Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Anthony Bourdain, how we love thee...

The boyfriend and I are Anthony Bourdain fans. I personally have an affinity for him because I think he is an already grown-up version of my boyfriend, what with his tall, lanky figure and his penchant for the cancer sticks, but it's also because he's damned entertaining. He has a show on The Travel Channel called "No Reservations" on Monday nights, and while he sometimes eats things that I can't even imagine Fear Factor considering making their contestants eat, I've been able to watch pretty much every episode of his show without feeling the need to throw up. It's only happened twice: one time, when he was visiting Iceland**, and he sat down with a family to eat a seal that had just been killed (no cooking...no utensils...just a family of about 8 sitting on the floor of their kitchen around the carcass of a freshly killed seal, eating it with their hands. They looked like wolves, I shit you not. And then, THEN the grandmother offered Tony the most prized part of the seal, and of course he couldn't turn it down as it would be incredibly rude to do so, so he accepted it...and he ate it. He ate THE EYEBALLS of the seal. I seriously had to shut my eyes and squirm around squealing as he did it until the boyfriend poked me to let me know when it was over. Grossest. Thing. I've. Ever. Seen.), and then this last week, on his show from Korea. I didn't think this would bother me as much as it did, but he visited a restaurant that made parts of the chicken that we don't usually eat here in the good ol' USA into dishes that looked like General Tsao's Chicken from your fave local Asian food place. But these weren't normal chicken parts. Uh-uh. They were cookin' up feet, inards, and THE ASSHOLES of the chicken! But in Korean, they refer to them as dumsai, or something. Which literally translates, according to Tony's guide on the trip, as "house of crap". So they're sitting there, eating the assholes of the chickens, and they keep refering to the "house of crap" thing, and I'm simultaneously crying with laughter while trying not to wretch at the thought of chewing on the asshole of a chicken.

So from now on, I will heretofor refer to my asshole as my "house of crap". Because damn if it isn't free and clear of any confusion of what I might be talking about, eh? Earlier this week, my house of crap was on fire from trying to release something I had eaten that hadn't agreed with me. See? It's just so clear. Those Koreans are smart cookies...

**Not that anyone will notice this update almost a month after the post was written, but I just found the info on the No Reservations site that the seal-eating occurred in Quebec, not in Iceland. This has been a point of contention between the boyfriend and I for a while, so I'm glad I found out that both of us were wrong (he thought it happened in Alaska...even though I don't remember Tony even going to Alaska this season. Or last, for that matter.), and found the truth through the help of the photos section of the No Reservations website. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't misleading anyone that reads this...

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