Friday, June 29, 2007

I never did like tag...all that running around...*shudders*

I got tagged by Emawkc on this one. Let’s see if I can come up with 8 random facts about myself that the majority of you DON’T already know. I mean, have you read my blog? Yeah…

Ok, here goes:

1. I’m double-jointed in all my fingers, except for my thumbs.

2. I hate, hate, HATE the sound the aluminum pan lids that I have on my cheaper, older pots and pans make when I put them away in the drawer. It makes my skin crawl to hear them rub up against each other, so I try to keep it from happening, but when it does, it’s just like nails down a chalkboard to me!

3. Ironically, I have no problem with dragging my nails down a chalkboard, or hearing someone else do it. I used to do it on purpose in my morning choir class in 8th grade just to drive my friend crazy since I knew she hated it! Being a kid was fun. (She’s one of my maids of honor in my wedding, so she couldn’t have held my snarkiness against me too much back then, I s’pose.)

4. When I first got my period, I wished and prayed that God would change me into a boy so I didn’t have to deal with it at all. When He didn’t change me into a boy, I simply turned to cursing Him for making me a girl in the first place. He returned the favor by sending me some delicious cramps and nausea for my second period. After that, we left each other alone, and we’ve been on pretty good terms since then.

5. I prefer emails to phone calls. When people actually come to my desk to ask me for something, it pisses me off pretty badly. Even if they’re someone I generally tend to like a lot, I sort of hate them for being a pain in the ass like that. Emails are sooo much easier, people! When I get a request for something via email, I can print it off, make sure to add it to my little “to-do” stand I have on my desk, and then work my way to it as I go through my day. When you come to my desk and then stand over me as I look into the request you’ve made (seeing as I feel forced to do so immediately, since you aren’t apparently leaving at all, or anything), it’s uncomfortable. Perhaps I was in the middle of something else that needed to be completed when you came over, huh? Why should I put YOUR USB hub order ahead of everything else I’m doing? Simply because you had to come and TELL me you needed it instead of sending me an email to let me know? Last time you came and told me you needed something, I forgot to order it, I know. You know what might’ve helped in that case? SENDING ME A FUCKING EMAIL! Der.

6. I am not competitive at all. I mean, I don’t like losing when playing a particular game or sport or what have you, but if I DO, I get over it pretty quick. There are more important things happening in this world than whether or not I can kick my friends’ asses at air hockey, I think.

7. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but I am really rather particular about how the dishwasher is loaded. Heavier/larger plates, pots, and pans in the back. Smaller plates and bowls in the front. Large bowls over the small bowls. And the silverware, it needs to be alternated. Forks, spoons, and knives should never be in with their own kind. Unless they are the smaller forks with the bigger forks, small spoons with big spoons, and, well…I guess I don’t really have small and big knives, so that’s the extent of it. If you have two of the same size spoons and/or forks in with each other, they have a tendency to lean into each other and then they don’t get clean. This random fact about me drives the fiancé CRAZY. Which is just the way it should be, dammit.

8. If I could eat any one junk food item for the rest of my life without it ever having any effect on my body, it would be Cheetos Puffs. Hands-down the best junk food ever invented.

That’s all I could think of right now. This wasn’t easy. And I haven’t any idea who to tag! In fact I hate tagging. I might have to think about that a bit…

Thursday, June 28, 2007

I'm not her, ok?

Towards the end of the day yesterday, I had someone approach my desk asking about my coworker's boss. This happens frequently, actually...I tend to always be at my desk. I'm a bit lazy like that, I s'pose. My coworker, however, is always gone. Particularly when our bosses are out of town. Which they are this week. Sometimes people get confused and think I'm her boss's admin, for some reason. She put up a little sign under her name tag, though, that says, "[Her Boss's] Admin Assistant" hoping that would help people a bit more. It has helped a little, but when she's not there, for some reason people think I know everything she knows about her boss, his schedule, his whereabouts, etc...

Ok, I DON'T, though. Because I'm not HIS fucking admin. It'd be like me approaching one of their coworkers that sits near them to ask them where THEY are if they were away from their desk. Yeah, they probly don't know, right? Same thing here. Just because we're both admins doesn't mean we know everything about each other's bosses. Dumbass.

Anyway, this chick comes up to my desk yesterday, and I was feeling like shit, but I decided to stick it out for the whole day and so I was here. But my coworker wasn't. (She was in her boss's office taking a nap, actually, but that's beside the point...) So this chick apparently wanted to talk to the other boss who wasn't here, and she asked me if he was gone, which of course he is. And then she wanted to know how long he was gone for, so I told her what I knew, and then said he might be in on Friday, but I wasn't sure. And then I told her that I was sorry I didn't know more, but I'm not his admin. And she said, "Oh, I know, but [Coworker] isn't there, so I just thought maybe you would know."


And I just apologized and said I didn't.

But she didn't leave at that point. I was trying to give her The Back, which is what I call my turning-back-to-my-computer-because-aren't-we-done-here-yet?-maneuver, but she was interested in continuing to ruin that 5 minute period of time for me, and she saw my graduation picture I keep on the edge of my desk for everyone to see. (I ain't no unedumacated fuckin' secretary, dammit! I have a degree! That's right, mo fo...) And so she said, "Oh! I have one that graduated this year, too!"

And I wasn't even thinking, really. I just wanted her gone. So I was all, "Well, that wasn't this year...that was in 1996." And she kind of looked confused and I continued, "I've been an admin for 10 years! I didn't just graduate..."

She looked closer at the picture and she said, "Oh, is that you?" And I said yeah, it was me...followed by my usual, "10 years and 50 pounds ago! Heh..." I try to make the self-deprication entertaining, if I can.

And then she made some comment about it being Pepperdine, and wow! She only had the chance to visit there once...she can't imagine what it must have been like to LIVE there. And I, being in the lovely mood I was, said that it was great, except for the fire, earthquake, and floods we had while I was living in Malibu. And she was all, "Yeah, but being right on the beach like that...must have been nice." I just kind of agreed, wishing to GOD this woman would go away already. (Also, as a general FYI, Pepperdine ISN'T "right on the beach." Malibu Colony and PCH come between it and the ocean. And it's on a big hill that kind of makes it more difficult to get to the beach, which we aren't allowed to be on anyway because it belongs to the Colony where all the uppity people in Malibu live, and they get mad when they see someone that doesn't belong there creeping onto their beach from a break in the bushes...contrary to what that new mostly crappy show "Starter Wife" would have people believe, they really don't like it when people invade their beach like that, and they most certainly do NOT have any homeless guys living amongst the bushes in that manner. Stupid fucking new show...)

So I was telling my story to the fiance last night, explaining how crappy I felt and how this woman bugged me, etc, etc...and when I got to the part where she had said she had one that graduated this year, too, he said, "She thought you had a kid that graduated?"

*blink blink*

Holy crap. That hadn't even crossed my fucking MIND. That woman thought I was old enough to have a kid that graduated from college. Even if she thought I was old enough to have a kid that graduated from HIGH SCHOOL, it would still be bad. That was why she had exclaimed in a surprised manner, "Oh, is that you?" when she looked at my picture.

I'll tell you what...bitch had BETTER stay the fuck away from my desk from now on. Old enough to have a fucking high school or older kid. Mother fucking idiot bitch...

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some facial surgeries I need to schedule...

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

It was bound to happen sometime...

I feel like hammered hell. I look like hammered hell.

I think I'm going home early today, dammit. This sucks.

The cold has moved into my head and hit my nose now. My throat feels a bit better, so that's nice, but I almost prefer things the other way around...I can deal with a sore throat at work. I cannot deal with a light-headed feeling, and the constant wishing-I-could-just-lay-down-now thing. That sucks.

Sorry for the shitty post. Maybe I'll be feeling more up to fun tomorrow. *crossing fingers!*

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Coley's close, but lemme 'splain...

Ok, I don't actually think any future insanity can be expected from the FMIL. She's a pretty down to earth person who I can relate to more on a sisterly level than a mother/daughter one, probably due to the fact that she isn't much older than my oldest sister. She's not even 50 yet! We do have issues with her saying things like she knows what I'm going through and what I must be thinking right now, and I have to say, Uh, you couldn't possibly since you were 18 and living with your parents when you decided to get married, and I'm 33 and own a home, have a job, and am long past my days of being afraid of the one-eyed snake, and everything. But still...she and I are in a good place. She might be trying to smother us with quilted items that she makes for us, but that's another issue for another day.

So yeah, FMIL and I are in a good place.

But her friend? Whom I'll refer to as Fluffyhair von Opinionista (or "FvO" if you will...) is kind of a bit batty. She's nice. But she's not really nice. Ever know one of those?

Ok basically, she is loud, feels it is necessary to tell everyone around her how they should be feeling, is rather pushy, and is somewhat scary in her approach to dealing with people. I think it's the loudness and pushyness that pushes her over the edge for me. I don't like pushy people. Period.

Also, opinions are fine. As long as they are expressed in a manner that isn't "end all/be all" and shit. I also prefer to hear opinions after I've expressely asked for them. Not just volunteered off the cuff. Or in a tone that is a bit condescending-like. Call me weird, but that's how I am!

Originally, I had a dress fitting appointment for Thursday of last week. I called and changed it when I realized that my sister wasn't going to be able to get into town until later on Thursday, and I should have it on Friday instead, and it helped that I was planning on taking Friday off, and all. I let my FMIL know that I had changed the appointment, and asked her if she'd like to come along knowing she'd be very excited about doing something like that with us. She doesn't have any daughters, and even though she's winding up with one like me, she still seems very gung-ho on the whole process.

But I expressed to her that it was important that she understand that I only wanted her there. I want to keep the dress "secret" from everyone I can, so that people can be surprised when they see me for the first time. It's one of the moments I enjoy most when I attend weddings, and I hope to give people that gaspy moment when they see me the first time, too.

That means that I don't want anyone other than some seemingly necessary family, girlfriends, and soon-to-be family members seeing me in my dress while I still feel like I look like a circus freak in the thing. So I made sure my FMIL knew that FvO was NOT invited to the fitting. Not in a bad way, mind you...more in a this-is-a-private-moment-for-me-and-a-select-few way, you know?

Well, Fluffyhair was obviously upset by the ommission. She came over to the house (I had planned on picking up my FMIL at her hotel on my way to the appointment, but fiance heard they were in town and wanted to see his mom, of course, so he invited her over...Fluffyhair stuck around after their other friends dropped them off and headed back to the hotel for some rest after the long drive) and proceeded to pout about the issue to my fiance after FMIL, Twin, best friend and I left for the fitting. But before we left, she made it a point to call me over to where she had sat down, grabbed my wrist, and told me, "Look, when people tell you that you look beautiful in the dress, you need to listen to them. They are your friends and they aren't lying to you..." I tried to protest, and managed to squirm my way out of the grip she had put down on my wrist, which I felt was a bit forceful and edging on rude really, and told her she didn't understand, and that I had to work pretty hard to just HOPE I didn't look all top-heavy in the dress by the time the wedding comes around.

She was insisting on making sure that I listened to my friends and FMIL when they told me how I looked, and just forget about how I felt I looked.

Oh, ok then!

Look, I value the opinions of my sister and our best friend, my bridesmaids/good friends, and my FMIL. I do. That is not to say that I don't think I still have issues with looking like a football player in a fancy dress when I put on my gown! But that is how I feel, ok? Something for me to get over in my own time, IF EVER! So, I'd prefer that everyone else just let it be, and really, hopefully this won't even be an issue by the time the wedding is here. I got 4 months to bust a move with the cardio and lift weights in the proper manner so that I stop bulking up and everything. Plenty o' time.

Anyway, this woman gets on mah nerves...She will likely guilt my FMIL into inviting her to the rehearsal dinner, even though I've suggested that we should only have the bridal party and their significant others and close family (i.e. parents and siblings and grandparents) there, because that's just how she is. When we went out after the shower on Saturday night, she made some comment about how she was at the "cool table" at the shower, even though we (meaning my sister and our best friend, I suppose) probably thought we were the cool table, but they MADE theirs the cool table, so ha! And I was all, "Cool table?" I mean, WTF? This woman is in her late 40's/early 50's. Time to grow up, I think.

She also holds some sort of grudge over the fact that fiance's good friend and his wife didn't invite her and her husband to their wedding in August. But the bride hardly knows this woman, and while the groom knows her relatively well, it wasn't enough to add her to their really rather large guest list for their wedding. (They invited over 300 people, I think she said. Maybe more than that...I can't remember because my brain might have exploded at the thought of the number of invites she had to send out...) The bride took a stand, and now this woman won't let them live it down. She's still upset about it. When I was talking to this particular friend (who is a bridesmaid in my wedding) about how my FMIL is still wondering what she's going to wear to the wedding, and she suggested that she might help her shop for something, and then I made the mistake of mentioning that idea in front of Fluffyhair von Opinionista later when we were drinking, she was all, "OOOOH NO! I am going shopping with FMIL! That's OUR job to do!" Or something like that. She was all pissy about it, basically. Which was unneccessary, and again I saw it as being really immature. FMIL doesn't think she can fit into Ann Taylor clothes, which makes no sense since she's not fat or anything. Regardless, I think a trip to David's Bridal with my bridesmaid might be fun for her. I'm afraid of what Fluffyhair will help her choose. Whatever FMIL feels pretty in will be fabulous with me, but Fluffyhair seems to be pushing her towards some stuff she wouldn't regularly do on her own, from what I can see, so it kinda freaks me out.

ANYWAY. That's the breakdown of it all. And yet ANOTHER reason I'm glad that fiance and I live where we live. Lord knows what might come out of my mouth at this woman if I had to see her more than twice a year. She gets me kinda fired up!

So there ya have it Coley...not exactly a crazy-ass future in-law, but something close, I think. I'll keep you posted on other stories that include her, too. It'll be fun...
What should I do for lunch? Should I head out to buy a picture frame for the engagement photo I had printed to keep at my desk, and then grab something yummy, sort of still good for me, but sort of not? Or should I sit here and eat my Lean Cuisine spaghetti w/ meatsauce like a good girl, and play on the 'net?

Hmm. What's the weather like? Not too hot yet. So that doesn't help my decision any...

My throat still hurts, and I'm trying to talk as little as possible today. So far it's sort of working out. (When I told my coworkers about my plan, one of them clapped and got all excited. What was that about? Doesn't she realize she's on the other side of the cube wall from me, and I can throw things at her? Silly woman...) I'm grateful that the cold isn't worse than it is, but my throat hurts a LOT. Still, having only one aspect of a cold is better than all three, so I'll take it.

Ooh wait...the future mother-in-law just sent me an email. I need to go look at it, and I'll report back.

Ok, she had a great time this past weekend, and just wanted to say how great the house looked, and how she's sorry she put the boxes she brought with her right in the living room like she did, and how the church has awkward seating and little step-thingies into the pews, and she's glad she knows that now. Also, she went to the place we're having our rehearsal dinner at on Saturday morning and she's glad to have seen it and now she can plan the decorations better...I don't understand - the FOOD is the decoration! Mothers crack me up...

Anyway, she's happy, it sounds like. That's always nice. I have to tell you all about her friend that came with her, though. I'll do that later. I think I will go find a picture frame right now...ta!

Monday, June 25, 2007

Not fair

After a weekend of general debauchery and good times shared with friends and family (more detail to follow later this week, I promise), I have effectively come down with what is appearing to be a nastier and nastier cold. Started out with a somewhat sore throat last night, which was worse this morning, and still even MORE worse this afternoon. Only now, it's being accompanied by a lovely sinus headache that I'm hoping can be dented a bit by the regular Advil I took for it, as I failed to notice that I do have Advil Cold & Sinus in my purse, dammit. I took the regular stuff! AAUUUUGGGGHHH!!

Why does this sort of thing have to happen? Fucking stupid cold...

Of course, the tossing and turning in the 77 degree house last night as I tried to sleep didn't help the matter much. I already had planned on skipping the work out this morning (as I did yesterday and the day before that, opting for more therapeutic sleep instead, hoping that I could stave off any full-blown attack of sickness of any kind since I was being so smart and giving my body the rest it needed, right? Riiiggghhht.), but it was still so hard to get out of bed and shower in that kind of heat this morning. I know that if I'd gone to work out and had come home as hot as I usually do after a workout, mental meltdown would have ensued.

Just like Saturday morning allll over again. (More on that later...sorry. Headache.)

I need a 70 degree house for sleep. IF that! (I'm pretty sure my body reacts best to 68 degrees. Crazy? Perhaps. But very, very restful due to the deep sleep that occurs in temps like that. Mmmmm...deep sleep sounds nice right now.)

Holy crap, my throat hasn't hurt this much in a loooong time. Bleh.

I'm gonna go now. Need to figure out what's up with the AC at the house since the fiance hasn't called me with the news I asked him to call me with when he got it. This means that either (a) the repair guy still hasn't shown up yet, which would be complete bullshit or (b) he forgot to call me with an update since he's sleeping so soundly on the couch now that the house is (hopefully) at a normal temperature again and he can relax after his unrestful night and busy morning trying to impress the catering people with his mad cooking skeeills.

I really hope it's option b. Gonna go find out now...

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Hm. Awesome.

You know that new AC we had installed back in March? About 3 months ago? To replace the one that broke numerous times during the hottest days of summer last year? That we expected to run without issue for at least 5 years before giving anyone any kind of issues at all?

Yyeeeah, it's broken.

But it's no problem, right? Because it's not as though it's up to 81 degrees outside right now, with a 63% humidity level or anything. Naw...

Ok, it is. AND it's almost 10 p.m., which means the sun has been down for well over an HOUR, and it's still that fucking hot out.

What's the title of this post again? That's right.

The heating/cooling company that installed this stellar system can't come until tomorrow to fix it. I have to work tomorrow. The fiance has a practice-run interview for a catering company where he will be creating a dish for them out of ingredients he finds in their pantry and cooler, and it starts at 9, so Lord knows how long it'll be before he can come home from that! The heating/cooling company is very sympathetic to our issue, and were helpful on the phone with their tips on keeping our house as cool as possible. They did suggest that we leave the dog outside instead of indoors until they can get the unit fixed tomorrow, but that just isn't possible...she doesn't have any shelter outside, and I feel more comfy keeping her in her crate in a dark room with a fan running than I do leaving her outside on a upper-80 degree day.

Hopefully the issue will be fixed by the time I get home tomorrow night.

How will I deal with the heat tonight? I think this calls for a Benadryl/Advil cocktail, baby. I hate sleeping in a hot, sticky room. Bleh.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Isn't a car for, you know, DRIVING?

When one is desperate enough to preach at the rest of the world via the back of their car, one might want to rethink their priorities.

Don't get me wrong...I like religion. I'm good with religion, and religion is good with me.

But when I'm behind a car in traffic that says "Got Christ?" across the top of their license plate holder, and then the bottom reads, "Go to HELL without Him!" I don't take those as anything other than fightin' words.

When they are accompanied by a bumper sticker on the other side of the back end that says, "I'd rather be driving a THE CHARIOT" I no longer find you so much offensive as I find you idiotic. See, that makes no sense. Grammatically, whatever the fuck you are trying to say to me as the person who has to be stuck behind your ass on a one-lane street is completely lost because now I'm not focussed on the message so much as how the message makes no sense. Duh.

I don't give a flying shit if you believe in Christ, Buddha, or swear to the holy throne in your fucking bathroom...whatever floats your boat is fine with me. But keep it to yourself, will ya? Unless I ASK, you shouldn't bring it up!

Especially when you're taking the time to do so in an idiotic and/or patronizing and inflammatory manner on the back of your vehicle! That's just sooo, so passe...

This is not a hump day. Not at all.

The soy yogurt I've been eating is out to get me. I can't find what kind it is anywhere on the net, but I think it's called "O Soy!", and it comes in little 6 packs at the market not too far from our house, and I was loving it about a week ago! It's yummy, and it's supposed to have some ingredient in it that aids in proper digestion (sort of like that Activa stuff, except made for those of us that can't eat regular dairy) and it seemed to be doing just that! Until....

Last weekend, on Saturday, I felt all ooky after eating it. I think I mentioned it on Monday. It was like there was something stuck in my upper intestine, and I was all bloated and felt nasty all day. I ate some on Monday, too. Didn't even think about it being the cause of the bloat, and sure enough, I had all this to say, so it wasn't good.

So yesterday, I woke up feeling great. No bloat, no pain, food sounded good again - all was well. I ate breakfast without a hitch. Ran some errands, and then came back to the office to eat a salad and some chili. Good to go problems arose. Around 4 p.m., I decided it was time for my somewhat-daily yogurt to help aid in the digestion, right? So I ate that, and immediately I felt like there was a lump of goo trying to be processed, unsuccessfully, through my upper intestine.

At least I was able to figure it out. But last week, when I thought all was well with the yogurt, I bought two 6 packs of the stuff, since we don't go to that grocery store where I found it very often. So now I have another 6 pack of the yogurt in the fridge. I think the fiance was going to try it...I don't know if it just effects me the way it does, or what. So he might give it a go and see if it hurts him any.

So last night, I ate dinner (just some soup and lettuce wraps from Pei Wei), and then proceeded to lose everything I ate all day in the toilet about an hour later. It was great at first...very freeing feeling after going through the stopped-up intestine feeling, I think. But after the 3rd time I was sitting on the toilet for over 10 minutes, I'd had quite enough, really. Two more times before I hit the hay, and then I was asleep through whatever other grumblings there might have been, thank goodness!

So this morning, I got up at 4:40 to go to the gym, but felt pretty crappy of course. I pushed through it, though, and got dressed in the dark (fiance wasn't going with me today) and then went to the bathroom. Where I proceeded to sit, yet again, for about 10 - 12 minutes. Not only did I not feel like going to the gym after that, I thought it might be best NOT to do so. So I climbed back into bed for another hour.

I don't know if it was the Pei Wei, or if it had something to do with the yogurt, or if my body is just fucked up in general right now, dammit! I don't have a fever, so I came to work. But I do feel like hammered hell right now, and I might head home early because of it all. We'll see.

Sorry for all this feeling crappy talk lately. Seems no one is reading, anyway, since only the Twin and I have been commenting back and forth for the past week, with a few stragglers (Mona! And Joe!) here and there to join the fray. Maybe tomorrow I can be a bit more chipper. Maybe later today, even. I was behind a Jeep on my way in to work today that sort of set me thinking...I might have to chat about that more in a bit. We'll see...

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Smelly feet, smelll-y feet, what am I feeding you?

I keep thinking to myself, "Man! My feet really stink! These shoes need some Febreezin'!" And then I lean over and grab a bite of my salad, which is covered in red wine vinegar and am reminded that it's the vinegar that is smelly...not my feet.

And then 5 seconds later, I'm reading someone's blog, and I start thinking about how stenchy my feet are, and then I take a bite of salad and am reminded, yet again, it's the vinegar and not the feet.

I keep doing it over and over. I so wish I was kidding.

On a similar note, I went shoe shopping before lunch (and before I got the car washed and went to the bank...boss is on vaca, yo!), and picked up some new What's Whats. Again, if you haven't already heeded my advice on these muthafuckin' AWESOME shoes, please kick yourself in the ass and get yourself to a DSW, or something. I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A GUY! JUST DO IT ALREADY!!

That is all. (for now...)

Ok, that decides it.

It's certain, now.

I will never, ever, ever, never be traveling to China. Ever.

I call bullshit on the whole story of these people not having any idea how the needles got imbedded (imbedded!!) into their child's body. And if these parents don't get into some kind of trouble for doing what they did to their 1 year old son, then it would be a tragedy. That poor, poor child.

Sick fucks.

Monday, June 18, 2007


The gas. Dear LORD, release me from this unending cycle you've set me on!

I don't have any Phazyme at work, dammit! Arrrrggggghhh....


I don’t think I could be in more of a “meh” mood if I tried. This is awful.

My boss is out of town on vacation this week. I’m getting some stuff done, but without him here, it’s more just a bunch of directing people to the ones in charge while he’s away sort of thing for the week. It’s a good thing I’m taking Friday off, dammit!

The rain sort of ruined my day. I was planning on heading out and washing the car, getting some stamps, and doing some shoe and purse shopping later, but now I don’t wanna do any of those things. There is an event here at work I was looking forward to attending at lunchtime, but now that it’s pouring out, I don’t really wanna go. (It’s outside, and is being held “rain or shine” but will be cancelled in the event of any severe weather moving through. Well, after my last experience with people cancelling events due to the severity of the weather, I’ve grown a bit wiser.) So I think I might skip it anyway. Bother!

The weekend was uneventful and relaxing. Mostly just consisted of a LOT of time spent with the fiancé (he’s still working on finding a job…anyone in town who knows of a chef-owned restaurant looking for sous chefs or the like, please email me), and the annual trip to the cemetery yesterday. Saturday I had a pedicure and a facial, which was nice. Unfortunately, the facial lady is one of those people that has services she offers aside from the facial stuff, and likes to press said services while you’re lying all comfy and relaxed-like on the table getting a facial. She’s been telling me for over a year that she’d LOVE to do these eyelash extension thingies on me. The thing is, my eyelashes are already pretty fucking long. Like brushing up against my glasses when I wear them long. I don’t NEED extensions. And she hadn’t mentioned it in a while, but she said it again on Saturday. Bleh. NO EYELASH EXTENSIONS, OK???? Fuck!

She also did a little make-up trial thingy (make-up for my wedding, mind you…) on me a while ago when my hairdresser was still located in the same salon as her (she isn’t anymore…long story, I’ll tell ya later), but besides the fact that I didn’t really like the way I looked when I was done, I will also no longer be going to that salon to get my hair done on my wedding day, so it’s a moot point. But for some reason, she brought it up, and I told her I’ll be going to the same place (rather than two separate places) to get my hair and make-up done on my wedding day, and she was all, “Oh, I thought you were getting your hair done by so-and-so here at this salon for your wedding!” And I explained that I was no longer interested in having my hair done by him after the way he treated my hairdresser when she left, and plus, my twin will be getting her hair done by my hairdresser, so we should be in the same place, also it’s closer to the hotel, etc, etc…I mean, why make me uncomfy when I’m getting a facial, yo? Any more talk like that, and I’ll quit going there altogether. I don’t really like going there as it is, but don’t put me into an uncomfy position while you’re performing a service for me. That just sucks.

All weekend, I was having an issue with my stomach that seems to still be plaguing me (albeit in a different and more inventive way) today, and I’m really quite tired of it. I went and worked out on Saturday morning, went home and ate leftover fajitas from the night before, rushed off to the facial and pedicure appointment, and then when I got home, I ate some leftover rice noodle salad that I had made for dinner on Thursday night. Nothing rotten…nothing too harsh to digest. But suddenly, my belly started having sharp pains going through it, and I couldn’t figure out why! I took some Phazyme (story of my life as of late), hoping it would help a bit since we were going to the movies a little later. It helped a little, but not a LOT. The cramps stuck with me all day. I was still hungry, so it wasn’t a stomach flu-thing, or whatever. What it felt like was as though something was not being processed efficiently and properly through my upper intestine. Although I have no clue if that’s the case…the pains were in the upper part of my stomach area kind of behind my rib cage, so I was just guessing, really.

Sunday wasn’t much better. Today, I’m so bloated it’s comical. (Except it’s not really.) I took Phazyme this morning, but still feel a bit off. Now I have a burning sensation in my upper belly. Kind of like heartburn, and maybe it is.

*sigh!* Tired of it.

THAT, my friends, is the exciting state of this here Monday morning for Faith. Maybe Tuesday will be better…

Friday, June 15, 2007

It's a standoff, baby!

There's a standoff currently going down in the ladies' room on my floor...

They are all appropriately and perfectly placed in stalls that each have a 1-stall buffer between them. And there are three of them in there just sitting, waiting for the others to leave.

I went in, took my usual stall at the far end of the room (which left a 1-stall buffer between me and one of the members of the standoff - well done, there), peed, washed my hands, and left. They were all still sitting perfectly silently.

Well, except for the one that took a moment to blow her nose. She kinda ruined it for me.

I wonder how long they'll keep it up. I mean, just blow it out yo ass already! We all do it! Just let it gooooo.


I love that bitch! "Um...cake? Hm?"

Cake, please.

Thursday, June 14, 2007


Oh,, China? You do realize you're starting to look a leeetle suspicious, right?

Just thought I'd check.

Word to the "wise"? When you do want to fuck with an entire country and try to poison them via their toothpaste, or some other format, you might wanna use spell check. Maybe. Dumbasses...

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Per your request in the previous post’s comments Twin

This won’t matter to anyone else, I’m sure. But you expressed interest in the story, so here we go…

It was the cube-neighbor-admin-coworker person. She's the one that told me I was being too loud on the phone once, remember? She also has a note up on the wall near our desk area alerting people to the fact that "we" don't care to hear their phone conversations, and if they could take it someplace else, "we'd" appreciate it. Her boss finally asked me where that note had come from the other day, and I told him that she had put it up. I mean, I totally agree with the fact that it's weird that people think it's normal to come and chat on their phone in such an open manner right by our desks (um, why don't they talk to the people while sitting at their own desks?), but I don't know that a note was a good idea. Especially one worded the way this one is. Oh well! It is what it is.

I had a guy request a room reservation for 12 - 15 people at 10:30 last night. I got the email at 8 a.m. when I arrived this morning. And the meeting was supposed to happen at 10 a.m. (It was originally supposed to be a conference call, not a meeting that required a room reservation.) This was the last straw after a week of people asking me to perform seemingly impossible tasks in the area of room reservations for meetings. It started last Wednesday when some business partner asked me to reserve a room for them to come and meet with my boss and another boss this week on Wednesday for 3 hours. That’s kind of late notice about a meeting as long as that, and I wasn’t sure about being able to find a room for them to meet in. I obtained a 12-person room pretty quickly, though, but then found out that one of the managers under my boss wanted to invite at least 6 members of his team to attend…I was only counting on 1 or 2 extra per invitee. So that pushed us to a total of 18 attendees, and I needed a bigger room than I could obtain on my own. They got lucky, though. We had one room left for them to use, but it was a 75 person meeting room, so hopefully they didn’t mind the cavernous feel of it all. I didn’t care…a room is a room, it was available, and everyone could invite 10 people if they really wanted to. All was well in my world.

The meeting then changed 3 different times, and there were a BUNCH of meeting makers floating around that all sorts of people had forwarded around to other people, and basically it became a big cluster fuck, and no one knew when the meeting actually started, another guy wanted to know if there was a call in number so he could attend from out of state (um, don’t care, since it’s not my meeting jackass…), and it was all messy and really threw off my afternoon yesterday late in the day.

I have one main function here at my job. That is to assist my boss with his calendar and make sure his meetings are all in order. I know it sounds like an easy job to maneuver in, and it usually is. But when things get all fucked up like that, and it ultimately messes with HIS schedule, I don’t like it. So it stressed me out. Hence this post. Cluster. Fuck. Of an afternoon.

Anyway, then I came in this morning and saw the request for the room at 10 a.m., and got a phone call from the one manager asking for my help in finding the room, and it was a shitty way to start the day. The 2 hour good mood kept flying right out the window.

See, reserving space for more than 6 people here at my office requires a good amount of lead time in finding available options. Lots of meetings happening all the time, and if you need space for over 12? Well, that’s not easy to do with even 3 DAYS of time to look. So 2 hours? Are you fucking kidding me?

And my coworker knows how tough it is! She doesn’t like being fucked around by last-minute requests any more than I do, so we usually commiserate and I vent and we chat about it, and I get it off my chest. And she had a room I could use for the meeting, which was very helpful of her, and then I got everything set up, and the meeting got started…

And there were only 4 people there. 4. Not 12 – 15. JUST 4.

*sigh.* We figure that the reason so few people showed up is because they didn’t get the room info in time. I also thought the meeting was just a conference call as of yesterday afternoon, so that’s why it was such a shock that they needed a meeting room all of a sudden as of 10:30 last night, too. (Which, again, I was unaware of until I actually got to work this morning at 8. So yeah.)

If that’s not a reason to become a little unhinged, sue me. Some people just seem like they’re trying to find a way to make other people’s lives more difficult, and this manager is one of those people. When he comes to town, it’s like a small wake of disaster follows behind him wherever he turns. Yesterday in the staff meeting we had, his phone rang so loud (he was sitting next to me), I lost sight for a second, and I'm not even kidding. (But he also noted that it seemed to wake me up, which was very true…it was like a little alarm clock for me, and I was WIDE AWAKE after that, for which I’m grateful. It’s hard for me not to get all head-noddy during those meetings, what with the stuff they talk about each time. It’s so hard compared to other jobs I’ve had because the techy talk gets out of control. Blech.) He’s just not easy to deal with. He’s not SUPER-difficult, and I like him overall, really. I’ve definitely worked with worse! But I just wish there didn’t have to be one in every bunch.

Ok, WAY more than anyone ever needed to know. And hopefully it won’t get me in trouble to talk this way on my blog. I don’t think it will, really. I’m not giving away trade secrets, or anything. Just talking about my day and the people in it, really…

Just some observations for now...

I hate when my shoes squeak as I walk around. I know it's a common deal, and LOTS of people deal with it and I never care when they're walking around me with squeaky shoes, but still. Bugging me.

Also, when you ask someone if they've "calmed down yet," it's akin to asking a fat woman if she's pregnant. Or asking someone because they look tired, are they sick? FYI, I was never UN-calm, and btw, I totally had a right to freak out the way I did. (Which was in a relatively calm way, considering.) So um, fuck off with the, "Have you calmed down yet?" bit. It's rude.

I'm gettin' the bidness done muthafuckas! We'll chat more later...

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

You got me.

Ok, now, you all have probably figured out that the new table we've ordered does not, in fact, give head of any kind. I made that up. For pure entertainment value. (Well, I was entertained, anyway...)

BUT! Many of you now have a project, if willing to take it on, to work on to submit during the next cycle of American Inventor on ABC. I'll be watching next season to see if anyone actually succeeded in producing a prototype. (GOD that'd be funny to watch.)

Also, you may have noticed that I'm a bit late with this post. Well, the day has turned into a suckstravaganza of many sorts (no, not THAT kind of people and your dirty table desires! Go watch some porn and be done with it, kay?), and I'm busy up the wazoo. So tomorrow might be a better day.

Hope you all are having a less sucky day than I am. I did, however, have the foresight somehow to arrange for the fiance and I to go to a wine dinner this evening at Grand Street Cafe, which was brilliant of me now that I know what a stressful day this has turned into. Seeing as I made the reservation almost a month ago, I'm quite impressed with my abilities on this one. Well done, me. Well done...

So, tomorrow I will be a bit hung over, and might have some pictures of the new table in the kitchen for you. It will be a better day, I think. No...I know it will. Goddammit, it MUST be.

Byebye, now...

Monday, June 11, 2007

My Very First Garage Sale EVER

As mentioned in the previous post, Saturday was the garage sale, and I think it went swimmingly, personally. Waiting to have it on a day when the fiancé was able to help was a good idea, and we also had our friends Alisha and Lloyd over for a bit (Alisha was there a good part of the day, which was great, while Lloyd had to go to work for a while) as well as to sell some of their stuff they wanted to get rid of, so it wound up being a perfectly timed event, really.

We had a LOT of shit to sell. The main things being a bike I bought years ago because I thought I would take up biking again (and then I rode it twice before giving it up forever…again), and the dining table we had in the kitchen which we are replacing with a table we bought from Crate & Barrel that will fit the room much better overall, and will also provide storage and blow jobs. (It’s a REALLY cool table.) We put out some clothes, too, but that just was a waste of time. The skinny Hispanic women made fun of the size of my dresses, and the fat ones wisely passed them by, mercifully. I only put out some formal-wear that I had hanging in the back of a closet, but I wound up putting all of them back. Oh well. I tried!

The day started off with a burst of energy. We had three t.v.’s to sell, and they were the first items to go. One was a teeny vcr/t.v. in one, and we sold it to 3 guys for $3 before 7:45 even rolled around. The second one was the BIG t.v. that the Twin bought for me a few years ago to make me feel better about my breakup with Dickhead. It was a flatscreen t.v. and it weighed about 3 tons. That was fun to move. The third one was a t.v. that the fiance’s boss gave him to sell that used to belong to the Moose before they recently (finally!) got some up-to-date plasma t.v.’s for behind the bar. So that was a quick $25 profit. All of them were gone before 9 a.m., so we took that as a good sign.

We sold all sorts of other stuff. I sold all my Judy Blume books to the little girl who belonged to the woman that bought the Blue Moose t.v. and our DVD player. She was 10, she was adorable, and I gave the 5 books to her for $.50. (I love meeting little readers!) We sold the old George Forman grill, the sauté pan that I had replaced a while ago with a slightly larger sauté pan that wound up being the same exact size, really, so I needed to just get rid of one of them and I chose the older of the two. There were two mismatched patio chairs that a couple of ladies loved so much they paid for them and came back for them later since the one wasn’t a folding chair and they needed to come back in a different car that would accommodate it’s lack of flexibility.

But we couldn’t, for the life of us, sell the bike or the kitchen table. The bike was a NICE BIKE. I bought it from my loser ex-bro-in-law who is a bike freak, and who was able to get me a good deal on it (or so he said) for $300 back in 2002, I think it was. Maybe 2001. Anyway, I wanted to sell it for $150, since I had only ridden it once, and had kept it in really good condition all that time that it was sitting idle in the garage. But everyone pretty well turned their noses up at that price…I just saw it as a jumping off point, but no one even bartered with me over it, dammit!

I had a massage appointment at 11:30 that day, so fiancé and Alisha hung out and sold stuff while I was gone. The bike had been lowered to $75 in the meantime that morning. Disappointing to me, but what could we do? People were not taking it seriously. Assholes. Apparently, a woman came along and showed some interest in the bike. She wanted it for $50, at which the fiancé scoffed. He explained that it was a REALLY nice bike, and we could probably sell it on Craigslist for more than we were asking that day, and there was no way we were letting it go for less than $75. She kept pushing, though, but then a biker came by on HIS bike and stopped to take a look. Yeah, he gave us $75 for it, and went on his merry way. SUCK IT, YA CHEAP-ASS WHORE!

But still, no bites on the table. Everyone was very complimentary about it (unlike the Hispanic women about my “muy grande” dresses…), saying that it was beautiful, and they would willingly buy it if it were bigger, or if it were cheaper, etc, etc. Thing is, while we were happy to lower the price to $150 by mid-day, we weren’t going lower than that. I had 4 emails alone about that table due to my ad on Craigslist for the garage sale on Friday afternoon, and they all seemed interested in buying it for at least $150. If we didn’t sell it Saturday, we’d put it up on CL and sell it this week, fo sho.

So we held out. We had several people that wanted us to call them if we still had it at the end of the day. One lady was gonna call me back to see if we’d dropped the price to $150 yet (she came by earlier in the day when we were asking $200), but she didn’t actually call until Sunday. By then, the table was, indeed, gone. And here’s how it went…

At about 3:30, we had a lady and her daughters drop by the sale, not seeming to be interested in anything in particular. I had the fiancé dealing with people at that point, as I was all relaxed from the massage still, and I wanted to sit in the shade, drink my beer, and chat with Alisha. He was real good about showing people the stuff we still had available, and making sure they knew what a great deal they’d be getting, and was, in general, clearly more interested with dealing with strangers at that point than I was. (Or at least he was really good at pretending he was!)

The lady walked back to her car, and I thought they were going to leave. But she was leaning in the driver window talking with the people that were in the car. After a couple of minutes, she walked back over to the driveway, and my fiancé chatted with her some more. They called me into the mix, asking if I’d be willing to make a deal on the table.

“What kind of deal?” I asked.

“Well, can you sell that table to someone who really needs it, and wants it, and can’t afford to pay too much for it, by any chance? I can give you $110 for it right now, and that’s the best we can do,” she said.

“Why should I give you a deal like that, though? Why do you need it?” I asked her in return.

“It’s just me and my 3 daughters. They’re 16 and 17, and then my youngest is 7 months, and me. I had to ask everyone to chip in, because I only had $80, so my mom gave me some towards it, and my oldest gave me what she had…” We walked over toward the table, and I thought about it a bit. We chatted some more about whether she was sure she only needed a table that would seat 4 people, and she said that she did.

She really, really wanted it. She’s a single mom, her last daughter was a surprise, and her older daughters are getting ready to head off to college. (Well, the one is. The other one has another year, obviously.)

At one point, I was sitting in the shade under the blue, partially cloudy (or partially sunny, depending on who your weatherperson is and what kind of mood they’re in) beautiful sky, having beers with my friend and my fiancé after a relaxing afternoon of purging things from the house that we really did not need, massages, and chit-chat. I know this may sound stupid to some of you, but I leaned my head back and looked at the sky through the leafy branches overhead and thanked God for all he had given me. The opportunities I had, the amazing and fortunate turn of wealth I’m currently experiencing, both financially and emotionally, my health, my ability to take care of my body like I have been. And then I asked him to help me sell the table. I know! I know…dumb. Stupid. But I really didn’t want to have to deal with that thing this week.

Next thing I remember was that woman and her family pulling up. (I’d only had 2 beers at that point, so shut up.) The woman had a shirt on that said, “Got Jesus?” which I’d even taken a moment to make fun of a little bit with Alisha, I think. If I didn’t do it out loud, I definitely did it in my head.

So I sold her the table for $110. I also wound up giving her a desk her daughter can use at college that I was trying to sell for $10. It’s a semi-broken desk (the one that had been hiding the lost finial in the garage for the past month, actually…), but still very sturdy, and worth using if someone needed it. She got a little cube-system thingy too that I think the fiancé wanted to sell for $5. I remember her saying that she’d ask her boyfriend if he could get that for her when he came to pick up the table, and I’m not too sure if we did get the additional cash, but we gave it to them anyway.

I asked Alisha at one point if I was doing the right thing. I felt good, but you know how it is…I couldn’t help but wonder if I was being suckered. I’m a softy at times. Not often. But sometimes. I think the woman said her name was Shorana, but can’t remember exactly. She asked me my name, and I told her, and then she asked me if I have any kids. I told her I don’t, but my sister is a single mom, and one of my best friends is a single mom. And I know how hard things can be for them sometimes, what with child care and dealing with the kids’ dads and all. She just thanked me, we said our goodbyes until later, and she got in her car and left. When they came back later, we all helped get everything into the bed of her boyfriend’s truck, and it wound up fitting in there perfectly. (They had bought a couch somewhere, too, so we had to work around that.) Alisha had told me that it would bring me good karma. I don’t know if it will, or if it was karma that I was paying back in some way, but I did get a hug from Shorana for my help. She didn’t push the Jesus thing on me at all while she was there. But she did say, “God bless you for helping us like this. God bless you.”

And you know what? He already has, so she’s right about that.

So FUCK YOU, all you people that wanted me to go to $125 on the table I was already trying to sell for a pretty decently low price! Actually…wait a minute. I should say thanks. Thanks to you guys, I was able to help a woman that needed my help. She got a really nice table from us. It’s pretty and it’s like new, and it’s not broken in any way, and she was really, really happy.

And thus endeth the story of My First Garage Sale Ever. It was an exhausting day, probably due largely in part to the fact that we were up until about 12:30 the night before, and had to get up at 6 the morning of, but also the fact that dealing with a bunch of strangers for a whole day can be a trying experience. I’m glad we won’t have to do it again for a long while, to be honest. I don’t know how people give up 3 days of their lives in a row to have all-weekend-long-garage-sale-extravaganza type things, but more power to them.

It's a knob. A little knob, but a knob all the same.

About a month ago (a little over a month now, actually), we ordered a little bar set from Target that we wanted to help make our patio look more homey and to help us entertain a bit better, since we’re planning on having a couple of parties this summer. And the set came, and it was beautiful, and life was good.

Except for one thing. The finial that goes on top of the umbrella (it holds the umbrella on the pole) wasn’t in the box. I came home from work the afternoon that fiancé had put the set together, and he explained that it hadn’t been there when he put it all together, then he showed me the paperwork that came with the umbrella that gave a number we could call for requesting replacement of any missing pieces. I called that number the following day, and the girl that helped me told me that I would receive the replacement finial within 7 – 10 business days.

Weeks went by, and no replacement finial arrived. I finally called again at the end of the month to request assistance again, but the line was busy every time I called it that day. So I sent an email instead.

Good afternoon,

I called to report missing items from a shipment we ordered from Target on 5/1/07, and was told that we would receive the replacement items within 7 - 10 business days. It has now been 18 business days, and we still haven't received the missing pieces to the equipment we ordered. We ordered and received a Meraseine bar umbrella (DPCI # 009 00 1963), and it did not have the top finial that holds the material into place on the pole, or the washer that buffers the finial against the pole. Please advise.

Thank you in advance for your assistance!

After a week with no answer to my email, I was getting a little edgy. This time, I was able to get through on the number they provide for customer service, but it went into a voice mail system. So I left them a voice mail, and also sent the following note:

Reforwarding the message from 5/29 below. Please advise ASAP regarding the missing part that should have been sent to us for our item we ordered through Target from you. I left a message on your customer service line a moment ago as well (at about 9:15 a.m. PST), and am hoping I will hear back from a representative today on this issue.

Thank you for your help!

ANOTHER week went by…still no finial replacement, and no response at all from the company that was supposed to send it to me. SO another call and voicemail, and one more email (understanding that at this point, I was getting pretty p.o.’d about their lack of response):

Hi there. Please see the emails below. I just left ANOTHER message on your "customer service" line requesting assistance as well. We just need to get a finial to hold the umbrella we ordered through Target onto the pole it's on. If you're, for some reason, unable to provide us with the finial that should have been sent along with the umbrella in the packaging, then email me and let me know what else I can use to hold the umbrella in place. Is it really so tough to provide customer service to people? You are in the business of selling things, right? Wouldn't it behoove you to take care of issues (especially teeny tiny ones like this) in an efficient and friendly manner? It's not like I *chose* you to send me the umbrella in the first place...Target did. Punish them somehow. I just want a complete product!

Thanks for ANY help you're able to offer me. I look forward to hearing back from someone about this issue soon!

I also called Target at this point, and was able to secure an apology from their customer service department, along with the offer to send me a new umbrella to replace the other one which we could send back to them all for free. (Duh.) But, low and behold, the manufacturing company also chose this very day to finally respond to my attempts to contact them! However, THIS is what they felt was a good idea to say to me:

Dear Customer,We apologize for this inconvenience, but we are overrun with calls and are trying to get to each one in a timely manner. Your order was and still is in our system, the reason why it hasn't been send out is beacause Target has not send us any parts. We suggest that you return the umbrella back to Target.

Spelling and grammar is all theirs, baby. Gotta love the professional world, right? So I only felt it was appropriate to send them the following note back:

I did call Target, reported the issue I've encountered with your company and how unprofessional you all are, and warned them that I might not order from them ever again if they don't resolve the issue.They are replacing my umbrella, and I will return the defective one to them after I receive the new one.I don't understand how Target is being blamed for this, since YOU are the manufacturer of the product. How in heaven's name can you blame them for not sending you parts that you owe the consumer? YOU are the ones that place the nifty little note in the packaging explaining that "THIS ITEM HAS BEEN INSPECTED AT THE FACTORY FOR ANY DEFECTS."

Obviously, your quality check process has severe flaws in it, since you're so overrun by calls that you can't get back to a person for over 2 weeks about a flippin' FINIAL for cryin' out loud!

I hope I never run into your company again. Good day.

Ok, I know that my professional and sort of friendly-till-now behavior took a turn for the worse there, but what’re ya gonna do, right? They pushed me over the edge. Over a goddammed finial. Stupid.

Unfortunately, I don't have access to their response the sent back to the last note I sent them, but basically they responded saying that they were sorry I was so upset, and that the person who had responded to me previously was new and they didn’t understand how they actually work yet, and then took the time to explain that they order parts from a company in Asia, and they are the ones that are backed up (not Target). I didn’t respond to their note. I just feel that they aren’t good at what they do, and I’m tired of them now, dammit.

So on Saturday morning we woke up early to set up for the garage sale we were having that day. We moved items out onto the driveway, and cleared out the corner of the garage where we’ve been keeping a lot of things we needed to sell, and I went and put up the signs at either end of the street, and then went to pull my face together so people wouldn’t run screaming from the driveway instead of staying to buy stuff. As I cleaned up a bit, I heard the fiancé in the living room, telling me to remember that I love him, and we’re getting married because I love him so much, so I just need to remember that, ok? I peeked my head out of the bathroom to see what the fuck his issue was, and saw him place some roundish sort of object on top of the t.v. cabinet and then he turned and went back outside. He wouldn't even bring the thing to me, whatever it was? Whatever...I couldn’t tell what the thing was that he had put there, so I kept cleaning up, and then walked out to see what else we needed to finish moving outside. I actually forgot about the little object for a few minutes, but then saw it there a bit later, and picked it up wondering what he had found.

Yeah, it was the fucking finial. When he had opened the package the umbrella came in, it must have rolled away from him, and he found it behind the desk that we had in the corner of the garage all this time!


I told him I had written probably the most flamed and arrogant email I’d ever written to a company to complain about their services and their abilities to provide items to customers just the day before, and GOD! How embarrassing!

But, to be clear, I still think the company has shitty customer service skills. They need to work on that, because really…leaving a customer hanging for over two weeks until she starts writing flamed emails titled “Getting very frustrated on this issue!” and stuff is not a good way to work with the public, IMO.

Anyway, then we had a garage sale which I will write more about later, but right now I must go find some breakfast. Hope you had a finial-filled weekend, and I’ll see you all again soon…

Friday, June 08, 2007

Ok, I had to revise this original post prior to even posting it because I just read about how Paris Hilton reacted during her court appearance today. MAN that bitch really needs to suck it up soon, or she’s gonna whip herself into a frenzy!

*Praying that Paris Hilton doesn’t suck it up, and whips herself into a messy frenzy of crazy!*

Ok, back to what I planned to say initially, before I was so rudely interrupted by that stuck-up loser idiot girl…

Wow. For all the inquiries I’ve had about the table set we’re selling at the yard sale tomorrow, I’m thinking we won’t have a problem selling it for close to the price we’re asking for it ($200). That should pay for one of the chairs on the new table set I bought from Crate & Barrel to replace it…bully for me!

But before all that happens, tonight we’re having a party to celebrate the fiance’s freedom from his old job by inviting his old coworkers and some regulars over to the house so he can cook for them.


Just kidding! I’m looking forward to seeing all of them outside of their place of work again, as usual, and it seems the fiancé really has a love for making barbecue for visitors, so entertaining the old coworkers and regulars will be a great time. And I also invited some friends of mine that haven’t met him yet (I don’t know how to explain it…he had been working so much, and the only time I saw these friends over the last couple of years was at times when he was working or at lunchtime during the workday for me and my girlfriend), so that’ll be fun. Our other friends will be coming over as well to cook some ham steaks (St. Louis style, babeeee!) and hang out, too. Should be a relatively kickin’ little shin-dig.

Except we have to kick everyone out by about 10:30 so we can wake up at 6 tomorrow for our yard sale. Awesome.

It’s the first party we’ll have thrown together. I’m so excited! The deck looks perfect now that it’s been professionally stained, and the fiancé has been working super hard in the yard to get things planted and looking pretty, so that’s faboolous as well. The only thing I worry about is bugs, but it’s a perfect 73 or 74 degrees out today and not at all muggy, so I’m hoping they won’t be as much an issue for the night. We’re gonna citronella the place up real nice to combat as much as possible, though.

I like Fridays.

So enjoy your weekend, and I will happily regale you all with stories of our mighteous plundering of shopper’s pockets on Monday. Mwahahahahaha!!!

Thursday, June 07, 2007

I know, I know...

This is very sad and sick of me, but...


After all the dreadful, terrible news that's been floating around these here parts for the last few days, I'm so glad my dark side of my sense of humor could be fed like this.

Look, the guy is ok, and that's all that matters. Its fine to laugh if everyone comes out unharmed. (Well, he did, apparently, spill his soda, but I'm sure someone bought him a new one to make up for it.)

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Et tu, Caesar?

Ugh. What an afternoon! This has truly been a “hump day” if ever I saw one. The work day was complete shit between 11 and 2:30, and lunch didn’t help any. I was all excited about getting a salad that I haven’t gotten in a while from the cafeteria. I walked over there at about 11:40, and got in the looong line (longer than usual) to wait for the salad people to mix me one up.

As I approached the counter, I kinda got a glimpse of what was up…there’s a new lady mixing up the salads. She was moving a bit slow, and had to refer to a cheat sheet to help her remember what went in their signature salads people were ordering. At one point, I noticed she was looking at the model salads they have in the little refrigerated case in front of their work area to see what went on what, but the other lady that was back there with her (a salad-mixing veteran, if ever there was one) pointed her back to her cheat sheet to refer to, and that helped a bit. Salad-mixing veteran lady looked slightly annoyed with the new chick, and I don’t blame her.

Anyway, it came time for me to order my salad, so I did. “Chicken Caesar with no cheese, easy dressing, and add egg and bacon, please.”

The newbie started by shoveling a TON of lettuce into her mixing bowl. Then she added the egg, and then the bacon (way too much, btw), and then she threw some croutons on there. She then turned to head over to the dressing area, but I stopped her by saying, “Please don’t forget the chicken!” She had just forgotten to add the chicken on the salad before mine until salad-mixing veteran lady had reminded her, so I thought she was forgetting again.

“I put the chicken on after the dressing,” she shot back at me over her shoulder.

“Oh. Well, the chicken is right here next to all the other stuff, so I thought you were forgetting it…sorry!”

“This is how I make them, so I wasn’t forgetting!”

Whatever, dumbass. The chicken is right next to the other ingredients for the salad. So why the FUCK would you walk over to the dressing area to dump dressing on the salad just to come BACK to where you were to add another ingredient? Idiot.

So she comes back to get the chicken and I notice that there is a lot of dressing on the salad. I kind of said, “That is way too much dressing, but whatever…” I didn’t say it loud enough for her to hear, though. I wasn’t going to fight it. The line was long enough as it was, and I could just eat part of the salad if it was too much. Besides, she had put more lettuce in there than I was used to seeing them put in, so maybe it was all gonna even out.

After she mixed the salad for a couple of seconds, she held it up for me and said, “Is that enough dressing?”

“It’s far too much, actually, but that’s ok,” I told her. She looked back at me like I was speaking Russian. I continued, “Usually they only put in about half a scoop of dressing when I ask for them to go light on it…” She didn’t say anything. She just put the salad into the to-go container thing, and then went to grab a handful of cheese. I stopped her right as she started to sprinkle by calling out, “No cheese, please!” Thank goodness none of it hit the plate. Jeezy chreezy on a stick! How fucking tough is it!?

For some reason, she then went BACK to the crouton dish, and started sprinkling more croutons on top of the salad. I stopped her as she reached in for a second time to add even more and said, “That’s plenty actually! Thank you!” As she handed me the plate, I said, “I’ve got a wedding dress I have to try to fit into in October,” smiling as I reached for the vinegar. She kind of smiled and nodded, and then went to the sink.

So my salad sucked ass. WAY too much dressing, and almost unpalatable. Thank God we’re having fish for dinner tonight. I need something light to eat to help digest the salad lagoon in my stomach right now. IF I can eat at all, that is.

Which I will. (Of course.)

I know that food industry work can suck, but really…it’s a salad-making station. C’mon!

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Well, there ya have it then.

I don't think my words are so necessary here. Twin, would you like to tell your story at all? The comments section is open to ya (even though you usually hijack that section anyway without an invite to do so. :P)...

I'm adding this after the fact, but in the picture above, doesn't it look like that chick at the bottom of the photo is crawling out of some sort of hole in front of Brad Pitt, looking very happy to see the sky for the first time in a long time? It's like she doesn't even notice that Brad is standing right in front of her, but rather is just thinking, "SKY!" and smiling a big smile at her good fortune for having escaped the evil hole. (On a side-side note, I'd certainly love crawling out of a hole and having the good fortune of being placed smack dab in front of Brad Pitt, too. The Ocean's movie have made me a fan of his more than any other before. He looks old Hollywood hot lately, and it's making me happy. Not as happy as the chick in the photo seems, but whatev.)

How...HOW does one get skin so lusciously beautiful like that?

Oh gets a trillion, billion dollars from a faboolous career, and then one purchases said skin.


Wait, they'll all be keeping their shirts ON? Well, I'm not as jealous, then.

The Twin is (along with her accomplices, whom I cannot mention by name, unfortunately, as I do not know what kinds of implications that might have), as we speak, getting set in the proper position alongside the hand and feet impression (wait, do they do feet any more?) and signature ceremony of three very cute stars that are in a leetle, eetie, beetie motion picture that's coming out soon called "Ocean's 13."

Apparently, George Clooney, Matt Damon, and Brad Pitt all were talked into doing the antiquated process by either Jerry Weintraub or Steven Soderbergh, I can't remember which one the Twin said it was. They weren't all that into it until whomever it was that is also doing it (it'd be helpful if I could find an article about this or something, eh?) reminded them that NO ONE gets to do this sort of thing any more. Sure, people get stars on the Walk of Fame, but the imprinted sidewalk panel? The concrete proof that Hollywood has accepted them and their fame and fortune and faboolousness? Yeah, not everyone gets that offer any more. So they relented, and Twin is there to watch, and I am very jealous.

I, however, have a very big and important staff meeting to attend for the next 2 hours. So I'll be having just about as much fun as she will. I mean, how often does she get to sit less than 2 feet away from every manager in my department? That's right. Not that often. Not ever, really. (In fact, I don't even get to sit less than 2 feet away from 3 of them as they are out of town, and only attend the meeting via conference call. But I DO sit less than 2 feet away from the phone, so there's that.)

*sigh!* Twin is sitting 20 feet away from George, Matty, and Brad. Can't a freak lightning strike or sun burst or black hole-thingy happen and make us switch bodies for the next hour? Fuuuuck.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Were you surprised? I was so surprised...

Joelle is back!

Happiness doesn't describe it properly...

It's like eating a spoonful of lard, isn't it. Damn.

I don’t know if this scares anyone other than me, but I just looked at the ingredients list on two of my favorite foods as of late, and discovered that they’re made up mostly of partially hydrogenated oils. Well, the first ingredient is water in both of them. But the second one is the PHO stuff.

This, according to Dr. Oz, is a bad, bad thing and I should stop eating them now.

To be clear, one of them wasn’t even a favorite item until I had it for the first time this morning. But it immediately became a favorite, and I don’t want to give it up.

See, I’m non-dairy, right? I haven’t eaten dairy products, except for the stray shred of parmesan here and there, since I was 18 years old. Keeps my skin clear. This is important to me not only because I am a vain woman that likes to look as pretty as possible at all times, but also because the zits I get aren’t your run o’ the mill, little whiteheads that pop up on Tuesday, but go away by Thursday type of zits. Nuh-uh. MY zits are those cystic kind…the ones that start deep below the surface, letting you know that they will be making their full presence known in about 3 day’s time by alerting you with a low-lying, slightly red, semi-painful bump. I used to get them exclusively under my nose and on my chin. But now that I’ve grown up a bit, I tend to get them more on my forehead and my cheeks. And by the time they are in full swing, they HURT, and they look terrible, and they don’t go away for a good 5 days, or so. Depending on how clean I keep my skin, how much I’m sweating, and how little I pick at them. (Sorry, it’s something that happens - just deal with it.)

So I don’t get to eat dairy products like sour cream or cream cheese or any other kind of cheese on a minimally pleasing basis like much of the rest of society can. I have had to live completely devoid of these simple treats for most of the past 15 years, and have been generally happy to do so, for the most part.

Until recently. When I discovered that Tofutti had somehow found a way to make a tofu product into a tasty sour cream substitute that makes baked potatoes and chili infinitely more enjoyable to eat, I started using it a LOT. It’s not too fattening, and I only have a little bit of it every other day or so, so it’s not a big deal, right?

For a long time, I’ve seen the cream cheese substitutes that other non-dairy pioneers have put on the market as well, and years ago, I gave one of them a try. It was not good. So I’ve avoided all of them like the plague until…

Yesterday. I found one that I hadn’t seen before. It’s made by Tofutti as well, and if they can master Cuties (i.e. ice cream sammiches) and sour cream as they have, well, perhaps they have been able to crack the non-dairy cream cheese code as well.


So I pulled it out of the fridge this morning, and as I toasted my bagel, I looked over the nutritional info on the container, like ya do, and saw that it only has 60 calories per 2 tablespoon serving, so that is awesome, and all is happy in the world.

But then I see that half of the fat is saturated fat, and that’s not so happy. So I look at the top of the container where the ingredients are listed, and that’s when I saw the CRAP about the PHO thing. And then I pulled out the sour cream stuff from the fridge to look at that, and low and behold…same issue.

FUCK. Dammit. Shoooooot!

So. Now that I know (and not so sure why I didn’t notice before, to be honest), I really should throw them both away, and never eat them again, right?

Ok, all of you that said a resounding YES, lemme ask you – do you eat dairy products? Are you able to, without any side effects or issue, slather your bagel with a lovely cream cheesy goodness option in the morning without a second thought? (Shut up Twin...) How about throwing a dollop of sour cream into a bowl of hot chili, or scooped up on a chip in the form of a favorite dip when your at a party, without worrying about how it will come back to literally bite you in the face in a day or two? Yeah! So SHUT IT.

Sorry…I’m obviously more upset about this issue than I realized. I don’t like the fact that I’m willingly taking in partially hydrogenated oils on a relatively regular basis. But I don’t know how to give them up, either. I gave this shit up once before, and I don’t want to have to give up the fake stuff now that I’ve found it! So just a tablespoon or two now and then won’t hurt, right? I mean, it’s not like I’m eating huge quantities of potato chips or hamburger helper, or whatever random foods also have a bunch of partially hydrogenated oils in them, so it’s not THAT bad of a deal, I think.

God, if it weren’t the second fucking ingredient in both of the items, I wouldn’t be so bothered, that’s for sure. But it is. So it’s like I’m shoveling hardened oil into my mouth whenever I’m eating them.

Which, when thought of like that, isn’t as appealing. Hm.

I think I’ll go eat lunch now. Hope everyone is having a less troublesome Monday than I am, over all. Hell, we can at least all sleep a bit more soundly knowing that Paris is in jail for the next few weeks, I suppose. THAT is something to be grateful for. (Or to not care one iota about…whatever way your boat floats.)

Update: Ok, after I wrote that WHOLE THING up there, and then went to the Tofutti site to check out the product info, I found a section on their Non-hydrogenated options. Which include two things: a sour cream sub and a cream cheese sub. I've eaten the sour cream one actually has less calories than the PHO option, and I was confused, until now, about why they had the same product in two totally different containers. As for the cream cheese option, I'm kinda scared of that. I think it's one of the ones I've tried before that tastes like ass, and I don't know if I wanna try it again, really.

I also have to go to Whole Foods to get them, which is a bit out of the way, but still pretty well worth it, I guess.

*Whew!* I'm so glad I looked around their website! Carry on...

Friday, June 01, 2007

In case anyone cares...

Ok, so you all didn't get the benefit of seeing my fabulous legs in the pictures I posted the other day of the rest of me. So I thought I'd take some in my fave new skirt that I wore today, so you can see why I'm so happy to have my calves back to normal...

They had gone to mush over the last few years, and now they're back, baby! This picture (below) shows the way they look when I'm not flexing them. So you can see how oddly proportioned I really am. God, how easy it would be if the rest of me could tighten up like this! (Also, I happen to be wearing my fave new shoes in this pic as well....those What's What shoes from Aerosoles I raved about a while back. I swear, I wish that ALL shoes could feel this good on everyone's feet all the time. That is my one true desire for the world. Fuck world peace...I wish everyone true adorable shoe comfort...)
Also, Ms. Pants had recently commented about some halters she found that have bras built right into them, and I chased her down, of course, and got the skinny, and found me a couple. How cute and awesome are these?

That's right...very cute and awesome! Thanks Ms. Pants! (I also found one in Vic's Secret. I ordered it last weekend, but it's on backorder until this next week. When it comes in, if it looks as good as or better than these other ones I already have - which are from Hanes, btw - I'll update with photos of it, too.)

Have a great weekend, everyone.

Oh's NEVER about the money!

Of course it's not about the money! I mean, he didn't actually eat anything that was tainted by teenage nastiness, but he did SEE it, and isn't that enough to want something MORE from the company than just apologies and for the responsible parties to be fired immediately? I mean, c'mon! The guy probably hadn't ever seen phlegm before. Yes, he's a man, but he's a cop from Iowa...I've heard they've never even heard of "hocking loogies" up there, so this had to have been quite disturbing to him, really.'s definitely NOT about the money. He just wants someone to be held accountable for the actions of two teenagers (who were fired immediately for their prank, and one actually apologized in person to the cop that was effected by his "fun"), and that's all, really. Just accountability. (And probably a million bucks. You know...for accountability's sake.)

In other news, how fucking cute is this!?:
It's a baby panda on a slide! Look at him sliding down the slide!! Soooo cute.