Friday, January 27, 2006

This gets kinda gross...just to warn ya.

Had a mini-meltdown last night. I think it started with the fact that the boyfriend has taken to pretty much never responding to the text messages I send him now and again. He used to send me little funny messages that made me laugh when we were first seeing each other, but that practice has gone by the wayside. I stopped at the bar for a drink after work last night, and I sent him a message to let him know I was there. At one point, I saw that he had emerged from the kitchen, and he was even looking my direction, but it seemed that he didn’t even recognize me, and he headed back into the kitchen without coming to say hello. I realize that he’s busy when he’s at work…don’t get me wrong. But he’s done that sort of thing more than once…one time I was sitting at the bar, and he was walking right towards me, and I had to put my hand out and grab him in order to get him to recognize I was there. It’s rather disconcerting, even though I know about his ADD brain, and the fact that when he gets busy, his focus is really elsewhere.

So I decided to go home without saying anything (after all, I had sent him the text message, so it wasn’t my fault if he didn’t get it/if he ignored it), and a part of me had hoped that his phone was at home, so that it would make more sense that he didn’t know to look for me at the bar. His phone wasn’t at home. This pissed me off a bit. But whatev.

So I made dinner, and I did my nails, and as I planned to go to bed and read for a bit, I remembered that I had to put my trash out. I was dreading doing it, because there was a dead squirrel in my driveway I had to add to the bags before putting them at the curb. Last weekend, I looked out my front window and saw that a squirrel had been run over directly in front of my driveway. It was in the street, though, and so I just left it there, hoping that someone or something would come along and pick it up and haul it away. Birds were pecking at it, and doing disgusting things with it, and I couldn’t bear to think of the disgusting mess, so I did my best to avoid driving over it as I entered and exited my driveway, and ignore it. It’s progressively flatter body was there on Sunday, and on Monday, and on Tuesday. On Wednesday morning, I noticed it was gone! Halleluiah! It was gone! Something had finally dragged it off, and I no longer had to think of it/see it there.

Thursday morning, I opened my garage, and damned if that squirrel carcass wasn’t IN MY FUCKING DRIVEWAY! UGH! How the FUCK did it get there? And where did it go for 24 hours? This instantly ensured that I would be the person that would have to dispose of the poor little thing’s body. So last night, I knew that I had to take care of that carcass along with the rest of my trash. And I’ve never been one to be that squeamish when it comes to shit like that. I kept thinking, "This is something that the boyfriend should do! Or at least should help with, dammit!" But then I thought to myself about what I would have done when I was still single, which was to have handled it by myself, of course. So I sucked it up, and I went out to the driveway armed with tools for squirrel-carcass extraction. These included the bucket with a trash bag in it that I use as a garbage can in the garage, the mini-rake I have for use in small flower beds, and my snow shovel. Now, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy for me, but it was dark, at least, so I didn’t have to see the details of the squishedness if I didn’t look super-close, which certainly would NOT be happening. I must also add that something I ate for dinner didn’t settle well, and I had terrible stomach issues just before I went outside to take care of said nasty dealings in the driveway. So when I got out there, and smelled what I could only imagine was the rotting squirrel carcass, and had to MOVE the damned thing, and then a piece of it fell off…gah. It was beyond disgusting. I finally got it all into the bag in the bucket, but then I had to close up the bag somehow, and the mini-rake wasn’t doing the job (the bag was caught on something), and suddenly, I felt like I was going to wretch. I fought back tears, and I wandered around a bit, kind of moaning and crying to myself about how gross it all was, and then I finally walked up to the thing after 5 minutes (I shit you not) of trying NOT to wretch, and I closed the bag up, and I got it into the other plastic bag I had waiting for it (a more sturdy, larger trash bag), and then I piled my other bag of trash on top of it, and I sealed it all up with the pull-ties, and I continued to cry and moan as I walked the whole thing to the end of my driveway for final depositing for the trash truck.

Somehow, I managed not to throw up. But I was still very upset, and this added to the mini-breakdown in its own way. It all got topped off with the boyfriend coming home and reading out on the couch instead of coming in and saying hello to me, and me getting out of bed to discover that my stomach issue had gotten worse somehow, and then the boyfriend not asking me if I was ok after disappearing into the bathroom for over 5 minutes in the middle of the goddammed night, and I was a mess. I went into the kitchen to get some Pepto Bismol pills we had, and didn’t even look at him. He wanted to know what was going on, to which I replied, "What do you care? Why don’t you go back to your book and ask Harry Potter what’s going on?" Because I’m a grown up ALL of the damned time, right? It all came to a head with me standing in the bedroom doorway half-naked, crying at the boyfriend about how he doesn’t seem to care to make an effort any more, and how he doesn’t even ask me how my day was or recognize me when I’m sitting at the bar or anything, and I’m tired of it. I was a little bit of a mess.

Said breakdown subsided a bit after a little snuggling and discussion and apologies, and then I tried to go back to sleep, which I of course couldn’t do until about 2:30, so I slept in again today, and will have one hell of a workout to do tomorrow to make up for having slept in for two days in a fucking row.

Anyway, happy Friday. I’m glad it’s the end of the week, and that I’m going to be able to get together with friends tonight, and that my mini-breakdown is over and done with, just like the squirrel carcass in the driveway.

3 comments:

Pensive Girl said...

So, I think our neighborhood has more dead squirrels per captia then any other neighborhood. It's insane how many I see when I'm running and I always almost puke. I'm proud of you for dealing with the carcass on your own. I could NEVER have done that!!!!
Happy Friday Trash Day!
:)

FaithsTwin said...

MY trash day is Friday too. How freaky. I'm glad you didn't call me during the interesting little squirrel incident. I would have tossed it and then YOU would have tossed it and a passing neighbor would see you doing this and THEY would have tossed it. It would have been a big old news story, "Girl Causes Kansas City to Throw Up." Not good at all.

Alisha said...

mmmmm. I'm a little disturbed that we seem to have mini-breakdowns or bad mood days at the same time. I was a bit of a mess last night myself!