Tuesday, April 11, 2006

I think I need therapy...

I have the hardest time letting things go. Relationships, whether personal, professional, or anything in between, require a lot of thought from me. And the longer they last, or the more drama they brought with them into my life, the harder it is for me to just stop thinking about them. I kind of hate that sometimes, but it's a fact of my life regardless. I gotta be me, right? Right.

So recently, I went to dinner with an old coworker. She and I stay in touch as she's a really, really good person, and I'm blessed to know her. She makes me laugh, I make her laugh, we went through the horrors of the old job together, we talked about men and customers and just people in general that piss us off, and we supported each other in our daily lives as much as we could. And then I left her behind when I gave my notice and quit last July...so I try to remain as good a support system as possible for her in that regard since I almost felt like I was abandoning her there.

At dinner, she and I talked like we always have. And we talked about how the job is...and while I can't go into any specific details about what we talked about (I guess I kind of forgot, really), just know that I certainly know how she feels about her day to day job. And she knows how I felt about it while I was there. Unappreciated doesn't even begin to scratch the surface. If you're not familiar with some of the specifics about my own experiences, just go here for some info. Or here. That should be sufficient explanation.

Anyway, I've been wanting to do it, and I've thought of doing it, and I finally DID do it...I wrote a letter to the top executives over the division of the company I used to work for. I wrote it two weeks ago. And I never sent it. I've been thinking about it off and on since then, and I went back to it today and corrected a few things, removed references to specific information that might've been shared with me since I left, removed specific references to certain coworkers that I will have to see in a month or so, just in case this gets back to them (which I'm sure it will), and then I sent it to the big boys.

Now, whether or not the big boys actually ever read the letter I sent them remains to be seen. Whether or not it gets spread around the division and region I used to work for is another thing. I'm sure that will happen. But again, I don't care much.

But I do care about all the wonderful people that remain at that crappy-ass company in the position that I was in for all those years. I do care that they get treated fairly, and are heard with regards to their concerns about their income and how they feel they should be properly compensated. I do care that the management stops thinking of positions in terms of whether they are "producers" or not, because the argument over which comes first: the money or the processing needs to stop. Just stop right now. If it weren't for the support staff they have at that company, they would be a complete shitty pile of a mess.

Maybe I just crave a little drama in my life...who knows? But I finally feel like I can tell them all the things I wanted to tell them for the last 2 years I was with them, but I was afraid to say. I finally feel like I can skip right over the heads of the old bosses I had, and go straight to the big guys (or rather, the big guys' admin assistants...) to tell them how I felt when I worked for the management they chose to employ. They can't do anything to me now. I don't work for their sorry asses any more.

And now, I finally feel like I can let it all go. Thank GOD.


Mona Buonanotte said...

I have an email started to Company President to tell him all the wicked, bad, naughty stuff that is bringing the company down and which HE can remedy. It's all I can do not to be bitchy, but constructive. Any pointers?

Hunny said...

I am proud of you!!!! Wish I could do that! Instead I continue to work with people who treat me like s*^%. I did make a complaint, but imagine that, the Equal Oppurtunity Office said there was no harrasment. Tis what I expected. It just sucks working for a place that you already sued for discrimination and have it happen all over again! Doesn't help they were told to make my life miserable so I would quit. I have been here a year on June 1. So I have shown that I won't be bullied, and won't take the lack of respect lieing down.
So again great job Faith!!! Sometime the high ups need to know what is going on below them!

Faith said...

Mona, I can say that at one point in my letter I made a comment about the divisional manager being an "idiot", and I thought better of myself and changed the sentence to read that he was a poor manager for allowing his admin to treat the regions below them with such attitude.

I don't know, though. I'd been wanting to talk to management about my concerns for the last 2 years I was with the company (the first 2 years weren't so bad, really...), and feel that I'm finally "safe" to tell them exactly what I think now that I have a new job and am really, really happy. I wouldn't have felt comfortable ever going to them while I was there for fear of retribution from my direct manager. He and I had a relatively good relationship, and I've never felt comfy going over someone's head that I work for, personally. The things I was experiencing weren't harassment of any kind, like Hunny deals with at her job (poor thing!), but more of a problem that I had with the amount of work I was doing not being fairly supported by the compensation I received.

Women who present themselves with an air of authority, strength, and knowledge will *always* be seen as bitchy, no matter what. At my last job, I learned to accept that the men in the field didn't care for my attitude. But you know what? I didn't care much for their lack of ability when it came to their job either, so we were even-steven, IMHO.

I didn't write a letter while I worked for them because I didn't think they'd honestly care enough to do anything. I don't think they do now, either. But it's off my chest, which is what's important to me. I was also afraid of what would happen to the relationship I had between myself and my direct boss, though, so that kept me from doing it as well.