Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Hurting a little bit...

I hate the drop to 1200 - 1300 calories. It sucks to be hungry. I know some people enjoy the feeling of being hungry, namely anorexics and the like, but I don't. I've never understood the anorexic thought process, because when my tummy says, "Hey mum, I'm hungry!" I listen and I tend to feed it shit. Earlier today, it wanted Cheez-Its. Right now, it's more in the mood for some beef jerky and some pistachios. I will dutifully wait a half hour for my afternoon snack of blueberries, cheddar soy cheese (blech!), and 4 - that's right, 4 - whole, unsalted cashews. I was good earlier, and I successfully ignored the pleas for Cheez-Its, and simply had some more water and waited for lunch to feed the tummy monster.

It helps that there is a little community on eDiets that I can post my issues to and read about other struggles on and get advice from. But I can't spend 8 hours a day looking at it, is the problem. So I hope for more work to come across my desk, listen to music, and try to think of how lovely it'll be to fit into more pairs of jeans that I own, and how nice it's gonna be when I can wear my favorite jeans skirt without straining the zipper once winter comes again. (I wear it with black tights...it's a main staple to my favorite weekend outfit, and my "lucky charm" when it comes to USC games. Don't know how lucky it'll be this year, but we'll see...) If the weather would cool down a smidge, then I could take little walks around the block when I'm feeling those hunger pangs, window shopping away my desires for food, and hoping that my future meals will satisfy the beast inside me that constantly picks on me, telling me to go ahead and have a BLT for lunch, or order those fries because I deserve them, or to go home and skip the workout in the evening because I'm too tired to do it.

My tummy is definitely my enemy.

But that isn't really news, now, is it?

It's my half-birthday today, and for the first time in years, I kinda forgot about it until I saw the date on my phone when I got to work this morning. I guess that preparing and having the birthday party for the boyfriend last night kinda distracted me from it, but oh well. I've decided to have a belated half-birthday celebration tomorrow here in the office, to which I will bring my left-over veggie and dip tray that I made for the party last night. I'm just gonna freshen up the carrots and celery, and have everyone here eat the dip for me. Because if it's in the house? Believe me...I'll find the justification/occassion to eat it.

Oh, don't tell me you wouldn't do the same. Ranch dip goodness is tough to resist, muthafuckas!

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