Monday, February 20, 2006

Yep, I'm working on a holiday. And it's not fair, I tell you...

I’m addicted to Fiona Apple. I suppose there could be worse things to be addicted to, really, but I thought I’d make sure everyone knew what kind of person they were dealing with at this point. I love her, think about her allllll the time, sing her songs while I’m in the shower, at the market, and in my car (oh, and in bed before going to sleep at night), and basically want to hear her every waking minute of the day. It’s a bit of a problem, but I’m thinking I can overcome it in a couple of weeks or so with some diligence. We’ll see.

Boyfriend’s parents came into town on Saturday. We had a nice dinner at a tapas restaurant, which we all enjoyed a lot, I think, and then we decided to go to 1924 Main to hang out in their basement bar for a drink or two after dinner. (Thanks for telling us about that Alisha! It was the perfect place to hang out…) Turns out, we all only needed one drink, which was good because somehow they wound up being about $10 each (???!!!), but they were yummy, and it was a lovely place to hang out, so all in all, not a bad deal. Yesterday, we went to brunch at the Moose, which also happened to be a day when 2 other KC Hopps (the company that owns the Moose) execs decided to have brunch there, and one of them went ahead and picked up our tab for us, which was really nice. He felt he owed it to us, since "boyfriend works so hard." Yeah, I wanted to go have a word with him about just how hard boyfriend works for his goddammed company…I didn’t know if he was aware that he kept slaves, or what, so it would have just been an FYI conversation, really. But I figured that causing a scene in front of the parents and in the actual restaurant where boyfriend works might be a bad idea, so I kept it to myself.

Then the parents went off for the day doing their own thing. They came back over to my house for dinner, and then the boyfriend had to go back to work at 9:30 for a meeting at 10 (see? See what I mean? SLAVE!!!), and so his parents and I sat around and had a bit of wine and chatted. And I made the fundamental mistake of posing the question of whether they were ok with the boyfriend and I living together or not. Holy shit. See, his parents are a part of a special "community" in South Bend that is based in Catholicism, but has some much more strict and kind of weird ideals based in general Christianity. Boyfriend considers it a cult. I think they’re fine people, really…they’re very cool, they can knock back a few with the best of them, and really don’t bring up their religion (except to pray before eating) unless they’re kind of provoked. So I provoked, it seemed. And so his dad started talking, and talking, and TALKING about how a relationship can’t work between two people unless Christ is above everything else for them, and really a relationship is with 3 people and not just two since Christ is in it as well, etc, etc, etc…And boyfriend’s mom just sat there the entire time he was talking, just staring at him, not agreeing or nodding or doing anything, but just sitting quietly and listening to him spew his religious b.s. about how we won’t succeed in our relationship unless we allow Christ and God to be a part of it. He admired me for asking the question (um, thanks?), but he wanted to be sure that I understood that I would get to the point eventually where I would be disappointed with the relationship with boyfriend ultimately because I didn’t hold true to my values and morals.

Now. I don’t know where he got the idea of what my values and morals are, since they’re, you know, my values and morals, and not his. But since he knows that I do have a faith in God, and hold myself to be a relatively spiritual person, I guess he just assumed. So I listened to him, and every once in a while asked a question or two, and agreed with some of what he said, but then he started talking about how the truth can’t be ignored, and that’s what can cause a relationship to fail, and I just don’t know what the hell he was talking about. He lost me. But it was entertaining, nonetheless. And it was certainly eye-opening, and I got to see a lot of what the boyfriend had to deal with when he was growing up. I also got to know his parents better, which is important to me. I don’t really care if his father thinks that I’m compromising my morals and beliefs in order to live with his son, and I do hope to marry him some day, and if God is involved, then that’s lovely. But spirituality and the relationship a person has with God is so personal and individual, I think. I don’t mind that the boyfriend sees things the way he does. I’M important to him, and that is what matters when it comes to us. We’re able to communicate and we understand each other, and I love all that he is, really. And he does the same with me. Apparently, he has a very hard time with the fact that in his parents’ relationship, they both put God above everything else, even each other. I told him that if it works for them, then it shouldn’t matter. He’s just jaded, I think. He had a tough time with things when he was growing up, and I can’t imagine what he went through. Mental abuse and physical abuse, and by the time he was 18, he basically bolted from that house and town as fast as he could. But his parents see a change in him since he’s been with me. They’re encouraged to think that perhaps God brought us together so that I could lead him back to Christ. Which…no. That’s not my schtick. Not. at. all. If he comes to a better understanding of what Christ and God can mean to people outside of that upbringing that he had, and wants to be involved in a church or something eventually, then great. But I’m not gonna even suggest it.

I told him about all of what we talked about when he got home, and it seemed to bother him a bit. He also told me that he really loves that I can stand up for myself, and speak up when I hear the bullshit that I don’t agree with, like I did when I was talking to his dad. He wasn’t there, but I told him that I’d challenged his dad’s perception of relationships failing due to a lack of Christ. I just don’t subscribe to it. But we had kept it light and I joked to his mom about how she had told her husband to leave his soapbox at home, and it seemed he still had managed to bring along with him anyway, and we all laughed about that. It wasn’t a mean, spiteful conversation, is my point. I told the boyfriend as much, and I think he was ok with it all. But we’ll see. They’re spending their alone time together today. And then we’re going to dinner tonight with friends, and then the parents leave tomorrow to go back home. So it’ll all be said and done by then.

I have no doubt in my mind that the boyfriend and I belong together. But I also don’t think I’m immoral for choosing to invite him to live with me. I don’t think I’m compromising any of my beliefs or values when I look towards to a future with him. I find it utterly fascinating that there are people out there that think in such a manner. The boyfriend is afraid that because I had this discussion with his parents, and his mother brought me a book (it’s called The Message, and it’s basically a modern-day language interpretation of the New Testament, which I think would be interesting to read, and didn’t think it was weird at all for her to offer to me…), that now I will be sucked into their "cult" somehow. He’s very silly, though, because I’m pretty sure that I’d need to live in South Bend in order to join, and that isn’t convenient for me right now. Neither is having a life that is completely saturated in Christ and God, or spreading the Word, or telling other people that their lives will never be complete without Christ in their lives. No…just not my cup o’ tea, unfortunately. I’ll stick to my own spirituality, thanks. It makes me happy…

Anyway, interesting weekend, and I stayed up too late last night, so I feel like I have a hangover today. Bleh. Might need some caffeine, actually, so we’ll see about that around lunchtime. Gotta run, but I hope everyone has a day that’s either filled with Christ or not, or possibly something in between (which is the kind I tend to have), and goes forth and loves people for who they are anyway. Because, dammit, THAT’S the way it should be. Sheesh…

2 comments:

April said...

I think that must be one of the only KC Hopps places we haven't eaten at.

The conversation with his parents sounds, interesting. Glad to see you made it through o.k. and kept your wits about you.

Faith said...

You should check it out! It's not far from where you live right now, I believe. I dig it because it's family-friendly, they have TONS of t.v.'s for watching sports, and, of course, the food is yummy! :) You'd think I'd be biased in that regard, but I liked the food even before I started sleeping with one of the chefs!