Recently, my boyfriend was working on some new items to add to the menu at the Moose. He was trying to come up with some new appetizers, a couple of new entrees…that sort of thing. He’s really rather creative when it comes to food, but he just wanted to hear what other folks had in mind for items they wanted. Unfortunately, he’s dead-set against allowing tacos or a BLT onto the menu, so I’m ass out, it seems. Other people came up with ideas like quesadillas, potato skins, fried mushrooms, and crab cakes for the appetizers. We kind of came up with a list of new entrees on our own, though, and they’re gonna be gooood. (Except there isn’t a single taco among them, dammit…)
So one of the new appetizers he decided was doable and that he wants to add to the menu is the crab cake idea. Plenty of people suggested it, it’s definitely easy to pull off kitchen-wise, and he thinks it’ll be a popular item, sales-wise. But neither of us are crab cake people. I can’t order them, usually, as they generally involve some form of dairy in them (why do people need to put cheese into them, huh? Isn’t egg a good enough binder, dammit??), and so I tend to opt for things like calamari or something when it comes to appetizers when I’m out and about. This left us wondering what kind of sauce might be good for with the crab cakes. I wouldn’t have the first clue. So I picked up the phone and called the crab cake king of my family – my big brother. I asked him what kind of sauce does he prefer with his crab cakes when he orders them? Something creamy and spicy, he said. Good…so a mayo-based sauce with something like chipotle spice in it? Yes…that would be good, he told me. I tried to broach the subject of shrimp with him, but he said he wasn’t friends with shrimp right now, so we left it at that. I swear I told him that the boyfriend and I were working on the boyfriend’s ideas for new menu items at the restaurant, but that might’ve gone in one ear and out the other for the big brother, it seems. Keep in mind, this all happened about a month ago, maybe. Possibly less, but not much.
So the Twin told me the other day that she had been hanging out with big brother the other night. He was all worked up about something, and it took him a while to spill it. "They’re gonna get married, you know…" he told her. The Twin finally got the story out of him, and he told her about the time I called looking for help with the crab cake sauce issue. He thought we were planning menu items for our wedding! Which we were keeping a secret, by the way. Because that’s what I’d do if I were going to get married. Yeah, I’d keep it a fucking secret. Sshhh! Don’t want anyone to find out that the old spinster daughter that everyone thought was a lesbian due to her succession of failed relationships is getting married! No, no…I haven’t been looking forward to wearing a big, poofy dress, having a ginormous, lavish party, and getting loads of presents for the past, oh I don’t know, DECADE or so, or anything! Naw…I wanna elope. And have a small party with friends when we get back, at which we will be exclusively serving crab cakes with a spicy creamy sauce. And possibly some shrimp.
For the record, the boyfriend and I are not planning a secret wedding. We aren’t engaged, and won’t be for a good long while, I’m sure. And when I get engaged, BOY, will people know about it! I’m not good with secrets, anyway, and that’s really the last thing I’d wanna keep under my hat. Because I loooove my boyfriend, and I looooove my family, and I look forward to bringing it all together some day, possibly. But not yet! Nope…we still have some time before anything like that will happen. In the mean time, we’ll have to settle for having crab cakes off the menu at the Moose when they come out in the spring, and I will continue to fight for the right for tacos on the menu (at least during football season, dammit!), and just live in peace with the most vunderbar man I’ve ever known. (I’m making him steak and risotto for his Valentine’s dinner, by the way. Because I kick ass like that.) (Please don’t let me burn the steak, please don’t let me burn the steak, please don’t let me burn the steak…)
So I hope you enjoyed the little non-Valentine’s Day story, everyone. (And if the big brother reads this, please know that I’m not making fun of you…I thought the story was very funny, as did the boyfriend, and so we appreciated that a great deal. I can see where you might’ve been confused about my crab cake questions, for sure. Crab cakes are, after all, a very popular pre-reception menu item. I think. I’m not sure, really. But more people SHOULD serve them at their cocktail parties prior to the reception! It’s a damn shame when they don’t. And if we ever DO get married, we’ll be sure to put them on the list of appetizers just for you man. WOO!) Ok…time to get to work. And to go pee – AGAIN. Dammit, it’s like the 18th time today that I’ve gone. WTF is with that?