Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Well, it's official...I'm a fatty!

Weird things keep popping up on my lips. Kind of like cold sores, but not really, because they go away after a few hours, usually. These ones that I have today actually hurt, though. Like, more than usual. I don’t know if they’re manifestations of stress, or if they come from something else. I tend to get them on days that I walk on the treadmill, of all things. Weird, eh? And very bothersome as well, I can assure you. I guess it’d be worse if they actually developed into cold sores, so I can’t complain too much since they never have prior to now. *knocks on wood*

This morning, I was running on time to work for once…I was able to run through the bagel place, drop off dry cleaning, and was STILL on track time-wise. Then I hit the intersection that takes me north into the Plaza: 71st (or Gregory, as it’s known on that side o’ the state line) and Wornall. Apparently, an accident had recently happened there, and that fucked everything up for me. The rest of the drive in was torture. Got stuck behind the bus I hate being behind, waited through 3 changes of a signal before I could go straight and continue on my regular path, whereas it only usually takes one signal change for me to get through…it was crazy. I finally got here, and my computer is acting up! So the day just keeps getting more and more bogged down.

Here’s my fave thing of the day so far, though: I recently sent in my application for health insurance through Humana One, which is pretty much the only company I could find that offers health insurance on an individual basis in the state of Kansas. I’ve been waiting to hear back from the underwriters, and finally received a cryptic letter from them in the mail yesterday. They said they’d sent me some e-mail asking for me to review and accept the changes made to my application, and which needed my electronic signature on them. I never received that e-mail. So I called them this morning, and learned that it’s a problem they have with sending e-mails to road runner addresses, and they gave me the URL to go to instead. So I did. And you know what the changes were that they made? Yeah, they added a 25% premium on to my monthly payment due to my "build". And they want me to sign an obesity clause.

*blink blink*

Ok, I am NOT obese, muthafuckers. In fact, I work out every goddammed day (ok, 5 – 6 days a week), eat well, drink over 100 ounces of water per day, don’t smoke, have perfectly healthy knees/legs/ankles/etc…, and would like to tell them and their obesity bullshit to go and suck a rock at the bottom of the Pacific ocean. I weigh 185, and am 5’5" tall, and that makes me obese according to who’s standards? I don’t recall the underwriters who called to ask me about whether I smoke or what kinds of prescriptions I’ve gotten in the past few years taking a moment to ask me what my workout habits are. Had they done so, they might have found out that I don’t, by any means, live a sedentary lifestyle, and am currently in the process of working on losing about 30 pounds. (That’s my goal for the year, anyway…my eventual goal would be a total of 40…)

I’ve NEVER had to answer questions like this before, is the thing. Working for big companies for the past 9 years of my life has given me liberty to be as fat as I want and to smoke as much as I want as well, it seems. (Not that I did, mind you…I’ve never smoked more than 2 packs a week, and that was during the heaviest part of my habit back in 1998 – 1999 after my mom died…and being as "fat as I want" is a joke. I don’t want to be fat, so I do everything I can to avoid it as much as possible.) But going out on my own to get an individual plan has really been a stark process for me. I don’t crave cigarettes like I used to, so I’m definitely past that habit. And my weight and I have recently had a couple of serious powwows (mostly performed in dressing rooms where tops wouldn’t fit over my monstrous breasts), and we’ve come to the understanding that major lifestyle changes are going to occur, and while it may not like it, some of it will have to pack up and leave very soon. So I guess the only thing to do is to hope I don’t get hit by a bus, and to reapply after I lose 15 pounds in a few months. Maybe that will make them happy. Because a 25% increase being tacked on to my premium because I’m on the lighter side of what our government now deems "obese" is ridiculous. I’m a size 16 – 18, dammit. I’m in fucking GREAT health. Assholes.

I know that there are a LOT of people that might read this and go, "Um, you weigh 185 pounds…isn’t that kind of heavy?" Yes, it is kind of heavy. But it’s not obese on my frame. If you knew me, you’d understand what I’m talking about. These aren’t excuses, either. I don’t like being this heavy, and I’m actually doing something about it – not planning on it, not thinking about it…doing it.

I’m so tired of being discriminated against, I guess. I’m tired of the fact that stores provide my size online, but not necessarily in their stores. I’m tired of being considered fat and unhealthy when I’m actually just a little overweight and really rather healthy. I hate that feeling I get when I’m eating a snack at my desk…that feeling where I wonder if my coworkers (who are all rather teeny, IMO) are looking at me and thinking to themselves, "Damn, she’s eating again? She really should give up a calorie here or there!" The secure part of me knows they aren’t thinking anything of the kind and also doesn’t give a flying shit if they are; the insecure side of me can’t help but feel their eyes on me as I chew.

And this is just a nail in your coffin, extra pounds. I need health insurance, but I refuse to pay extra because I’m the same size I’ve been for the past 5 or so years of my life, and no one ever had a problem with it before. I refuse to sign a document agreeing to not seek healthcare payment assistance from a company if I go in to visit a doctor because my knees hurt, or my back hurts. I mean, what if I slip on some ice, fall down and bang my knee? How much trouble will I have getting a claim taken care of if I can’t prove that I fell down from the ice, and that I’m not looking for some kind of help for my joints because my weight has gotten to be too much for them? And once I lose the weight, how tough will it be to get the healthcare company to remove that 25% increase on my premium due to my previous "build"? So goodbye, you nasty little things! I’m gonna get rid of you forever, honest. Go find a new home on someone that needs you in Nova Scotia, or someplace where it’s cold all the time, and extra weight is welcome and helpful to them. I’m just fine using an extra layer of clothing or two, thank you very much. Because if I wasn’t too motivated before (which I was), then I sure as hell am now! (Even if I am a bit tired and sort of grumpy from waking up so damned early every day, you bastards. I do that because of you! Grrr!!!)


Pensive Girl said...

I'm sorry that happened. Doesn't it feel nice to be nothing more than a statistic? It's like those BMI (body mass index) charts. They take nothing other than weight and height into account. It doesn't matter if your weight is mostly from muscle or from fat. A six foot two inch man weighing 215 would be considered obese whether or not he was a muscle head or a couch potato.

Faith said...

Yep...and those are the things they use to calculate it. I recently joined the Discovery Health Challenge that will be starting this weekend, and continuing on for the next 8 weeks, and it calculated out my BMI, and told me that I'm obese, and need to lose 40 pounds to be healthy for my height. While I intend to do the best I can to get there eventually, I've also felt really good at 160 pounds, which leaves me at a size 12 - 14. The last time I weighed less than that, I was 25 years old, and those days ain't never comin' back, it seems. Not without cutting caloric intake down to 1000 a day and working out for an hour 7 days a week. That's not feasible, you know? My body has changed...I've come to know it and love it at a size 12. So my minimum weight will be 150, if I can get there. And I'm giving myself 2 years to do it.

FaithsTwin said...

It doesn't take into consideration that we walk around with a body frame that falls between medium to large. We are not, nor we ever be, a small or petite body frame. Therefore, 150 - 155 is QUITE confy for us.

Stupid dumbasses. Sorry you had to deal with that, dude. Escrew them!

Lushy said...

I remember obtaining a copy of my hospital medical records for my employer after my extended absence (for a non-weight related illness). The first line read, "Pleasant obese woman..." I wanted to find that doctor and beat her size 2 ass up while screaming, "pissed off obese woman!!!"

Sorry they were such small minded butt weasels. I'll be cheering you on!

Hunny said...

WTF? That is a new one on me, and I have seen a lot. I work in a
hostile work environment, similar to high school mentality. Without your blog, I would have even more time on my hands, keep the great posts coming. Also check out
other Health Care Companies and see if they have the same practices. Keep up the great work on the eating right and working out!