Thursday, April 28, 2005

Pillow Talk

So tomorrow starts my spring break. I'm flying to Cali to get picked up by the Twin, whisked off to Palm Springs for a concert and a general good time, then it'll be home on Sunday to visit with Dad, Stepmom, Big bro and his fiance and their new bundle o' joy, and to see my nieces, and...well...I think that's it! It's one of those whilrwind vacation-type things, but I'm really looking forward to being away from work and computers and that sort of thing for a few days in a row. Woo!

The only problem is my huggy pillow. You heard me. I have a pillow that I hug when I sleep. It's something I started doing when I was about 10, and I just grew into it. Besides, the boobs have gotten so big that if I don't have a pillow to hug when I sleep, I just sort of tip over (I sleep on my sides), which is really uncomfy I've found.

So, the huggy pillow is smelly, I've noticed. I don't know if it's just the material it's made of, or what, but it's retaining a stink that is less than pleasant to wake up to throughout the night. I, like most human beings, sometimes have that night-sweat thing that happens, where you wake up sweaty like around your neck and head and shit, and I don't know WHY the fuck it happens, but it does. So the huggy pillow inevitably suffers because of it. Last time it happened, there was no saving it. I had to switch it out with another pillow, I had gotten so wet around the neck.

Last night, I kept waking up and thinking to myself, "What is that smell?" Realizing it was my huggy pillow, I resigned myself to it, moved it further away from my nostrils and fell back into a nifty slumber. I only woke up twice last night, but both times, it was just not pleasant.

I travel with this pillow. I bring a bag that's big enough, I pack it on top (because when I carry it on, the security people joke about confiscating it...because it looks so comfy, yo; and I've actually had it stolen from the overhead before by a passenger that thought it was an actual airline pillow that they could use. Um, excuse me? Since when did airlines start carrying normal fucking sized pillows on their flights for people to use? The woman was really pissed with me when I told her it was my personal pillow, and I'd appreciate it if she'd hand it over. Deranged old fuck...), and then I have a piece of home with me wherever I go. But I'd be super-embarassed to bring this smelly huggy along, for sure. So the Twin told me I should wash it, but there's no way it'll be dry in time. GAH!

So I came home to check the other huggy pillow that I have hanging out in my guest room/office, and it's cool! Oh...I don't think I told the story of what happened to that pillow, though. Ok, here goes...

This is my original, perfect, absorbs-the-night-sweats-pillow that I have been a-huggin' in my sleep for the past 2 years. With no problems with lingering stench. I took it to my friend's house the last time I house-sat, and when I was bringing it home, I decided to have a ciggy in the car, and when I disposed of said ciggy out the window, unbeknownst to me, it actually flew back in the window, and hit the pillow on my back seat. Oddly enough, it apparently bounced off of the pillow, and fell on the floor, and eventually went out, thank goodness. But in the process, it left a little burn mark on my pillow and the pillowcase that was smelly, and not huggable at. all. So I abandoned said huggy pillow for another pillow that was waiting for a guest to use (which never happens, so woo for me...), and left the ciggy-burned-huggy in the guest room to hopefully recover over time. Which it has! So all it needs is a new pillowcase, and we are good to go!

Ok, raise of hands from people that thought that I could write 6 paragraphs about 2 pillows? Yep. My life is interesting indeed...

See y'all on Monday. Happy weekend! Sleep tight, and don't let the night-sweats bite.

**UPDATE: The pillow didn't make it. I guess it had a fight with the washing machine. Thankfully, it didn't rip open and spill all over, but it came pretty close it seems. It's currently drying on a couple of towels in my kitchen. We'll see if it's salvageable after it's totally dry, But I doubt it will be. That is all.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

WARNING: This is NOT for the faint of heart...

Ok, I just clicked a linky-poo over at Sheri's, and had no idea what I would find via that link except there was a story about two people that fell in love, and that they were crazy for some reason. And who can pass up THAT kind of tease? Crazy love? I'm all for it, baby.

Ohmygod...not THAT kind of crazy-ass love. I...just don't understand, is all. I mean, how did they...? Um, what kind of desire do you have to have...? Let's just say that Billy Bob and Angelina have absolutely nothing on these two kids. Vials of blood around the neck? That's child's play, honey.

Go. Read. If you dare!! (FYI, it's the pictures that sent me over the edge. GAH!)

p.s. I hope it doesn't seem like I'm trying to pirate Sheri's post, btw. I just couldn't stand not being able to comment on what I'd read after I clicked on the link she had up. Sheri, you need to have comments on your site when you link to shit like this. I mean, COME ON!! Soooo much that goes through one's mind after seeing it. So people MUST read it, and tell me if I'm alone in my horror. I hope not.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Today's Word of the Day: Disgruntled!

Grr. Argh.

Didn't want family to worry, so I've adjusted this post. I wasn't happy earlier. That's all that matters.

My love for romano cheese, by the way, is manifesting itself on my face this week. I guess I should have chosen a better time to ingest it than right before I get my fucking period, which is a time I tend to break out anyway. Sometimes, I'm not very smart about the food I eat, and the times I choose to eat them.

I have figured some things out. Like the artichoke. I cannot eat artichokes while I'm dating anyone, due to the constant question of the possible sleepover, and artichokes = atom bombs in my digestive tract. And it's NOT pretty, my friends. In fact, I had one the other night, and it was so not pretty, it kept me up much of the night (really, it was early Monday morning when it kicked in...). So I'm pretty sure that it's time to say buhbye to the artichoke...forever. *Gulp!* Damn you, artichoke! Damn you for being so tasty going down and for being so chaotic once you're in me! BASTARD!!!

Anyway, I'm heading to bed now. It's been ages since I've gone to bed early enough to read a bit before turning off the light, and I'm in the mood tonight, I think.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Quickie, for the end of the day draws near...

I haven't had a chance to say much today. I'm still shocking myself with the hair when I look in the mirror, I've had so much water today that when I pee, it's almost totally clear without any hint of color at all (maybe it's all going to my hair instead? Hm...), and I'm looking forward to going home on this gloomy day, popping on some comfy walking clothes and doing my treadmill for a bit, and then eating some yummy dinner while I watch The Bachelor. I'm Boring As Hell Chick today. Nice to meetcha.

I am really looking forward to heading home to Cali this weekend and hanging out for the concert (WTF am I going to wear, dammit!), and then visiting with the fam on Sunday. The Twin and I will be sick to death of each other come Monday morning. Plus, I'm making her wake up at the buttcrack of dawn to take me to the airport that day, so love will definitely be running thin between us, I'm sure. Nah...when we spend this much time apart (how long's it been, dude? Since Christmas, right?), a couple of days is nothing, really.

Oh, and someone needs to warn my dad and the stepmom about my hair color. It's bound to freak them out, and I don't want to send anyone into cardiac arrest, or whatever. Dad loves me blond, and I think my stepmom probly thought I was pretty weird before, but now with the orange hair? (It's called marigold, really...) She's really going to think I've lost it, living out here in the sticks all by my lonesome.

And that's about all that is on my mind right now. I have a couple of men that have written me from my latest online venture, so we'll see what they have to say at some point tonight. But I'm PMS-y, so it's best to keep a bit distant from all that for now, I think. The one guy hasn't written to me for 2 weeks, and suddenly he e-mails me from out the blue today. Whatev, man! why would I want to date a guy that doesn't even have the time to drop a quick e-mail here and there? He'd better be damned witty, is all I have to say.

I'd better run. It appears as though even more water would like to evacuate my body before the end of the day, and I'm more than willing to comply.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Well, I did it...

My hair is red again. Well, really, it's a bright redish shade of orange, due to the fact that it was placed directly on top of the blond hair, and then we did a toner to brighten it a bit, which will fade over the next week or so. It's taking some getting used to on my part. In fact, I was up to pee early this morning, and when I stood up and saw myself in the mirror on the wall across from the toilet, I jumped a bit, it surprised me so much!

My friends said they liked it, and I hope they weren't just being nice. I told them thank you, and said it would take some getting used to. Hopefully after a few weeks have passed, it'll seem normal. 2 of my friends said that the color was very "me". And I still had men talking to me at the bar, which was nice. One even invited me to join the bachelor party he was carousing with. Hm...a single woman alone with a group of about 15 men in their mid-30's that are out to get shitfaced (and had been quite successful up to that point in the evening, it seemed...), and will be driving from bar to bar until the wee hours? Um, no thanks. I mean, a couple of them were really cute. Especially the designated driver, who looked rather irritated, actually. But my plan last night was to have a few drinks at the Moose (check), eat some dinner while I was there (check), and then come home early and watch t.v. (check). I was a happy girl, fo sho.

Today, I really need to wash my car and mow my front lawn. It's a gorgeous day outside, so it's perfect for performing those two tasks, really. But I don't wanna. I want to watch the movies I rented on Friday, make a pizza, and look out the window every now and then to admire the day. We'll see what I wind up doing. Sometimes, it's hard to get motivated, but it's definitely easier to mow on the weekend than it is during the week. So I might at least do that, and then maybe drive through a car wash tomorrow, or something. One thing I AM sure of is that I need to go pounce on the Diet Coke w/ Lime that's currently waiting for me in my fridge. Woo!

Friday, April 22, 2005

I'm in LOVE!!!

Ok, I know that it's wrong, and I shouldn't fall this quickly and this hard...but I can't help it!

I LOVE ROMANO CHEESE!!!!!

Yes, it makes me loose as a goose, and yes, it's stinky as all get out! But I love it and I want to marry it. Late at night, when I'm craving something proteiny and salty, a teaspoon of romano cheese makes me happier than anything.

It's sick and twisted, but that is my thing as of late, so I'll run with it. Thus far, it hasn't caused any major skin issues, and after the tub I currently have in my fridge is gone, I will not buy it again for a good long time (read: over a year), so I will enjoy it while I have it. I will enjoy it rolled up in a tortilla with some honey ham, I will enjoy it on sourdough toast with a little butter, and I will enjoy it in my egg/veggie scramble I have in the morning.

God, that felt good to get off my chest. Anybody have any sick, twisted, taboo things that they love and need a space to share it in? Comment away, muthafuckas...:D

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

My sick, sad sense of humor...

I have a few new readers, it seems, and it's come time to pimp again, my bruthas.

I dig a particular blog, and look forward to reading it every day. (I look forward to reading everyone on my blogroll everyday, mind you. But this one is unusual for...I don't know...different reasons. It's hard to explain. I think it's a mix of the "holy shit!"-types of reactions I have to the posts, as well as my confusion over why it all entertains me as much as it does. But I digress...) I've mentioned him before, but I think it's been a few months, so I'll point him out again. Go read all about Jason Mulgrew's fucked up life/behavior over at Everything is Wrong With Me. He's one sick fuck (even if I do love the idea of hanging out with him some time...), and he's young and tearing his body/life up in ways that I can't even imagine. So read his blog, and enjoy knowing that you. aren't. him. This is a good thing, it seems.

He knows I love him, and he also doesn't read my blog, I don't think. At least, he doesn't admit to it, if he does, but I know this sort of talk won't get him down, because he's already aware of what a crazy guy he is. Basically, he's going to start having a link page for blogs. I'm not one to generally ask to be added to someone's roll, and I haven't thus far, but he put the rule out there, and so I have asked. He's become immensely popular over the past few months, and even has a couple of deals in the works due to his blogging skeeils. So having a linky-poo on his blog would be fun for me.

Go. Read. Enjoy. I'm sure you'll agree with me after you've had a good look. (Or maybe not, and I've just chased away the only 5 readers that actually make their presence known on a regular basis. Eek! :P)

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Yes, we have no bananas...

Ok, so it's not earth-shatteringly bad, or anything. I almost wish that the Bad Date had chosen to be a bit more clever in his response to my note. But I think he was trying to remain on the higher road, and this is what he sent me:

I'm glad you were able to get that off your chest. Iused to be a guy who thought it was a good idea togive a "just for your information" type email after abad experience. Now I see how truly alienatingsomething like that can be, so I guess I did learn alesson. I wish you luck in the rest of your datingexperience. Have a good one.

To be clear, the words that are running together? Those are his typos.

I love that he mentions that my e-mail to him was "alienating". It's just so disappointing that he didn't pick up on my subconscious message I was sending, begging for him to ask me out again. I was SO looking forward to having more delightful conversations with myself, as we moved throughout the city pissing off waitstaff from restaurant to restaurant.

DUH! It was MEANT to be alienating, jackass! I think my favorite part is when he said he used to be a guy who thought it was ok to send messages like I sent to him, and I guess we can assume that he no longer does that sort of thing. Hm. Obviously, he's come a long way. Now he's just the type of guy who likes to hear himself talk, eat his date's food and then ask her to pay for part of the bill, give a 5% tip to people who are busting their asses for a living, and say that he's got an early day the next day in order to justify RUNNING from the date he's on when it's only 7-fucking o'clock at night!!! You know what, man? Spare me the explanations and the condescending, flippant comments. Because I'd take the guy that would have the balls to send a note like I sent to a date that treated him like shit any day. I think I'll go ahead and leave the bastard, holier-than-thou assholes to themselves, thanks.

So that's that. What the hell is wrong with the men I'm meeting these days, anyway? Sheesh!

Monday, April 18, 2005

I just...couldn't...RESIST!!

Went out on that date tonight that I was SO looking forward to.

Yeah. Um, here's the e-mail that I just sent the guy. I just couldn't stand NOT letting him know what I thought. I've never been this fired up over a first date, ever...

Dane [yes, that's his real name...he deserves to be exposed],

I'm so embarrassed, really. I think you were asking me to help pay for dinner/drinks tonight, and I totally spaced. I seriously thought you had said that you just needed a $10, and then things would be fine, and since you were still searching through your wallet, I assumed you mean that you were looking for a $10. I don't know why I didn't realize that you'd actually meant that you were looking for ME to spot the $10, but I guess I was being dopey.

Being dopey was the theme of the evening for me, though, wasn't it? I should have told you, when I was thinking it, that it was quite rude of you to face your chair away from me, and talk to me as though you were in a confessional booth and there was a privacy screen between us. I also think that if someone suggests getting together, they should fucking expect to pay for the date. Especially when it's only $30. And, um, by the way, that was a shitty tip you left. $5 minimum is what you should leave, even if you didn't like the service. If you have a problem with the service (which was fine, I thought), then complain to management.

You're a conceited asshole. It was great to hear about your job, and all the fun you have (really, it was...), but when I spoke about myself, I felt as though I could have had a better conversation with a houseplant. One that was facing away from me, of course.

I don't know if you don't like a girl with big breasts...that's understandable. Every once in a while, one of those men are born. But if you didn't find me attractive, you still could have been a decent man for an hour of your life, and not made the under-your-breath comment (which I really didn't hear, honestly) that you wanted me to chip in (to a dinner that you ate a lot of, I might add...which was FINE with me, really...I was happy to share), and then gone on your happy way after having a mellow evening with a cool chick. I know I may not seem so cool now, but I've seriously never gone out with someone like you, and I couldn't contain my desire to let you know how I felt about our date. I know I'm overweight, but I make no secret of that on the dating site you found my profile on. So maybe you expected someone skinny, and just weren't pleased with the fact that I showed up with my 38DD breasts and my size 16 waist, and decided that it was time to be a dick, but that's not cool. Maybe it didn't have anything to do with my appearance or my weight, and you just think I'm an idiot of some kind, but I'm NOT an idiot. Not even close, buddy.

Most people would advise against sending a note like this, but you might not have any idea that you came off as such an asshole. So if you've read this far, I hope it's helped you in some way. I'm a pretty girl with a great goddammed head on her shoulders. A head that tells her when she's wasted a whole hour and a half (the drive took me 15 minutes...) of her life on an inconsiderate boy.

So good luck, man. The last guy I was seeing was a guy who's always been single, never even lived with anyone, who is an only child. And he's 48. He's a dick, too. I think I've learned my lesson. Have you?

Bye...oh, and thanks again for dinner and the drinks. It really was interesting hearing about your job. I just wish I hadn't felt like I was interviewing you for a story, or something.

Faith

I'm not kidding...I really sent him that note. He was a dick, and I seriously don't care if he thinks I'm insane for telling him so.

I gotta be me...

You know, there's nothing funkier than growing up a twin. Well, there might be things that are, indeed, funkier than growing up being a twin, I'll grant you that. But for me specifically, there isn't.

The Twin and I weren't particularly close in high school. She bugged me in special ways, and I bugged her, I'm sure, in very fun ways as well. But we've never fallen into the whole not-speaking-to-each-other-ever-again sort of thing that seems to happen to some families now and then. I can totally understand how some people cut off their world from that of the family they were born into. I'm glad I haven't ever felt the need to do it, though.

But what I have done is distance myself from my family. And I think I've always done that to a certain extent. This isn't news, exactly, because I've talked about this before I think, but when we were little, the Twin got diabetes. Man, it sucks to think about it...she and I should be one in the same, if you ask me, but she's been slammed with this HUGE responsibility, and she's had it on her shoulders since we were 6. Bleh. No fair, God, and you owe her one, you know? Anyway, she spent a week in the hospital when she was diagnosed, and I had to stay at home alone, and I think I probably went to school alone (were we in school then, Twin? Or was it summertime?), and I suddenly had to be independent for a whole week. This is an odd concept for a child that has had a constant companion for every day of her life, and now has to figure out just what to do with herself for entertainment. But then the Twin came home, and everything went back to normal, really, except that she had to be jabbed twice a day by a needle. She adjusted well, from what I recall. Well, sort of, but that's her business, and not for me to discuss here.

As we grew up, we developed differently. She was prettier than me, and had boys liking her and stuff. The boys that liked me were not the super-attractive type, and they were just people I wanted to remain friends with, really. High school hit, and I was seen as the smiling twin...the one that was more approachable. I don't know what was going on with the Twin then, but it was her time to rebel, or something, and it created a distance between us that stuck for a while. We were still friends, but not very close ones.

I became very independent of my family then. I had a different relationship with my mother than my family did. I started feeling really stifled when I had to go home from school for the summer while I was in college. I wanted to stay out and do my own thing, but I wasn't able to do that until the summer after my junior year, when Dad let me get an apartment in West LA and I got a job at Johnny Rockets in a mall nearby. I think I was also doing the summer school thing, and it only made sense for me to stay out there while I was doing that. So I was free to do as I pleased, and I went home often for visits, so it wasn't like I cut myself entirely off from the fam. I just had a little more space is all.

I'd always wanted to go far away, though. I dreamt of going to colleges on the east coast when I was just 15, and applied to Indiana University when it came time to make a choice. They rejected me, though, and I settled into what was easiest, and stayed in California. I don't know why I wanted to be so far away. I just did. And after I graduated and found that I loved Kansas as much as I do, it all worked out, and all my dreams of being far, far away from California came true.

My father never understood my need to go away. I don't know that my mom did, either, but she dealt with it well. It's not a matter of hating my family...in fact, when I moved here, it was because I had family in Kansas City that I hooked up with. It really is a general need for a simpler way of living. Quieter freeways, and smaller towns. The need to compete isn't quite as high here, and I appreciate the pace life is lived at in the midwest.

But I also like being alone. I enjoy my independence, and the feeling that the only person I rely on is me, and no one else. I often worry about the ultimate dilemma that I might have to face one day: getting married. Can I marry someone and still live separately from them much of the time? I just don't know if I'd ever be able to actually accept someone else in to share my space with, even though I often like the idea of having a companion that I trust and love enough to want to share life with in that way. I'm afraid my need for space might eventually ruin things. Bah!

So this is me. I was born into the world after sharing a teeny tiny space with a person for 9 months, we shared a room for the first 12 years of life, and she's now my best friend. But I need understanding. Understanding that I'm an oddball in the way I live. I need love and understanding from a distance at this point. And I'm going to be just fine, really.

Today is not a good day. I'm tired and I'm cranky as hell, and now I'm hot because it's suddenly gotten warmer in the office, dammit. But tomorrow will be better. I'm sure I'll be more understanding of what other people need from me in order to satusfy their peace of mind then. In the mean time, I'm sorry for being such a pain. Thanks for always being there...

The silliest things can happen after 3 glasses of champagne...

Fuck me. That did NOT just happen! I totally typed a whole long post, and at the end, I did what I always do, which is to highlight the entire thing, and hit control-c so that I can copy it to another program in case it doesn't publish correctly, or errors pop up or something. But instead of hitting control-c, I hit control-v, and pasted the last thing I'd copied, which was some compensation info that my boss needed to see in an e-mail I sent him a couple of hours ago. And lost my fucking post.

DAMMIT, DAMMIT, DAAAAMMMMIT!!!

Anyway, yesterday was fun. Went to the baby shower, which turned into a post-party sit around and chat, then play croquet, and eat burgers with the family type of deal. The Twin freaked out because I wasn't answering my phone, and when I finally did, she told me she'd even called the police for help because she couldn't find me (no one should worry that bad over me not answering my phone for a few hours...), and then I went home and went to bed. Woke up this morning feeling a bit tired, but relatively ok otherwise. Until I'd been awake for about 20 minutes, at which point my body decided to give me hell, and now I feel like shit for some reason. I have a date tonight, and I am not cancelling it because I'm excited to meet this guy, so I'd better start feeling gooooood soon, or buggar all!

And that was the jist of the post I lost. It was a better post, of course, but I don't have the time (or the happy brain) to try to recall it and put it back together again. Back to work I go! Let's hope the rest of the day goes better than this post has. :)

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Still amazingly busy...

This week has been one continuous ball of busy. My evenings have been relaxing, I suppose. So thank you, Lord, for that.

Last night I went out with a friend from the Moose that I haven't hung out with outside of the restaurant before. It was good to get together and talk. Unfortunately, the bar/restaurant we chose to meet at had incredibly loud live music playing, and so now my throat hurts today, but I'm sure it'll recover eventually.

Today, my friend Michael is coming over to help me figure out the issue that my lawnmower is having. I'm hoping it's just a filter thing, and we can fix it quickly. My grass is getting tall anough to hide a little person in, and I'm sure my neighbors don't enjoy that a great deal. At least it's not scraggly and weedy, though. It looks nice...just long.

I also need to go find a baby shower gift for a friend from the Moose. The party is tomorrow, so I'm hitting Target as soon as Michael and I are finished up. I need to look for new window blinds, anyway, and Target was one of the places I was going to check, so that'll work out well.

So it's just go, go, go, really. But at least it's the weekend, and it's all me-time go, go, goness at this point. Yay! Happy weekend, y'all...

Thursday, April 14, 2005

It's too early for a subject...

How can I have such a boring life and yet still be so exhausted? Wanna hear about the exciting things going on at Casa Faith? Ok, here we go...

Last night, I went home and had a little dinner, and then I sat down on a floor cushion in front of my t.v. in my living room to sort through and organize all the bills and other important mail I've been ignoring/stacking in my guest bedroom for the past year. It took me 3 hours to finish it all. And you should've been there...it was so fucking exciting, lemme tell ya. Now I've discovered that I have clothes that I put in that room that I mean to give away (the bags were buried under stacks of mail, so I forgot they were even in there...), and I have two boxes full of stuff that I have no idea what to do with. One of them is full of old momentos...items from when I lived in Paris, and other little things like love letters from the boys I dated in college, etc...The other box is full of random books that won't fit on the shelves I currently have. Which means I need more shelves. Dammit.

Then I wrote a note to a boy I'm flirting with on the internet (I know...I just can't get away from it, I swear. It's an addiction, and much like my addiction to the ranch dressing at Chili's, I think I might need to seek professional help in order to kick the habit...), and then I went to bed.

This, my friends, is what makes my life exciting. Besides my job, of course. And we all know how much I love that. (Ok, really, to be clear, I do like my job. It's the fact that I'm paid so poorly to do it that pisses me off...)

I've decided to replace 4 windows on my house, which will cost me about $2,600. (They're really cool windows, I swear! You would have been impressed by the presentation as well, I guarantee you, so stop judgin'...) That means that I will have to replace the window blinds, which I should have done a long time ago anyway, and I'm going to replace all of the blinds throughout the house, which will be my project for this coming weekend. I'm actually far too excited about that project concept than I should be, so I'm thinking that I've gone completely retarded at this point. Is it from the hours of t.v. I watch every day? The stoopid, shitty men I've dated over the past year or two? The amazing amount of brain power it takes for me to have to deal with the stupidity at work every day? I don't know. But something has caused me to become little Suzy Homemaker, sans a darling hubby, and that's fucked up right there.

Ok, I really, really, really need to drop some kids off, so I'd better skedattle. Good day, all...

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Charlie, would you just stuff a sock in it, please?

Ok, "The Bachelor" has become like watching a train wreck...I actually had my hand poised on the remote last night, wanting to change the channel soooo badly. But something wouldn't let me! Like a magical force that was trying to tell me that this could actually teach me a lesson, somehow. But how, dammit, HOW????

The main character (let's face it, The Bachelor never amounts to anything other than multiple girl/singular boy drama and one-paragraph news reports about 4 - 6 months after the finale that tell us that "they tried to make it work, but wound up going their separate ways, blahblahblah...") called "Charlie" is so annoying with the way he talks that I can hardly stand it. Last night, during one of the little private interview thingies they edit in between scenes of the one-on-one date he had with Slutberley, he said something about her being "hot", and he had this lingering look on his face that made me think immediately of him being a perfect modern-day Lenny from "Of Mice and Men". I cannot imagine being attracted to this type of man, much less to vie for his affections along with several other women all at the same time.

There's a girl on the show that seems reasonably intelligent. Her name is Sarah B., and I think she's cute. Does the cute girl ever get the guy on The Bachelor? Hell no. She needs to save herself the aggro and head out the door ASAP. For some reason, I imagine we'll be seeing her being dismissed next week either after a private date with Chenny, or at the rose ceremony itself. And to her I say, "What the fuck were you thinking going on a show like that in the first place? You KNOW you're better than that, beotch!" I think she'll find herself an adorable, loving, lawyer-type guy somewhere down the road, and they'll raise the perfect little family, and live happily ever after. And she'll always regret having been on the show. She's just too goddammed normal.

Anyway, Chenny bugs. But for some reason, I'm captivated. End of story. (Nothing else interesting is happening in my life right now, to be honest. I'm busy as hell at work, and that's why posting has been sparse. No biggy, I'm sure. But I'll try to have more of a life lined up later this week...)

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Spring has definitely sprung.

I woke up yesterday at 7:45, and got myself out of bed (finally resigned to the fact that I was not going to fall back asleep, dammit) at about 8:15. I then went on a walk around a rather large block. It was about 2.5 miles, I think...I plan to get out and measure more accurately later. But it's a guess that it was about 2.5 miles since it took me 40 minutes to do. Then I relaxed and watched some t.v. for a while and ate a bit. Then I pulled myself together and did some yard work. The shower I took at about 3:30 was so gratifying, it was lovely!

I wanted to get out and find a little present for my friend's birthday, and to buy a book or two, and then to grab some food from Whole Foods for fun snacking today. So I finally got around to doing just that at about 5:30. By then, it felt like I'd been up for days, but I'd gotten sooo much done throughout the day! Then I went to the Moose at about 7 to hang out, have a couple of beers, and get a caesar with shrimp to go.

It was such a nice day, really. And today isn't much different. Oh, except for the fact that my body HATES me for the activity I put it through yesterday, and it's letting me know about it's distaste by making me incredibly sore throughout my legs (swear to God, I'm sore from my feet all the way through my hips...) and my back. I need to get out and rake today, though. So I'm just going to have to stretch occassionally, and deal with the pain. The walk was a good one...I would've liked to have done it again today. But I think it'd be a bad idea, really. Probably will do it again tomorrow night after work. If it doesn't rain. If it rains, I'm afraid I'll have to wake the slumbering treadmill from it's 2 week nap.

Anyway, I'm feeling good this weekend, in spite of my day at work on Friday. I don't know when my boss plans on telling me about my raise, but he might want to do it while he's out of town this week, so he doesn't have to face me and my wrath up close and personal-like. In the mean time, I have to smile pretty, and keep on working. I think I'll start sending him e-mails asking him about whether he's gotten anywhere with his superiors with regards to a bonus for me and my peers across the country at the end of the day tomorrow. I plan on sending him a note like that every other day until I get a response. A response that makes me happy, that is. And the only thing that'll make me happy is for him to tell me that I'm getting some percentage of his quarterly bonus when they pay it at the end of April or June. (I'm not sure when they pay out those quarterly bonuses...since I've never gotten one myself.) The other day, he pointed out how our region is moving up on the list that compares region performance. He didn't get there all by himself, and I want to be recognized.

Man, I'm feeling a bit pompous in my administrative skills, it seems! Eh, what's new? I know I'm damn good at my job, and that I'm not the only one who thinks so. So people who think I'm cocky can suck it. (Heh.)

Alright, back to my couch to watch more "You've Got Mail" and napping. Woo!

Friday, April 08, 2005

Dear Powers That Be...

I bust my ass at this job day in and day out. I deal with asshats that you call "managers" who earn twice my salary on a monthly basis, and that's just the people who do nothing and produce nothing. The ones that actually have good production? Let's not even talk about it, because I don't really want flames to come shooting out the top of my head at this very moment.

I don't know what more you want me to do. I come in early, and I leave late. I take a "lunch" about twice a week, if that, and if you ask me to, I work on weekends, too. I'm constantly expected to remain cheery and "happy to help" no matter what the conditions of the work environment, and while I have my moments, I've been working ultra-hard on making myself the hunky-doriest and most helpful/productive admin you've ever met. I already had the most helpful/productive thing down, actually. But you wanted an attitude change in some cases, and dammit if you haven't gotten it.

How am I rewarded for this? Sure, I get to wear jeans any time I please. Sure, I get to listen to my radio station while I work. Sure, I have a great couple of coworkers that keep me in a pleasant mood a good amount of the time. But do you reward me monetarily? HELL NO! Do I get a bonus of any kind? NO. (And the fucking $50 in gift certs to Blockbuster every fucking Christmas do not count.) Every year, my raise percentage has steadily decreased so that it's effectively becoming the same dollar amount as we go. One year, it was 3%, which I appreciated as I had only been here for 3 months at the time. The next year, it was 5%. Lovely. Even though my slacker-ass coworker that I HATE received a 5.5% increase, which was totally unjustifiable on your part, I was able to write a letter to my direct manager at the time to get it off my chest.

What am I getting this year? Yeah, even though my manager requested "the highest amount he possibly could" (which was apparently a whopping 3%), I'm getting a 2% fucking raise. Are you fucking KIDDING me? 2%? Gentlemen, that's not even half of my monthly salary.

Admins are consistently overlooked at this company. We aren't bonused, we aren't given discretionary increases, and we get shitty fucking raises every goddam year. WHY? Because we don't produce money for the company. Guess what, fellas? Why don't you take a moment to figure out what HELL your life would be without a competent admin to take care of the AP, the HR, the Customer Service, and the general mayhem that is Your Fucking Important Worklife. Yeah, not such a pretty thought, eh? How fucking tough is it to pay us a standard 5% increase every year? Or to give us a cut of our VP's bonuses? What is it that we do to make you feel it's appropriate to treat us like dirt, and pay us accordingly?

Fuck you and your fucking constant increases to the sales teams for their production. Fuck you and your swimming in cash, constant travelling and making us chase you down for help, not having a care in the world because your admin will do it attitudes. I don't know what I'm going to do, but if you think it's to sit by here and just deal with this, you are sorely mistaken.

Sincerely,
Your Servant Extraordinaire

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Spiders in a vacuum

Last night, I was falling asleep on my couch at about 9:30, so I started getting ready for bed earlier than usual, and hit the sheets at about 10. As soon as I laid down, I saw a spider the size of my head on the ceiling next to the light fixture, and I crawled back out of bed again to get the vacuum.

Unfortunately, I totally forgot I had turned on my alarm already, and of course, somehow, 45 seconds had passed in between the time I'd turned it on, stripped off my clothes, and climbed into bed to see the spidey looming over me. So the motion sensor was set off as I entered my living room, and the "BWEEEE-BWEEEE-BWEEEE!" of the alarm starled me a great deal and sent me running for the nearest control panel in my bedroom to turn it off. Dear LORD that alarm is loud! So here I am, already a bit unsettled by the location of the spidey (right smack above the middle of my bed), and now the alarm has gone off making me wonder if my neighbors could hear it, and whether they'd be worried or not, but then my alarm company calls within the 30 seconds after it happens to make sure I'm ok. Which is great, because I pay them about $30 a month to be on top of that sort of thing, but here's how the conversation went:

Alarm chick: "This is Brandy from Security Company*, and your alarm just went off, so we'd like to make sure everything is ok."
Me: "I'm fine! There was a spider above my bed, and I needed the vacuum, and I forgot the alarm was on, but everything is ok, thanks."
Alarm chick: "Ok, I'll just need your code word, then."
Me: "OH! Um, this is the first time this has ever happened, so I'm not sure of that...I think it's Blahblah**. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's Blahblah."
Alarm Chick: no response
Me: "Um, ookaayy...maybe it's Blooblee? No...it's my mother's maiden name, so it HAS to be Blahblah!"
Alarm Chick: Still not really responding to me at all.
Me: "Well, can I go grab my file for you guys and check? I know I have it written down in there somewhere, I think..."
Alarm Chick: "I can't hold for very long..."
Me: "Oh, it won't be a second...hold on, and I'll be right back!" I run to check my file for Security Company, and see that Blahblah is, indeed, my code word.
Me: "Yeah, it's definitely Blahblah."
Alarm Chick: "Ok, thank you." Hangs up.

Um, ok, WTF bitch? I TOLD her the code word right off, and she never responded in the affirmative, which made me double guess myself, my heart pounding the entire time because I'm afraid the police will be banging on my door any second, and that damned spider that caused it all is still hovering over my bed! So I was pissed. It took me a good half hour to wind down (after I chased the spidey all over my ceiling with the vacuum hose, of course...he was NOT happy about being sucked up...), and I'm still left wondering why the chick was such a bitch to me and why she didn't accept my code word right after I initially said it. Was it because of the uncertainty in my voice? Because I can tell you that everything is going to sound uncertain coming out of someone who is apologetic for setting off a false alarm who has just been exposed to a noise level that's blown her brain to next Tuesday that is afraid that the police are about to descend on her home while she's half-naked trying to suck a spider off her ceiling before it drops into her bed to disappear somewhere in between the comforter and the sheets. It's just impossible to sound otherwise. Plus, the code word isn't something like "red" or the fucking address of my house...it's a name that is very uncommon, and not a normal word to use for such a thing. And I came up with it right quick, even as uncertain as I may have sounded. So she's a bitch whore, and I plan to call and complain about her as soon as I get my hearing back.

On another note, it's taco salad day here at my building, and I'm trying to dcide whether I want one or not. Hmmm....

*Security Company is not the name of the security company I use. Obviously. I just prefer to keep the name of the company I do use anonymous. Because I'm weird.
**My code word isn't actually "Blahblah". Giving out the code word seems like the dumbest idea ever, so I won't. Plus, I like the word "blah" and try to use it as often as possible in my daily life.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Does this mean I'm definitely going to hell?

By the way, I started watching "Gigli" several times over the past week, and finally watched the rest of it last night when it was on Encore, or something like that.

Um, am I retarded if I thought it wasn't all that bad? I mean, I expected something really, really awful when I heard about it. But I didn't mind it too much.

Am I completely broken, d'you think?

In this groovy night, dancin' by the neon light...

I was behind the slowest

person

EVER! on my way to work this morning. On a stretch of road that has no signals or stop signs, which is approximately the last 1/2 mile of road that I drive to get to the parking lot at work, it took us about 4 minutes to drive it. Shouldn't take longer than 1 minute, people. I do not exaggerate when I say that people who want to drive 5 miles per hour UNDER the speed limit should stay home until rush hour is over. Goddammit.

We had an election in the Kansas City area yesterday. Maybe there were little elections like this all over the U.S. yesterday, I don't know. Ours was for mayor of the town I live in, as well as to elect some officials to the water districts around town (???), and then the big issue: Should we ban gay marriage in the state of Kansas? I usually would avoid little elections like that one, because I could give a flying fuck if Mary Quitecontrary wants to be the elected official in charge of water district no. 4. But this banning gay marriage thing was a biggy. So I went, I voted against banning it, of course, and I went home feeling quite satisfied to have done my job as a citizen of Kansas. Oh, and the mayoral candidate I voted for won, which means that my vote there might've counted for something. Except that he won by something like 60,000 votes. So maybe it didn't.

But here's the shocker: People across the state of Kansas voted (overwhelmingly) to BAN gay marriage. The last stats I saw last night on the news before hitting the sheets said that it was something like 75% of the voters said yes to banning it.

'Scuse me? Um, what the FUCK is wrong with people?

So I'm sorry, Kansas gay population. I tried, as did another 25% of us that voted. People here are stupid, it seems. And many folks that probably should have gotten out and voted probably did not do so, and there just weren't enough of us that actually care about the individual rights of every human being that went and voted yesterday to be able to keep this constitutional amendment off of the Kansas constitution. We're the 18th state to have such a stupid amendment on our constitution, so we aren't the only stupid state in America, I guess. Alabama, South Dakota, and Tennessee are just as dumb and fucked up.

By the way, it's the middle of the week...I'm happy we're only 3 days away from the weekend. But I have no idea what I'm going to be doing this weekend. It's time to get out and explore new places, and hang out where I don't usually hang out, I think. I'll keep you posted on what I decide to do...

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

What an odd little day this is...

My internet is being odd. I'll click on a page, and it won't download completely...just keeps working and working and working. And after a couple of minutes (I swear...), I finally click the refresh button, and it pops right up. Fuckin' weird.

This morning, I was behind a big white truck on my way to work, and we were stopped at a stop sign together. I was behind him at the stop sign, of course. But the person to our left wasn't going. So the person across from us decided they would go since the other mutherfucker was going to just SIT there, but the other mutherfucker decided at the same time that it must, indeed, be his time to go. So they played the whole both-start-at-the-same-time-and-then-stop-again game. I finally laid on my horn, which in turn caused the white truck in front of me to grab a pair, and the car across from him to do the same, and we got things a-goin' as we should have. But JEEZY CHREEZY people!! Figure it the FUCK out, will ya? Why don't they get it? Why?

Now I've spent a whole lovely half of a day at work trying to deal with little fires here and there. I refuse to see them as anything other than little fires, because it's not my goddammed fault that one person is an idiot, the other person is an asshole cry-baby, and the other person is getting jacked in the ass because there's nothing that can be done about the new chick that is messing with his income and, therefore, his life. Nope. Nothing I can do. I mean, I've done everything I can do already, really. So I'm blogging now. Yep. And happy to be doing so.

And I think I already admitted that I started watching this "season" of The Bachelor, right? Yeah, I am. Ok, at what point will chicks across America come to realize that getting into a compefuckingtition over a guy with 24 other women is likely not going to end well for them? Man, I have enough trouble dealing with the dimwits I run into and date on occassion without having to deal with several other women vying to go out with them as well, and thereby causing my world to come to a complete halt love-wise. There's this one chick on the show that all the other girls keep referring to as having a sexy body, and I'm trying to figure out what the fuck kinds of drugs they feed them to keep them in that house. She's NOT sexy. She just has big boobs. But she dresses like a whore, and she thinks she's the hottest thing on the planet, ever. And while confidence is a personality trait that should be seen as attractive by all, cockiness is not. She's a great big asshole, and she needs to get the boot. The other girls can stay, because they provide a certain amount of entertainment factor for me all together. I am sort of interested in seeing what happens next week with the dress-up-like-a-whore girl, though, because the outfit they flashed her as wearing in the promos looks supremely disgusting. She's going to be seen all over America dressed like that! I can't wait. Then there is Krisily. I swear to GOD that is her name. Look. See, I wouldn't make that sort of shit up. Anyway, she annoys me. And I'd like for the next episode to include her getting hit by a NY cab, or something. Not enough to kill her...just enough to maim her and make it so she has to go home. Maybe make her lose a couple of teeth and break her hip, or something. That'd be cool. And the Girl That is a Single Mom? Yeah, we got it. You're a single mom...you're raising a kid on your own...you had a baby 7 or so years ago, and you're raising it by yourself. MOVE THE FUCK ON ALREADY!! (And I'm not knocking the single mom thing, here. Twin is, essentially, a single mom. My co-worker is a single mom. I admire it, and think it's a great achievement to be able to raise kids on your own. But to constantly talk, talk, TALK about it, rather than anything else at. all. That makes you boring as fuck to a guy that might have a teensy bit of interest in dating you.) She just needs to stop it.

So that's what's keeping me alive as of late. I love my t.v. Tonight, it's Gilmore Girls and The Starlet. And I need to get on my treadmill for the first time in over a week. Bleh. I know, I know...attitude sucks and I need to be more positive, blah, blah, blah. Bite me. I'm tired of having to work out. It's something I do NOT like to do, and I'm fine with admitting it. So nyah. :P

Monday, April 04, 2005

Don't drink, don't smoke; what do you do?

I had a stellar weekend. Let's see, Friday at work was the kick-off to the whole thing. I received a nasty e-mail from a co-worker that was completely out of line, and made me cry for much of the day. I went home, ordered a pizza, drank some beers, and watched "Funny Face", because Fred Astaire and Audrey Hepburn are my drug of choice.

Saturday I went and got my hair done. My hairdresser is a cool chick, but she was taking forever on the up-do that was there before me, and as she was the bride for the wedding party that was in the salon getting shit done, of course the up-do could not be rushed. I wouldn't have wanted it to be, really. But she was an hour late getting to me. I didn't have any place to go, but sitting in the salon waiting for my turn for a fucking hour isn't my idea of fun, you know? She gave me a discount on my service, which was cool, and my hair looks beyootiful again, but still. An hour! After we were done, we made the plans for my hair-color change that we're going to do in 3 weeks. I'm going back to red. It's been two years with this blond on me, and I'm done with it for now. I can't wait!

Then I went to watch the games at the Moose, successfully ignored Dave (as he did me - woo!), hung out with my friends, and stumbled home at about 11:30, I think. I had a great time, and I needed it.

Unfortunately, yesterday I spent half the day trying to pull out of the nasty hangover my fun night blessed me with. I stayed in all day long, and watched t.v. and did some laundry, and looked longingly at the healthy nonhung-over people that were busy at work in their yards. Oh well...I'll do yard work next week.

And now I'm back at work. I have to somehow pull together a response to the nasty e-mail I received last Friday from the Idiot Branch Manager that thought that because I was asking her questions, I was out of line, and decided to take it upon herself to berate me like I'm a 6 year old child, and told me that "...tone and delivery go a long way..." Oh? Oh really??? So what the fuck gave you the idea that (a) I had a tone in the note I sent to you, and (b) that I was doing ANYTHING other than my job, asshat?

Yeah...unfortunately, I can't write her a note like that. So I've got to figure out how to deal with it. Bleh!!!!

Oh, how I hate Monday right now. I want to be in bed, reading my book, feeling my lovely, comfy sheets surrounding me. Dammit.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Ok, the comics shouldn't confuse me when I read them...

This is totally baffling to me. Both Foxtrot and Get Fuzzy are almost identical today. WTF?

Is it an April Fool thing? Because I don't get it...

No fooling.

The Pope is dying. I am extremely sad about this. It's hitting me like a ton of bricks, and that bothers me a great deal.

I think it's one of my little "quirks" - I get very overcome when people I admire pass on. Ella Fitzgerald...Katharine Hepburn...Audrey Hepburn...Gregory Peck...now the Pope. These people have come to represent certain things to me in my life. Ella is the most beautiful and admirable voice I have ever heard. Audrey is my favorite actress of all time, bar none. She's beautiful, she's graceful, she's perfect in every way. And she was a charitable person that gave so much of herself throughout her life, almost up to the day she died. Katharine was also a great actress, but I admire her more for who she was in life. Her strength, her character, her personality...she was who I wish I could be forever more. And Gregory Peck. Goodness...he was the man of my dreams. He's probably the model man that I am looking for in my life. When he died, my heart broke a little.

It may seem odd to think of people that one has never known in a personal way as being so influential over one's life. But I don't think I'm odd or strange for feeling the way I do about these people. It's not a "star struck" situation. I simply admired them a great deal for the people that they were.

This is the only Pope I've ever known. He was elected into the papacy in 1978, when I was 4. I've grown up Catholic, and feel very strongly about my faith in a very specific way. This is not a "general" religion for me. I am Christian, yes. But I'm a Catholic Christian, and I love that I was born to be just that.

I don't evangelize, though. I'm not a believer in the "one true faith" thing, and I appreciate the differences that everyone has - from Buddhism to Islam to Christianity to Agnostic. To each their own, I say. I'm happy with what I was born into.

The Pope is our Holy Father on this earth. He inspires peace and unconditional love, and whether you're Catholic or not, that's a lovely thing to feel from another person in this world. He doesn't know each and every one of us personally, but he loves us all equally, and he prays for us out of that love, and in my belief, he lifts our souls through that prayer. I know that the Catholic religion has carried with it some horrible stigmas throughout it's existence, including some popes of questionable nature who were not filled with love for all people, and who did not work for peace the way that Pope John Paul II has done. I feel so genuinely lucky to have been exposed to this Pope's reign! He is a very special messenger of our Lord.

I don't want to seem all sappy and icky over this, but it's impossible. I've been feeling this coming for a while, and the fact that it's finally time is hard to face. What will happen now? I get to see the next pontification process, so that'll be interesting. And I do know that the Pope looks forward to his death, as most people should. (It's not something to fear, IMO.) He doesn't think that people should be sad for him, as it's his resurrection to be with Christ, our Lord. But the hard part is he won't be here any more. On earth. That's the sucky thing.

*sigh!* Time to get to work. Sorry to be so serious on a Friday...