Friday, June 30, 2006

Who is this FICA guy, and why is he getting all my money?**

By popular demand, I have changed the tagline of my blog to read, "My ass is cuter than your face." I hope y'all are happy. I haven't changed a single thing on this blog, except to add my picture, since I started it 2 years ago. Congratulations on the power you have over me.

Then again, I do like the word "ass" an awful lot. And the Eddie Izzard reference originally in the tagline was never, ever something that people noticed, I don't think. So maybe it was a better idea than I originally considered it to be. Hm.

Maybe I should fuck around with the background design for the blog? Nah...the thought of changing that freaks me the fuck out!

Anyway, this morning, while hanging out in the backyard waiting for the dog to decide to join me in the peeing area, we got swooped in upon by a morning dove. Seemed that something was wrong with it. It was all flapping its wings and making its morning dove noise...it didn't seem right. The dog chased it out of our yard and into the neighbor's yard, where it found a quiet spot to sit and do it's flappy business. And it occurred to me that I'd seen a bird do something like this before. Years ago, I worked as a waitress at Ruby's Diner in San Juan Capistrano, and I happened to have the patio section one day when a bird was just sitting in one of the planters we had near the tables. Right at lunchtime, and next to my biggest table of the day, the bird decided to flap itself out of the planter onto the ground next to one of the chairs at the table, and then flapped and flapped until it just fell over and died. I walked out with their food, and there the bird was, just lying on the ground next to this one woman. They told me what had happened, I tried not to laugh at the description of the final moments for the bird, and then I went and got a manager to help clean it up so the people could eat in peace without having to try to ignore the carcass throughout their meal.

So I figured this morning dove was about to kick the birdie-bucket this morning, and I got the dog away from the fence finally so it could have final moments of peace instead of just heart-pounding fear that my little Izzy was gonna somehow get to it and chew on it a little bit. At least it got over into my neighbor's yard to do it. Seems things go there to die, for the most part. So it works out well that it landed there after all.

Last night was another night of HELL in the hot yoga class. The teacher decided to come and "help" me get into some of the poses. The first time she did it, she just pushed me over. Nice. The next time, it was actually helpful, since I didn't know I could sink down the way she wanted me to, and it turned out I could. So well done, there. The third time, she wanted me to lay down on my belly with my elbows tucked underneath me more than I felt I was able to do, and I told her, "But my boobs are in the way!" She said she has boobs, too, and she can do it just fine. Well, yeah, I can see that, but my boobs are about 2 - 3 times the size of hers, and I'm thinking she's been doing this for a bit longer than I have, is the thing. So she might be better at it. Maybe. I dunno. When I was leaving class, drenched from head to toe and feeling oh-so-pretteh, she stopped me and gave me a tip to try to lie on my arms like we do in class for that one pose, but to do it on my bed, so it has more give than the hard wood floor might. And to try to do this twice a day for 60 seconds each, and that should get my arms more used to the pose.

Regardless, my boobs will always be in the way. While this pose hurts everyone else's wrists and elbows, it tends to hurt my wrists, elbows, AND breasts. And it sucks. And I don't like it. And I wish she'd leave me alone about it, because, dammit, I'm doing HALF of what I'm supposed to, so she can just lay the fuck off, for christ's sake!

Ok, my coworker just got here, and I got stories to tell her, so I'm a gonna scoot. Latahhhh....

**Got my 2nd quarter bonus today, and of course, as usual and expected, the fucking government took 40% already. Bastards. What REALLY sucks about bonuses is that, even though 40% of it goes automatically to the government right off the bat, when it comes time to pay taxes in April, you still owe even MORE to the fucking state. So really, I wind up with 50% of what I earned, which is still better than nothing, but sucks all the same.

But for now? I have money. And I'm happy. Oh, and the title to this post is a line spoken by Jennifer Aniston's character "Rachel" on Friends after she'd first started working and got her very first paycheck. From season one. Because I'm cool like that...

3 comments:

martinoffroad said...

Not to worry you any but since you were that close to that bird you may want to get yourself checked for the bird flu.

Faith said...

The...bird flu? Um, wha? You must be kidding, right?

Birds die, dude. And it's not like I touched it, or anything. Silly...

martinoffroad said...

sorry, just giving you some shit today... :-)