A few months ago, I was in a lot of pain. I’d slept wrong, or stress had built up, or fairies flew in my window overnight to curse my back, or something. I could barely move, and realized that I needed to look into getting it fixed ASAP. I called and made a massage appointment for that same day, and met a man who had fingers that the fairies had blessed, it seemed, who worked miracles on me in just one short hour. (I don’t know why the fairies hate me and love other people, but it might’ve had something to do with the fact that I was a bit of a roly-poly kid, and maybe I stepped on one accidentally once, perhaps. That’ll piss off the fairy world right quick, as I understand it. Oh…you don’t believe in fairies? Oh, well, never mind then…) It was the best hour ever, really, and I wish I could relive it over and over again without having to suffer the charge for the services. But that’s not possible. So I just dream of those magic fingers doing their thing.
This past week, the pain was back in my neck again. I was having trouble turning my head to the right to any greatly varying degree, and my head was full of a headache that seemed to stem from my neck on a daily basis. So I made a massage appointment. But my primary mistake was making the appointment at a different salon than the one I went to last time. It’s more convenient, and I’m used to it now as it’s where I go to get my hair done, but oh, the price I paid!
The room was cold. And for some reason I didn’t say anything about it (maybe I thought the chick would pick up on my coldness when she noticed the goose bumps I had on my exposed body parts), and just suffered through the damn thing. That was my fault, I admit, but this chick started off on the wrong foot with me. She sat down and asked me if I’d ever had a massage before…I had just spent 5 minutes in the waiting area filling out paperwork that told her, yes, I HAD had a massage before, dammit. So I told her again that I had, and my last one was in June or July. "Oh, so it’s been a year?" Um, noooo. It was in June at the earliest, so that was just, what, 8 months ago? Her reply was that June is only 3 months away, so it’s been a year since my last massage. Whatever. Apparently, it’s already March for this woman. Fine.
On this same paperwork I filled out, there was a diagram for me to mark on as to what areas of my body I was needing attention. I circled my right shoulder and neck, my upper back, and my middle back. Yeah, those diagrams were a complete waste of time, as this chick chose instead to focus on my arms, my calves, and my chest.
Admittedly, my arms did have a good amount of tension built up in them, but I think that it might have been because I worked out about 2 hours before I went in for my massage, so they might’ve still been a bit tight. This chick worked them so hard that I have bruises on both of my biceps. And my chest doesn’t have any bruising, thank goodness, but the tenderness is still noticeable 2 days later, so yeah…think she worked that shit a bit too hard, maybe!!
Anyway, I wasted 60 damned dollars on that thing, and my back still feels tense. I’m not made of money, right? It was hard enough to justify having to go in for that massage in the first place, but once it gets to the point where I have a hard time turning my head in one direction or another, I know it has to be done. So I’m a bit pissed. The chick even asked me if I wanted to schedule another massage, and I almost said, "Yeah, with the guy at the Beauty Brands at 119th and Metcalf, but not here, bitch!" But I just told her that I obviously don’t get them very often, so thanks, but no.
So just to warn everyone in the area…If you go to the Beauty Brands on the Plaza for a massage, don’t hesitate to mention the temperature of the room if it bothers you, and make sure the massage therapist knows to focus on the areas you marked on the little diagram they give you. Because, for heavens sake, it’s just a waste of fucking time and money otherwise. And I hate wasting time and money, dammit. Hate, hate, hate…
Oh, and just an FYI, my calorie counting is on hold for a bit. I realized yesterday that I was literally becoming obsessed with food while I was doing it. I couldn’t think of anything else all day long, and it was getting overwhelming. I’ve gotten rather good at "guessing" the caloric content of items, and at adjusting my meals accordingly, so I figure that the next week or so should be a period of time for me to attempt to eat well and have the proper portions without writing every last morsel that I eat down. I know that writing it all down helps some people stay within their diet limits, or whatever, and it was helping me to a certain extent, but it seriously was causing me to become obsessed! All I thought about was food. All I wondered was whether I would be able to eat later. And I was kicking my own ass whenever I went even slightly out of the box (i.e. at a tootsie roll, or had a glass of wine, or even if I ate a handful of croutons on my salad!).
So I’m taking a break from it, is the thing. Just for a little bit. Maybe through next week. And in the meantime, I will keep working out, and hoping that my body decides to catch up to my new habits soon. Because it’s seriously frustrating the shit out of me at this point in time…
Ironically, it’s lunch time, and I need to find some food. So ta for now…happy fucking Monday, everyone.