Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Silly conversations...

Yesterday, I got a call from my friend I used to work with when I was on my way home...

Ex-coworker: Helloooo Mrs. Smith! How are you today?
Me: Good, I'm good. A bit tired, but getting better as each day passes.
E.C.: So, do you feel any different now that you're married?
Me: Well, I'm a bit gassy these past couple of days. Does marriage cause that?
E.C.: Does what cause that?
Me: Marriage. Does marriage cause gassiness?
E.C.: Ooooh! I thought you said, "Does sex cause that?" And I was all, "Um, mayybeee..."
Me: No! Not sex! But, well, I suppose if you do it the right way...

I have gas. It's not comfortable. And every time I go to the bathroom...every fucking time...there's this same chick in the same stall next to the one that I usually like to go into. In fact, the second time I went in there after lunch, I thought perhaps there was a problem and maybe I should check to see if she was ok. Because she had been in there when I had been in there an hour before that, and she hadn't made any noise then, and she wasn't making any noise this time either...but then I heard her rolling out some toilet paper, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Because I really, really didn't want to have to check and see if she was ok in there.

So I went in there again about 20 minutes ago? There she was again. Dammit.

I really just want to let it all out. WHY can't I let it all out?

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Not so much the chic kind...

So I’m reading about the “freak outs” that some of the October 2007 brides had on or around their wedding day on the Knot, and it’s reminding me of what it was I was planning on chatting about this week in blog posts…

So, I don’t think I had too many “bridezilla” moments, honestly. My patience was short…that’s for sure. But I didn’t yell a lot, and I think that everyone around me really tried hard to keep in mind all the work that had been done, the level of exhaustion that was in play, and the fact that I’d been sick earlier in the week when it came to any outbursts that occurred. And that was certainly appreciated. :)

On Thursday, the Twin and I went shopping for kid area stuff for at the wedding. I wanted to make sure they would have fun during the toasts and the first dances and stuff, and so we got some crayola playdough stuff and some drawing materials, and that sort of thing. I had also rented a t.v. with a DVD/VCR player so we were going to get videos for that…which we forgot, but thank goodness for wedding planners! They picked movies up before the reception started, so we wound up being good to go.

We headed to the mall to grab some makeup for one of my bridesmaids who had left her makeup bag at home and wouldn’t have the chance to get to Sephora to pick up a new foundation for herself. While we were there, the Twin thought she might look for a necklace to wear at the rehearsal dinner, so we wandered into Express to check things out. She found some things, and when she went to pay for them, the guy checking her out was asking her if she had an Express charge card she wanted to use. No, she said. Does she already have one, then? Yes, she said, but she hasn’t used it in a while. How long has it been? A few months? A year?

That was it for me…I used to work at Express, and I know how much they push their charge card. They give incentives and shit to associates that sign enough people up for them. Most stores do, in fact, but this guy was just rubbing me the wrong way…I wanted him to check us out so we could leave – end of story. So I said, “She’s not gonna be using it no matter what, honey.” I don’t know why the word “honey” slips its way into certain sentences now and then, but it does. Twin said I sounded condescending. I really didn’t feel it should have come off that way, but the dude was asking for it. I mean, shutthefuckup already and just sell us the stuff so we can leave! He didn’t like us much after that, though…he asked another associate to come and finish the transaction for him while he went to help a guy that was shopping on the men’s side of the store. (The new associate didn’t ask us about credit cards at all. Smart dude.)

So that was probably my first public show of frustration during the weekend, I think.

The next one that stands out in my mind was when we were attempting to drive to the rehearsal dinner from the church after the rehearsal. I’ve never been to the Jack Stack location downtown. I haven’t the first clue where it is, so the Twin had printed out maps for everyone on a computer at the hotel and handed them out to people at the church. I specifically warned folks NOT to follow me, as I hadn’t any idea where the location was. But my car was at the front of the line leaving the parking lot. It was inevitable, it seemed, that people would follow me. I wound up with two cars behind me as I drove up the wrong street, pulled into a park, had to pull into an open parking spot to turn around in, and then the people just sat behind me while I waited for them to pass so I could pull back out again.

I asked the now-husband to please call them and tell them NOT to follow me…I didn’t know where I was going, and it didn’t help that I had an entourage! It made me feel terrible, because I was not only on a wild-goose chase myself, but I was leading a line behind me on the same course. As he called them, I don’t know why, but I screamed, “I TOLD everyone not to fucking follow me!” I was embarrassed - they surely heard me from the other end of the line - but also still upset. We all just wanted to have a beer and relax, and we couldn’t do that as long as we couldn’t find the place.

Turned out there was some construction blocking the normal route given by the Google map the Twin pulled up, and when I tried to go around it, I went too far. We had to back track a bit more, my sisters still following me in their rental car (the other friends had abandoned us after the second bad turn I made took us to a dead-end for the 2nd time), and me feeling really, really stupid for not knowing that area better, not being better prepared, and for having been so upset by it all.

Everything seemed to be forgiven once we found the place though. (Thanks guys!)

I think there were other smaller freak out moments that day, but the Twin would do better to blog about them, since she had the outside perspective on it all. I don’t know if she still updates her blog or not, though, so, whatever. :P

Anyway, the only other really big moment that almost made me cry was when my new grandpa stepped on my trailing bustle as I walked to my table for dinner. He was stepping away from the bar, and the timing was “perfect” for him to step right on my bustle as I passed. I was moving forward as he turned and stepped on the fabric, and the whole bustle (or at least 2 of the 3 points) tore out as I moved past him. I immediately turned back toward the restroom, not knowing just how extensive the damage was (Did it rip a seam? Was my ass in danger of being exposed?), at which point my new uncle then stepped onto my now droopy train, AND STOOD THERE for some inane reason. I almost screamed, but I think I just managed to say, “Get off my train! Get off my train!” a couple of times before someone actually pointed out to him that he was, um, STANDING ON MY TRAIN and got him to move. And I can’t even remember how the next bit happened, but I wound up with 3 of my bridesmaids (2 being my Best Women, of course) pinning and fixing my bustle in the restroom before we sat down to dinner. There might have been 4 of them in there, but I specifically remember Twin, Best Friend, and Stacey. Alisha, were you in there too? I can’t recall…

I got close to breaking down in there…I won’t deny it. I had already been worried about how I was going to move in the dress for the first dance between Hubby and I after dinner, my shoes had already abandoned my feet (and that was where my bridesmaid Stacey stepped in to save the day, graciously donating the flip flops she had brought for herself to wear later in the evening so I didn’t have to go completely barefoot), and here I was with a broken down bustle to top it all off!

But everyone kept me calm, I returned to the table with a safety-pinned bustle, and as soon as I sat down, I heard the top one pop right open. I got word to the Twin at the next table, and then tried to eat a little dinner.

I wasn’t able to eat much, to be completely honest. I ate some salad, which was yummy, but then dinner was served and I choked down a couple of bites of the steak and one whole bite of fish before calling it quits, and then I ate 4 bites of cake…maybe. It was a good thing I managed to get some of the appetizers off the buffet during the cocktail reception! (Thanks to my bridesmaid and friend Alisha who graciously grabbed me some food from the buffet when I asked her to do so for me. Lifesaver!) I’m not sure why dinner wasn’t appetizing to me at all…felt like nerves had taken over again. I’m willing to bet it had something to do with the bustle disaster, but who knows?

After dinner, my best friend’s/Best Woman’s mother sewed the top point of the bustle to the dress, so it wouldn’t be coming off without a REALLY good tug again anytime soon, and that did the trick! The bustle stayed put the rest of the evening. The speeches were lovely, the first dance went off without a hitch, and I was able to dance the night away after it was all said and done.

Speaking of the first dance, even though our dance that we learned didn’t exactly come out as we danced around the floor, it was a BIG hit! We danced to Bjork’s “It's Oh So Quiet,” which is an unusual pick just because of the song style itself, really. Due to the tempo changes that occur throughout the song, it makes it a very fun (if not challenging) song to dance to on such an occasion. Everyone had good things to say about it, though, even if I did feel as though I was yanking the new Hubby around the dance floor, it didn’t look like it to the crowd, apparently. Even the DJs commented at the end of the night that it was the best song and dance they had EVER seen for a first dance choice. Rock on!

So the freak outs eventually stopped. Oh, and for the record, my new grandpa did come over during dinner to make sure I was ok, and to apologize for stepping on the dress like he did. I told him it wasn’t his fault, and we were able to make things work just fine, so he didn’t need to worry! And I truly meant that…it was a complete accident – the poorest of poor timing, is all. I didn’t blame him one bit. Such a sweet guy!

I’ve got other stories as well, and I’m still waiting for some pics to be sent (I hope the Best Friend is loading them into her computer soon!), but I think this is enough for today, don’t you? You guys be good, now. Avoid the bride’s bustle, if you can…

Not sure what's up

I can't access Dooce from my work computer. It just sits there processing and processing and processing, and finally gives me a 506 error, or a 809 error, or whatever the fuck error it is. I don't get it! It was FINE until she posted the bit about her miscarriage, and ever since then, I've been ousted. Drives me nuts!

Also, Yahoo...I'm able to access my emails and I can see the home page and everything, but whenever I click on a story to read it, I get a server error.

MSN is fine. is fine. Most every other blog on my list is fine (except for Filegirl, but she's well aware, so there's nothing we can do about that)...

It's been very frustrating to me. So I thought I'd mention it. (Emaw, if you know how to fix it, email me and let me know, will ya?)

Monday, October 29, 2007

Excuse me for a moment...

While I hurt myself because I FORGOT TO WATCH ANTM AGAIN last week! (I did it a couple of weeks ago, and mentioned it thusly in this post here, in case anyone wants the reference...)

Dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit fuck shit dammit dumbass idiot that I am!!!

I mean, I had a lot going on, but Jeezy...this is starting to get ridiculous.



Chomping at the bit, are we? :D Well, I'll have more to say later, of course, but for now, I'll let everyone know that the weekend went very well, it was great to see all my family and some of the extended fam over the weekend, my new brothers-in-law really know how to celebrate, and I think I looked like a hooker all day long on my wedding day.

Not that there's anything we can do about that now. Looking back at the few photos I have of myself all made up for the biggest day of my life thus far, I'm not as pleased as I wish I could be. I would have prefered a more natural look than the one that turned up on my face. And although everyone I saw told me I was beautiful and looked pretty and all that, didn't they kinda have to say that? I mean, if they were assholes they might've said that I looked like a hooker (or a clown...I think I looked a lot like a clown now that I'm looking at the photos on a big screen, and not just my little tiny digital one), but they weren't assholes, so they told me I looked good.

This photo doesn't do it justice, really. Let me show you a close-up...

Holy. Christ.

Anyway, the dress looked awesome, that's one thing I'm sure of. I can finally show you pictures of it! You saw the one above of it from the front, so here's one of the back from my final fitting a month ago...

I loved, loved, LOVED it! Everyone did. It was the perfect dress, and even though the bustle dragged a bit and caused me to sweep the paths and streets we walked around on when we went to take photos, it still was very pretty.

My flowers turned out beautiful as's a shot I caught at the end of the night as I waited in my room for Hubby to come and help me get the hell out of my dress...

That was the bag I carried for the day sitting next to the flowers. Cool little thing that looked sort of antique-ish and sort of modern (thanks to the type of sequins) at the same time. It was perfect...

My sisters and friends from out of town (and a couple from in town as well) got together for my quasi-bachelorette night on Thursday before the wedding. I'll write more about it later, and have other photos to put up, of course, but here's one of my favorite shots of the night. (I'd left my camera in a "close-up" shot taking mode, so some of the other photos that were taken from further away looked all blurry and shit. Because I'm awesome like that.)
All in all, a wonderful weekend, and now I'm back at work for a week before I head off on the honeymoon. I'm waiting for more pics to be sent to me from people who had a different perspective during the weekend, so as soon as I have more, I'll post them, I promise.

Yay! I'm married!!!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


Ok, I'm, real food, even. A salad, to be exact. My tummy is rumbling a bit, but it's not doing anything...else just yet. So cross your fingers for me!

Also, has anyone else had a particularly odd time of trying to get on to Dooce to read this week? I haven't been able to log on since last Friday, so I was wondering if it was just me...

I neeeed some vegetables!

After 2 days of surviving on rice, applesauce, and Lipton Noodle Soup, it's come time for me to test my system with some veggies. Thus far today, I've managed to maintain a breakfast of tortilla with a piece of turkey and two pieces of honey ham, along with some flat Coke we've had in our fridge for occassions like these (flat Coke settles my belleh...not sure why, but it does!), and haven't had any cramping or...other issues...after consuming that, so I'm hoping that means I'm on the mend.

Because last night? Was a disaster.

I had soup, as mentioned, for dinner. And then the tumble downhill for my stomach began. It started cramping, and I couldn't hold anything in. At one point after the fiance got home from work, he walked past me with a sammich he'd put together that had this olive tepenade I'd bought over the weekend, and one whiff of that tepenade sent me running for the bathroom! It was weird.

And NO, I'm not pregnant, so just stop asking already, ok? FUCK! :P:P:P:P

I was finally able to get into bed at about 11:30 after we'd finished all the stuff we'd needed to finish, and I was able to heat up my heat source thingy I use on my belly when it gets all crampy like that. It helped me fall asleep, and when I woke up at about 1 with it still pressed to my stomach, it was luke warm, and my stomach felt better. I put it away, and went back to bed.

But before I went to sleep last night, the fiance was in the bathroom doing something...brushing his teeth...I dunno. And then he started cussing, and I heard water running and splashing and more cussing, and I kept asking what was wrong, but he wouldn't answer.

And then he came in the room and turned on a light. I couldn't see what he was trying to show me, so he came to my side of the bed, and bent down in front of me so I could have a closer look at his hair.

His hair had caught on fire. From the candle I'd put on the sink in the bathroom due to all the shitting going on.

Admittedly, it didn't look all that bad to me last night, but I haven't seen it today yet. His hair is kinda spikey and longish in the front, so that covers the singed part pretty well.

After a second of lying in bed and smelling the burnt hair smell linger in the room, I started laughing. I couldn't help it! Fiance told me to quit it, and I told him I was sorry but it was funny, and then he came to bed, all defeated and unhappy-like. We talked about him maybe calling the hairdresser today to see if she might have time to look at it, but I'm afraid there isn't much that can be done. If she cut the rest of the hair to be the same length, she'd pretty well have to buzz the hair entirely off, and I don't know if that's a look fiance wants to go for in the eternity that will be our wedding photos. He comes off as looking a bit more military guy than Abercrombie guy when he buzzes his hair, so yeah...I'd prefer for him to work around the singed stuff with the hair he still has, if he can. But it's up to him, of course.

Anyway, yeah...stomach issues, fiance burning his hair off his head, family starting to come into town as of today...everything is very exciting around here. Not sure if I'll have time to update tomorrow or Friday, but I'll try. You all be good a salad for me, will ya?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Pepto is like charcoal, no?

You know, I made an actual effort today. I showered, I put on makeup, I realized my hair looked like shit down so I put it up instead. Then I put on tights, but they were too tight for my stomach so yeah, I'm wearing my loose pants because they don't hurt my stomach at all, but I'm wearing a nice sweater with them and everything...

So why must people reward me by saying, "You look a bit run down..." when they see me first thing in the morning? THAT DOESN'T HELP!

Yes, I'm run down. Yes, I'm sick, but I'm grinning and bearing it because I don't get to take time off right now for being sick, ok? I'm popping the Pepto like it's candy (which, believe me, it is NOT), and I'm trying not to eat things that will piss my stomach off, and it's HARD, ok? It does not help when people make little observances regarding my appearance.

In fact, even on any other which I am not getting married at the end doesn't help when people say shit like that. I will admit that last week I asked a coworker if she was ok. But she looked about ready to collapse, which is really unlike her. It seemed like a good way to word the question, though. I didn't quip about her looking tired or run down or say, "Hey, you look like shit! Are ya sick?" I'm also a safety marshall for my floor at work, so it makes sense for ME to ask people (particularly the ones that look like they're about to faint) if they're ok.

But what is this about? People offering up the info that we look crappy and asking if we're sick or something? Why do that? It doesn't makes things worse, in fact. Just go about your normal business and try to keep the foot out of the mouth, and we'll see if we can make it through the day without shitting out the bottom of our pants onto your shoes, ok? Because THAT is how we're doing. Got it? (It's a good thing my desk was moved so much closer to the ladies' room this week. These past two days have been soooo much fun!)

I need to go contemplate whether I should eat the english muffin I bought or not. If I don't, I'm going to be really hungry by the time lunch gets here, but if I do, what will it do to my stomach? Decisions, decisions. (Perhaps I need to catch up on some news, so I can better put my stomach issues into perspective, eh?)

Monday, October 22, 2007

What a GREAT way to start the week!

My stomach is all matter of fucked up today. I want to climb into my pj pants and then get into bed and go back to sleep.

But I'm pushing through! I went to Wild Oats and I bought homeopathy for the tummy, and also some acidophilus to help break things down enzymatically and shit, and some of that Arnica stuff for the bruise. Hopefully that all will help with the body traumas I'm dealing with in this final stretch before the wedding.

Because clearly, my body is out to get me. (It usually is, but couldn't it take a rest just this once? Please? Sheesh!)

And now I'm unpacking my desk from the move we had at the end of last week. I'm in my new cube, moving the file cabinets around into a configuration that makes sense, and now that I've finally found said configuration, I can officially Unpack The Supplies. (Sound the trumpets!)

Because, and I'm not shitting you, I've already been asked by 4 people for supplies. (I am the keeper of the supplies for our team. Big and important job, right there...) I mean, couldn't they give me even one day?? Jeezy chreezy on a cracker! One guy was all, "19 boxes! Whoah!" And I said, "Um, I have all the supplies for the group. Yeah...made the move a lot of fun!" He'd forgotten about that aspect of my job. I not only had a shit ton of stuff to pack, but it doesn't even really belong to me, when you think about it! Stupid employees needing supplies and shit...

Ok, I'd better get back to it, because obviously, when I'm typing posts, I'm not unpacking. And as we all know, it's not like it's gonna unpack itself, dammit! Later y'all...

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Here it is, then...

Ok, I'm trying to upload a photo of the bruise, but Blogger is being a dick. (Thanks Blogger!) So instead I'll just wish those in Cali the best, and hope that those in San Diego and Malibu are doing ok.

I was there in 1993 for the last big Malibu fire that was started in Old Topanga Canyon. 268 homes were lost in that fire, according to the website I found, but all I remember was running away from it. I came out of class the day that it started closing in, looked up at the clouds of smoke overhead, and then back at my friends from class as we all agreed that we'd better get the fuck out of there...and fast.

The school was encouraging us to stay on campus. HELL NO! I got the things that mattered to me (um, my baby blanket and my CD collection were apparently the big influences at the time...I don't know what I was thinking to this day), threw them in the back on my Chevy Blazer, and took off down PCH towards the 5 Freeway.

Traffic was jammed about 10 minutes down PCH, though. So many people were trying to get in, and so many people were trying to out that it stopped traffic both ways with the attempts to keep the roads clear for emergency vehicles.

After sitting in the traffic for a half hour, looking at the empty highway on the other side of the double yellow lines, I took my cue from a few cars that were breaking the law in fantastic fashion...I drove on the other side of the road, pulling over to a stop whenever the random (infrequent) emergency vehicle did pass us by. People jumped in front of my car, one woman waving her arms in a huge swinging "V" as she yelled, "Nooo! Stooop!" as I swerved to avoid her useless maneuver.

I couldn't stand to see it chasing me down like that. I was scared. Even more so because in those days we were still pre-cell phone, and the Laguna fires had been scaring me all week with their proximity to my family in Orange County. So here I was, being chased from my own college home by yet another was frightening, and I wanted to be with my family...and I didn't even know if they were still ok at the time.

It took me about 4 hours to drive home that night. Usually a drive that took a maximum of an hour and a half, it was exhausting, no only due to the college experiences I'd been having that week (now commonly referred to as "boy issues"), but suddenly my college was about to burn down around the stuff I'd left behind. Or so I'd thought...

Right now, I just want to send my best to those who are going through the fire experience. Whether it's just a smoke thing, or an actual evacuation thing, I'm here for ya. I still have a hard time smelling smoke, even when its from a fireplace, to this day. Those couple of weeks from my past have stayed with me for this long, and I didn't even wind up losing anything in the fire.

Maybe Blogger will let me post the photo of my bruise tomorrow...we'll see. Not that it matters, really.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Today is not fine...

Ok, I'm frazzled, to be honest. We're moving our department in our building at work today, so I need to finish this quickly so I can get back to packing, and then I can get out of the building by the required time...

Last night, the fiance and I had a meeting with the photographer. It lasted a lot longer than we anticipated, so instead of going home and making dinner as planned, we just went to grab some CPK down on the Plaza.

Dinner was delicious, as always, and the beer that I had with it helped smooth over the day. At the end of dinner, I went to the ladies' room and proceeded to jam my upper arm into the coat hanger in the stall that I chose to go into. The fucker stuck out really far, and I didn't realize it, so when I swung around to close the door behind me as I entered, it just slammed right into my arm.

Now, I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I bruise like a peach, as they say. I rubbed at the spot it hit my arm, and cursed it over and over as I peed, and then I returned to the table as quickly as I could so I could ask the waitress to please bring me a to-go cup packed with ice. In my bruising-like-a-peach experience, I've found that if I get ice on the spot that I've hit immediately, it tends to not bruise as badly, if at all.

But it was too late. By the time the chef brought me ice that he had double-bagged for me in the kitchen (so nice!), the dark mark was already appearing on my upper arm. He looked at it, apologized and asked if there was anything he could do, I told him that the ice was perfect and thanked him. Our waitress looked at it, and wished me luck in the wedding (I had told her that I was getting married next week, so she might understand a bit better about my sense of urgency for the ice...apparently she did, since she got the chef to bag it up for me and everything!), and then we paid our tab and went home.

The bruise HURTS today. It's an inch and a half long of light purple/pinkish nastiness, and I'm going to try icing it again later when I go home. Last night, the ice was causing my arm to break out in strange bumps all around the bruise, which I found odd. They went away, though, so I figure it was a reaction to the cold. I'm hoping that if I keep it iced, the blood will stay coagulated, or something, and won't develope into the truly nasty bruises I tend to get from ridiculous accidents like these.

I am a fucking 'tard. I'm very, very, very mad about this, since I know how difficult it can be to cover the bruises I get with makeup. They don't cover easily, is the thing.

So cross your fingers for me, and maybe I'll take some pics later so y'all can see what I'm dealing with here. And hope that I can stop falling into things with my upper body for at least the next week. Jeezy...

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Bad bad bad bad bad

I want bad for me food. I'm craving it today. Overwhelmingly. Bad bad bad bad bad. Mostly because I tried on this dress* last know, so I could feel good about how I'm doin' with my workouts and shit...

...and I was like a sausage. In a very tight casing.

And then? I sat down.

Oh, holy hell. I want to wear this dress for the bachlorette night on the town with my family and bridal party! I want to look cute and sexay and like a fit and funky bride! I do NOT want to make people have to feel bad for me in my attempts to look cute and sexay and like a fit and funky bride. Nuh-uh.

I was on a good track, I was! I felt good last Saturday, and ate well mostly all weekend. Until Sunday came along and I stuffed myself with a buffalo strip steak (only 280 cals and 5 grams of fat, though!) and a baked potato.

I swear I've been regretting that one meal all week. (Not as much as yesterday's lunch, though. *shudder*) I've been working out, and I'm sure I'm going to be fine...I have other stuff I can wear if my Best Women take one look at me in that dress and just smile and nod and say, "Yeah! Um...pretty! Let's get drunk, ok?"

But I want them to say, "WOOHOO! Check out the hottie bride! You look GOOD sista! Let's get drunk, ok?"

So this craving of bad food? MUST STOP. That's how it works. (Inside my head, anyway...)

*Keep in mind, this picture is from when I tried it on back when I first got it in September. I've lost weight since then, and I've toned up. So what's going on? I dunno.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Sad excuse for lunch

I'm currently eating my lunch, and had to take a moment to write a post instead of doing my usual reading of posts while I eat.

Because this lunch? SUCKS.

It's a Beef Tips Portabello (with gravy) dinner thingy from Healthy Choice. It has beef tips (duh), mashed potatoes, carrots and broccoli, and some apple dessert thing.

Ok, the beef isn't terrible. It tastes alright, but it's unfortunately swimming in this so-called "gravy" they refer to on the box. More like "somewhat beef-flavored brown water" is how I would refer to it, but that's why I'm not in fast food marketing, yo.

The veggies apparently needed some water in with them to steam properly as they heated up. So they are now in a pool of water as I eat them. Awesome!

The mashed potatoes are apparently from the grits family of the food groups. They are oddly unpotato-like visually and texture-wise. They taste somewhat potatoey, though, so I'm ok with them.

Except they were placed in the same section as the beef and the "gravy" so they're swimming in their own unappetizing liquid form, just like the veggies.

And the portabello? Two slices. Not kidding.

The entire time I'm eating, all I can smell is the sickeningly sweet scent of the apple dessert thingy that's in the attached compartment. It's bugging the shit out of me.

Great. Now it's all cold. I'm such a dork!

I'm never buying this shit again, that's for damned sure! Hope everyone else is having a better fucking week than I am. Sheeit...

That is IT!

Can we start this week over again? Please?

Or, even better...can we just skip it all together and pretend like it never happened/needed to happen? That'd be greeeeaaaat. Yeah.


Tuesday, October 16, 2007

In honor of my sanity

Somehow, someway, I missed America's Next Top Train Wreck last week. We were busy, but I thought I'd recorded it. I thought I'd watched it. So when Sunday night rolled around, I was all, "Nah, I don't need to watch it. I just need my Bridezillas, dammit!"

So when I rolled over to Rich's site yesterday to read the recap he does on a weekly basis, and saw that his computer was broken and so he was doing a video recap instead, I was very excited! Except he was talking about the makeover episode, and that hasn't happened yet. I thought perhaps he had messed up, and he might've gotten his hands on the episode earlier than the rest of us and was recapping the wrong thing, but one glance at the comments on the post told me I was in the wrong, not him. (There goes the world not revolving around me - or XO - again! Stupid fucking planet...)

I missed the makeover episode? Of ALL episodes, THAT is the one that I somehow, someway forgot to watch?

I hate this bridal brain bullshit. It's GOT to GOOOO.

Thank goodness it will. In around, oh, 12 days, or so. :)


(I was planning on watching the episode online, but it's not available yet. So I'll just have to watch for it and see it when it DOES become available. Stupid fucking WB or CB or whatever the hell they call themselves now, being all behind by a week and shit. I neeeed a Train Wreeeeck!)

Monday, October 15, 2007

Starts out ok, but then its all downhill from there.

Got an interesting response to the post from last week about the reaction I had to another adult’s reaction to the kid that shot 4 people before killing himself in Columbus last Tuesday. It was from “Invisible” in India. And while I have issues with their punctuation and sentence structure, I thought it might be worth answering in a whole new post. (Keep in mind, Invisible, should you actually return here to see what else I have to say on a daily basis: it might seem like I’m making fun of you. But I’m not. I think you’re cute…so far. I have an intolerably dry wit that has become even more dry and perhaps more questionably witty as I get closer and closer to my wedding. So this isn’t me making fun of you. Just keep reading, and you’ll see what I mean.)

Invisible said: “Here is the deal angst ridden teenager…(You poor you…sigh)”

First of all, I think we found someone who might actually enjoy the usage of ellipses more than me, if that’s even possible. Glad to know I’m not alone there. Maybe we can start a support group, or something. (Ask my Twin – she thinks I need help in lots of ways, and that’s just one of them.)

Second of all, I certainly hope this was a note to the collective teenage population of the world…or at least the bit that might read my blog. Because I am NOT an angst-ridden teenager. Not anymore, anyway! Thank God.

Invisible continued on with a quick, kind of outta left field (which seems popular in my comments lately) soliloquy about how teenagers in other “comparatively ‘underdeveloped’ and ‘primitive’ societies” are allowed to deal with their angst by going out on community-sanctioned hunts. Presumably for animals. But I can’t be too sure about that really.

She/he then took the opportunity to question us Kansas Citians (and any other random commenters on my blog. Of which there are about 3 or 4 who live outside the KC area, of course) in the following manner: “”…what have we in the developed world done to community and family as concepts?”

I’m breaking this down so I can understand it better. I usually discuss poop and my fiance’s eating habits, so I need to take it slow, is the thing. So to this question, let me say that I don’t know. I don’t know why children lose it like this, and I don’t know why their brains snap the way they do…I think its kind of like Alzheimer’s. There’s not really any way of knowing WHY it happens yet, but it does. I’m not sure that there’s any specific answer to the question. I can say that the concept I developed with regards to community and family as I grew up was a simple one. Help each other; try not to bug people – at least the ones you love, anyway; do good in your lives and in those of others, if possible. My mom was a volunteer. My dad worked hard to provide for us, and he did a good job of that. In turn, I want to work hard to provide for myself (and whomever else needs it), and I want to volunteer my time in some way as soon as I’m able. My current job allows me to do both at the same time. Kind of the best of both worlds, which is nice. So I’m sticking with that for now. Hopefully I’ll be able to do more in the future.

Invisible then asked: “What do we fall back on in times of distress? Apart from guns and violence of course..” [Ah-ah-ah! That was only a PART of an ellipses there, Invisible! Make sure you finish those babies up, and make me proud, will ya?]

Ok, this seemed like it was getting all philosophical on my ass, and I don’t do well with philosophical stuff. Not at all. Shit, I couldn’t even spell philosophical without the help of spell check! Which is sad, but I digress.

What do I fall back on in times of distress? Well, let’s see… I like a little personal space, a bit of alcohol, things that make me smile again like old movies or a good book, and then the help of my friends. In that order.

What did I fall back on when I was a teenager? Usually music was my number one thing. I’d wallow in music until everyone around me probably wished I would just kill myself, already! But then I’d find my friends, and I’d get back to “normal” routines, and try to forget about the pain that constantly seemed to exist in my brain. I finally got a good therapist (after I did, actually, try to kill myself – but not really), and that seemed to set me up for the personal growth and development I needed to focus in on in order to become a productive and worthwhile human being in society for these past 13 – 15 years. I mean, it wasn’t anything like taking down my first lion, or what have you, but it did the trick. I figured out how to be effective in society, I moved on, I haven’t tried to kill myself since. Go me!

Guns and violence never entered my train of thought, really. When I went through my incredible depths of depression I happened to experience starting when I was about 15 until I was 18, I thought about hurting myself…not other people. So I might not have a full appreciation for what it is that other teens are going through when dealing with the internal, somewhat unbeatable demons that seem to come with the territory of growing up.

And I might’ve let the comment go entirely, if not for the final question Invisible posed: “Does being a teen make people any less responsible for their actions?”

The answer is yes. (Now should being a teen make them any less responsible? No. But she/he didn’t ask that, so I’m answering accordingly.)

Being a teen gives one a lot of excuses. I stand by my previous comments I’ve made here and elsewhere that the brain isn’t fully developed yet at that point in life. Not until we’re well into our 20’s, and even then, there’s still lots of developing going on. Some are slower than others. Some have the book smarts (makes it seem like your brain might be developed…), but they don’t have any social skills (therein lies the rub with the book smarts thing!), and that can really fuck a kid up. Some have the social skills and not the book smarts…I almost believe they’re the ones that are better off, really. I was a combo of the two. I had some social skills, and some book smarts…but not enough of one or the other to push me in a certain direction.

People being held responsible for their actions can be a big can of worms to release, though. I personally have what I call a “bubble world” theory that I started working on back when I was about 23 or 24 that was my way of trying to figure out why some people accept responsibility for their lives at certain times, and why others wait until later on in their development. That’s not what this was about. That’s not what my post the other day was about.

My point to that post was simple: we can’t blame the world for why kids like that one in Ohio do what they do. We can’t blame the video games or the music or the movie stars they may or may not look up to. We can’t say, “What’s the world coming to?” and mean it.

It’s not about the world. Or how other societies handle their rearing of their children. Or how war is commonplace these days. It’s not about terrorism or apathy.

It’s about a ball of fear and anger being rolled up into a brain that cannot handle its effects. And it happens rarely, for which we can be grateful, I suppose.

And how depressing am I lately, huh? Holy Christ! I’m tired of talking about this. Can y’all leave more fun comments on my posts for the rest of this week, please? Thanks!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I'm not alone!

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that takes issue with the whole Kandoo commercial with the cute little girl flitting around wearing fairy wings, and getting tips from a cartoon frog on wiping her ass.

It's wrong on so, soo many levels.

Ok, I can't believe you, World. Jerk.

The world hasn't stopped on account of me and all that I'm currently dealing with. And for that I say, Fuck You.

This morning as I got ready for work at the gym, trying to calm my skin and make the hives I broke out in while I was working out (???) go away by ignoring them and continuing on with my normal routine, I listened to GMA discuss the story about the 14 year old who lost it yesterday and went to school with guns, shooting 4 people and wounding them before turning the gun on himself. Tragic story. The poor kid was probably dealing with some very difficult internal demons.

One of the chicks that works out at that gym on a regular basis walked in to the sink area where I was putting on makeup, and said, "That's so sick. What's the world coming to, anyway?"

Ok, first of all, I know this woman has children. A couple of weeks ago, I heard her ask her husband to call them to make sure they were awake while they were in the middle of their separate workout routines. So I assume that at least one of them is a teenager. (I hope, anyway.)

Second of all, this makes me want to shout from the rooftops that TEENAGERS HAVE ISSUES! They always have, and chances are, they always will. It's why we wound up with amazing poetry from people like Emily Dickenson, and weird stories from Poe, and fabulous (and fun) movies from Tim Burton. Not that these people were all teenagers when they did their best work, but there's a reason that their brains work(ed) the way they do/did. And like me, I'm sure they credit their development during their teen years for a good deal of why their personalities and their psyches wound up the way they did when they became adults.

The "world" isn't coming to anything. This wasn't the world's fault. This was one kid who was obviously having a hard time processing his emotions, and who didn't know how else to deal with his anger outside of getting in trouble, yelling at teachers and cussing at them, and eventually coming to the breaking point as he did yesterday.

So the fact that he listened to Marilyn Manson and was "goth" shouldn't make a difference, but they're gonna make it into a major part of the case, I'm betting. The fact that he apparently had just expressed his devotion to Manson (Marilyn, that is) shouldn't have bearing on this case...listening to his music and worshipping the rock star didn't have anything to do with it. He was off-balance. His head wasn't right. As it isn't for most teens...some can muddle through, and a few can't. He was a "can't," apparently.

So hearing adults - ones that are raising children, no less - make comments like that freaks me out. And it was probably an off-the-cuff, immediate reaction by this woman in a spur of the moment kind of deal, but I worry that she, and others, feel the same way.

Teens have been angsty and had issues since the beginning of time.

And oh my God, I just saw the part of the story that said he had a twin sister. Holy hell...

Ok, there's so much more of this story that I can deal with on so many more levels than I have time to focus on right now, so I'm gonna leave it at that. Just...think about what you say before it leaves your head through the piehole. I know it's not possible to do it every second, and sometimes it just doesn't matter, but especially if you have kids...understand that the WORLD isn't the issue. It's the brain in our own head that is.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

It's there

I'm experiencing what people have referred to as "wedding brain" lately. I'm not totally distracted by the upcoming event, but I am making stupid mistakes on a regular basis (nothing life or death, mind you) and it's nice to be able to blame that. After I get back from my wedding weekend, I'll blame the upcoming honeymoon. And then I think it'll be safe to blame the honeymoon vacation for anything that happens for a good 2 weeks after I get back from that. After that point though? Then I just start looking like a dumbass. So, ok...

I don't have much else to talk about today. I have a lot to do, and I need to make lists that I keep forgetting to make in order to remember to do it all. (Follow that? Good job...) Right now, I'm hungry. So I'll catch ya later...

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

FUS - Your SOURCE for random acts of gluttony!

Not too long ago, the fiance and I made ourselves some pizza out of Boboli crusts, tossed up a light caesar salad, and sat down for a damn good meal. of us did, anyway. I don't know how he ate his like this. Especially as he's usually the type who eats each portion of his dinner know, first he eats the rice, then the veggies, and then the meat/fish/whatever it is. I combine things together, so I naturally find his style of eating very weird.

Anyway, I had finished eating my measly portion of pizza (4 the other 4 for later. Sometimes I eat 5 at once, and save 3...that might've been the case that night when I think back on it, actually), and was resting on the couch watching whatever we were watching at that time when he walked in the room carrying this:

That would be salad piled on TOP of a very large slice of pizza, then covered with some freshly grated parmesan. I can't remember what he had put on his pizza that night...I think we both did canadian bacon, mushrooms, and black olives, but he also had cheese whereas I did not. So that's what's UNDER that cacophony of ingredients you can pretty clearly see in the photo.

He seemed to enjoy it...

I almost couldn't stand to watch the mess as it happened! So as you can tell, I took pictures to distract myself. Like ya do...
That's sauce seeping out the bottom, or the side, or whatever the fuck it is. It was bugging me a good deal. (But I also found it mildly amusing, because I'm not a total loser!)

He's become a big fan of the Imperial Pilsner that Sam Adams has on the market right now, FYI. He'd recommend it to everyone.

Anyway, I don't have much else today, because my mood suddenly went souther than south last night. Do you want to know why? (Or at least, my best deduction of what caused my mood to sour so quickly and so badly...) Yeah, we were planning on making vegetable soup for dinner. I had bought a crusty, yummy baguette to eat with it, and had been looking forward to it all day.

And then he went and put peppers in it. Red and yellow ones. GAH!

Now, I am a fan of peppers...but only in the right situations. They belong in chili, my Famous Red Beans and Rice recipe, and in fajitas. That's IT. So when I found out he'd put them in the soup, well, I wasn't happy. We were also supposed to practice our first dance last night, since tonight is our last lesson, and we've been woefully neglectful of it since we started the lessons about 2 months ago. (Maybe 3.) But after the soup incident, I wasn't in the mood to dance, much less with the man that I've lived with for the past 2 years and whom I'm about to marry who apparently doesn't know ANYTHING ABOUT ME AT ALL! I don't even want to go to the dance lesson tonight, I'm still so blue about it all. (Not the soup so much anymore...but the lack of practice on the dance gets me down...)

And before emaw blows an artery, let me assure you all that I am fully aware of the ridiculousness of what happened. I don't get it either. And the soup tasted fine, really. Especially after I added my hot sauce I love to it. I just don't like the flavor of peppers in soup. And that's all it tasted like, unfortunately. It bothered me. But it shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did.

So I'm broken right now, and I don't know how to fix me, really. I'm thinking that getting to the wedding week, seeing my family and friends, having a fun party with them all (or two, or three!), and then heading on a honeymoon a little over a week later should make things better. We'll see...

Monday, October 08, 2007

Good God, people

Someone is attempting to fax to my cell phone. It's apparently on a re-attempt schedule of 1 million, so it's called my phone now about, oh, 80-gazillion times.

Hey, YOU try having a fax machine call your phone over and over and let me know if it doesn't interfere with your rational math skills.

How tough is it? Fucking check the machine and figure out that it's got a wrong number! Morons.

Oh, the things I have to do...

The weekend was a success! Now it's over. [Insert sad face that I wish I had a smiley for, but for some reason Blogger doesn't offer them, even though they really should.]

Today is a perfect day to have lie in bed for a little longer, then to go to the gym whenever I want, and to maybe laze about watching rented DVDs for the rest of the afternoon.

But that's not what I'm doing...nooooo. I don't work for a bank or the USPS. So I'm at work. Dammit.

Really, though, except for USCs somewhat devistating loss, which doesn't really effect me much since I have a good attitude about the game and the fact that, you know, it's a GAME, and this happens every season so I'm getting used to it anyway, the only other thing that happened to me this weekend that I care to mention for now is that I tried on my wedding dress for the last time before the week of the wedding. And it FIT! So HA! Take THAT big boobs and back fat!

The only problem? The boobs and the back fat still are my main foes when it comes to wearing the dress. I have massive puddle boob happening when it's all tied (it's a corset back dress), and now that it actually comes together in the back, the back fat that I thought I had vanquished is actually showing up again. *sigh!* But since the veil covers it, and the dress looks so pretty all on it's own without my bloated chest and back region beneath it, I'm hoping it won't be so noticeable to people other than me.

Basically, I'm on a quest to lose another 5 pounds. And 1 - 2 inches. IN THREE WEEKS! It could happen, I figure. You never know...

I'm down to a final list of "to do's" for the wedding, though, and THAT feels better than vanquishing the back fat! (Sort of...)
  • I need to make a timeline for the wedding weekend that I can hand out to the wedding party/parents to make sure everyone is on the same page, and that they're all comfy with how things will be running.
  • I need to create a calendar for the fiance so he can let his new job know about the upcoming dates he's unavailable to work.
  • I need to move money over from the savings account to the checking account so I can pay the florist by this weekend.
  • I need to talk to my coordinator about the out of towner bag situation. (I'll tell y'all about that later.)
  • I need to name the tables.
  • I need to write a note to go in the out of town bags that we put into everyone's room, and then check it with the fiance to make sure he likes what it says/see if he has any additions, and then figure out what to print them on.
  • We need to get our marriage license.
  • I need to send the list of songs that my FMIL wants to have played at the wedding to the DJ.
  • I need to send an email to the nail salon with the final list of the "13 and Under" girls' names and what services they will want to have done.
Don't you wish you were me? :P

Friday, October 05, 2007

It was just my turn, is all.

So, I was the designated meet-up asshole last night. In case people weren't aware. That's what my job was. So, it makes sense now, hopefully.

I should have said simply that money wasn't an issue. I should have let Heather finish a sentence. And as for the things I said to D? Well, I already sent an apology note to him last night after I had some dinner and snapped into the realization of what I had behaved like all night.

That's what I blame, though...the lack of food. And the girlie issues. (Because if we can't blame those for this sort of thing, then what the hell good are they, anyway?)

I had fun. I sound like a man today, but I had fun. It was lovely seeing you all again, and thank you for being nice to me even though I was the town jackass for the evening. Goes to show how awesome you all truly are! Can't wait to see you next month...:)

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Well, this tops my list for the day...

On my "WTF?" list, this story hit the triple cherries. People use alcohol enemas in order to get drunk?

Um, didn't they know they could drink it, and have a similar effect?

Where do these people come from?

Topic Suggestion for Tonight...

Why is it called a "blowjob?" Shouldn't we call them "suckjobs?"

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Making progress

Well, we're getting somewhere when it comes to dealing with things around here. Last night, the fiance and I went to dinner to celebrate the fact that he successfully sold his Toyota that he'd had sitting in the driveway for the last almost-year, and the check actually cashed!, and then spent the majority of our evening in our kitchen sorting through the cabinets.

I wish I'd thought to take before and after photos. But it wasn't until we were through with the sort, and I was cleaning off the counters (the gloriously clutter-free counters!) that I even thought about doing it. So I might take some "after" photos, but those won't be so fun without the "before" I'd think. Anyway, it all sucks, since it's pictures of my kitchen that we're talking about here, so yeah. Blog has sunk to new low. Vunderbar.

The selling of the Toyota was a crazy deal, though. We put the listing up on the local Craig's on Sunday, and within an hour, someone had called to make an appointment to see the car. Unfortunately, they showed an hour later than they said they'd be there, and we were late to get to the bar to watch the Chiefs pummel the Chargers, but it all worked out in the end. Fiance received something like 6 calls during the game and while we were shopping afterward, and had 3 more appointments for people to see it after we got home that night.

He wound up selling it to the person he wanted to sell it to (i.e. a guy who was buying it for his son who needed it to get around to school and work, etc...), rather than to a ratty guy who was attempting to low-ball in order to then turn around and try to sell it for more themselves at some random used car lot. He got $200 less than asking price, which was pretty fucking sweet, if you ask me. Being able to ADD money to the savings account for the first time in months felt good yesterday, I gotta say.

Unfortunately, no one has responded to my listing for my treadmill. It's a nice treadmill! Don't people know how much they neeeed my treadmill? It's good for your heart! And your skin and bones! And if you walk on it, you can eat more without feeling so guilty about it! It's a win/win/win situation! So why don't people want it? Fuckers...

Anyway, I'm selling a treadmill. It's a nice one, and I'm willing to let it go to whomever can give me the best offer on it over the course of the next 2 weeks. I want it out of my house, dammit. I belong to the gym now and rarely use it for anything other than walking the dog during inclement or ragingly hot weather. You would need to pick it up, as I have no way of transporting it anywhere in either of the cars we own. But seriously, it's a nice treadmill. I bought it 5 years ago for almost $1,000 (but that included a delivery fee), and had it serviced about a year or a year and a half ago because it was making a squeeky sound as I used it that drove me nuts. It's in really good shape, according to the guy that came to service it, and I even have his card to pass along to the buyer (since finding him wasn't easy for me, originally). I also have the user's manual along with some software that can be used to hook it up to your computer in order to track your use/progress and enter different programs for development physically and stuff. At least, I think that's what it's for...I never downloaded the software/used that program. I just walked on the damned thing. End of story! (Again, put in the pictures after I wrote the post, so the spacing is all fucked up because of that...sorry!)

Tuesday, October 02, 2007


I have PMS. I have 3 weeks before the wedding week descends upon us. My house is a fucking mess. My fiance is desperate to find a new job. I have to deal with a fundraiser AND a department move at work within the next two weeks. My motivation to workout seems to have left me completely, just when I need it the most. Oh, and my monitor at work decided to die overnight, so at the moment, I'm dealing with a screen that's about half it's size and looks weird.

Let's just say it's the little things that annoy me right now. And since this is my fucking blog, I can write about whatever the hell it is that's bugging me. :P:P:P:P

There are loads of other lovely blogs in my blogroll that are likely to be more entertaining for the next couple of weeks. Go check 'em out. They are well worth the time, I think. I'm gonna go look at a couple now, in fact! (Oh, wait...I have to do some work first. Dammit!)

This is not to say, by the way, that I will not be updating. I will, but I guess that some of my posts might not be as fun as others. Which, if you could just keep to yourselves about for now, I'd certainly appreciate it. Just give me a month, will ya? Sheesh! The LAST thing I need is someone telling me that I suck and that I need to perform better at this point.

I guess the PMS isn't helping with my sensitivity to stuff. Damn hormones...

Monday, October 01, 2007

Can we go back to bartering, please?

Somehow, I've gotten ahead on my mortgage payments. My latest bill is telling me I don't owe until December 1st.


Ok, then.

Also, I don't know if anyone remembers when I mentioned that I was somehow a bit overbalanced on my checking account last month. Well, I took the time on two separate occassions to review my check register going back as far as May to make sure I had entered everything correctly, and that I didn't miss anything. Halfway through the third time I was checking (yes, I'm anal, and yes I'm obsessive!), I finally realized it HAD to be a math mistake on my part. (I'm also apparently a bit slow and stupid.) So I started going through and subtracting and subtracting and subtracting and ADDING (yay!) and then subtracting some more.

And I finally found it! I had somehow turned a $119 payment to my gyno office into a $1,074 payment within the check book. So I had an extra $1,000 in there that I was unaware of. Thanks to my sucky math skeeills in mid-August! Yay! Perfect timing, since we owed our final payment to the church last week, and I wouldn't have had the amount we owed them if it hadn't been for that miscalculation on my part.

Money makes me crazy. I really wish we could just have stuck with the old system of trading stuff for beads and furs and shit like they did in the olden days. The olden days would have ROCKED! Except for those plumbing issues they had, of course...

I don't like the word. But there's really no better way to say it.

One of the items I received for a gift for my wedding shower was a little book of fun things for couples to do from my sister-in-law. I was flipping through it yesterday as I waited for the fiancé to get ready to go to the Moose to watch the Chiefs game, and came across an interesting idea. I didn’t say anything to the fiancé about it right away, but it was interesting all the same.

Later, as we made our way home from the store after watching the Chiefs randomly pummel the Chargers, I mentioned the item I came across in the book I had been skimming earlier to the fiancé, and asked him what he thought about it. It was a suggestion by the book, really, and it went a little something like this: give up one annoying habit for your partner.

He immediately liked the idea, and told me that he wanted me to give up my lovely habit of harassing him about his driving. In return, he would attempt to stop farting in front of me.

This really was too good of an offer to pass up, so I agreed to do my best to stop bugging him while he drives, and he’s going to start attempting to be careful about where he allows his gas to escape. (The only caveat being that he says he has no control over the fact that he farts while he sleeps. I told him that if he’d been attempting to control the escape of gas all this time, then he’d be much better at it, believe me. So farting in his sleep doesn’t count…for now, anyway.)

If he accidentally farts in front of me, though, I can go ahead and harass him on one aspect of his driving the next time we’re in the car together. If I accidentally make fun of his driving without having that allowance, though, he gets to fart in front of me once later on.

So I don’t know how well this is going to work out, really. He already farted in my face last night as I brushed my teeth while getting ready for bed. So I already get to bug him about the driving sometime in the near future!

We might need to find another fun thing for couples to do instead. We’ll see…