Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Please, PLEASE! Just let this be the end of it...

Well, they did it. They had their baby. Yay. It's done. Can we all pay attention to something else now, please? (And can someone please prove that it actually IS their baby? The speculation has grown over the last few weeks that perhaps Katie wasn't even carrying a child. (Link obtained courtesy of wiscolizard over at "is it just me?" If you haven't read her blog lately, then go now. Enjoy.) Although she definitely carried the look of a terribly pregnant woman rather well, I thought...I might have done it without half of my head of hair hanging in my face as "bangs", but, you know...to each their own.)

Anyway, this morning, I heard them talking about the birth of little Suri (um, isn't that an old-fashioned buggy? You know, suri with the fringe on top and all? And yes, I know that's actually a "surry", but still...a little too close in pronunciation, no? Or is it pronounced weird, like Demi pronounces her name De-mee instead of how it should be pronounced (i.e. De-meye...because it's spelled like "semi", der, so that's how it's supposed to sound)? Maybe her name is pronounced Sur-eye? I dunno.) and Diane Sawyer made mention of the fact that Brooke Shields had her baby just a few hours apart from when Katie had hers, and that they had them in the same place, on the same floor of the hospital. Now, I thought that baby was supposed to be born at home. Right? Wasn't it? I wonder if, in the late hours right before the baby was born, Katie didn't totally freak out and DEMAND that she be taken to a hospital where she could give birth in a normal manner. Fuck that silence crap! I can just see it now...the pain of childbirth breaking the poor girl out of her brainwashed stupor and returning her to the reality that exists outside of her creepy, creepy relationship with a Scientologist twice her age. I really hope it happened that way. Seriously. Something has to snap that girl out of it.

My coworker and I have been going back and forth about this Scientology thing for the last few days, actually. He was making fun of them last week, based on the craziness that is Tom Cruise, and I had to stop him and tell him that his poking fun was offensive to me, as I, too, am a Scientologist. He thought I was kidding (and I kind of was, of course), but I assured him that I am, indeed, a Scientologist, and nothing can change that fact. I'm a member of the fucking "church" because back when I was 19, I was stupid, and I had a stupid Scientologist boyfriend that wanted us to learn to communicate better. His solution (probly more his mom's solution now that I think back on it...) was to enroll in a communication course at the Celebrity Center, which is where he attended his Scientology courses. I had to sign a document stating that I would never say anything disparaging about the "church" either verbally or in writing (oops), and if I did and they found out about it, they could sue me. Also, I had to pay about $150 for the course, which I couldn't figure out how to do. My dad was my source of income back then, as I was in college, and whether I wrote a check or put it on the credit card he would find out. Oh, and keep in mind that the $150 I had to pay was actually a discounted amount, since I was with a boy who's mother was so high up in the "church" and all, and it was my first course, so maybe I got a 10% discount for that, or something...I can't remember exactly. But I do know that it originally cost something like $250. Which is ridiculous. But I digress.

Basically, I'm a Scientologist for life, although that was the one and only course I ever took, and while I learned a LOT while I did it, and it was fun to do something like that with the boyfriend at the time and all, I did NOT like the e-meter thing I had to do at the end of the course, and I hated that my dad figured out that I'd done it when he came across my credit card statement a few weeks later. He told me he would not tell my mom, as it would likely upset her a bit, but he wanted me to stay away from that place from then on. I continued to go to the Center throughout the rest of the relationship I had with the boyfriend...it was a lovely place to go and have coffee, or just to walk around and hang out. But I never took another course. (Oh, and the communication between the boyfriend and I didn't improve all that much anyway. Unless his decision to break up with me because I was getting fat - when I had gained about 5 pounds total during our relationship - and then his ultimate decision to stop accepting my calls, and to have his mommy tell me to stop calling was considered good communication. Oh, and he had a bracelet that he wore since the time I met him that he received as a present from his family when he was declared "clear" when he was 16, or something, and I can say with a certain amount of confidence: dude was NOT clear. Nuh-uh. Not in the least.)

So, yeah, my coworker keeps making fun of me now, and even started siging his e-mails "Tom Cruise, Scientologist" because he's funny like that.

Ok, I need to get back to my brainwashing now. I have a lunch that I've put together later for some brokers where I will attempt to win them over to my side by offering a chance to win a free 60 GB iPod and where I will tempt them with some sammiches and salads and cookies from Panera. Yep...I'm eeeevil...taste the sourdough goodness, and enjoy the chocolate chip richness, and BE UNDER MY POWER, MUTHAFUCKAS!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

1 comment:

Mona Buonanotte said...

See, I'm old, and the brainwashing I went through was an updated version of EST, called "The Forum". My boss at the time made everyone in our little business signup for courses like 'Time Management' (which included such little gems as "write down what you do and prioritize it"...yeah doofus, I'm already DOING THAT!). And we had to do 2 weekends of 2-day seminars where we couldn't leave to go to the bathroom, or stab our bosses through their stinkin' hearts.

So you and me can BOTH take over the world! HAAAAAHAAAA!!