Tuesday, January 31, 2006
There's a box of donuts in the kitchen...it's been there since lunch. I actually opened it at one point to look at the donuts. Why? I don't know...maybe for the same reason the crazy fuck bought them this morning. Because of temporary insanity.
I didn't take one of the donuts, though. Or even a half of one. Nope. I'm just sitting here at my desk, waiting until 5 p.m. when I can bolt past them on the way to my goddammed car by way of the 4 flights of stairs it's parked at the top of.
Fucking fat genes. Hate.
Anyway, things are busy as hell. Now that my coworker's computer has completely shut her out, I have to do the work she'd be doing if it were working. So I'd best be on my way...
Happy Tuesday. Bleh...:P
Monday, January 30, 2006
Also, I have a headache right now. Feels like a caffeine headache. So I might've spoken too soon on that. But, it's still quite an accomplishment having gone for 2 days without caffeine, and as I'm a big fan of the slow and steady cut-down, I feel comfy going and grabbing a soda right now (well, when I'm done with my water, anyway...) in order to calm the headache. Then maybe I can go 3 days without, and so on, and so forth...
It's all about the control. I'm in control...not the hunger I still feel after having eaten lunch (plain potato and side caesar from Wendy's...and 20 M&M's because I DO have PMS, after all, and the need for chocolate couldn't just be ignored, dammit...), or the caffeine withdrawal I'm feeling. I will succeed in only eating 4 ounces of chicken at dinner, and won't go overboard on the side dishes.
I'm in control, I'm in control, I'm in control...
I’ve completely kicked the caffeine at this point. Haven’t had any since Friday, and I’m suffering no headaches or irritability as of today. (Didn’t have any on Saturday or Sunday, either, but whatev.) I think I should be fine to have a can of Diet Coke here and there as a pick me up, if needed, but for the most part, will stick to drinking water, green tea (decaf, of course), and whole juices. Every once in a while, I go through this kick of getting off the caffeine, and then eventually, I slip back into my "user" lifestyle over time. Now that I’m kicking it again, I’m realizing and remembering how very good I feel without it. I feel rested, and energized, and not like a lump. (Unlump-like? Less lumpish? Eh...) Even when I was lounging on the couch yesterday for a bit, I didn’t feel slovenly or icky. Getting up to head outside to take down my Christmas lights (shut up…they haven’t been on at night since the week after New Years…I just haven’t had the time to take them down) yesterday was easy, and felt good rather than bothersome. I can’t tie this to anything other than the lack of caffeine. I should even be having a good amount of PMS right now, but that doesn’t even seem to be a problem, really. Not since last Thursday, anyway, what with that mini-meltdown and all.
Anyway, I’m feeling good. I measure my workout weeks from Saturday through Friday, and already, I’ve worked out 3 days in a row this week. I’m aiming to only take one day off this week, as opposed to the 2 days I’ve been taking in previous weeks. I’ve also stepped up the intensity of my walking on the treadmill each day (which I do at least 4 of the 5 days I workout…today was just a strength training day, which I do once a week by itself), and hope to keep increasing it steadily over the next couple of months, or so, so I can burn a few more calories with my walking regimen.
I can feel my stomach is tighter. When I lay down, I can tell there’s a difference. My ass is tighter, too. But the weird thing is that none of my clothing is loosening up on me. That’s definitely confusing me at this point. But I’m gonna bear with it, and keep it all up, since I’m feeling so good as of right now. I’m thinking that aiming for a 1500 calorie day instead of the regular 1800 days I aim for now is what’s going to get me into a loss mode, really. But I hate the hunger I feel when I go down to such a low calorie level as 1500. It would just be such a motivator if I could lose just one size, though. That’s all I want for the next month, is to lose just one freaking size. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, what with all I’m doing to try to keep things healthy in my life right now and from now on, right? So smaller lunches and dinners are the only way to get there. They don’t seem all that huge to begin with, but I have to be wrong, I guess. What’s a good site to use to check up on total calorie content of the food we’re eating? I used to use one a couple of years ago that was free, and seemed to have a really good list of foods to choose from in order to add up the caloric intake throughout the day. Anyone know what I’m talking about? It’s not e-Diets…I can’t afford to pay for a site at this point, unfortunately. But there was a free one…I just can’t remember it. If anyone can help me out with that, leave me a comment…I really appreciate it!
Funnier stuff later or tomorrow, I promise. Things have been slow lately, is all. =)
Friday, January 27, 2006
My weekend's startin' early, yo! Jealous much? (If so, just remember the farting sneeze incident, and the fact that I had to clean up squirrel carcass from my driveway last night, and you might not be so much...)
Yep...I just sneezed and farted... at the same time! While sitting in my cubicle. My coworker even said, "Bless you."
It was a little fart, and to be honest, I can't be sure if it was actually audible because, I don't know if you've ever taken notice when you've done it (and you know you have!), but I can only hear me sneezing when I sneeze, and not any other sound. Because a sneeze is pretty damned loud inside one's head, eh? I've done this before, albeit not here in this office until now, and I've always noticed that while I can definitely feel the fart exiting, I cannot hear it. Which always leaves me to wonder if anyone else could hear it over the sound of my sneeze?
Yeah, who am I kidding, right? Dammit.
It smelled a little, too. Even though it was a very little fart. So I did the best thing I could think to do - I went down the hall to the kichen to get more water, and hope that the fart smell would dissipate. It's not noticeable to me now, but I hope that's not just because it was my own fart.
Man, I am the most fabulous of them all. Bow to me, now.
So I decided to go home without saying anything (after all, I had sent him the text message, so it wasn’t my fault if he didn’t get it/if he ignored it), and a part of me had hoped that his phone was at home, so that it would make more sense that he didn’t know to look for me at the bar. His phone wasn’t at home. This pissed me off a bit. But whatev.
So I made dinner, and I did my nails, and as I planned to go to bed and read for a bit, I remembered that I had to put my trash out. I was dreading doing it, because there was a dead squirrel in my driveway I had to add to the bags before putting them at the curb. Last weekend, I looked out my front window and saw that a squirrel had been run over directly in front of my driveway. It was in the street, though, and so I just left it there, hoping that someone or something would come along and pick it up and haul it away. Birds were pecking at it, and doing disgusting things with it, and I couldn’t bear to think of the disgusting mess, so I did my best to avoid driving over it as I entered and exited my driveway, and ignore it. It’s progressively flatter body was there on Sunday, and on Monday, and on Tuesday. On Wednesday morning, I noticed it was gone! Halleluiah! It was gone! Something had finally dragged it off, and I no longer had to think of it/see it there.
Thursday morning, I opened my garage, and damned if that squirrel carcass wasn’t IN MY FUCKING DRIVEWAY! UGH! How the FUCK did it get there? And where did it go for 24 hours? This instantly ensured that I would be the person that would have to dispose of the poor little thing’s body. So last night, I knew that I had to take care of that carcass along with the rest of my trash. And I’ve never been one to be that squeamish when it comes to shit like that. I kept thinking, "This is something that the boyfriend should do! Or at least should help with, dammit!" But then I thought to myself about what I would have done when I was still single, which was to have handled it by myself, of course. So I sucked it up, and I went out to the driveway armed with tools for squirrel-carcass extraction. These included the bucket with a trash bag in it that I use as a garbage can in the garage, the mini-rake I have for use in small flower beds, and my snow shovel. Now, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy for me, but it was dark, at least, so I didn’t have to see the details of the squishedness if I didn’t look super-close, which certainly would NOT be happening. I must also add that something I ate for dinner didn’t settle well, and I had terrible stomach issues just before I went outside to take care of said nasty dealings in the driveway. So when I got out there, and smelled what I could only imagine was the rotting squirrel carcass, and had to MOVE the damned thing, and then a piece of it fell off…gah. It was beyond disgusting. I finally got it all into the bag in the bucket, but then I had to close up the bag somehow, and the mini-rake wasn’t doing the job (the bag was caught on something), and suddenly, I felt like I was going to wretch. I fought back tears, and I wandered around a bit, kind of moaning and crying to myself about how gross it all was, and then I finally walked up to the thing after 5 minutes (I shit you not) of trying NOT to wretch, and I closed the bag up, and I got it into the other plastic bag I had waiting for it (a more sturdy, larger trash bag), and then I piled my other bag of trash on top of it, and I sealed it all up with the pull-ties, and I continued to cry and moan as I walked the whole thing to the end of my driveway for final depositing for the trash truck.
Somehow, I managed not to throw up. But I was still very upset, and this added to the mini-breakdown in its own way. It all got topped off with the boyfriend coming home and reading out on the couch instead of coming in and saying hello to me, and me getting out of bed to discover that my stomach issue had gotten worse somehow, and then the boyfriend not asking me if I was ok after disappearing into the bathroom for over 5 minutes in the middle of the goddammed night, and I was a mess. I went into the kitchen to get some Pepto Bismol pills we had, and didn’t even look at him. He wanted to know what was going on, to which I replied, "What do you care? Why don’t you go back to your book and ask Harry Potter what’s going on?" Because I’m a grown up ALL of the damned time, right? It all came to a head with me standing in the bedroom doorway half-naked, crying at the boyfriend about how he doesn’t seem to care to make an effort any more, and how he doesn’t even ask me how my day was or recognize me when I’m sitting at the bar or anything, and I’m tired of it. I was a little bit of a mess.
Said breakdown subsided a bit after a little snuggling and discussion and apologies, and then I tried to go back to sleep, which I of course couldn’t do until about 2:30, so I slept in again today, and will have one hell of a workout to do tomorrow to make up for having slept in for two days in a fucking row.
Anyway, happy Friday. I’m glad it’s the end of the week, and that I’m going to be able to get together with friends tonight, and that my mini-breakdown is over and done with, just like the squirrel carcass in the driveway.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
My favorite line from the article: "Tourism authorities are planning to capitalize on the sightings to attract visitors to Johor and the park."
So this morning, I decided to sleep in, skip the workout, and just relax a bit. It seemed to work. I don't have a headache today, and feel much better all around, which is nice. I had to be productive yesterday, and it was soooo hard to keep going with that ache constantly tormenting me the way it was, so I'm truly grateful that it's dissipated today. It had gotten to the point yesterday where I seriously wanted to dig my sinuses out of my head with a pen. So that was pretty bad, yeah.
Lately, I've noticed a trend happening that's disturbing me. No, I'm not gonna talk about the crappy drivers in Kansas City some more (although, it never fails to amaze me that I'm apparently the only one that has someplace to get to every morning of the work week...), but I would like to discuss this funkiness that happens to my boobs every day. I don't know if it's the material that my bras are made of, or what, but my boobs wind up smelling like Chinese food at the end of every day. This leaves a lingering odor on my bras (I only wash them about every 2 weeks...), and so when I put them on in the morning, they smell like Chinese food still. I'm trying to solve this problem by spraying a bit of my favorite body sprays on them and then letting them air out while I'm in the shower, but I don't know if that's going to work. Yeah...right now, I just took a whiff, and it smells like raspberry scented Chinese food down there.
I know that I should probably just wash the bras more often, and find a way to deodorize the boobs more effectively each day (look, they're BIG, and they tend to get a bit funky in the area where they meet my upper-belly/ribcage throughout the day, ok? It's not like I ASKED for the big boobs, believe me...I would prefer to avoid this issue if I possibly could. But I can't...), but I hate the idea of washing my bras more often. They'll deteriorate faster if I wash them more often...
Hopefully it'll help that this year, I bought 6 new bras instead of just 4. Unfortunately, 4 of the ones I ordered are on backorder right now, but they should be "home" by the end of February/beginning of March.
This is just yet another reason why I hate being a fatty, folks. Funky boobs never used to happen when I was a pleasant C-cup, you know? Being a fatty sucks. Avoid it at all costs.
Gotta run! Ta...
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
I have a coworker that is bugging me. Incomplete paperwork; asking me to do things that aren't my job...that sort of thing. Seems this particular person is famous for this, though, so I can't say I'm surprised. But I can say that I'm gonna keep going back to him until he completes the paperwork as required, and if he continues to turn it in only half filled in, well, that's his problem, then. My boss (who is also this coworker's boss) told me to do it this way, so I'm gonna stand firm and do it, dammit.
And I'm officially done with my scale for at least a month. I will let it sit and get dusty and musty and not step on it for a good long time, because I've become obsessed, sort of. I gained ANOTHER FUCKING POUND this week. And I just don't believe it. I don't know what else my body wants me to do except starve, and I refuse to do that. So putting the scale away. Because I deserve to be rewarded for the efforts I'm making these days, not taunted. So tired of the damned taunting by the scale...
Ok, gotta go get meds now. Not a good day...
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
I remember when I was growing up, the question that was posed to me by just about every human being I encountered was, "How do you like being a twin?" I’m not sure why people stop caring about that topic after a twin grows to be about 20, or so, but people did seem to stop caring. Fortunately, I moved to KC when I was 22, so I gave people an automatically new topic of conversation to discuss when they met me. And I didn’t even plan it out that way!
When I graduated from college back in 1996 (Pepperdine University in Malibu, which was how I had the opportunity to live and study in France for my summer semester, incidentally), I struggled to find my way in LA. I was living with my vunderbar brother in Pasadena in a run-down house above the Rose Bowl, I was working a temp job that I hated at a clothing factory, and I was miserable because I couldn’t seem to run into my ex-boyfriend anywhere around town. Seemed he was staying away from all the old hangouts for some reason. (Couldn’t have been because I was stalking him or anything…nawww…) I was sad, and lonesome, and wasn’t receiving any calls on any of the 70 resumes I’d sent out in response to ads for jobs I thought I would be a good fit for. Hell, Banana Republic didn’t even hire me as a fucking salesperson! The job market was dry as a bone, and it didn’t help me at all with my plan to grow-as-a-person-so-I-could-show-that-ex-boyfriend-(even though he couldn’t have cared less)-that-I-was-the-girl-for-him-dammit. My brother had a girlfriend at the time that was…well, she was a little odd, is all I can say. I loved living with my brother – his friends were fun, and they tried to include me in all their reindeer games as often as they could – but for the most part, I was unhappy. Probly due largely in part to the chasing-the-ex-boyfriend-dream as well as the lack of a good job issue.
So I talked to my sister all the time about Kansas City. She and her husband had moved here in 1994 or 1995, and I came to visit them in May of 1996 after I graduated. And I loved it. I loved the people, and the bars, and the restaurants, and the fact that they lived in a cute house (north of the river at the time)…I didn’t wanna go home, really. We had some icky weather while I was visiting, and while it scared me a bit, it didn’t keep me from taking my sister up on her suggestion that I move here, which I finally decided to do sometime in July. I packed up, tried to help my bro find a new roommate, and then hit the road around August.
I lived with my bro-in-law and sister for 2 weeks or so when I first arrived, but they had since moved into a slightly smaller space in Waldo, so finding a new apartment right away was at the top of my list. I was looking forward to being on my own again, and I found a brownstone by the Nelson-Atkins for only $425 a month (and it was amazingly huge and fabulous compared to my last apartment in West LA for which we paid about $850 a month, and it was only ¾ of the size of my new one-bedroom flat in the brownstone), convinced my dad that YES, I had to find the apartment before I found a job because the house was a bit tight with all of us adults living there together, and moved in. Less than a month later, I found a job at Express on the Plaza. And by December, I’d found my permanent gig with my first Big Company that I ever worked for…which just so happened to be run by my brother-in-law at the time. (The branch I worked for was, I mean…the company was large, and we were only 1 tiny branch of it here in KC.)
I loved it here. I hung out with my sister and bro-in-law a good amount of the time, but they seemed ok with that, for the most part. I finally struck up a friendship with a girl at work that got me out and about and meeting new people more regularly. I met the Dead Boyfriend (a.k.a. Danny) at the end of January, we dated through February, and then our up-and-down rollercoaster started going until he died, of course, at the end of June 1997. I became very close to his group of friends right after that. I spent LOADS of time with them, and loved that they accepted me as a part of their little circle. When my mom got sick, and I decided to move back to California to be with her as much as possible for the duration of her life, it was a very hard thing for me to do. I had found independence and friendship and life was just hitting the right spot – all except for losing the boyfriend…but nothing could change that, and I was going to have to deal with that grief regardless of where I was. But I couldn’t stand to watch my mother die from far away. So I was able to transfer to the San Diego branch of the company (which, incidentally, was where the bro-in-law had been transferred a couple of months before I left…), and I moved back to Cali once again.
I decided that I would eventually live in Kansas again, no matter what. Something about this place makes me feel at home. I don’t know if it’s because it’s where I first was able to strike out and make a name for myself, or if it’s because my family was originally from here many, many, MANY years ago (I had an uncle that was involved in the Lawrence massacre that happened in the Battle of Lawrence in 1856 , but he wasn’t one of the raiders…according to my great-aunt, he was the lookout that morning, and he’d fallen asleep, so none of the townspeople were adequately warned about the impending slaughter that was about to befall them. Nice, eh?), but this place feels right to me. I’ve never been a big fan of living near the ocean, anyway. Give me the open prairies of Kansas and rolling hills of Missouri any day!
My family doesn’t really understand my desire to stay here forever, the way I plan to do. My Twin and I have talked about it, and I think she gets it, really. But my dad and I had one of our largest fights ever when I first planned to move back here after mom died in 1998. He doesn’t understand why someone would choose to move away from their family like I was doing. He felt I was running away from problems, rather than facing them. Really, all I was running away from was a crappy job market and exorbitantly priced living conditions. But I waited a bit longer, decided to try school in Boston for a bit, and THEN I made my way back into the great state of Kansas. And I don’t know how to explain it…I just felt at peace, and settled again, even though it took me 3 months to find a new job (working for a company my bro-in-law ran again).
This is just my home, is all. I plan on living here for a good long while. I loved living in Boston, and would do it again in a minute as well. As long as I was making at least $80,000 a year, that is. And Paris? I wanna live there again, too. I plan on retiring to Boston and Paris when I’m older. (I’d like to live part of the time in the States and part of the time in Europe.) I want the convenience of living in the city and the hubbub of it all around me to keep me going when I’m old and gray. I also want to give up my driver’s license when I’m 65, and living in a place with great public transportation is going to be very helpful.
Now that the boyfriend is in the mix, things are a bit up in the air when it comes to my plans to live in Kansas for the next 35 years. He’d like to live in New York at some point, and Portland at another. I don’t know that he’d ever like to live in Paris, but maybe if he visited once, he’d understand my desire. I’m sure it’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to, for sure, but Kansas City might be a thing of the past for me in the not too distant future. I’m not afraid to move someplace new, honestly. And it’s not like it’s going to happen tomorrow, or something. But I’m open to the change.
Aaaanyway, that’s the story about me moving to KC, and why I love it here and choose it above all other places. Thanks for taking the time to read it, if you’ve made it this far. Hope you learned a little bit more about me. And now, if you'll pardon me, my ass is about to explode, and I need to go find a private place to let it occur, if I can... :)
Monday, January 23, 2006
It looks like a tampon. A little green tampon. It's got the applicator and the string for easy removal depicted and everything.
I hate that I have a little green tampon up on my screen all day long, seriously. I should only have to think about those things for about 5 days every month...not every day for 8 hours, shining in my face in a bright neon green, no less.
Huh? So, I’ve been drinking a caffeinated beverage every morning anyway? WTF?
It must have less caffeine in it than a diet Coke/Pepsi does, though, because I was getting the headaches every day. Or was that all in my mind? I didn’t have any diet soda at all yesterday, and just had a couple of glasses of green tea, and I never got the headache, so that’s good. But I had more green tea than usual, so that might be the reason behind that.
I bought a big box of DECAF green tea this week, and even though they don’t have it with mint in it, I bought some fresh mint that I can add to the mix myself when I pull it all together, so that should be yummy. But I’m not looking forward to seeing what happens after I completely give up caffeine, if this is how I feel after simply cutting back on it.
Boyfriend wants to go to a movie tonight after dinner. I sure hope I can stay awake.
I’m thinking of returning to my completely sedentary lifestyle, though. I’ve never weighed as much as I do right now (yep…gained 2 pounds this past week. 2 FUCKING POUNDS!!), and I’m exhausted. I thought that not eating fast food, getting more veggies in the diet, and staying away from extraneous calories in wine and beer would somehow help me to get to a point where I feel absolutely fabulous. But it’s not. So someone pass me a hamburger and some fries, and I’m gonna wash it down with a bottle of Merlot, ok? Because this is bullshit.
(Don't worry...I plan on giving it all another couple of weeks - a couple of months, really. I'm already addicted to the exercise again, so I don't really want to give that up right now. Plus, I think if I push through this part, I could actually get to the point where I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile for myself. I do feel like my ass and my belly have tightened up a bit, really...but for some reason, my pants and skirts are still rather tight, is all. It's still all bullshit, as far as I'm concerned. And I wish every day that I could be one of those people that doen't have to worry about their weight so much, and that doesn't care about food as much as I do. But I'm not one of those types of people, and I never will be. Dammit.)
Friday, January 20, 2006
Four Jobs You’ve Had In Your Life
2. Admin assistant
3. Admin assistant
4. Oh, and did I mention admin assistant?
Seriously, I’ve been an admin for a fucking long-ass time now. I’ve also been a waitress for a bit here and there (during college, and then once during a "break" I wanted to take from the corporate world. It backfired. Instead of feeling refreshed and grateful for the break, I felt like grabbing any little piece of the corporate world that would have me. Man it sucked being a waitress.), and I’ve also acted as a sherpa in the Himalayas. But I don’t like to talk about that, so let’s move on, shall we?
Four Groups of People You Want to Stop Reading Your Website Right Now
1. All the poor schmucks that probably stumbled across my site looking for help with their "faith" or thinking they were finding some sort of religious bullshit on it.
2. A couple of family members that KNOW it only causes trouble to read my shit.
3. Old boyfriends. There must be at least one of you…I know it.
4. Anyone that is just looking to hand out shit to me about the person they think I am. That one chick finally stopped calling me/making comments, but I can feel her lurking, and I want her to go ‘way for good. (But, then again, we all know how trusty my "feelings" are lately, don’t we. Maybe she IS gone for good! That’d be keen.)
Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
Wow. I used to actually do this. I haven’t in a while, but here are the ones that were on my regular rotation, and still are great favorites for me:
1. Roman Holiday
3. Anything the BBC does that’s based on a Jane Austen book
4. Saving Silverman
Four Commercials You Can Watch For Hours and Hours
Gah. Commercials being on for hours and hours doesn’t sound good. Sounds like a prescription for suicidal tendencies, actually. But ones I can watch a FEW times, and not get sick of? Sure…
1. The Diet Coke commercial with the guy getting dressed, dancing around his apartment. He’s wearing red socks, and I find that so fucking adorable, it’s not even funny. (Plus, I dig the song.)
2. The Burger King commercial where the guy wakes up and the King is in bed with him, and then hands him an enormous egg sammich. That big, creepy, plastic head of the King’s gets me every time. (I like the ones where the King is playing sports, too. I don’t know how the actor does that with the plastic head on…but it’s funny!)
3. I miss the Stacy Rumple Starbucks commercial. I don’t know how many times I could hear the song without wanting to kick someone’s ass, but I always loved the part where they tell Bob to "..step off…" and told the other guy she doesn’t want a second date ("…Leave her alone…"). That was my favorite one of those commercials so far.
4. The "Happy Fun Ball" commercial from Saturday Night Live. I dig a lot of those commercials they have on the show, but "Happy Fun Ball" and "Colon Blow" are a couple of classics that I particularly enjoyed the most. My coworkers just reminded me of "Finger Off!" and the tattoo remover ones, too, though. Man, all of those commercials are fucking great. They should write for real products, dammit.
Four Places You’ve Lived
Hmm. Narrowing it down to just 4 is not easy. Why don’t I just list them all, ok? Because I’m all about breakin’ da rules of da meme, yo…
1. Whittier, Ca ('74 - '83)
2. Lake Arrowhead, Ca ('83 - '87)
3. Mission Viejo, Ca ('87 - '91; '98 - '99)
4. San Juan Capistrano, Ca ('91 - '92)
5. San Pedro, Ca ('92 - '93)
6. Malibu, Ca ('93 - '95)
7. Paris, France (summer of '94)
8. West LA, Ca ('95 - '96)
9. Pasadena, Ca (summer of '96)
10. Kansas City, MO ('96 - '97)
11. Overland Park, KS (1997; 2000 - now)
12. Oceanside, Ca ('97 - '98)
13. Carlsbad, Ca (1998)
14. Walnut Creek, Ca (1999)
15. Boston, MA ('99 - '00)
Holy Shit. I never realized there were that many places on the list. Holy fucking shit.
Four TV Shows You Love To Watch
This is so easy…
- Sex & the City
- Iron Chef America
- Gilmore Girls (although I’ve kind of let this one go by the wayside for now…boyfriend doesn’t enjoy it, and it’s on during one of the nights I like to spend time with him. So eventually, I plan on buying the entire series on DVD and watching it from start to finish. Gives me goosbumps to think of it!)
Thursday, January 19, 2006
So, yeah. My "feelings" of certain things happening lately have kind of been a bit of a let down. Which was why I specifically stated in that post that "I don’t wanna talk about it/think about it much, in case it isn’t the ‘big present’ he has planned…" It shouldn’t have been mentioned at all. So I take it back. I never said it, kay? Things are normal and happy and stressful and blah, blah, blah…
On another note, I bought new bras last week. I finally went in and tried some on at Kohl’s a couple of weeks ago, so I could get an idea of what might fit me at this point. Turns out, I’m in between a 40D and a 40DD. The double is too big in the cup, and the D is a bit too snug, but it’s better than having my boobs flailing about in a bunch of open space in there. (Wow...reading that back over again just now, I realize the imagery doesn't do much for me at. all. Animated boobs = BAD...so just know that my boobs aren't animated. Just trying to get the point across that there was a lot of open space between the nip and the cup, is all.) And unfortunately, the bras that are available at a place like Kohl’s aren’t very comfy to me. So I didn’t buy any. They were unattractive anyway. Instead, I went home and got online and bought out Vic’s Secret of all of its Body by Victoria line. Unfortunately, all of the Body ones are on backorder until February (???!!!), and I need new bras NOW, so I decided to go ahead and try the new Ipex line as well. Bought 2 of them, and they came in this week.
Ohmygod, these bras are WONDERFUL!! They’re the softest things I’ve ever worn. And the straps! Oh, lemme tell you about the straps! They hold the boobs up, and I can barely feel them on my shoulders! Breaking in a bra is always a bit rough for me, though. Getting used to where the underwire hits on my ribcage on a new one is not easy. My breasts are sort of heavy (uh, DUH), so right now, I’m dealing with getting used to the new underwire as it sets on my ribcage and digs in a little for much of the day. When I’m standing up, it’s not that big a deal. When I’m sitting down, the fat on my belly pushes up, and my boobs settle onto my ribcage and VOILA! Instant pain! I find that it helps remind me to sit up straight, as that relieves the ribcage of the boobage weight that rests on it when I slouch, so it’s probably a good thing in that respect.
But I had to tell everyone about these wonderful new bras. I have the full coverage ones. And they are sooooo worth the money! I’m perky again, and I look fabulous under sweaters. Love. Absolutely love.
So, off with you now! Fill your thoughts of large-breasted women who look great in sweaters, and I bet you’ll have a pretty good day…
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
I know it might be a bit unrealistic, but I would have hoped that I would have some sort of result showing up by now. Last week was technically the first week of me kicking things into a higher gear, but up until then, I’d been working out 3 – 4 times a week for the last month. Now that I’ve added 2 days of weight training to my routine, I was hoping for some sort of boost to my results. Looser pants, maybe. Hell, a loss of a pound or two, even!
But no. Instead, my body has rewarded my efforts by gaining half a pound. I know this might be normal…the body is getting shocked by what I’m doing to it, blah, blah, blah. (I know that muscle weighs more than fat, but don’t give me that shit right now…I couldn’t have gained a half pound of muscle in the past week without losing a couple of pounds of fat, IMO.) I know that overall I feel better…I feel tighter, and like I’m doing something very worthwhile for myself.
I know what the problem is. This time, I’m not "dieting", per se. I’m tired of completely changing my eating habits when they aren’t all that bad to begin with. I don’t eat any fast food. None. (And rather ironically, since I stopped eating fast food I’ve gained about 8 pounds. Interesting, no?) The fastest it gets is a turkey sammich for lunch made by someone other than me. Usually from a restaurant on the Plaza. Always without mayo, and always with a salad (dressing on the side, of course) instead of fries. The boyfriend and I eat in more often than we used to, and make things like stir fry shrimp or chicken with veggies over rice or pasta. I don’t beat myself up if I eat something like the Chinese food the boyfriend was in the mood for last night. I ate until I was full, and that was that. I don’t see it as being realistic for me to restrict my sodium content to a ridiculous extent, or to ban certain foods (soy products, mainly) from my regular diet. I don’t oversalt, anyway, and when I cook, I use low sodium/no sodium or salt added products. I don’t eat red meat – except on special occasions once or twice a year, and I try to eat fish twice a week. I am working on kicking the caffeine habit yet again, because in the past, I’ve always felt pretty darned good about it when I’ve done it. I bought some green tea this week at the grocery store, and am trying to get my anti-oxidants from that rather than red wine these days.
I could cut back drastically on my calorie intake. I could step it up and wake up another half hour earlier and walk for longer on the treadmill, or combine cardio with the weight training I’ve started doing regularly. Maybe that’ll be something I can do after another month of adjusting to this already tough schedule, I suppose. One would think that 4 – 5 days of cardio and 2 days of pushing my muscles to limits they find a bit unpleasant would be enough, but am I not giving it enough time to show? I don’t know. I guess I’m just tired, and frustrated, and sore, and wishing for the miracle at this point. (Miracle requested: to be one of those people that loses weight while they sleep.)
I’m sure that after another month goes by, I will be feeling even more confident than I do now…the tightness that I feel and the muscle response to my workouts is encouraging in it’s own right. It’s just that it’s so damned difficult to wanna keep it up after working so fucking hard and having nothing to show for it.
The turtle wins the race though. I will find a lifestyle that works for me, I know it - I just need a little bit of patience. It may be hard, but I’m gonna have to just hang in there and see what happens. I’m quite tired of the situations where I lose a bunch of weight really quickly, only to keep it off for just a year or so, and then gain it back again, along with a few new pounds to boot. Tired of it. Not gonna do it any more. So the new plan is to be as healthy as possible when it comes to exercise, and to keep making the best food choices I can as often as possible without being evil to myself. It might take longer to lose weight that way, but it’ll be more fulfilling in the end, I bet.
And that is the end of a very boring post that means nothing to anyone other than myself right now. Bah!
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
It's amazing how people can just pop up like that, and shock the hell out of me still. Not that I thought this woman was a particularly good person before now, but dammit, she has kids! Chances are they think the same way she does, and that just disgusts me."
- Last night, I went to the market after work to pick up my weekly groceries. When I got home, I found that 3 eggs had been broken somewhere between when I picked them up from the cooler they were in and when I'd gotten home. This made me inordinately upset, I found. I had lost 3 of the 12 eggs I'd purchased, dammit! I kept going on and on about how to clean them up, and when/how did they happen to break, and good Lord what a mess! I can almost hear my boyfriend's eyes rolling now, even though it's almost 24 hours since it happened. What was my fucking problem? Those eggs represented, what? $.30? Sheesh! Why the fuck did it take so long for me to get over it? I need to pay more attention to outbursts like that, I think. Figure out what the hell is going on there.
- I have a bowl of Hershey's miniatures on the corner of my desk area that is right in a hallway that has a lot of traffic. I think it's funny that most people don't stop and look in the bowl for something to grab, but rather their arm shoots out as if independent from their body and grabs at whatever it can get as they walk by. Some people actually say, "Mmm...chocolate!" as they walk away, but for most, it's a quiet walk-and-grab thing. I'm just glad that I appear to be the only person interested in the Special Darks. Because dark chocolate is the only kind I can really eat without getting in too much trouble, zit-wise, and because I really, really love dark chocolate. So it's nice that no one else wants them.
- I was able to watch the Bachelor last night, which caused the boyfriend to retreat to another room entirely to read his book as he "refuses to watch" that show, but I just have to say: Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Aahahahahahahahaha!! Oh, so funny. And scary, isn't she? I mean, when they were doing the little interview follow-up thingy with Travis after he'd chatted with Allie G. for the first time, and he said, "...I just can't do this! Who says something like that?" about her comment on being "ready to reproduce", I was almost in tears. And then she followed it all up by freaking after the rose ceremony? I think my favorite thing she said was that she realized he was just like all the other doctors she knew - who were intimidated by a professional woman.
Um, I'm thinking maybe they're just afraid of your freakishly large teeth, and your tendency to behave like an idiot. But that's just me. I might be wrong on that.
And this girl? Well, I'm sure she's very nice in real life, and all, but her look at the second rose ceremony kept making me wonder how a man had snuck onto the show like that. She shouldn't wear her hair back. Ever. (And after reading her bio, maybe she's not very nice in real life, anyway. Her idea of a perfect date is hanging out with someone who doesn't do anything to annoy her? Is she kidding? Christ, I hope she's kidding...)
And I swear to God that at one point during the last get together before the rose ceremony in the second show, he refered to this girl as "Shallow". I thought her name was Shallow! But it turns out it's actually "Shiloh". Not sure if he pronounced it wrong (not that he could ever do anything wrong...he's Perfect Man. Seriously.), but regardless, it's an unfortunate name. She might want to consider changing it to something like Princess Consuela Bananahammock. That'd be much harder for people to mispronounce.
Anyway, I'm so glad they replayed that first episode! And for all of you women and men that might be considering applying for a run at a reality show, here's a big clue: You're probably going to have to take some time off of work to participate. This means you might not be making any money while you do what you gotta do in order to earn your 15 minutes of fame. So when little freaky Allie G. started spouting about how much money she was giving up to be there, with her "...Big bucks..." bullshit, it was kind of hard to feel sorry for her. Ok, it was hard to feel sorry for her because she was such a goddammed freak. But the money thing didn't win her any sympathy from my couch, that's for sure. It did make me think she was pretty fucking dumb, though. She was successful there.
Ok, gotta get back to work. Ta!
So, the other night, I went over to a friend’s house to have a girl’s night with her and one other friend of ours. We were going to watch a movie, eat Chinese, drink wine/beer, and hang out. We wound up eating and drinking, but t.v. was pretty much a background effect to the constant conversation we were having. We even popped in a movie (The Wedding Date, with Debra Messing), but only stopped occasionally to comment on the fashion being displayed by the perfect actresses, and then we continued on with our discussion.
It was really nice to be able to get together with the girls like that. It’s been a while since I’ve done that sort of thing, really, and it should be done more often, I think. We’re all friends through our significant others, which makes it really easy to talk about our men with shameless abandon. I shared some problems that I have with the boyfriend, and apparently, they have them with their boys as well! I talked about my feeling that maybe the boyfriend might propose for my birthday, and we talked about what will happen if he does, and all that good stuff. (I don’t wanna think about it/talk about it much, though, in case that isn’t the “big present” he has planned, so I try to keep my mind on other things most of the time…) I told them about the funny ring conversations he and I have, and the one friend talked about her dress design for her upcoming wedding, and the other friend spoke of how she and her hubby had planned on inviting something like 40 people to their wedding originally, but it ballooned quicker and higher than they’d imagined. The one that will be getting married soon has found some great stores that make custom lingerie, and then we talked about the problem with finding bras that fit right. Come to think of it, a couple of us might have dominated the conversation a bit. Sorry about that, Alisha! :)
I told the boyfriend about how fun it was to be able to chat with them like I did. He wanted to know what we talked about, so I told him. He didn’t seem very pleased, but he shouldn’t have asked if he didn’t want to know. I told him about how we were all glad to hear that our boyfriend/fiancé/husband wasn’t the only one that enjoyed watching “Project Runway” with us. (Frankly, it scared me that my boyfriend enjoys it as much as he seems to…he comments on the creations like he’s a designer himself. But we all agreed that it must have something to do with the art thing. All of our s.o.’s are artists…that’s how they know each other – they went to school at the KC Art Institute.) And I expressed my frustration with having to “remind” my boyfriend to shower or brush his teeth. Apparently, that’s something that other girls have to “remind” their boys to do as well, sometimes. (Is it a laziness thing? Or just a severe confidence that one gets when they’re finally in a relationship that works as well as ours do? I don’t know…it’s weird, though.)
Ooh! The boyfriend got a haircut yesterday…he looks sooooooo cute! He feels like it’s too short. He doesn’t like it, I think. But I also think it’s one of those things where he just needs to get used to it, because it was a LOT of hair that was cut off. I think he looks adorable, though. Just thought I’d tell y’all about that, for no reason. Oh well…
Oooh! I just remembered that I have some copying I can do in this computer-lull we’re experiencing today. I’d better hop to it. Bah!
Monday, January 16, 2006
We'll see. :P
Sheri and I have a little connection that sort of bonded us early on in my blogging life, and I've always, always respected her as a fellow girl and a fellow blogger. She's foonay, and cute, and bubbly. I've always liked the way she writes, and wished she did it more often. I've always hated it when she leaves like she's doing again. And now I'll hate it even more because she says she's done for good this time. I'll miss you, sista.
This is a concept that I've never gained an understanding of, though. I see it happen throughout the blogosphere, when people move from place to place, or disappear for a while, leaving us to wonder if we can hope for them to return. I understand the need to move from time to time. Hell, I probably should have done it a while ago, to prevent some of the fun family situations that have occurred in the past due to this site. But I chose to stand my ground and deal with the fact that sometimes, people just ain't gonna like me...even my sisters. And it's all mellowed out, I think. For the most part anyway. If it's never brought up again, I hope I hope I hope.
But the fact that blogging found its way into my life the way it did a couple of years ago is something that I see as being a fact of my life. It's just the way it's supposed to be, really. I've always had an itch to write, but hadn't any outlet for it. I've always loved making new friends any way that I can. I've always loved making people laugh, or telling people the stories of things that have happened to me in my life. I love that I can share my amazement at certain news stories, and my peeved attitude towards other drivers, and my stories about my bothersome bowels. I'm grateful that it was created...that the internet is what it is...that my boyfriend doesn't care to read any of it, even though he's fully aware of its existence.
What I'm saying is that I can't imagine myself ever going anywhere. I see myself as always posting at least 5 times per week, telling the stories that are too long, and probably hard to follow and boring a lot of the time, and hoping that I'll hit a cord with someone, and they will make a comment and tell me that they know exactly what I mean. I love the comments. I love that I have lurkers just like everyone else. I love that I never got caught up in the who/what/when/why of visitors, as I don't keep a counter on my site, and I certainly haven't any clue on how to track it privately. I never cared to, really. And I understand that sometimes, a comment isn't necessary, or you don't have time to post one, or someone has already said what you were gonna say anyway, so there's no point. And I love that sometimes, it's just a silly conversation being carried out between the Twin and myself.
I love that I am a blogger. I'm so fucking grateful for the existence of free webspace and free speech that I can't even express it properly, believe me. It's the greatest thing ever...except for BLT sammiches. Because they're pretty much tops in my book. Oh, and sex. BLTs and sex are greater than blogging. But blogging is right up there! In the top 10, at least.
And that is why I will continue to torture people for many years to come, I hope. With the stories that are too long, and too disconnected, and too nonsensicle...because it's fun for me. And I don't care who's reading it, as long as sometimes it's enjoyable stuff. I miss the folks that come and go as they do. But I can understand the burn-out, I s'pose. Every day isn't always going to be interesting to other people. It's not every day that I have a screaming/giggling fight with the boyfriend telling him to stay away from my bunghole, and having him reply that he's just trying to touch my taint. And that isn't always going to be funny to everyone that visits here, anyway. (Although it should be said that he finished the fight by holding down my hands and then farting on me. Which caused me to simultaneously freak out at the grossness and giggle uncontrollably. Because, sometimes, it's damn fun to behave like 10 year olds.) Sometimes, there just isn't much to say.
But somehow, I always manage to figure something out, don't I? You poor bastards.
Friday, January 13, 2006
It appears that the beer isn't helping yet.
Incredibly antsy. I have stuff I wanna accomplish, is the thing. I wanna take the boyfriend for a nice dinner, I wanna go to Target and buy hangers we need, I wanna see if I can find a box set of the BBC/British version of "The Office". I really just do not have the time to finish working today. I know there's only about 20 minutes left in the day, but it's done for me. Seriously. Everyone else is leaving. I want out.
God, I hate this feeling.
I’m in a weird place today. I’m busy as hell first thing, but it’s fun busy…not stressful busy, so that’s nice. Last night was yet another weird night with the boyfriend. I think that tonight, I need to convince him that we need to do something just for him. Something to make him happy, and try to pull him away from thinking of all the stressors in his life that he has going on right now. (Something that doesn’t involve lube and my ass, though…must make that clear early on in the convo, I think.) I don’t want to be another "thing" for him to stress over. I keep saying that to him, but I don’t know that it’s helping, because I’m pretty sure I’m not the problem. So instead of saying shit like that over and over and OVER, it’s time to just do something instead. Something that will be fun for him. Something that will make him forget about money, and work, and whatever else he has going through that head of his, and just focus on fun stuff for a bit. I’m all about the fun! Fun, fun, fun…that’s me! (I just like saying the word "fun". It’s a neat word. I like "neat" too. Fun and neat are nice words to focus on. My new mantra will be "neat fun", I think…)
Ok, it’s time to go have some neat fun, and enjoy this lovely Friday the 13th. Buh-bye now…
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Yay! YAY I tell you!!!
(However, I have done something, yet again, to piss off my bowels. Maybe it was the shrimp stir-fry I had last night? All the veggies, or something? Perhaps my intestines are pissed that I didn't use any oil to cook the stir-fry, but did everything with chicken stock (low sodium at that) instead? I dunno. But after an early part of the week with lovely, perfect pooing happening, I am shocked that my body would treat me like this. SHOCKED! And that was just a side-bar for all of you who love to hear my poop stories. It's been at least 2 weeks...I felt it was time for one.)
My coworker just returned with all the snacks for the office that she bought at Costco. When she told me that she was going to buy snacks, I was picturing a few boxes of chips, maybe more Cheez Its, and another container of individually wrapped Twizzlers, maybe. But no. We are stocked to the GILLS with all different kinds of nuts (including, but not limited to: pistachios - which will make the boyfriend SUPAH jealous - macadamia nuts, AND cashews), an assortment of raisins, two different kinds of pita chips, a BUNCH of those little 100-calorie bag thingies, some more granola bars, some trail mix packets, chips, those little rice crispy treat thingies that I wish we'd had in stores when I was a kid, and many different chocolate assortments which includes Hershey's miniatures, and 5 pound bags of both regular AND peanut M&Ms. She asked for contributions to the Costco Snack Fund a couple of weeks ago, and I thought I would just be partaking in some Cheez It snack bags here and there, but had NO IDEA what kind of true bevy of snacks she picked up when she went. (OH! Did I mention the big bags of beef jerky? Yep, she got a couple of those too.) Anyway, I only gave her $5, which I'm sure will get me at least a couple of handfulls of nuts (I like the expensive kind...), and a bag or two of some other things. Next time I know to contribute more like $10, though. I'm not sure how often she needs to go and stock up on that stuff, but it seems like it might be a while. We have an awful lot of shit back there. And I never even noticed that the bottom drawer had ramen noodles and packages of Quaker oatmeal in it. So now I can grab breakfast here at times when I'm running really late.
I have found my new home. They couldn't make me leave if they tried.
Although they did buy a cake for someone's birthday that I can't eat because it's filled with a cheesecake center...I didn't even know they did that to cakes. Have you guys heard of this? If I could eat cheesecake, I'd SOOOO be all over that! But I can't. Probably a good thing, I suppose. I really need to stick to being good right now. In fact, I'll be avoiding the snacks (except for the nuts, because I love to snack on nuts...they're so filling!) for at least 2 weeks. Hopefully there'll still be some pita chips in the drawer when I hit it up. They are WAY less fattening than the Cheez Its I do so covet...
Ok, gotta get back to work. I have some books to bind, and the binding machine got fixed so it actually does the proper job now, which makes it so much more pleasant of a job to do! (By the way...mid-week weigh-in - which I don't usually do, because I'm very against the whole weigh-yourself-constantly mentality - yesterday told me that I'd lost 1.5 pounds already this week. So THERE Humana! Obese my ass.) (Heh.)
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
It’s been funny going about the business of "deciding" to live together, really. I remember after the first couple of weeks of him staying at my house all the time and never really going home, I asked him if he was moving in with me and he said, "No! It’s too soon for that!" But he continued to stay at my house all the time anyway, only going home to get more clothes, or to grab his checkbook, or to get the mail that was in his mailbox. He did laundry at my house, stayed on my couch and watched t.v. all day on his days off, helped buy groceries once or twice. It seemed like we were living together, but we weren’t, I guess. I finally cleared out a closet for him to use in the office/guest room, and that really pleased him, I think. I had given him a drawer in my bureau about 3 months ago, mostly because I’m kind of a neat freak when it comes to clothes lying about, and his underwear, socks, and shirts were being stored on top of the bureau, so that had to stop. But he really likes to hang things up – he hates wrinkled clothes – so a closet was necessary, really. And I was happy to oblige. (I hate clutter…it forced me to clear out a bunch of shit I never use/don’t need and either throw it away or give it to Goodwill.)
Last week, we were talking about when his brothers will be coming to town in a couple of months (I think they’re coming in April or May…), and he was planning on letting them stay at his place, apparently. I asked him when his lease is up, and he said it was soon. I said, "So you’re planning on renewing it? Why? You live here, honey…just be done with it already." He smiled and agreed, and asked me what I’d want from him money-wise. I told him that a little help with the utilities would be fine, and maybe something towards my mortgage, but we could talk about it another time. And we left it at that.
This week, his plan was to go to his place and start bringing some things over. He has a nice stereo system, and a DVD player that is much better than the one I have, and he wanted to bring over his iron and ironing board (I don’t have one, and see the item above about him hating the wrinkled clothes…). He didn’t wind up doing that on Monday…he stuck around my part of town instead and ran errands. Yesterday we had rather icky weather, so he didn’t venture out then either. He HAS to go tonight, because he needs to grab a piece of mail that is necessary for him to have, so I think he’s going to get some stuff together and bring it over after work. I don’t care…he has two months to clear out of the place, and that’s his deal. Believe it or not, I still haven’t ever seen the place on the inside, so while I plan on offering to help him move/clean up I doubt he’ll accept. It’s fine with me either way.
Last night, I was asking him about some cold cuts that had gone missing from the fridge. I really was just wondering when he ate them, since I buy the food for the both of us to share. He told me that he wants to start giving me money towards the groceries every couple of weeks after he gets paid. He wanted to know how much I spend. I told him, and he figured out how much he wants to give me (about half…I definitely eat more than he does, since I’m a 3 meals a day girl, and he’s more of just an eats dinner guy), and then he started to look a bit anxious. He was wandering around in a little circle while we were talking about the fact that he doesn’t want to be responsible for utilities, but would rather give me money towards half of my mortgage every month. I finally asked him why he was upset. "Are you nervous? Or freaked out?" He said he’s not freaked out, but he is nervous. I didn’t understand why…we’ve been living together! But then I thought about the fact that he won’t have his own place to run away to if something happens, and I can totally respect that, too. He said that he’s done this before, and it hasn’t gone well. I’m fully aware…he’s shared a lot of the crap he’s been through with other girls with me already, so I know what he’s referring to when he says that. I told him, "Well, I’ve never lived with anyone before…the last few months is as close as I’ve ever been, and it seems to be going ok so far." Personally, I have a really good feeling about this whole thing, and I think that he and I will be just fine. I’m not nervous. But then again, it is my house he’s moving into, which kind of gives me an automatic advantage, I s’pose.
As I was doing the dishes later, I couldn’t help but worry about his nervousness. I hate to add to any anxiety in his life right now…his work gives him enough to keep a small ulcer army forming in his belly at all times. So I told him that I hate to hear that he’s nervous, and said, "If you aren’t comfortable with this, then we shouldn’t do it. We can just keep doing what we have been doing, and it’ll be fine with me." But he admitted that he shouldn’t let past experiences dictate how he handles current relationship events (THANK YOU!!! You hear that guys/gals? THAT is what I’ve been looking for in a man, dammit! CHRIST…took me long enough to find one…) and said that he is fine with moving in, and is sure it’ll be ok. I told him later that I hate that people have hurt him like that in the past. I’ve been hurt, but it hasn’t been enough to stick with me, for the most part. My past issues with men have taught me a lot. I feel more confident than ever being with the boyfriend because of the shit I’ve gone through with the crappy men that I dated before him.
Anyway, it’s all a very long story, but that’s just the kind I like to tell. :P I’m looking forward to having some help with my mortgage payment, and I hope that this all leads to a whole new level for the boyfriend and I. He wants to get a dog it seems…and I’m all for that. But there’s a part of me that keeps saying over and over in the back of my head that if we get a dog, we’d better be married first. I don’t know what that’s all about. I haven’t told him about the nagging voice in my head, but did say that we should wait a bit on getting the dog…maybe next fall or even the spring of 2007? We’ve got some traveling to do, and I don’t really want to have to deal with that kind of stress when it comes to taking care of a puppy. (Twin, do NOT send me one of the puppies that your Phoebe is going to have, kay? And if you can hide them/give them away before boyfriend and I come home to visit, I’m sure that would be optimum for us. Because Lord knows we’ll wanna take one home if we see one, I’m sure…)
Dear LORD, this is a long-ass post! Ok, I’m going now. Just wanted to keep everyone in the loop. Because it’s fun to be in the loop. My loop is a cool place to be. Dig it.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
This morning, I was running on time to work for once…I was able to run through the bagel place, drop off dry cleaning, and was STILL on track time-wise. Then I hit the intersection that takes me north into the Plaza: 71st (or Gregory, as it’s known on that side o’ the state line) and Wornall. Apparently, an accident had recently happened there, and that fucked everything up for me. The rest of the drive in was torture. Got stuck behind the bus I hate being behind, waited through 3 changes of a signal before I could go straight and continue on my regular path, whereas it only usually takes one signal change for me to get through…it was crazy. I finally got here, and my computer is acting up! So the day just keeps getting more and more bogged down.
Here’s my fave thing of the day so far, though: I recently sent in my application for health insurance through Humana One, which is pretty much the only company I could find that offers health insurance on an individual basis in the state of Kansas. I’ve been waiting to hear back from the underwriters, and finally received a cryptic letter from them in the mail yesterday. They said they’d sent me some e-mail asking for me to review and accept the changes made to my application, and which needed my electronic signature on them. I never received that e-mail. So I called them this morning, and learned that it’s a problem they have with sending e-mails to road runner addresses, and they gave me the URL to go to instead. So I did. And you know what the changes were that they made? Yeah, they added a 25% premium on to my monthly payment due to my "build". And they want me to sign an obesity clause.
Ok, I am NOT obese, muthafuckers. In fact, I work out every goddammed day (ok, 5 – 6 days a week), eat well, drink over 100 ounces of water per day, don’t smoke, have perfectly healthy knees/legs/ankles/etc…, and would like to tell them and their obesity bullshit to go and suck a rock at the bottom of the Pacific ocean. I weigh 185, and am 5’5" tall, and that makes me obese according to who’s standards? I don’t recall the underwriters who called to ask me about whether I smoke or what kinds of prescriptions I’ve gotten in the past few years taking a moment to ask me what my workout habits are. Had they done so, they might have found out that I don’t, by any means, live a sedentary lifestyle, and am currently in the process of working on losing about 30 pounds. (That’s my goal for the year, anyway…my eventual goal would be a total of 40…)
I’ve NEVER had to answer questions like this before, is the thing. Working for big companies for the past 9 years of my life has given me liberty to be as fat as I want and to smoke as much as I want as well, it seems. (Not that I did, mind you…I’ve never smoked more than 2 packs a week, and that was during the heaviest part of my habit back in 1998 – 1999 after my mom died…and being as "fat as I want" is a joke. I don’t want to be fat, so I do everything I can to avoid it as much as possible.) But going out on my own to get an individual plan has really been a stark process for me. I don’t crave cigarettes like I used to, so I’m definitely past that habit. And my weight and I have recently had a couple of serious powwows (mostly performed in dressing rooms where tops wouldn’t fit over my monstrous breasts), and we’ve come to the understanding that major lifestyle changes are going to occur, and while it may not like it, some of it will have to pack up and leave very soon. So I guess the only thing to do is to hope I don’t get hit by a bus, and to reapply after I lose 15 pounds in a few months. Maybe that will make them happy. Because a 25% increase being tacked on to my premium because I’m on the lighter side of what our government now deems "obese" is ridiculous. I’m a size 16 – 18, dammit. I’m in fucking GREAT health. Assholes.
I know that there are a LOT of people that might read this and go, "Um, you weigh 185 pounds…isn’t that kind of heavy?" Yes, it is kind of heavy. But it’s not obese on my frame. If you knew me, you’d understand what I’m talking about. These aren’t excuses, either. I don’t like being this heavy, and I’m actually doing something about it – not planning on it, not thinking about it…doing it.
I’m so tired of being discriminated against, I guess. I’m tired of the fact that stores provide my size online, but not necessarily in their stores. I’m tired of being considered fat and unhealthy when I’m actually just a little overweight and really rather healthy. I hate that feeling I get when I’m eating a snack at my desk…that feeling where I wonder if my coworkers (who are all rather teeny, IMO) are looking at me and thinking to themselves, "Damn, she’s eating again? She really should give up a calorie here or there!" The secure part of me knows they aren’t thinking anything of the kind and also doesn’t give a flying shit if they are; the insecure side of me can’t help but feel their eyes on me as I chew.
And this is just a nail in your coffin, extra pounds. I need health insurance, but I refuse to pay extra because I’m the same size I’ve been for the past 5 or so years of my life, and no one ever had a problem with it before. I refuse to sign a document agreeing to not seek healthcare payment assistance from a company if I go in to visit a doctor because my knees hurt, or my back hurts. I mean, what if I slip on some ice, fall down and bang my knee? How much trouble will I have getting a claim taken care of if I can’t prove that I fell down from the ice, and that I’m not looking for some kind of help for my joints because my weight has gotten to be too much for them? And once I lose the weight, how tough will it be to get the healthcare company to remove that 25% increase on my premium due to my previous "build"? So goodbye, you nasty little things! I’m gonna get rid of you forever, honest. Go find a new home on someone that needs you in Nova Scotia, or someplace where it’s cold all the time, and extra weight is welcome and helpful to them. I’m just fine using an extra layer of clothing or two, thank you very much. Because if I wasn’t too motivated before (which I was), then I sure as hell am now! (Even if I am a bit tired and sort of grumpy from waking up so damned early every day, you bastards. I do that because of you! Grrr!!!)
Monday, January 09, 2006
- Turkey bacon is yummy. Everyone should try it, and come to the realization that regular bacon is unnecessary. Turkey bacon is the shiznit, and it’s all we need.
- Why does Steve Bays from HotHotHeat sing like that? Why? The music is cool, and admittedly, his voice sounds kind of good sometimes, but then there are the times when it just doesn’t sound good and it makes my toes curl. Can someone help me out with the phenomenon that is Steve Bays’ voice? I appreciate that.
- How do people draw the line between what they use their assistants for, do you think? Seems like some people are more self-sufficient than others, and can figure out what they can/should do themselves, and that the petty things they ask assistants to do (i.e. create hanging files, printing things out, etc…) might not get done for quite some time, since the assistants might have, oh, I don’t know, REAL WORK to do?? Christ!
- Here’s the link to my latest photo album in Yahoo. It’s got the pics from my trip to Southbend back in November in it…cute pics of the boyfriend, his family, and the beach we visited in Michigan. And then there are a couple of random pics of things like me posing after I’ve gotten my hair done, my back porch during a thundersnow storm (kind of like a thunderstorm, but with snow – the flakes get REALLY big in a thundersnow storm…but it doesn’t tend to stick because it generally warms up a bit after it’s done), and my back porch after the really big snow we had a few weeks before Christmas. Enjoy. (And don’t ask me what the fuck is going on with the weird pixilation of clouds and lighter areas in the photos. The clouds in the photos at Lake Michigan in particular really bug me, because they show up so beautifully in the actual photos themselves. I took the photos with a disposable camera, so maybe that’s why the CD-ROM turned out the way it did? Weird…)
- Being non-dairy, I miss cheese on pizza the most. (Actually, I wouldn't consciously think that I miss the cheese on pizza, since I've always been more of an extra sauce kind of girl, but the only dairy I find myself craving is cheese on pizza...so that's why it's #1 on my list.) After that, its ice cream I miss almost as much. I don’t miss much of anything else, really. Ooh! Sour cream. I really do miss sour cream…maybe I’ll try to start slowly reintroducing some small amounts of dairy into my diet. I ate some sour cream over the weekend (I know…I’m terrible!), and while it threw my body for a teeny loop the morning after, I haven’t seemed to break out from it yet. I hope I don’t! *crosses fingers!*
- Oh wow! I just had a mouth full of apple, and thought I was going to sneeze. That’s one of my top ten worst anxiety things in my life…having a mouth full of something and then realizing you need to sneeze. Thankfully, it doesn’t happen very often. Because immediately, I start to freak out trying to decide what to do…do I swallow really quickly, regardless of how much chewing still needs to occur in order to get the food safely down my throat? Do I just go ahead and sneeze, and hope that the Kleenex will catch anything that flies out of my mouth? What if I don’t have time to grab a Kleenex? WTF do I do then? See…anxiety. I hate it.
So I send you off with that today…try not to sneeze with a mouthful of apple. It’ll just make a mess, and no one needs a mess…
Sunday, January 08, 2006
But I don't have any right now. Money, why hath thou forsaken me? I need to buy some paper towels and apples and possibly even some veggies to eat for lunch and dinner this week. I need you! Please come back. Please?
Friday, January 06, 2006
Among the group's criticisms is that the show portrays Jesus -- who appears and
speaks to the minister -- as a "good ol' boy, nonchalant, happy-go-lucky kind of
guy," Sharp said.
"It's not a true representation of Jesus Christ," he said.
Also offensive, Sharp said, is that the show portrays everyone in the
minister's family as dysfunctional: one of his children sells drugs, another is
sexually promiscuous, another is homosexual, and his wife is an alcoholic.
Oookaaayyy…and t.v. should portray everyone in the world as being perfect? Oh yeah! I forgot…all the people in Wichita (and most of Kansas, I bet) ARE perfect! Which is why they think its "dysfunctional" to be either sexually promiscuous (huh?) or homosexual. Asshats. According to the article, this Randy Sharp person is the director of special projects for the American Family Association. Hm…"special projects". I think maybe this dude needs to spend more time focusing on things like helping in the community, and making sure that people have less dysfunctionality in their lives, or something. You know…go out and try to cure some homos, or try to keep people from having sex with more than one person in their lives. LEAVE MY T.V. PROGRAMMING ALONE, BUGGAR!! (Good thing I live in such a fucked up place like Kansas City, yo…they let us watch whatever we want here!)
And the whole "not a true representation of Jesus Christ" thing? Um, did he personally know the guy? Because I like to imagine Christ as being a nonchalant, happy-go-lucky kind of guy myself. And I’m a Christian. I swear! (Oops…) But seeing as I’ve never had the opportunity to actually meet him, it’s kind of tough to say what he was like in real life. Dontcha think? I don’t know…
This group sees this show as "Christian-bashing," but I don’t get why that is? They say it’s because you don’t see t.v. execs "…making a fictional entertainment program about Muslims or Jews or about any other faith. The target is Christianity," but I think it’s more relatable that way. Christians are, after all, the most predominant religious affiliated group in North America, aren't they? (I could be wrong about that...it's just a guess on my part, so don't shoot me if I'm wrong, please...) So it’s funny to more people that way, I’d imagine. I don’t know that I’d understand a show that fictionalized a rough life of a Muslim church leader who had regular conversations with Muhammad, you know? Might not be as funny to me, I’d think. Kind of like that new show "Four Kings." (Has anyone seen that crap? It. Is. TERRIBLE!! And I don't mean that they're depicting the fictional life of a Muslim character on that program, by the way...I just mean to say that the show isn't funny to me. It's really bad. Really, really very bad. But I'm just using it as an example of what isn't funny to me, just to be clear.)
Anyway, I applaud NBC for stepping out of the box on this one. And, as always, I feel crappy that people in this world can’t lighten the fuck up, and deal with the fact that the entertainment industry isn’t out to get them. Jeezy, Wichita…get over yourselves! It’s called a "sense of humor," and I’m willing to bet that Jesus had one. Sheesh!
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Now I'm a bit woozy, of course, but it was worth it, I think.
Then, my coworker brought me a CD-ROM filled with a bunch of pictures from their holiday party they had before I started, which also doubled as a going away party for the chick that I replaced, it seemed. Holy hell, these people are fun! Body shots? Coworkers touching the tips of their tongues to each other? (Femal coworkers, that is...) I had found a folder in the company's shared drive that has a bunch of photos in it from what must've been last year's holiday party during my first week here, when I was fishing around getting familiar with where we kept things. It was a revealing trip through that certain drive, is all I can say. Well, I can also say that I saw one of my new bosses without his shirt on in several of the pictures, but I prefer to try to delete that from my memory, if possible, so I don't wanna bring it up. Even though I just did. Dammit.
Anyway, the day is looking up. I've kept severely busy, had lunch with a few of the coworkers, and am still in the middle of a ton of work, which is nice. And it's FUN work, at that! Creation of marketing materials is hands down my new favorite thing to do when it comes to working. I dig it, fo sho.
But I also wanna mention this: how the hell did I not wind up on Tony's bloggy award list? Is it because I'm such a bitch and a pain in his ass? Could be. Oh well! (I do agree with his choices...except for Superficial as the most entertaining. I do find the chick VERY entertaining, believe me. I love it when she posts new stuff! But the problem is that she doesn't post often enough. Post more, sista!! POST MORE, DAMMIT!!! Pretty please?)
FYI - saw Lazlo last night at the Moose, along with his sidekick Slimfast. I didn't recognize him...one of the servers mentioned it, and so I chatted with them both a bit when they came to the bar to have a couple of cigarettes, and they wound up using the ashtray on our table as we talked. I was a bit embarassed, as he had to clarify a rule for me at one point (I didn't realize that in college ball, you don't have to have both feet inbounds in order to receive a ball legally. So that interception that happened in the endzone when the Texas defender had one foot in and one foot out? Yeah, I made a fool of myself during that...), but he wasn't a dick about it and I thought was nice. And while I don't really care that I saw Lazlo and Slimfast - I was way too caught up in the game to break away and discuss my issues with their programming choices - my point to this whole paragraph is to say that I understand that the Texas defender managed to get an interception with that reception half in/half out of bounds. But my problem with the call overall was that they called it a touchback. The ball never crossed the plane of the end-zone...it was out of bounds when his hands wrapped around it. So I felt they should have started that drive at the 1/2 yard line, and not the 20. Dumbass refs.
You like how random this post is? Yeah, coming down off of Advil Cold & Sinus is this sheit, muthafuckas! Give it a try, you'll see what I mean. I need more Diet Coke now...bah!
What a bummer indeed. The boyfriend felt pretty bad, especially because he spazzed out toward the end of the game when he was playing with a plastic water bottle, driving me insane with his fidgiting. When Texas scored that last touchdown he threw it at the t.v., but missed by a long shot and wound up knocking a bunch of shit over that sits on a shelf above the t.v. I didn't mind, really. Nothing was broken. But I'm more of a sit-real-still-and-try-not-to-feel-the-pain-of-the-loss-change-the-channel-as-soon-as-it's-totally-over-because-then-it-might-not-actually-be-happening kind of a girl. I asked him if he could do me a favor and cheer me up by showering today. (He has a late start because he closes tonight...and don't ask about the showering thing. I'm not gonna talk about it.) He decided to shower last night, which was nice, but then his solution to cheering me up even further was to try to have sex with me.
On the first day of my period (which he was fully aware of).
Right after my team lost a championship game.
To say the least I was not in the mood. I asked him to stop with the roaming hands 3 times before I finally said, "You know, I think me saying no 3 times in a row is enough, don't you, sweet? Please...let me be for now." I felt pretty terrible about it, because I love sex with him, but just sooo wasn't in the mood at. all.
Anyway, I'm gonna go cheer myself up now by drinking my Diet Coke, eating my half bagel with hummus and tomato, and working on some marketing materials for my coworker. I love that shit, so I'm glad to be distracted by it...
Good game, though, eh? If only that facemask call against SC hadn't happened in the final minutes of the game. If only they hadn't decided to go for a 4th and 2 in their second to last possession (which they of course fell short of getting the1st down on). If only someone had been open for Leinart to pass to as the final 4 seconds ticked down on the clock at the end of the game...*sigh.* Dammit.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Our men fight on
Our Alma Mater* dear
looks up to you...
Fight on and win for ol' 'SC!
Fight on to victory!
In t-minus 10.5 hours, I will be watching the Rose Bowl kick off, and I'm so excited, I don't know how I'll be able to get anything done today! Did anyone see the Orange Bowl last night? Holy hell. I had to go to bed at 10:30, but the boyfriend stayed up for the whole thing, and when he came in to bed, he told me the disappointing news that FSU had lost, but they had to go into TRIPLE OT in order to finish the game! Criminy! Can't believe I missed it. But I had to get up early today to work out, and I can't really let workouts go these days. Uh-uh.
Anyway, quick answer to Anonymous, who was making comments on my man-bashing post from Sunday...yes, I write my posts off the top of my head. Especially that one from Sunday...I was a little tipsy, to be honest, and the only thing I went back and proof-read for were spelling errors/typos, as usual. I did put in the links to the season schedules for both Texas and USC so people could see what I was referring to, if they so desired, but other than that, yeah, this shit is in my brain. I have to say that I thought I was right on with the Notre Dame prediction, honestly. I was disappointed to see them play Ohio State the way they did...their first quarter (actually, much of the first half) was particularly abominable. But, again, not having watched Ohio State very closely throughout the season, I didn't have any idea what they'd be up against. And don't get me wrong...I don't profess to be the all-knowing sports guru chick, by any means. But my interest in the field is undeniable, and the fact that I do have some knowledge about it all (particularly college and professional football and basketball...and even wrestling - I was a stat girl for the team in high school) is really clear to my friends and family. But if you really wanna talk to a chick that knows her shit about sports? Check out Lyn over at Chickrawker. She's not just a music-lovah...
Anyway, looking forward to tonight's game, can't believe it's already here, and then all we have to look forward to is the playoffs, and hopefully seeing the Colts go up against Seattle in the SuperBowl. (I don't know though...I have a feeling Carolina might shock us a bit. Don't ask me why. They had a pretty decent second half to their season, and I think that's what's making me wary of their possible ability to kick the Colts out of the running eventually...I hope not, but I have discussed it openly with the boyfriend, and he seems aware of that possibility as well...) Gotta get to work now, though. Fight on!**
*Ok, so it's not my Alma Mater, per se, but they're still my team! You all know this, so I don't know why I even put the footnote in, really. :)
**And yes, I adjusted this post, in case anyone happened to read the extra long original version I posted about a half hour ago. Too much info...too boring. Bleh.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
And, just to be clear, I'm pretty sure it isn't me doing it. Yep...I think I'd notice it if it were me. I usually do, anyway.
I'd like it to stop. I'm really hoping they won't do it again. While I can understand the plight of the intestinally challenged (welcome to my world, seriously), I just know how well I can control my issues at this point in my life, and I'd figure that, as I work with a bunch of grown-ups, they should be able to control theirs as well. We all have those moments where something eeks out without us being able to stop it...I know, and I understand. But TWICE in one day? RIGHT BY MY DESK?? Just, quit it.