Where do I start this morning? With the fact that work this week has been such hell, I’ve gone home crying for the past 3 days in a row? (Ok, on Tuesday, I might’ve been crying because I had to pee really badly, as the after-hours work event that I had been at for the previous 2 hours had a terrible toilet situation involved, and I wasn’t able to allow myself to pee there, but whatever…potato, potahto, right?) Or the fact that The Pitch’s "Best Of Kansas City" edition came out yesterday (I’ve put a key below that has links to specific stories they mentioned in the write up, fyi…), but I didn’t know about it until the fiancé wanted to make a little toast with the heavily tequila’d margaritas we were drinking at The Salty Iguana in PV, which was where we wound up going instead of going on the date he’d planned on us going on, but which I just wasn’t up for last night as I kept bursting into tears every 10 seconds. Or how about that when I called to tell my dad about the write-up that The Pitch did about my blog, almost as soon as I started telling him about it, he cut me off to ask me if I’d spoken to my older brother. He then told me that CBS had been out to interview my sister-in-law regarding her blog, and I should talk to my brother about when they were going to air the story they were doing on her.
Huh. Well. What can I say?
Um, I got a write up in our local weekly here in KC, in which they called me "Best Blog About Life!" Yeah, it’s not CBS, or what have you, but hey, there are ads in the back of the weekly that I was published in that can get you laid! AND they can point you in the direction of a good night out for you and your friends. Can CBS do all that? Yeah. That’s RIGHT.
Needless to say, my week has been as shit as weeks come. I had my review at work on Monday, which basically told me what I’ve always known, that being that some people like me and some don’t, and I do good work according to the people that matter. I agreed with some of what was said, didn’t with other stuff, life goes on…(and yes, it made me cry. As much as I try to be a hard-ass, I still hate it when I hear that people are tattling on me for shit that doesn’t mean anything to them, or if I hear that people don’t really like me or working with me. I’m a girl, after all. A girlie-girl, no less!)
Tuesday, I just felt out of place, hurried, and uncomfortable all day. I also had to wake up early to go to the gym where my trainer somehow managed to absolutely pulverize every muscle in the front of my thighs, as well as part of the ones right below my ass. To say I was a bit exhausted at the end of the day is putting it mildly. The crying was inevitable. And I went to bed at 8:30 that night, which sucked ass.
Yesterday, I found out that I was an idiot, and had to work all day long on a project in order to prove that I kick ass instead. It was exhausting as well, and while it was rewarding in the end, I still was very sad, feeling dejected and stupid, and just wanted to drink heavily for the last 3 hours of the day before I passed out in bed. My head hurt, my legs hurt (I can walk pretty well on flat surfaces, but as soon as I need to stand up, sit down, or walk up or down stairs, I look palsied in some way. People kept asking me if I was ok all day long yesterday…nice of them, but holy crap, I felt cool), my eyes hurt, and I was feeling as low as I could possibly feel. So when the fiancé got home, and started to excitedly talk about dinner, and I could only feel my mouth hitting that downturn that it does as I try to fight back tears, we decided to go ahead and just head to a local Mexican place for cheap tacos and yummy margaritas, and that’s when he told me about The Pitch write-up.
I hadn’t been expecting it so soon! For some reason, I thought it would be out in November, and so I was instantly cheered, especially when the fiancé went outside to get a copy of the magazine so I could read the little blurb they wrote about me (which was wonderful…), and I couldn’t stop laughing all of a sudden. Moods up, we finished our dinners and our margaritas and headed home to watch Project Runway before I hit the hay.
After the show was over, I decided to call my dad to tell him about The Pitch thingy. I was so excited to finally have a reason to call him about something other than money for the wedding, and well, you know how THAT turned out, of course. He totally deflated me. After I made a sharp comment or two about the situation, and he kind of back-peddled in saying that he didn’t mean to make me feel bad about my write-up (which I knew, but couldn't help allowing it to affect me anyway, because I'm really cool like that), I went ahead and asked him if he’d gotten my e-mail last week about the wedding budget. We talked a bit about that, he asked if it could wait until Monday when he and my step-mom get home from Vegas, I said it would be fine, and then I told him I loved him and good night.
Shit. Just writing it now makes me want to cry again.
After getting off the phone, the fiancé held me close and let me cry all over him some more, although this time it was a bit harder and more teary than it had been earlier. The emotional roller-coaster was taking its toll, and I decided to head to bed. I read my book about Elizabeth I for a bit before turning off the light, appreciating her life and position so much more than ever before, and then I went to sleep crying a bit more in my pillow as I drifted off finally.
Today is going to be better at work, I know. I have specific plans for a project that needs to get done, and I’ve completed the other project that I worked on ALL DAY yesterday. I’ve been given a new assignment and a specific deadline for it and it sounds really cool and exciting and like perhaps someone might be trying to show me that they have a bit more faith in my abilities than I thought (and yet, the more I think about it, the more I feel like it's formed out of condescention somehow...a pity assignment, almost. Because, again, that's just how twisted my brain can be at times...). Tonight, the fiancé and I will eat ground beef in some form or another (I can’t decide between a couple of ideas…I’m sure one will stand out more than the other by the end of the day) and watch a latest release from Blockbuster, and then I need to go to bed at a reasonable time so I can go bust my ass at the gym tomorrow morning. (Yesterday not only completed itself with margaritas and tacos drenched in beef fat, but also included a meal from McDonald’s that I haven’t allowed myself to have in a long time, and started off with a bagel with hummus and tomato…yeah, I’m pretty sure I gained 2 pounds just from that shit throughout the day!)
The week is almost over. That is what matters.
And let me go ahead and assure all of you that I'm not trying to say I'm mad at my sis-in-law for whatever has happened to her due to her blog. The woman is an amazing writer, and writes about very different subject matter than I do. Her blog is less "diary" and more serious writing, and its beautiful stuff. I can’t tell you exactly where it’s at since she uses her real name, and I’d prefer to stay anonymous and all, but she is in my blogroll, so if you can figure out which blog is hers, congrats. I can’t wait to see this interview on CBS, really. It was just kinda poor timing on how I found out and all, is the thing.
Ok, so the "key" to the little blurb in The Pitch is as follows:
Here is where the scariness of the colposcopy/abnormal pap/crazy bills started. It was all going on in June, so start reading there, and the posts that follow it (on the 14th, 15th, 16th, 20th, etc…) explain how it all went down.
You can see an example here and here of my posts about pooping, but seriously, I just blog about that sort of shit (heh) at will, so they’re sprinkled all throughout the last 2 and a half years of my writing. (Oh, I just found a good one.) Sometimes, I even talk about other people’s poo, like here for example. Those people are my favorites.
And holy hell, when am I NOT complaining/lamenting/whining about my fat ass? Here’s a spot , and here’s a spot , and I don’t have time to look for more, but really, what’s more boring than hearing about a chubby chick complain about her chub anyway, right? Right.
So yeah, have fun with it. That’s the point to it. That’s why I do it. That’s why I love it. And I’m sure glad other people seem to love it, too. THANKS PITCH!!