Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Crisis? No. Weird? Yes.

I'm having a hard time understanding my reluctance to contact any churches regarding the possibility of holding our wedding ceremony at their location. Do I feel a certain level of underlying hypocrisy within myself because of my desire to be settled in a long-term home/neighborhood before I join a church? Do I still feel the same way that I used to towards my chosen religion? Do I just not care? (That might be the ultimate answer, actually, since a recent audit of my overall personal habits/beliefs/etc...has shown that my apathy levels are WAAAAY up from where they used to be.)

It's strange, and it's not right, and it's (yet again) giving me heartburn.

I love being Catholic. I love my faith and (most of) what it stands for. I like it for me, and I want to follow up with my sacraments, and be the best Catholic that I can be. (Not necessarily the best Catholic I'm expected to be...2 very different things in my eyes.)

But I also want to do what's easiest and runs along the path of least resistance. I want a ceremony that's beautiful and meaningful and will say everything we want it to cover appropriately. This means that I don't want the pressure of the church's expectations over us to marry and start the process of attempting to reproduce. I've never felt that it was something that would be held over my head by God, as I'm pretty sure I'm the way I am (a.k.a. anti-children) because He made me this way, but once something is blessed and ordained by the church here on earth, will I feel differently toward the implied obligation? I don't think I would, but it remains to be seen. History has proven that the women in our family don't easily let go of their past mistakes. Might've just been the way my mother was raised, but I feel she found it too difficult to forgive herself for things she'd done in the past, and even blamed herself for things that really weren't her fault...and I blame those feelings she had for her cancer that she up and got and died by.

I've never had a hard time forgiving myself for making mistakes and trying to move past them in an effective manner. Sure, I still wish I could change a few decisions I've made along the way, but they are what they are, and I try not to dwell like I used to. It's easier to do that now that I'm in a happier place in my life, I think, but I do know that I made valiant efforts to "let go" even when I was single and angsty. (Ok, ok...more angsty. Shut up.)

So will I be able to call the churches tomorrow? Maybe. Maybe not. Will I be able to deal with the ultimate decision 20 years from now? I hope so. I mean, I'll try, anyway.

8 comments:

Xavier Onassis said...

Not that it's ANY of my damn business, but does the wedding have to be in a church? Can you just interview some priests, find one you like, and have him perform the ceremony wherever you choose?

Hunny said...

Get Married outside.
I did and it was great!
Find a nice park, or
other and enjoy.
Then find a justice of the
peace to marry u?

"The D" said...

I have never been married but I have been to enough and heard about enough of the planning issues. I will tell you that if you plan to get married in a Catholic Church your BF will have to become catholic, and endure months of "Classes"

Xavier Onassis said...

the D - I thought about that too. Classes, catechism, counseling, etc. Pain in the ass.

Unlike the Muslim and Hindu traditions where your parents just let you know "Come on home and get married. We've found you a wife."

Whatever happened to just picking some one up in a bar?

hunny - I attended one of those back in the early 70's. Bride, groom and officiator were all barefoot in the middle of Tryst Falls, just above the waterfall.

Everyone else lined both banks of the stream. Everyone was stoned. It was all very "Woodstock".

Now there are signs at that same location warning people to keep out due to E Coli bacteria and they look and live like every other 60 year-old couple you know.

I'm just sayin'...

Heather said...

Elope! That's what I plan on doing. Someplace with a beach where I don't have to wear shoes. Somewhere in the Caribbean would be nice.

Ofcourse, I just need to find a groom first...

Faith said...

He is Catholic. We're fine there. (He's been through his confirmation as well, which means his next sacrament is marriage, just like mine! He just doesn't care about it, like I do...) Also, I had some friends that got married about 4 years ago - the bride was Catholic, the groom was not. And they were able to get married in her church without him having to convert or take classes or anything. Not sure how that worked, but some Catholic churches run by different rules these days.

Oh and Hunny, I'm not getting married outside, but thanks for the suggestion! Unfortunately, I'm not an outdoorsy kinda girl. Plus, we're having our wedding in October. Gonna be a bit chilly out for an evening wedding in October...

I'm not sure about whether the wedding would have to be in a church, XO. Do you think if I put an ad up on Craigslist for a Catholic priest to perform a ceremony, I'd get any responses? :) I wouldn't even begin to know how to go about doing that. Maybe one of the locations I'm visiting might have info on it...I'll have to check.

FaithsTwin said...

My ex wasn't catholic. All they do is make sure the children will be brought up catholic as opposed to whatever the non-catholic believes in and hope that the catholic can convert the one they are married to before the catholic might be converted to whatever their spouse believes in. At least in the church we got married in- which is a mission basilica and not a very low-profile situation.

D, what background in joining the church do you have? I'm curious, merely because you clearly don't know what you are talking about.

Alisha said...

hey! I'm not going to offer any suggestions, as it seems you are getting those ad nauseum, but I will offer you this:

Just have fun and enjoy the process, even if you get married in a shoe box by a goldfish ordained in the First Church of the Rainbow, the main thing is that you have found a best friend, a life partner, and the love of your life. That's what getting married is all about! ;)