Wednesday, August 23, 2006

I'm confused...

Remember back when I hated my job and was stressed and unhappy and irritated with the lack of compensation for the requirements of the position? Yeah, I do too.

So why is it I'm here at my lovely new job where I love the office, much of the staff, and the structure of my work day, and yet I feel a bit unfulfilled and blase about the work I do? It's almost like a work vacation doing the job I do, honestly.

I never thought I'd miss feeling challenged in my daily performance. But I think...and I'm not sure about this yet - just sounding off about it...but I think I might just be missing feeling challenged every day.

At my last job, I was handling complex reports, compensation, and commission situations on an almost every day basis. Here at my new job, I've spent the majority of the past two days sticking address labels onto postcards to send them out to folks. The other task I need to do? Make copies of stuff and put them into folders. Yeah. Real tough, challenging activities, eh?

I dunno...most of the time, I tell myself to not look a gift-job in the mouth. I love the environment, so I should resign myself to the mellowness of the position, right? But I feel like there's more I could do for one of the teams I work for, and it's as though they don't trust my ability to do what they need me to do. I just heard them talking this morning about hiring a new person to do some stuff they want done. Given, one of the reasons they need someone new is because they want someone that can meet with clients when they're unavailable. But their bosses, myself, and my co-admin don't get that aspect of what they want in an "assistant" as part of their specific job is, um, to meet with their clients. I mean, what's getting in the way of that? Bigger and better clients? Fuck that shit. Make room for ALL of them, and you'll make more money in the long run. I think these guys are only interested in reaching for the biggest piece of the pie they can potentially get their hands on, and that's not good business sense, IMO.

Anyway, their attitude towards my ability to help them is getting me down a bit, I suppose. The last person that handled their "overflow" was fired because of her compensation structure and the funky set-up of her position and what her "boss" was requiring her to do. Essentially, she was his admin, his lackey, his go-to girl for everything from presentation stuff to required paperwork to meeting with those ever-so-important-clients that he just didn't have time to get to (and some blow jobs on the side, as I understand it...). That didn't fly with his boss, though, who felt he was just losing money on her since she wasn't around much, and when she was, she wasn't doing what he had been told she would be doing for the company when he hired the team a little over a year ago. That pissed him off, and rightfully so.

While I can't dedicate myself to doing work for just one person in particular (remember the sticking of address labels and the copies from earlier in the post? They still need to get done, and I'm the girl to do it, and it's not that I mind doing it so much...it's that it's almost the only thing I do which is ridiculous for someone with my abilities and experience), I can certainly do some of the things that that part of the team needs my help with, and the fact that they want to hire someone additionally onto the team makes me feel useless and like they view me as being just another stupid secretary.

Personally, I think the one guy is intimidated by my level of intelligence and ability to hold my own, but he'd never admit that. Whatev.

Feeling a bit blue today, is all. Just needed to get it off my chest...

I went to the gym last night to meet with my trainer for the first time in several weeks, and I realized why my workouts were seeming to be so "easy" lately. I don't push myself hard enough, I don't think. I mean, I'm not saying I need to get in there and HURT myself all the time, but the new exercises, the new techniques, the new ways of challenging my core were really fruitful it seems. Fruitful in the sense that I couldn't move my arms past a certain level after I left the gym when we were done. Fruitful in the sense that the only way I could shower and wash my hair before relaxing on the couch after the workout was to do so with lots of moaning and groaning and extra bursts of effort for which I needed to make a pact with the devil in order to obtain. Even shaving my legs was hard, and I don't even need to lift my arms much to do that. Hell, taking my contact lense out of my right eye before bed was impossible to do without my left hand holding my right arm still, it was shaking so much from the strain.

It was the contraction of the muscle that was virtually impossible to do. It didn't hurt. It was more of just an unwillingness on the part of the arm muscles to do any further contraction for the rest of the evening after I'd finished at the gym. Oh, and then my blood sugars plummeted so low that I couldn't even pull together my evening snack before bed. Thank goodness the fiance has been on vacation and was perfectly willing and almost eager to help me pull together my little egg salad I needed to eat. He's such a sweetie...

Anyway, it'll be nice to get back to regular meetings with the trainer in September. Meeting him weekly for even just a half hour will help keep me on the right track, and push me to keep challenging my body so it gains more and more strength throughout the next few months. We re-measured last night, and even though we didn't have an accurate reading on my actual size measurements (he admitted to doing it "all wrong" when he'd first started there, and said he had been pulling the measuring tape too tight on everyone, so we did our "starting measurements" last night, and will re-measure again in 3 weeks...), my body fat percentage has gone down 2% since I started working out with him in July. THAT is what I like to hear, my friends.

Ok, I gotta go. Turns out that those copies I need to make needed to be done earlier than I realized. Dammit...

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