, I didn't even want to get out of bed it felt so cold outside my blankets. But I needed Advil, so I did. And then I ran back to bed, not sleeping well for longer than what seemed like 20 minute intervals, because I was worrying about what the hell I was going to do this morning in order to get out of the house. How do I open my garage? Where will I shower? How late will I be to work? It was all a mess in my head, and my head was very cold, so I just hoped that hypothermia would set in and I could hit coma state soon after.

My first alarm went off at 6, so I went to change the solution in my contacts, and then checked the thermostat, just for fun. I thought it had to have bottomed out at that point, but it was holding steady at 48 degrees by then. SHIT, that is some cold mutha-fucking air, yo! I was freezing. So I went back to bed for 45 minutes, wishing and hoping and praying to my dear, sweet, merciful Lord that the power would come back on somehow before I got up.

It didn't. So I got up, and threw on layers of clothing, and I tried calling Dave again. That didn't work immediately, and I don't wanna talk about what happened, because he was mean, and I cried (due to a partially frostbitten brain, and the fact that I'd gotten very little sleep overall, and I was a bit freaked out about the whole no power thing), and then he realized I wasn't calling to be a pain in the ass, but rather because I was experiencing an emergency of sorts and needed help from a goddammed friend, and then he calmed down, and he told me how to switch my garage to being in manual function, and then he told me he was going to coffee and he would leave the house open and there was a towel in the bathroom hanging over the shower curtain rod that I could use. So there...I guess I did talk about what happened. In a nutshell.

So I showered at Dave's, where the water was oddly lukewarm, but the air was toasty, so I was a happy girl. And he's going to drive by my place later and let me know if the power has come back on (I turned on my porchlight, so it'll be on when the power comes back...), and then he's going to call me to let me know if I need to make arrangements for sleeping/showering again tonight. I would hope he will also apologize for being such a shithead this morning as well, but I'm not holding my breath. He might wind up being way more trouble than he's worth, is all I'm starting to see after this whole mess. I mean, all I did was call him last night at 10:30 (um, still a rather normal hour to be calling loads of people, for chrissakes...), which he said woke him up, and then I called this morning at 7, which is well after when he says he regularly gets up every day. And he got mad at me. That is until I asked him if he'd even listened to the messages I'd left, which he said he did not. I was calling for emergency reasons. And after the pleasant conversation we had last night, I figured we were doing fine in every respect, you know? So I'm ready to let him have it, if given the proper opportunity. If he doesn't apologize, that is. Because that's all it takes with me. Realizing you fucked up is one thing. If you don't say sorry for fucking up, then you aren't a proper human being. And I'm not interested in having to teach a goddammed 48 year old man that lesson.

Anyway, I had a shitty night/even shittier morning, I'm exhausted, and I'm busy as hell because work has kind of been hard to do what with all the weather related bullshit over the past two days. So I've got some catching up to do. Cross your fingers that my power is back up later...I'm so afraid that I'll have to deal with frozen pipes and everything that I don't even want to go home. Blech. The thought of it just makes me so tired...

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Like magic...

Dave finally called tonight. I'm glad...I was getting quite worried, and in my PMSy state, I was all worked up about what the hell might be going on. Turns out that last night, he went home and went to bed because he was feeling pretty crappy. (He was starting to feel a cold coming on when we woke up on Sunday. But he continued to carouse on Sunday during the day, and then we were up a bit late on Sunday watching a movie...he did fall asleep during it, though.) And he hadn't called me yet today because he hadn't yet gotten my simple, off-the-cuff message I left him earlier when I came home from work early. (They were predicting icky things with the snowfall amounts...I didn't want to get stuck, so I left early. The snow never happened, of course.) It was a great message, too! All I said was that it was me, and I was home early because of the predicted snowfall, and then said, "Call me!" And that was it. Well, 4 hours passed, and I still hadn't heard from him, and even walking on the tread for 50 minutes did nothing for me. So I called again, and told him to at least just call me quickly to let me know if he was ok. And if he's mad at me, then fine, tell me that and I'll leave him the hell alone. So two seconds later, he calls me. He told me about how he was asleep last night, and then referred to my lovely second message of last night in which I stated that perhaps he was mad at me because my team was winning. He was all, "That's just so silly! Don't you think that would be a ridiculous reason for me to be mad?" I explained that I know how passionate he is about sports, and I couldn't put it past him that it might make him mad. Then I told him that it's hard to read his tone a lot of the time. I mean, unless he's cooing in my ear about how nice I smell or about how he likes my touch, he has a tendency to sound like he's irritated. (Another reason that he and I might be meant for each other. I have a condescending tone, I've been told. Can you imagine? Between his tone and my tone, we could really damage some kids, should that ever occur. But it won't, thank goodness...) So I never really know when he might be mad. Tonight was easy. I could tell that he realized that I was a bit scared that he was losing interest in me. I think he actually likes the attention I'm giving him this time around, though. So while he was definitely mocking me for the messages I'd left yesterday, he was still very conciliatory, and seemed like he was "making nice". He kept mentioning how silly I was being. I told him I'm a very silly girl. He agreed, and then the commercial break during LOST ended, and he said, "Oh...my show is back on. Gotta go." It's a good thing it's my show as well...:)

It's so odd that I was starting through the crappy feelings that I was so afraid might happen eventually, though. All weekend, I was worried about being so happy and contented with how things were. All weekend, I told myself not to get my hopes up, because it sucks just that much more when it all comes to a screaching halt. And that happened today, you know? I tried to busy myself...working hard at work (well, sort of. I had little ambition to work, so really, it was kind of a forced thing, I think...), came home and did laundry and cooked things and got on the treadmill. I even wrote down some stuff that was going through my head about him, so I could get it out and let it lie, but that didn't work all that well. And now I know I was just being silly.

I really wish all things were as simple as bacon.

Was there a Pomeranian at the Last Supper?

Just found this story in today's KC Star...thought it was a bit troubling for a couple of reasons:

(a) Why did the kid dress up in a toga and hang out in his backyard with his dog to feel closer to Jesus?
(b) Why the hell did his mother call the cops on him to get him to come back inside? I mean, lady? Get a clue. The police have bigger fish to fry. Especially in Olathe. So your kid is weird. You raised him...accept him for the person he is right now, dumbass.
(c) WTF? They stun-gunned the kid? Are the police in this metro just nutty for stun-guns, or what? (Answer: yes. They certainly are.)

I hope he wins his lawsuit. But I also hope he figures out that church is a great place to feel closer to Jesus, too. As long as he wears jeans and a t-shirt, and remembers to leave his Pomeranian at home...

Wow. What a MESS! :)

The city is a mess today. It's all crystally and white and pretty on the surface, but then we have to drive in it, and it just isn't any fun at all...

My drive in to work was successful, though. I took it slow, and just drove very carefully in the grooves that were sort of there to drive in. I only fish-tailed once. :)

Then I got behind Super-Duper Careful Woman. She was going a whopping 5 MPH in the left lane of the street I was on. Ok, I am all for being careful as hell, but that means going about 20 MPH. This woman might very well have gotten stuck, she was going that slow. Why do people even leave their house on days like today if they aren't going to be comfortable driving in the slop?

Anyway, it's cold and getting colder. My mood is low due largely to PMS, I think. I never heard back from Dave last night, and am afraid that I might have pissed him off by leaving him 2 messages. (And in the first one I said he could call me as late as he wanted, "even if you're grumpy." Why? WHY did I mention the grumpiness? Sheit. In the second one, I apologized for the grumpy comment, but told him that he'd seemed angry with me when he left the bar, and I was worried that he was mad at me because USC was winning, and that just isn't fair. I know that he wasn't, and that he just was upset that the team he wanted to win wasn't winning...it'd have been hard for me to watch if the tables had been reversed, I'm sure. But how stupid am I when I call him? I leave him the dumbest messages, I swear...I'm just going to stop doing that. From now on, I'm going to simply say, "Hey, it's Faith! Call me!" And that'll be that...)

I ate bacon this morning. Bacon is perhaps the yummiest thing on the planet, I believe. It was even kind of cold...didn't matter. It was yummy all the same. When I was at my dad's for Christmas, the Twin and her ex-husband made bacon one morning. Her oldest daughter sat next to me at the table, nibbling on a piece at one point, and she said to me, "The fat on the bacon is the best part, I think." Kiddo, there ain't nothin' truer than that statement, fo sho. If only everything could be that simple in life...

Here's to hoping you find the fat in your day today. And that it's yummy...

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

USC - 55; OU - 10 (And I still feel like shit.) Oh, and there's still another 9 minutes left to play...

Dave has disappeared. He left the bar during the 1st quarter after finishing dinner, and I thought he was going home. He wasn't, it seemed. Either that, or he's not answering his phone when I call. Either way, I feel like hell.

But I am up $60. (I was able to find 2 more takers today before the game. I gave them the 3.5 point spread. Seems they needed a bit more than that to be competitive, eh?)

I think it's PMS, but I almost wish that OU would've won, just in case that would've made Dave happier.

I'm a sick fuck for lots of reasons. This night is one of them. G'night.

(Oh, and fight on USC!! Good job boys. You proved you were #1 without question, and blew all the skeptics out of their goddammed socks tonight. I'm proud to be a fan, honestly.)

I like ice in my soda, and that's about it.

We've got an ice storm happening tonight in KC. This is quite a quandry for me, because tonight had so much fun stuff that was going on, and this sort of ruins it. When it's icing, I like to keep my car in the garage, end of story. Ice is NOT fun to have to thaw out from under, and so going to the Moose to watch the game tonight isn't really an option anymore. Nor is going to another bar across town for a going away party that was supposed to happen. I don't even think that going to Dave's house is a possibility, unless he comes to pick me up, and then drops me off tonight or tomorrow morning. I'm not leaving my car out in this for any longer than I have to. Right now, it's sitting on the top deck of the parking garage (the underneath part is for "special" offices in the building, which we are not one of), and I'm prepared to do some scraping/chipping when I leave here tonight. But even that just crimps my brain when I think about it, because I hate that it's sitting out there in this stuff. It's so weird to watch it happen, too. The drops of rain that were falling a little while ago are now frozen to the window of my office, and the three flags at the building next door are frozen to their poles, with just a little bit of fabric left on one of them that's trying to keep a-wavin' in the slight breeze. And while I drive as safely as possible in this sort of weather (stick to main street routes, stay the hell away from the person in front of me...), there are still the fuckheads out there that don't take those precautions, and think they're invincible, and can slide right into someone else if they aren't more careful. So I drive with my eyes peeled, hands clenched on the wheel, going as slow as possible without being at a full stop...ice is just such a challenge. I don't know how to describe it. At least I don't have to get on a freeway in this storm. The last one that happened was a few years ago, and I was about 20 miles from home. I drove 25 MPH on the freeway, thankfully I was not the only one doing so, though. Took me an hour and a half to get home, and it usually only took 20 minutes. It was crazy. But it also happened at the end of the week, rather than right smack in the middle of one. So this sucks...

I also have several people here that are saying that "USC is going down!!" But only 2 people have taken me up on my bets. My Old Boss (who took the 3.5 point spread) and Dave (who I gave a 6 point spread. Because he's nice to me in bed. :)...so I'm looking forward to seeing what happens tonight, boy. I'm very excited about this game!

So wish me luck in getting home and being able to figure out my evening. It's looking more and more glisteny out there on the road as I type. Crazy ass weather...

Wow...what a way to kick off a new year.

I've got a ton of shit on my mind. It's a mess inside my head this morning. Here's what's up:

The retreating thing worked too well, it seemed. Might've backfired, in fact. But I'm not going to dwell on it. I look forward to seeing Dave every day, but that's not something I can say to him at this point without him turning tail to run as fast as possible in the other direction. And if I don't want to get hurt, I have to try to ignore that desire to see him every day if I can. I think I did a pretty successful job of it yesterday, and he made it clear when he called me last night that he was looking forward to seeing me yesterday and was disappointed that he didn't. So that's that. I'm hoping he feels ok enough tonight (he was catching a cold as of Sunday...), and that the ice storm we're supposed to get will hold off and be mellow enough that we won't have any problems seeing each other. Because holy shit, do I like this man.

The Twin and I talked last night (I was overanalyzing my last conversation I'd had with Dave, and needed her to bring me out of it...), and she told me about some shit that happened at Dad's house right after I left last week. It's a mess of things to think about. But basically, my family (meaning my older sisters and my dad, I think) believe me to be a very unhappy, angry person due to the way I speak to them sometimes.

:I

Alright, here's the deal folks: I really despise and find it hard to tolerate what I consider "stupid" behavior. It goes without saying that we all behave stupidly at times, and I'm guilty of it myself often, so I'm not saying I'm perfect and everyone else sucks, nyah. No...what I am saying is that if you do something to piss me off, chances are I'm going to let you know about it. Why it is that people think that we should internalize all the bad feelings that we have is beyond me, really. I don't do it. I don't think it's healthy, and I don't think it's wise.

I am NOT unhappy and angry. And I'm not in denial about the true state of my emotions. I'm in control of myself. I love the life I've created for myself. I've never, ever been a very touchy-feely lovey-dovey type of girl. Not towards my family members, not towards my friends, not towards anyone other than the boyfriends I've had, it seems. But I'm also not a person on the edge of reason who's about ready to whip out a pistol the next time someone decides to go 25 mph in front of me on a street where the maximum speed is 40, or something. I'm somewhere in between. I tend to self-love when I'm going through a hard time. Having people come to me with their "oh, don't worry...everything will be alright someday" bullshit is not something that helps me through the pain or anger or sadness when it hits me. Crying when I feel the overwhelming need to cry helps me. Talking to the Twin about bullshit topics like t.v. shows or what her crazy kids did that day helps me. Unwarranted hugs and sappy condescention do NOT help me. So just because I reject them, that doesn't mean that I'm bitter or angry or in need of some kind of mental help.

When I was home last week for Christmas, our step-brother was able to hang out with us on Christmas day and watch basketball and football, and all that sort of good stuff. My step-mom had told me early in my visit that he was really looking forward to watching the Laker game, and wanted to be sure to arrive before it started. He called the house on Thursday night, I think it was, and even though I haven't seen him since my father's wedding in October of 2003, I spoke to him like I was getting together with a buddy to hang out like old times. Because that's what I do best...hang out, drink beer, and watch sports. I asked him if I could pick anything up in prep for the game watching festivities...I would be making a beer run on Friday, and I'm a Bud Light drinker. He said he actually drinks Crown Royal. I told him we'd be ready for him, and then I handed the phone off to my step-mom.

Apparently, the conversation I'd had with him was very pleasing to her. She made a point to tell my older sister that she thought it was very cool of me to have spoken to my step-brother in the familiar manner that I did, and it really made her happy to know that he would feel so welcome to join the family on Christmas. My older sister told me about the conversation she'd had with step-mom, and I was all, "Aw! That's nice! I'm glad I made her feel good. I mean, that's how I would talk to most of my friends, and I'm always happy to have someone to watch the games with, so it wasn't a big deal or anything..." She insisted it was a big deal. And then she brought it up to me around 3 more times over the course of my visit. Really, I didn't mind, but wasn't once enough? That sort of thing is something that irritates me, just to give y'all an idea. I don't know why it does, but it just is the way it is.

Later in the evening on Christmas, that same older sister asked me if I would consider dating my step-brother.

:I (I'm making this face a lot lately...)

Ok, just looking at the obvious here, I live in fucking Kansas. And the step-brother is in California. Secondly, um, he's my step-brother, and not only is he soooo not my type, he's my step-brother. Something about that icks me out beyond belief, but you have the idea, so I'll move on. Thirdly, just because people enjoy watching the same types of programming on t.v. and can throw back a few in one sitting does not mean thay'd be a cute couple. So right off, I was offended by the suggestion. To me, it just seemed like such a silly, crazy thing for someone to even think of, for some reason. I'm sure that some may disagree. But anyway, I reacted like a 12 year old by saying, "Ew! He's my step-brother! And I live in Kansas!", and I thought the topic was over and done with. Unfortunately, I was wrong. She approached me again in the morning on Sunday. Said it again. This time I looked at her dead in the face and told her that I didn't know what the hell she was thinking, and asked her to please drop it. She was offended by my reaction. I told her that I thought we had covered the issue sufficiently the night before, and didn't realize it was going to come up again. She didn't remember talking with me about it the night before, and said she was sorry, but that my reaction was so out of line, and I had "hurt her feelings".

Guys, if you want to make me more mad than anything else, I beg you to broach an inappropriate subject with me, immediately get offended by me expressing my opinion of it's inappropriateness, and then tell me that I have hurt your goddammed feelings. It drives me to madness when people say that to me. Grasp the concept that you are in control of how you feel, and what I do, say, or how I behave should have no impact on that.

So I apologized, told her that I didn't mean to offend her, but that I simply wanted the subject dropped, and respecting that request would be awfully nice on her part. I didn't put it exactly like that, but it's the jist. She's still holding onto the fact that I behaved the way I did, apparently. She is the forerunner in the "Faith is unhappy and angry" fan club, and I really don't understand the random focus on it all of a sudden.

So that's where my head is at right now. My abrupt and serious tone is making my family think I need happy pills, my new beau is driving me to insanity in a fun and exciting way, oh...and work sucks and I'd better get back to it now. Thank GOD for the short week!

Monday, January 03, 2005

Rainy day off. My favorite.

It's rainy and cold today...I got to sleep in a bit, and then went to McDonald's for a big ol' Diet Coke, and now I'm considering what to do with the rest of my day. I told Dave that I was going to balance my checkbook. But other than that, I don't have much of anything planned. I do have The Terminal to watch, so I might do that in about an hour. It's just a nice, relaxed day, thank God.

But the weekend is almost over. And I just want it to go on and on. This is a good week, though. Tonight is the Auburn game, tomorrow is the USC game, of course, and then Wednesday is a new LOST and the beginning of the Alias season. It's just SUCH a fun time to be an avid t.v. watcher. I talked to my brother-in-law the other day about my work issues, and while he agrees with me that office politics suck ass, he advised me to roll with it. Because no matter what, they're going to exist at any company I might move on to. He said that there's something to be said for being able to take emotions out of the work equation. So while it may suck to watch my Old Boss going through what he's going through, and all, if I can just keep on doing the best job that I can do, and not let it get to me, it'll be to my advantage. It seems like that'll be hard for me to do, but I guess there's no harm in trying. This is why it'll be a good thing to be as successful as I possibly can be with the career in voice overs. I think I'll be looking into making my demo sometime next month, hopefully. I'm really hoping I can pull something together for less than $1,500. I guess we'll just have to see. I don't know anything about recording, or how much time it'll take, or any of that, so it could be considerably less than that, really. It could also be more. But I'm going to do what I have to do to get it going. It's time.

It's time to retreat from Dave for a bit, though. He's been the one calling me more lately, and he even came up behind me and hugged me when we were watching the Chief game at the Moose yesterday, which was odd. Especially because he was mad at me, apparently, for not saving him a seat next to me at the bar, he told me later when we were watching a movie at his house. He had seemed a little bit pissed off when he finally arrived to watch the game, and was sitting waaaay far down the bar from the rest of us, but I didn't realize that was what was up. I told him that I hadn't thought about that, and I was really sorry...I wouldn't have known what to say to our friend Rich about it, though. I don't think that Dave wants anything to be public knowledge as of yet...not in such a broad way, anyway. We've been talking openly about hanging out together and all that, so it's not like people aren't able to put 2 and 2 together if they're so inclined. But it's not like we're kissing each other while we're out and about, or anything. So if I'd said to Rich, "Hey man, move down one more seat so I can sit next to Dave when he gets here," it might've seemed a bit odd. Dave said he was over it, and I didn't have to worry. But now I know what to do in the future, I s'pose. I was somewhat disappointed to not have been able to sit next to him as well, but I just didn't focus on it. Plus, all the smokers were sitting down on my end of the bar, and Dave hates the cigarette smoke thing...I think it all worked out for the best, really.

Aaaaanyway, enough of all that. The good thing about going back to work tomorrow is that I'll have something else to focus on besides Dave and football and all that good stuff. My brain gets all fluffy when I feel as happy as I do with what's going on right now, and I just need to stop it. I'm just rolling with it, really...but it's so hard to think that it could all come crashing down again at some point. I don't play games by any means, and Dave knows that I'd like to be in a relationship and that I'd like to get to know him better. So we're on the right track, as far as I'm concerned. I so want to be with someone that hates it when I smoke, so that I have a good reason to stop doing it all together. This weekend was a good one for me in that respect, though. I bummed one cigarette from my friend Renee on Friday night, and then I finally broke down and bought a pack and had a couple last night after the game was over, and Dave had gone home. But I've got about 4 half empty packs in my kitchen junk drawer right now, and haven't been smoking them at all, because I leave them in there when I leave the house. So whereas I usually have about a pack or a pack and a half in a weekend, I've only had a total of about 6 cigarettes over the past 2 weeks. And that makes me happy. :)

I'm rambling now. I'm gonna go hit the shower and then balance the checkbook, and then read some of my book, I think. I really need to pull together all the gift cards/gift certificates that I have right now, and take stock. I have one from last year that my friends gave me for watching their house while they were away, and I need to use it, dammit! (It's for Restoration Hardware, and I want to get new house numbers with it...my house numbers are pitiful little things that people can't see from the street all that well...) I have one for Cost Plus that I used last summer to buy a few bottles of wine and some other junk, but I still have about $32 on it that I can use. I'm just feeling unorganized about them all, for some reason. So today will be my day to pay attention to it, and just be done with it.

I love today. Today is my favorite day so far this year. :P

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Lovely day...

The fabu weekend continues. I'm having just wonderful day after wonderful day, it seems. When this trend ends, it's going to slap me harder than I can imagine, I bet. But it's worth it. Oh so very worth it...:)

Let's see, I stayed at Dave's again last night, and had a really good sleep, which was nice. First we watched Napoleon Dynamite, though, and thoroughly enjoyed it, thankyouverymuch ye who suggested it. It was quirky and silly, and made us both laugh very hard. Oh, but before I went to Dave's to hang out, I had gotten off the phone with him when I pulled into my garage to run in my house and do some last minute gathering of stuff (I took a pillow over to hug while I slept. I love having my own pillow when I sleep at someone else's house...), and while I was rounding the front of my car, I caught my foot on the rug in front of the washer and dryer in the garage, and fell smack onto my knees. It really smarted! But at least I didn't hit my head. So I put some neosporin on the little scraped spot, and then sat for a couple of minutes with my cold pack on them, and then headed out. When I told Dave what I'd done, he immediately made me ice my knees for about a half hour. They were quite numb by the time I finally convinced him that I couldn't stand the cold any more. He really took care of me, though. He's just so sweet when he wants to be, and I like that a lot. *sigh!*

Anyway, somehow we got on the topic of girlfriend/boyfriend crap. We talked about that chick that he had been hanging out with, and he told me that they never slept together, and she apparently had told him at some point after I hung out with her that one Friday night a few weeks ago that I told her that he and I had. Which was an out and out lie on her part. He said she's a druggie, and that she doesn't have custody of her kids, like she'd told me she did. He also said that he found her enormous breast very unattractive, due to their fakeness. He made a point to tell me that he liked mine very much. But he also mentioned that I might have some ickiness to deal with when I get older, though...it was so funny! I don't know why he thought that might be news to me. I told him that I intend to get them lifted and reduced when I'm in my 40's, so there shouldn't be too much of a problem there, I hope. Then he said he's just gunshy when it comes to relationships because his last one ended unhappily. I told him that I could certainly understand that, but that I thought he hadn't been with anyone in over a year, according to what our friends had told me. He didn't really respond to that, but just repeated his gunshy bit. It's not any of my business, really. I like the way things are going right now, and I'm having fun with it. We'll see if anything develops or not. He did have to move my car yesterday morning, since he was leaving the house before me, and he told me last night that he sees that a road trip is going to have to happen, because he'd like to drive it a bit further than just to the end of the driveway. I told him I'd be open to a road trip...

So that's what's going on with me. I just made an icky-huge order on Vic's Secret, because I need new bras, underwear, and tanks, so I can't wait to pay that off at the end of the month, and now I need to brush my teeth and hit the road to go to Bed, Bath & Beyond for a new shower curtain liner (mine is just...well, it's gross) and one of those little storage thingies to stuff plastic baggies into, because they are taking over the tupperware area of the kitchen, and that needs to just stop. And I'm at a loss as to how to end this post. So that's it. Bye. :)