Monday, August 07, 2006

A new me? I sure as hell hope so...

So here’s what I did: I went to eDiets.com, and I chose a diet plan (rather blindly, actually, but I think it might be a good one for me…), and I’ve started it today as I wasn’t able to get to the market to shop for all the food for it until yesterday afternoon. The rest of the weekend, I ate what I wanted, but was reasonable about it. (I wanted to have a last couple of days of "fun" before really buckling down to the new diet plan…) For example, on Saturday night, I couldn’t decide what kind of "bad" food I wanted, so I finally settled on naked chicken fingers in buffalo sauce with fries. And I ate almost all those fries dammit. But Sunday, I basically ate a salad and some cheeseless pizza, so I made up for it really.

I chose the Glycemic Impact diet that eDiets offers, and am interested in seeing how it works out. People on the message boards are talking about "40/30/30" all the time, and about how to make a meal 40/30/30, and how to keep within the 40/30/30, and "is your life 40/30/30? Because my life is 40/30/30 and it’s so wonderful remaining 40/30/30! YAY!" So I don’t know when that mentality will kick in, but I suppose it’s bound to happen if I stick to the plan for a while (which I plan to do for at least 2 months), and then I will start thinking in terms of 40/30/30-ing everything I do, so whatev. It’s basically NutriSystem, as I see it, but it’s not, because eDiets talks about the glycemic impact instead of focusing on the index, and apparently there’s a difference there. I don’t care, really. As long as it works…

The meal plan is the tough part. Oh, it’s easy enough to prepare the food, I’ve found. That’s not hard. The recipes are easy to follow and taste pretty good from what I’ve tried so far. What was tough was buying and then storing all the fucking food I had to get for just this one week. For example, I only need something like 4 oz of firm tofu and 2.5 oz of soft tofu this week. Unfortunately, I can’t find a tofu store that sells me just the amount I need, so I had to buy the tofu in normal blocks of however many ounces they come in (is it 16? Seems like its 16, but I could be wrong…), and that sucks. Chicken freezes, so no problem there. Turkey is the same way. Tofu? Doesn’t freeze well, as I understand it. So it’s not like I can break open a block, use half of it, and then put away the other half for next week’s menu…nuh-uh. Tofu goes bad quickly. You can’t save tofu for a week, or you might give yourself the gift of bathroom fun. I HATE bathroom fun, so I try to avoid it at all costs.

Anyway, I spent over $165 at the market yesterday just stocking up for this diet alone. That doesn’t count the amount I spent on the items needed for the boyfriend’s birthday party I’m having tonight at the house, either. All together, yesterday I spent about $325 on food and alcohol, and I’m in pain today thinking about it…PAIN, I tell you!

Luckily, a lot of the big price items I bought for the diet will last me at least 3 weeks. There’s nothing I can do about the fact that fresh blueberries cost as much as they do, but try to buy them at the store that likely sells them for the least amount. Along those same lines, I can’t help the fact that yesterday the Walmart Grocery didn’t have any cilantro or flatleaf parsley (don’t buy the curly shit, folks…it tastes completely different and should really only be used as garnish…really), and I had to buy them at Whole Foods (where I also bought my tofu and some fish I needed) instead for $1.50 each, rather than the $.69 I usually pay elsewhere. I could have gone to a third grocery store…I really could have. But I was exhausted already, and had frozen things melting and items that needed to be refrigerated getting very warm with each ten minute interval that passed with them in my trunk, and going to a third place to save $1.60 seemed unreasonable to me, for some reason.

I kept thinking to myself, "Hell, I could be doing Jenny Craig again for this kind of money!" But I don’t wanna eat pre-packaged foods all the time, and have to deal with them calling me again all the time, and go through the loss/gain cycle again. I just want to lose weight and keep it off somehow. I just hate that I have to spend so much to do it, I guess…

So here’s the deal: I weighed 195 last week on the digital scale at the gym. I’m keeping up with my workouts (4 days last week, 2 of which were weight-training days…), and now I’m doing this plan that has me scheduled to eat only 1200 – 1300 calories per day. I’ve done it before, and I do get quite hungry at times, but I’m gonna persevere. But I’m not going to get nuts about it…
I was at the gym on Saturday, doing my normal weight-training crap that I do twice a week, and saw a couple of those weight-training obsessed women while I was there. The one chick was pretty…she was scary thin, and kept pulling up her shirt to flex her stomach muscles for her boyfriend, but whatever…I’ve gotten used to the vanity on display at the gym over the last few weeks, and couldn’t care less about the complete lack of tact on these people’s parts. She was still pretty, is my point. Probably about my age, and very fit. Her muscles weren’t all out of control with their definition, but I could tell that she was an addict, and would soon turn into that kind of body if she kept up with what she was doing.

Then a friend of hers showed up. This woman was a prime example of where this cuter girl would wind up if she remained in the current path that she was on, and she was also the kind of woman that I think scares a lot of women from wanting to weight-train at all, due to her overly-toned and way-too-tight body. Her arms looked like a man’s. Unfortunately, her face did as well. Her hair was stringy and looked really course. And while she was probably only in her late 30’s – early 40’s, she looked old due to her drawn facial qualities. She looked like a man! It was scary.

I don’t know what gets a person to the point where they think that looks pretty. Where they think that they are healthier and better looking than chubby girls like me because of the attention they give to the body building they do. What drives a person to get to that point, is the thing? Here…look at this picture**, and tell me it’s pretty. Blech. I just can’t imagine what makes someone wanna look like that!

Then again, they may say the same of me, right? To each their own, I s’pose.

By the way, I looked up the info on boils on Yahoo! the other day, and found links to what my type of problem likely is…it’s called hidradentitis suppurativa, and it’s kind of like the acne I had when I was growing up (cystic acne), except it’s on my inner thighs. I don’t have the really bad types of boils that are caused by staff infections, I don’t think, because what I hear about those doesn’t sound like the same symptoms of my condition. Regardless, it’s not curable, but hopefully losing some weight will help. We’ll see. The goal on eDiets is to lose about 2 pounds a week, and I’m fine with that. My initial weight gain since I’ve started working out (I’ve gained about 2 pounds since working out at the gym) is apparently due to the muscle building I’m doing, but it’s been holding steady for the past 2 weeks now and that doesn’t seem right to me, so it must be my caloric intake, is all I can figure. I’m committed now. I thought I was before, but I was wrong. THIS is commitment. Just keep reading, and I’ll tell you all about how it goes. (Not all day, every day, by the way…this is just a little bit of what I’m experiencing as of late, and I’ll keep posting about crazy news stories and weird people I run into and other fun stuff in addition to my weight loss crap. Because not everyone is interested in a fat girl and her boils, I know. Not to worry…)

**Link removed on 3/28/07, due to unwanted traffic being diverted here from it. Weird and gross and ew.

3 comments:

Sons of Dean said...

Lots of men/people prefer fat girls.
You´ve got to change your perspective - love yourself.
I love you
OSKO

Faith said...

The fact that I don't wanna be fat anymore doesn't mean that I don't love myself. Don't confuse a desire to be healthier with an unhealthy attitude. Read the blog, man. That should clue you in to just how much I think of myself. (Some may think too much, perhaps? Naahhh...)

Faith said...

Oh, and, I HAVE a man. Who loves me no matter what.

Dig it?