Monday, April 30, 2007

A zit in my cleavage. Nice.

There is a wasp having babies and building itself a happy little nest inside of my gas grill on the deck. It was there last weekend, and I just ignored it and left it there, and cooked the steak I had wanted to cook on the grill in the oven instead. No biggie. Yesterday, I went out there to clean the grill up to cook some veggie burgers, and that damned wasp was BIGGER than it was last week, and it now has some sort of sack it's taking care of. Awesome. I put the task of killing the wasp and all it's fucking wasp babies on the "to-do" list for my fiance today. (We discussed it last night...don't worry, I'm not lording over him like he's my slave, or what have you. He's a boy, and boys kill wasps. End of story.)

This morning, I went to my new-regular gym over by my house, and saw that my old-regular gym's mall (it's in a mall...don't ask, it's too hard to explain if you don't live here and don't know the mall) has been shut down indefinitely due to the lovely shooting rampage that happened there yesterday afternoon. I'm not sure why the fuck they need to close the side of the mall that my gym is attached to, or why my gym is even a part of the shut down, as it's on a completely different level than where everything took place from what I saw on the news, and it also has absolutely no access to the mall at all, so yeah. Makes no sense.

Also, the guy is dead. So there's that.

I don't think there should be a problem with any of the people that want to get their workout on impeding any part of the investigation they have going on in a completely different part of the mall, and also, if it takes them more than 2 days to figure out whatever it is they're trying to figure out, then I don't know what our police force is coming to, seriously. The guy shot two people and killed them outside the Target. He walked in the Target and shot a couple of other people (maybe) before heading into the mall area and running into some police officers who then shot him and killed his ass. Sounds pretty cut and dry to me! I mean, I'm sure there's more to it than all that, but I really wish they'd explain how shutting down 24 Hour Fitness helps them in any way.

My trainer and I meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays, is the thing. I neeeed my trainer right now. He's going to call me with an update tonight, and let me know if we're going to be able to meet as usual, or if we will meet at the 24 Hour Fitness by my house instead, or if we just cancel all together and make up for it later.

Stupid fucking crazy people coming out of the woodwork. WTF is going on lately, anyway?**

I have a lunch date with an old coworker today, and I need to go plan appropriately for the lunch to make sure I don't order the wrong thing, or go overboard eating whatever I do order. So pardon me for now, and perhaps I'll have more fun stories later...


**Let me make it clear that I am not in any way trying to trivialize the events that happened at the Ward Parkway Mall yesterday, and I am truly saddened by the fact that this asshole took it upon himself to just randomly kill 3 people yesterday before he was killed as well. Loss of life always comes before my convenience, routine, and general day-to-day activity, of course. BUT, I still don't understand why my gym has to remain closed "indefinitely." That's all.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Well folks, this may be a certain sign of the apocalypse, so let me bid you all adieu as I tell you: I don’t have anything to complain about today.

Well, not really anyway. I mean, sleep sucked ass last night, and so I wasn’t able to rouse myself out of bed to get to the gym this morning, so that wasn’t much fun.

One of the reasons sleep sucked last night was because I have a cold (albeit a very mild one), and I kept waking up unable to breath out of my nose, which I hate pretty much more than anything. So that’s not fun either.

And then my contacts have freaked out on me today in alternate eyes (first it was my left contact, which seemed inconsolable at home, and as it was the first pair the doctor had given me back when I first saw him, they were pretty well due to be changed out, so I did. And now my right eye is unhappy as hell! AUGH!), so I finally took them out and am wearing my glasses at work. And when I went over to my coworker’s desk to chit chat with the group that had gathered there this morning (like you do), my coworker kind of got a “ugh!” look on her face and said I look “very different” in my glasses. I got the idea from the look on her face that she didn’t necessarily think I looked “very different” in a good way, per se. And it’s not like I even care, because I happen to think I look cute in my glasses, but it was just sort of rude. But she’s been on a weird rude streak lately, so I’m letting it go. For example, yesterday 3 of us went to lunch, and we all had leftovers, and she saw someone else who had leftovers had their styrofoam boxes inside of a plastic bag as well, and so she asked the waiter for one. My other coworker wanted one, too. I didn’t give a shit…I had to pee, so I left my food on the table for the waiter to put in a bag, if he wanted, and then met the girls at the front door when I was through. Their food wasn’t in a bag, though. Apparently, the waiter had returned to the table and informed my coworker that wanted the bag in the first place that they didn’t have any. And she responded, “I don’t believe you.” He asked her if she wanted him to get a manager, and she said, “No I don’t, it doesn’t matter, because I don’t believe you don’t have the plastic bags, and I’m sorry that I’ve already paid and given you a tip, because if I’d known this was going to happen, I wouldn’t have left you a dime.”

Over a plastic bag, people. I mean, who gives a flying shit? Such a fucking waste of energy, it isn’t even funny. And if she didn’t believe him, then why didn’t she take him up on the offer to talk to a manager? Because then she could perhaps get the plastic bag she so coveted, since she KNEW they were back there, and our waiter was just being mean and not bringing one out for her! Because, as we all know, at the true heart of evil lies the denial of the request for a plastic bag. Particularly in the form of denying it to someone who KNOWS you do indeed have them somewhere! Mwahahahahahaha!

Hey! I found something to complain about! Alright, game on, people…

Thursday, April 26, 2007

And I just want a million dollars!

So I make fun of Rosie's walk in Sleepless in Seattle for two days in a row, and suddenly she's leaving The View. (AND this is somehow major news. I don't know why, but ok...) Not that those two things are correlated in any way, but I can't explain why Rosie's walk had been popping in and out of my head all week, and now this is happening, and it's making me think that my 3rd eye is trying to contact me again for some reason (it goes into remission every once in a while for months at a time, I've noticed), and it's also gone rather wonky while it's been sleeping because, c'mon. Rosie O'Donnell? Hellll-ooo 3rd eye! Not caring much about this shit over here!

My 3rd eye usually likes to predict the Friends rerun that will be shown either the day of or the day after it pops the thought of it into my head. I guess I can be pleased that it's finally getting back to current events, even if it's in such an indirect manner, right? Hopefully it will move on to lotto numbers soon. Because that would kick ass.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I start the title to a lot of my posts with the word "the" apparently.

"Ok Rosie, no. That's not how real live women walk. Nuh-uh, I'm serious. That's how women walk in cartoons and stuff, but not in real life. Honest. I wouldn't 'fuck wit' you' on something like this, I swear. That's right...just give it another try, please."

The coaching never did work, Nora. BUT. I still felt her character in that movie was very endearing. Maybe because we saw her so seldomly. I dunno.

My glands are swollen and it hurts to swallow today...I feel fine otherwise, but it always sucks when it hurts to swallow. (And all of you with the dirty minds out there, I'm talking about getting sick you big jerks. Clean it up!) I don't wanna get sick. I can't really afford to get sick. I'm of the "feed a cold" variety of thinkers, and if I'm sick the work outs won't happen and then I'll be feeding the cold, and it will all wind up back in a bad, bad place. Plus, time off needs to be applied to things like taking the day to have our engagement photos taken, and accompanying the fiance to the dentist office, and stuff. No time allowed for actual SICK days, dammit! Weekends are my sick days...

Sorry for the whine. I'm whiny today. Trying to rise above it, but it's happening slowly. I need pity, for some reason. Maybe it's the weather. When all else fails, blame the mutherfucking weather, I think. Perfect.

By the way, am I the only one that doesn't really WANT to go and live on another planet? Why are we always looking for other planets to live on? And the fact that the way this latest one was discovered was via a telescope "which has a special instrument that splits light to find wobbles in different wave lengths" and "those wobbles can reveal the existence of other worlds" doesn't make me feel much better, ok? It's outside of our solar system, alright? I seriously don't trust a telescope's ability to measure anything outside of our solar system, much less via splitting of light and finding wobbles of things in order to do it. If someone can get to that planet, stand on it without any special equipment and breathe in and out for over 5 seconds, THEN I might listen to you, ok? Stupid scientists...

Man, I get bitchy when I'm sick, eh? Oh, I'm bitchy all the time? Whatever. Fuck you, you healthy people. Go live on a new planet if you're so wonderful, ok? :P

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Apparently, I AM the seether

I heard "Seether" at the gym this morning. It is now soundly stuck in my head and won't go 'way. I seriously cannot fight the seether. Whatever that means.

Ever thought about how you walk, and find that the way you feel like you must look probably greatly resembles Rosie O'Donnell's character from "Sleepless in Seattle"? You know, how she looked consistently like the director had to keep saying over and over, "No, walk like a girl. No, that's not what a girl looks like when she walks. Try sticking your hand out a bit and swinging it as you take very small steps. Ok, now exaggerate it. Yes! You look like a girl now! [aside to assistant director: At least more like a girl than a gorilla, right? Ha! Big lumbering woman who shoulda been a man...]" I've heard Nora Ephron can be extremely insensitive like that...

I'm very tired today. And it's a busy day, of course, so there's not much room for the tiredness. Dammit.

Monday, April 23, 2007

The one where I got beat up by an old lady

About this time of year around 13 years ago, I was living in Paris, France, completing my language classes at Pepperdine through a program they offered to students that wanted to take advantage of the option to finish the 3 semester language requirement in a two and a half month period of time. I had taken my first semester on campus during the first part of my sophomore year. I had gotten an A, and felt I would do well in France, and couldn’t wait for the opportunity to live there for almost 3 months. Little did I know that I would be hit with a severe case of homesickness and boyfriendsickness that made it somewhat difficult for me to truly enjoy my time spent there. And that my teacher would be a French prick who decided I deserved a C and a C- respectively for each of the courses I took there. Asshole.

Anyway, the program was set up in a pretty cool way, where we would have classes for about 6 hours each day Monday through Thursday, and then we would have Friday off so we could travel around and check out different towns of our choosing. Couldn’t go very far, though…I never did get to England, for example. The furthest I traveled was to Austria one weekend, with my roommate and another guy that was in our class. I didn’t like either one of them very much after that trip, but that’s not the point to this story.

During the first leg of our trip to Austria, my roommate and I were on a train heading out of France into Germany. Somewhere in Germany, we were required to change trains in order to head through Innsbruck to get to Vienna. (FYI, not much between Innsbruck and Vienna except for some snow-capped mountains and a lot of farm land with sheep. A looooot of farmland. Very pretty for the first, oh, 30 minutes. And then it’s about as boring as it gets.) Looking at the map, I almost want to say we must have been in Freiburg, Germany, but I can’t really remember…I was only 20 back then. 20 years old. My brain hadn’t fully formed at that point in time.

Anyway, we’d been on the train for a looo-hooong time at that point, and as we weren’t accustomed to traveling a whole lot yet (it was our 2nd or 3rd weekend of our stay there), we were worried about train stops and how long we would have to get off of the train while it was stopped in the station we needed to get off at to switch to the train to Austria. Some of the stops between Paris and our change over in Germany had seemed really short to us, so we were a bit freaked out by that, I think. I don’t know if you’ve ever been on a European train (or if this is a standard thing for all trains, whether European or otherwise), but they have rather narrow passageways to walk through, particularly in the cabin cars. (i.e. the cars that have separate rooms in them where 5 or 6 grown adults can sit together comfortably. Not a regular passenger car that’s lined with seats like they have on airplanes. I don’t know how else to describe it, so I hope that’ll do!) The cabins are on one side of the train, and then windows line the passageway on the other side of the car to either end. When we stopped, we gathered our stuff and glanced out of the cabin to the left and right looking for the closer exit. We noticed that it was a shorter distance to the exit of the car if we went left, even though there was a small (and somewhat rotund) old woman staring out the window in that direction. In the interest of time, we decided to go that way, and when I got to the woman (assuming she spoke French) I said, “Pardon, Madam.” She didn’t move. I looked back at my roommate, she kind of motioned for me to try again, and so I said again, “Pardon, Madam…nous avons desire a sortie le train.” (Loosely translated, that means “we need to exit the train.” However, my French wasn’t so good yet, and I probably didn’t conjugate it correctly, and I probably sounded weird saying it, but whatever. I don’t even remember what I said exactly, because again…13 years ago. Fucking long time in people years, I think.) The woman still didn’t move, and we were losing valuable time! I started to say it one more time, “Pardo…” but didn’t get to finish before this charming old lady decided to turn and land a surprisingly powerful punch to my stomach before I could complete the phrase. Instead I uttered, “Oof!” as an exclamation (which, when I think about it, is a very French exclamation, so go me), turned to face my roommate, and managed to gasp, “I think we’d better go the other way instead.”

We got off the train in time, and we made our connection. But to this day I still think back to that old woman and wonder what her problem was. Maybe she was German, and hated French people, and so my use of the language offended her a great deal. Maybe she hated my American accent in my French pronunciation. Maybe she was offended because I didn’t say, “Pardonez nous…” which is the more proper way to address an elderly person, as my French teacher explained to us after we’d returned from our weekend trip and told our story to the class. Whatever it was, there’s no doubting she was a bit of a nutball. I saw a lot of those while I was traveling around Paris and throughout the towns I was able to visit while I was living there. But she was the only one of them that took me on in hand-to-stomach-combat. (It’s really the only time I’ve ever been hit like that in my life, come to think of it. Maybe that’s why it’s stayed with me as long as it has…)

There’s a lot going on right now, most of which make me want to go around socking people in the stomach if I could, but I can’t, so I won’t. Mostly, I keep thinking to myself, “10 pounds. 10 pounds. 10 pounds,” as I wander through the day. I tried on my wedding dress over the weekend, and apparently I need to lose about 10 pounds to fit into it properly. I’d like to lose a good 25, so I don’t look like a linebacker in a dress when I wear it, but I’m afraid that if I lose too much, it’ll be too big, and then we’ll have an even BIGGER mess on our hands!

Bwahahahahahahaha!!! “If I lose too much…” I kill me.

I think if I lose 15, I should be fine. We’ll see. The biggest problem is at the top of the dress. Where the boobs go. And those haven’t shrunk in over 8 years, even when I lost about 18 pounds 4 years ago, so I might be in trouble there. But I’m going to keep on working with the trainer, and taking the fat burner pills he recommended, and stepping up the workouts (the gym by my house doesn’t smell weird any more, like it used to, so I can go there more often than I had been. Yay!) and everything. I want to lose the 10 by June 21, when my next fitting is set for, and I hope that I’ll have the 15 off by August, when I should have another one, I’d think. No matter what, I should be fine by October.

But I had to give up beeeeer! Didn’t have any beer all weekend, after the little bender I took on Friday night at a friend’s party. Little did I know that would be my last beer intake for 6 months. Oh well…at least I went out with a bang! (Quite a bang, actually. Ouch.) I had a glass of wine on Saturday night, and one last night. But that was it.

10 pounds. 10 pounds. 10 pounds. Sounds so simple, doesn’t it? *sigh!* Yeah.

New and improved!

I can't believe how we as a nation have come to this point of wasting time and money. I mean, I can, but I don't wanna, I guess.

And if someone started using abbreviations like BTW, LOL, or TTYL in their normal face-to-face conversations with me, I would first slap them, and then drop them from my life. Because that is just stupid. (And if any of you do that, I invite you to stop reading my blog now. Because WTF? What. The. FUCK. dude.)

It just sickens me that there are people out there that take this sort of crap so seriously, I guess.

Happy Monday. I've got a good story for later, but I need to write it, and I have to do some work first, so check back after lunchtime, and it should be up.

Friday, April 20, 2007

What's What? THAT'S what!

Tip for all the ladies out there (and maybe some of the men…I’m not judgin’): DSW. What’s What by Aerosoles. Go and buy them. BUY THEM ALL. I’m officially never ever gonna buy any other kind of shoe ever again. I swear. I’m wearing a strappy heel sandal today that I bought yesterday for about $40 ($40!), and after the torture I’ve put my feet through this week, I really thought I’d be having an issue with them right now. But I’m not. These are miracle shoes. They’re cute, they’re oh so comfy, and they are my new favorites. They have TONS of styles and colors to choose from in this line. I only bought the pair of strappy sandals and a new pair of loafers last night, but I know that this is the first type of shoe I’ll be searching for whenever I visit there in the future.

Last week, I went and picked up a few pairs of shoes I’d bought in some weird “pre-sale” thing they had going on at Macy’s (I’d actually had to purchase them the week before, received 15% off of all of them because I bought 3 pairs, but then I couldn’t pick them up until the following week. Made no sense to me, but whatever. It was too cold to wear them the week I bought them anyway…), and I wore one pair over the weekend, and I like it a lot. It’s a little peep-toe flat that is very cute with skirts or even with shorts or what have you. They’ll take some breaking in, I think, but even after wearing them for about 4 hours on Saturday, I was fine with them still being on my feet.

Now, the other two pairs I bought…yeah. They come from that place in the store that I call “magical.” It’s termed this way because in the store they "magically" make my feet feel like they’re being hugged by 1,000 soft and furry and cute little kittens. Obviously, this makes me fall instantly in love with them, and so I buy them. And then I wear them the following day, or sometime soon after only to find out that they, in fact, have the capabilities to tear the skin off my feet bit by bit throughout the day. They aren’t soft, furry kitten shoes at all! Instead, they are The Spawn of Satan shoes, and while I know that some shoes require some breaking in, these mothers are fucking ridiculous! I never, ever want to let them touch my feet again, dammit! But, because I am a sensible girl, I will give them both one more try. If they don’t seem to be working out, I’ll get rid of them. Little fuckers…

And I can’t remember now where I was going with all of this. Hm. Well, I bought new shoes that I actually like, and I felt it was worth mentioning. (Hell, if they have men’s shoes in this line, I would highly recommend them as well. Even though I can’t wear men’s shoes, I still KNOW they would be great. I’m just that good.)

As today is Friday, we will be celebrating properly by heading to a party tonight at my fiance’s coworker’s house. I was looking very forward to this party until the fiancĂ© came home last night and reminded me what today is. (I’m not saying it, because if you know, then you know, and I don’t care for it in the least…here, if you MUST know, I mentioned it last year) Apparently, this party is in honor of this being THAT day, and I’m worried now about how contained any special revelry in the day will be. I don’t know if I’m allergic to pot smoke, or if I just don’t react well to it in general, but the smell of it makes me really nauseous and ruins just about anything I’m trying to enjoy around it. When I used to hang out with a good friend from high school who thought it was somehow appropriate to be an elementary school teacher that smoked pot, I would just sit in a spot in the group where the wind carried the smoke AWAY from me, and I was usually fine. But if it’s being smoked indoors, it doesn’t work at all for me. So I asked the fiancĂ© to ask his coworker about what the plans are, and to please explain to her that I’m not a total prude but I just get really ill from pot smoke, so I’d like to know if it’s being smoked indoors, or what. I can stay outdoors for most of the time, I’m sure, so it’s not a HUGE deal, but it still worries me, because it would really ruin my Friday evening if I’m throwing up all night, you know? I’m not in the mood to throw up, honestly…

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Yahoo isn't alone...

Update to original post below: Thanks to The D's comment, in which he included a link to a story that was published on Yahoo at about 2 p.m. CST today (I think...oh, and just to warn you, there's still a picture of Cho at the top of the page accompanying that story, but at least it's not the one where he's aiming the gun at the camera), I found out that the media is finally grasping the sensitive nature of the video, photos, and content of the Cho bullshit they've been splashing all over the place since early this morning (if not late last night...I didn't see the news last night, so I'm not sure if it was released around here as soon as that). Granted, they only seem to be grasping the sensitive nature due to the families of the victims backing out of interview appointments with them, but whatever's clever. (Fucking morons. I love how NBC's statement about why they decided to run with the info the way they did was based on the whole "everyone else was doing it, so we can too!" theory. Very mature, assholes. Nice. The only news orgs that I saw reacting to it with "extreme sensitivity" were the local morning news outlets. They briefly showed the photos, but didn't show any of the video, and kept their snipets short when talking about it. Well done. (Of course, they were probably required to do that, due to the fact that the New York big shots were getting ready to air it in all it's disgusting glory in a national market starting at 7 a.m. CST. But still...it was nice to not be beat in the face with the images and audio like CNN was doing all morning starting as early as 5:00 a.m. CST. Dicks.)) Thanks for the tip, D! I was done looking at news stuff about this today, it was so disgusting to me, but it's nice to see they finally woke up and smelled the assholery.

**************************************

I'm continually in a disgusted mood today. Clearly, this week was one to be spent under my rock, away from any and all society. Who knew? Anyway...

I went to read The Star today, just to catch up on some local news, as I was out of the loop a bit due to my admin thingy yesterday, and sho 'nuff, they got a lovely picture of that Cho asshole on their main page with him pointing his fucking gun at the camera.

I can't stand this shit any more. So I wrote them a note earlier today:

Why, why, WHY do all the media outlets feel it's appropriate in any way, shape, or form to be blatantly publishing photos of that Cho a$$hole brandishing a gun at a camera that basically makes it appear as though he's aiming a gun/weapon at the people viewing the photos? What is WRONG with all of you? This is a highly sensitive issue to most people in the nation right now, and I know how excited you all must be to have this new and wonderfully dispicable information in your hands to share with us all, but it's too soon! It's too touchy still right now.

A little sensitivity, please. On the FRONT PAGE? C'mon!

Sincerely,
Faith Smith


And they wrote back:

Do you intend this for publication in Letters?

If so, could you revise with toned down language?

We also require a daytime phone number for verification.

Or I can just share your note with editors.
Lajean Keene
Letters Editor
Kansas City Star


(I don't see why I need to "tone down" my language if they're posting insensitive and callous material so blatantly on the main page of their website, but whatev.) And I just wrote THEM back:

Please just share my note with the editors. No, I do not intend it for publication, HENCE the language.

You MUST HAVE received other notes from other readers throughout the day regarding this issue. Am I the only person asking for a little tact in this regard? It's appalling, disgusting and disturbing that the photo remains on the main page online. I'm not looking for attention here; I'm looking for some sort of relief from this media madness. You don't need my phone number, address, or even my real name in order to listen to my plea for a little common decency and decorum at this time of difficulty for so many people across the country.

Thanks for checking...please let the editors know how at least ONE of their regular readers feels about this issue.

Faith


Again, jeezy fucking chreezy.

Where did the week go? Oh yeah...it's still here.

Ok, those videos of that Cho guy pointing a gun at us and being such a fucking idiot PRICK with his whiny "ooh, you're rich and I'm not and I don't drive a Mercedes and you do and that gives me the right to shoot your vodka and cognac-drinking asses...poor me, poor me!" bullshit on the t.v.'s this morning at the gym? Yeah, CNN, we GET IT. Don't have to show it over and over and over and OVER AND OVER again, ok? How about we treat it like the Twin Tower dealio...maybe people aren't ready to be beat over the head with images of that guy like that right now, hm? Dipshits.

OH MY GOD! I just went to check out my Yahoo to see if I had any mail (which, of course, I do not...), and saw the top story was about the VT students now dealing with the impact of the manifesto that's been released, and when I click on the story to read about their pain, the top image is the one of Cho aiming a gun at the camera!!! It huts my head to think that the media is being so insensitive about this. Absolutely, overpoweringly ridiculous. Idiots, idiots, IDIOTS! They're making me YELL all the time in my writing, dammit! DUMBASS MUTHERFUCKERS!!! (Sorry, blame the media for my tyrade. They're making me feel like crying every two minutes with this shit. Jeezy chreezy.)

Sorry, I was out yesterday all day for an admin function, so I didn't get to update, and I forgot to warn of my absence. More on this later, but I'm busy this morning catching up after being out of the office for the day, of course! I should have some time to post around lunch I'd think. Later!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

It's Official!

Ok, I have decided, all by my lonesome, even though I thought it had been decided at least a couple of years ago...

The word "bling" has been played out, friends. It is now, and forever more ok to stop using that stupid fucking word.

Just had to get that off my chest. (Please don't use that word. Please.)

Ok, so tonight's meet up has me confused, because while I was looking forward to a small get-together that might include some of my favorite local bloggers (along with some of my not-so-favorite, but still considered to be acquaintance-type bloggers due to comment exposure), it seems to have gone well beyond that. Now with the Pitch announcing it and everything, I'm not so sure I wanna go. I just wanted to have a beer or two with XO and The D and maybe even (*gasp!*) Tony and his lovely girlie Sheri. If Heather would be able to show up (not sure of what her schedule is), that would be aces. Emawkc would be fun to meet, especially since I think we work in the same place, and even though it'd be a long shot, if Kristin was planning on showing up, then I'm pretty sure I'd be there without any issue! (And by the way, filegirl has just recently become an off-limits webpage for me to visit at my work, so I'm very, very, very sad about that, and am trying to figure out just what content they've taken issue with on it that made it "forbidden." (Don't get too excited, though...they also blocked half the funnies I read at lunchtime each day, too. Bastards! I need my For Better or for Worse storyline, dammit!!))

There are other issues that keep me from wanting to go, too. My hair looks like shit today, and the fiance is going to the dentist for the first time in I don't know how long today, and I'm not sure if he'll be recovered from it by the time I get off work. I don't know. Other stuff I don't wanna mention, too, because it's sooo junior high, and shouldn't be an issue, but it kinda is, and so there's that.

Basically, it's still up in the air, ok? I do owe a couple of people a drink, though, so I'm hoping I'll be able to make it. But if not this meet-up, then definitely the next one. (Can't we have one on a Friday night, or something? Please? This middle of the week shit doesn't go well with my aging ass...)

Monday, April 16, 2007

Uh oh

I am destroying my feet with a pair of new shoes today. And I forgot to bring along a pair of "relief shoes" so I'm fucked. Oh well...they gotta learn to like the pain. DEAL WITH THE PAIN MUTHAFUCKAS! Mwahahahahahaha!! (Wait...um, they're attached to my body, aren't they? Ok, I take that yelling and laughing back then, I suppose.)

Things could be much, much worse though, and for this small favor, I am truly grateful. Even though I hate VT as much as I do on the field, I will be praying hard for those who have lost their lives and those who have been hurt, and the families that are dealing with this scary, scary situation right now.

I agree, actually.

I just heard a coworker of mine telling another guy as they got on the elevator, "If it weren't for Mondays, we wouldn't look forward to the rest of the week."

So true, so true.

More later. Maybe...

Friday, April 13, 2007

Can I just say...

My dad is awesome. I love my dad. (And the rest of my family, too, of course. But dad has put me in the best mood lately, and for that, I am thankful.)

I regularly work with this one guy outside the company to set up appointments between him and reps from his company with my boss. He decided last week that he wanted to send me a "thank you" present (i.e. a bribe to help him get more meetings than anyone else gets in the future!**) for everything I've done to help him so far, so he asked if he could send me some chocolates from Godiva. Sure! I said. (I expected a small box of something...nothing too audacious...that I could share with my coworkers in order to help them like me more.) And so today, I got this box from Godiva. I should say I got this BOX from Godiva. And I opened it up, and it was one of those towers of treats that people tend to send out to each other around the holidays. Holy crap...I didn't realize he was sending me the goddammed Godiva factory! So I opened the larger boxes of truffles and milk chocolates and the cookies to share with the coworkers that pass by my desk now and then, and kept the smaller boxes that contain more truffles, something from their "platinum" collection (hell if I'm sharing that!) and one other smaller sized box that just says "chocolates" on it. Oh. Oh, they're just regular Godiva chocolates, hm? I shall share them with the little people this weekend, then, I suppose.

I only had one cookie and one truffle after lunch, and now I am feeling soooo fuuuullll, I don't know what's going on. I blame the chocolate, though. Fucking Godiva bastards! (Your yumminess taunts me! I hate you! I HATE you!

Please don't be mad at me anymore!)

So the weekend is upon us, and I will spend much of it inside, cleaning out the ol' closet. (Need to buy some plastic bags when I'm out later, actually...) I was going to have my garage sale this weekend, but then the forecast put that off a bit. So next weekend was another option, but then my bridal gown had to go and arrive, and now I'll be trying THAT on next Saturday. (I'm so excited I could burst! Good thing I filled myself with yummy Godiva truffle goodness, just in case. Godiva body pinata...woohoo!) Sooo, I'll actually be having it the weekend AFTER that. Unless the weather threatens to snow again, or whatever. I mean, seriously? What. Ev. ER. Bitch...

And now I'd better get a move on. Before I explode all over the internets as well as my office cube. Bleh...sooo bloated. (Maybe it's the V8 I got for with lunch? I dunno. Don't feel so good, though. Blehhhhhhh.)

**I'm not bribeable, btw. So the gift had better have just been a sincere "thank you." Because otherwise, it was a serious waste of cash!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Uumm, yes you are.

Bravo reality series (serieses?) have long been a favorite in our home, and last night's premier of "Shear Genius" did NOT let us down, thank goodness. We've been dutifully waiting for Top Design to finally head off into the sunset, and with their decision to name Matt as their top designer last night, even though Carisa'a design was infinitely more fun, interesting, and well laid out than Matt's was, well...they can just keep going into that sunset, as far as we're concerned! That show really kind of sucked.

Shut up, Kelly. Now it's just annoying when you agree with me!

Anyway, Matt, who wants us to believe that he has a normal relationship with his "wife" was very pleased with himself for winning. He even said, "Was there any question, really, people? Seriously," in his interview after winning. And I don't know if it that's his true-to-life attitude, or how it just was shown for the show itself, but I believe he really feels just that cocky about his high-falootin', over-the-top, must-be-expensive-or-BUST designs that he does.

I have no idea what's the truth, really, because he's a man that says he has a wife and daughter in his life outside the show, and guys, he is soooooooo gay. So. Gay. And he really should stop denying it. The fiance has a theory that maybe his wife is a lesbian, but they were really good friends and she wanted to have a baby, and she figured why not have one with her gay friend Matt? So they went all the way with the illusion and just got married and all (to make their families happy, since they hadn't come "out" or anything...), and have this little "family unit" now that they refer to as though it's normal for them to live this way.

Psssst: it's NOT! You can come out, guys! Even your families are wondering just how long it's gonna take for you to realize you GAY, sistas!


*sigh!* So gay. (And honestly, I have no idea about his wife...she's probably straight, I'm sure. But she can't be a very bright woman.)

So, they followed up the superfantastichappyfuntime finale of Top Design with the new Shear Madness series, and folks. THIS is what we look to Bravo for, o-kaaay?! Crazy, weird, fun contestants that think they are "teh shit" and provide endless entertainment for those of us watching.

My favorite line from last night's show? When Dr. Boogie said, "Ok, I'm not gay or anything..."

HA! Bwahahahahahahahaha!!! SO GAY! But we love it, and so it's fine, so why don't they just admit it already??? Why deny? I don't understand. I didn't even care about how he finished that sentence, really, but basically he was saying that he thought the "judge" they have (it's their version of a Tim Gunn...) named Rene is a hottie and a half. And he is rather dapper...

See? Pretty. So, I agree with him, but I really had to rewind the part where he said he wasn't gay or anything, because bitchsayswhat??? Uh-huh. Not gay. Suuuuure.

In other news, last night as I was leaving work, I happened to be placed by the hand of the driving gods behind a gigantor white Escalade that said this on it's license plate: "ESCLA-D" I had to write it down to make sure I got it just right, because I felt it was my duty to share this with the world. There's already a brilliant owner of a lovely white hugemobile Escalade in Missouri that has that license plate. So if you live in Missouri and you wanted it for YOUR car/gigantor SUV/big wheel, you can't have it. Sooorryyy!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Bad thing?

Is it bad that the only fruit I can recall having eaten over the last many, many days (um, seriously too many to count) are the raisins in my trail mix?

Wait...are nuts fruit?

Yes...just the raisins then.

I eat a LOT of veggies. But not so much fruit, apparently. Huh. Weird.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Rant. (I warned you...)

Lately, it’s been relatively easy to push my buttons. (Easier than it usually is, even! Sucks for you, eh? :P) A new ding on my car door when I head out of the parking lot in the evening, and I’m railing at the invisible driver-who-had-been-parked-next-to-me for about 5 minutes. Pull a stupid driving maneuver in front of me (or next to me, or even behind me, which is becoming a more and more popular option as of late I’ve noticed), and feel the wrath of my angry aura as it chases you down the street! Today, I got riled up by a Knottie. A KNOTTIE, for cryin’ out loud! (Knottie = bride who posts on the “talk” section of theknot.com. For those of you who were unaware. I “hang” there now and then.)

And I don’t know wtf is going on.

I need therapy, clearly.

Or possibly to get married and to see my family again and stop planning and get my work life organized now that I have a better idea of what the hell I do around here…

BUT. What would definitely help a great deal is if people would learn how to fucking park properly. (Or rather, how NOT to open their goddammed car door into the side of MY vehicle when they are entering/exiting their own vehicle.)

Or, if maybe while they’re driving down the road, they didn’t go 20 MPH in a 35 zone.

Or if they didn’t pull in front of me when I’m the last car in the flow of traffic that they are attempting to enter from a side street and could very easily just pull out behind me after I’ve passed them.

Or if they would learn how to properly use the brake pedal in their car. (Just a suggestion: if someone is coming to a stop in front of you, you should probably not slam on your brakes just before hitting them, especially if you have a good line of cars behind your ass that will then all have to slam on their brakes. I know it might sound odd, but that can cause an accident. No, really! I know, I know…surprised me too when I figured that one out. But it’s honest to goodness the truth. Stop earlier, and you’ll be ok. Stop mutherfucking earlier. What else are you looking at besides the car in front of you? A birdie flying by? A magazine on the passenger seat? Your teeny, tiny penis? WHAT? Watch the car in front of you! AUGH!!!)

My favorites are the people who clearly haven’t a clue where they’re going, and they driiiiiivvvvve reeeeeaaaaallllly slooooowwwwwlllllyy in front of you until you are cursing every one of their current family members, those who created them in the first place, and all those that come after them because you (a) are hungry and haven’t eaten lunch yet, (b) need to go to the bathroom real bad in a way that you weren’t even able to use the public restroom at a Target for fear of what you might do to it, and (c) haven’t had enough caffeine yet that day and are on the verge of punching random small children due to the tension it’s causing.

Or they just stop. Randomly. In the middle of the road. Looking at the house next to them to see if that’s the one they need. But it’s not, so they head to another one a little further down, and suddenly stop again. Not it. So they continue on. And then they come to a full stop at the stop sign (i.e. a normal place to stop, so it’s ok for a second), and they sit. And sit. And sit. And suddenly 5 seconds have passed and no one is waiting at the other stop signs to go and you’re still needing to drop the toxic out your ass, so the horn gets HIIIIIIT. And they suddenly lurch into movement again (um, without checking to see if anyone had since stopped at the stop sign on the cross street, so just getting lucky they don’t cause an accident in more way than one), only to crawl down the street a little bit further and then suddenly TURN haphazardly into a driveway, AND START TO BACK OUT AGAIN IN FRONT OF YOU, as they realize they must have gone too far and need to turn around!

I am not kidding when I say that some variation of this scenario has happened to me not once…not twice…but three whole times on the stretch of Lamar between Shawnee Mission Parkway and 71st Street, and I don’t know if there’s some sort of secret crack house in that area somewhere, and the crackheads don’t have good directions, or what. But it’s weird. (And no, I haven’t had to toxically poop EVERY TIME I’ve had it happen…but I did have to pee pretty bad one of the times.)

Why do the people at the DMV give driver’s licenses to retards? Why? Please, if someone from the DMV is reading this, or if someone KNOWS someone from the DMV, let them know there’s a problem happening, if they weren’t already aware. Retards are getting driver’s licenses, and it just isn’t safe. Not for them. Not for me. Not for anyone, really. It’s an issue that requires some exploratory committee, I think. Please. Help us sane/non-retarded drivers before we totally lose our shit one of these days!

Anyway, I’m getting more and more snappy. And more and more likely to imbibe a bit too much on weekends. And more and more likely to snap again. I haven’t started crying randomly, so that’s good. (And surprising, considering the usual alcohol intake on Saturdays.) But I wouldn’t doubt that it’s right around the corner.

I drive a black 2-door BMW. Just try…TRY…to park properly next to me, and to get in and out of your cars without hitting mine with the edge of your door, and to drive like a civilized, knowledgeable, well-trained driver when you’re tooling about town, ok? At least until October? Because after that, I’ll have less going on, and will be less inclined to wanna kick your ass as we drive down the street. I’m really looking forward to that point in life. Really, really.

Not right now, ok?

I'm too hungry to think right now, and have been fighting with some ASSHATS over at The Knot this morning, on top of doing some work in between pointed "I am not a bridezilla!" "Yes you are!" sessions, and trying to figure out just how I'm going to organize this here job of mine so that I have it a bit more under control more often than not. (I do my best planning while the boss is out of town, of course...)

So, in the mean time, I will let you ponder this:

Apparently this woman was trying out at a Denver Broncos cheerleader open try out. She's my new idol. She has lovely calves, I think...(I might've chosen a slightly more flattering outfit than that to try out in, but I still think she MUST have some kind of spunk, and so I dig her.)

Monday, April 09, 2007

Yes.

Nuts covered in toffee are making my day. Everyone should have toffee-covered nuts now and then, I think! Yum.

Good job there!

All of the plants in my yard are pretty well freezing to death. My neighbors draped some sheets over some of their plants that they knew wouldn't make it otherwise, but I don't have a sheet that's big enough to cover my dogwood tree, nor do I tend to care enough about my front shrubbery to find enough sheets in the house to cover it over entirely to keep it warm. (Really, though, how much can a sheet do anyway? It's a thin piece of material. When it's all said and done, that shit is all still outside in 20 degree temperatures. Unless there's a small heater under the sheet with the plants, how much can it do all on its own? Do plants put off some heat energy that I've been unaware of?)

Urgent request for my readers who own TiVo's!
Our TiVo is not getting better. For the past several months, it will tend to record whatever the fuck it wants to instead of the show we've requested of it. Anthony Bourdain on Monday nights? Forget it...it would rather stay on TNT and record the crap that's on there. Friday night "Most Haunted" on the Travel Channel? Nuh-uh...HGTV mumbo jumbo instead. We've tried repositioning the little receptor thingies that apparently help TiVo communicate with the cable box. It's not working.

Does anyone know how to solve this type of problem? Please help us before I kick the little thing's ass and toss it to the curb! Thank you.

Ok, today is going to be a busy day. The boss is here today, and then leaves again tomorrow for business out east, and then he won't be back until Friday. I'm learning some new stuff, taking on new responsibilities (thank GOD!), and also have to go buy a couple of things for myself and my coworkers a little later, and that will take up a good chunk of my day, too. Basically, I'm afraid I won't be able to post anything better than this today, so just be prepared for nothing more from me is the thing. I have some rants to make about idiots that drive and don't know how to park, but they'll just have to come at you all at another time I'm afraid.

So have a good Monday, and I'll see y'all lataaaahhhhhh......

Friday, April 06, 2007

Holy holy

I have had to cut back my caffeine intake a good amount for the past couple of days. This hasn't resulted in the mind-boggling headaches that it usually does, however, it has caused a level of exhaustion in me that I haven't seen the likes of since college.

I am so, soooo tired.

My attention span is short, I fell asleep watching t.v. at about 7 last night, I don't have much verve for life.

I miss my caffeine, dammit!

Lately, though, I've been having this fluttery heart feeling thing going on, and it grew to relatively uncomfy levels on Wednesday afternoon. I notice it gets particularly bad after I've been drinking cold liquids. And caffeine can't be helping, so I decided to cut it back some.

So now I'm drinking room temp water instead of my icy cold Diet Pepsi that I prefer to start the day off with, and after having about half...less than, really...of the regular amount of caffeine I usually have yesterday, I am swamped into a level of tiredness that is distracting, to say the least.

BUT. My heart feels a-ok again. No fluttery feelings all day yesterday, and today is so far, so good as well. This is important to me, so I need to keep up with this effort.

Ugh. My water is too cold, actually. I'd better go put more in without any ice, so it will warm it up. Warm water sucks...

Thursday, April 05, 2007

The Twin's already heard this, but...

Dear Mother Nature,

Thanks for the frigid temperatures all of a sudden. Also, thanks for making them stick around for longer than they should.

Oh, AND, lick my butthole, bitch. (You should hear what I'm gonna ask you to do if my dogwood falls apart during this "lovely" freeze you imposed on us this week. You'd better hope good things happen with that!)

Have a shitty fucking day!

Faith

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

That's nice

I noticed today that I've gone quite a long stretch without running into any women in the bathroom that appear to be having a meeting of some sort in it.

This means that (a) I'm hitting the bathroom at the perfect moment each day, or (b) they've all smartened up a bit and realized that it's GROSS to hang out in the bathroom to have extended discussions!! (People are POOPING in there, dude! Go have a discussion at your desk! Where, hopefully, no pooping is taking place!)

Also, we have a little shelf in the bathroom on my floor where some friendly and nice coworkers have left lotion for the general coworker public to utilize after they've washed their hands. It started out with just this one tea tree scented lotion that ran out eventually. So someone put some other bottles of lotion in there (which happen to open in a funky way, and were kind of tough to close, and so they wind up spilling puddles of lotion on the shelf, which is annoying to me and I don't even have to clean it up, so I can imagine how the cleaning lady feels about it), and then someone left another one, and today a fun coworker that I run into now and then in the hallways pointed out that there are now 8 bottles of different lotions hanging out on that little shelf! Last time I was in there, I tried a strawberry scented one from The Body Shop that I thought I would like, but now it's bugging me. Next time I think I'll try the fresia scented one from Bath & Body that's in there. Maybe I'll like that a bit more.

The bathroom here is a weird place, man. I really wish people would start leaving something else on that little shelf instead of just the lotion, like Advil Cold & Sinus meds, maybe. That would be REALLY nice I think.

Can someone turn the sun down, please? It's not doing anything anyway!

Last night, the fiance decided it should be Margarita Night at the Smith household. (His last name is Smith, too. Isn't that lucky?)

We


drank


a LOT.


It got to the point where we didn't have anymore sweet and sour mix to make the margaritas with, so he was (and I'm not proud of this, just so you know...) mixing the tequila and the Grand Marnier with the strawberry jello I bought over the weekend. It was like a great, big jello shot.

This morning he made fun of me for "drinking" that, but I told him it wasn't my fault he got me that drunk. Clearly, I did not have a firm hold of my senses after the first TWO margaritas he made me.

I remember that after we were done with the sweet and sour mix, I decided to look at the calorie content on the bottle. Bad, bad, bad idea. Yeah, 4 oz of the stuff has 100 calories in it. And between the two of us, we had used the whole bottle. That had something like 8 servings in it. Fuck. Me. (That's 400 calories each, and that's BEFORE we added the liquor. Lovely.)

We watched The Holiday, though, and had gone shopping earlier for shoes (Macy's in P.V. doesn't carry men's running shoes, by the way. But they DO have some fabulous women's shoes right now. Yay! I found new shoes!!), and he had made a really, really yummy dinner for us before we went out to shop. It was a good night.

And, I suppose because we were drinking the top shelf liquor, while I feel slightly tired this morning, I don't feel super crappy. So thank you Patron. You're my favorite tequila to over-indulge in now. Good job!

I must go troll the internet for good tid bits now. Maybe I'll go bug some of the stupid ass bitches over at The Knot some more. (Really, they are getting so dumb. It's awesome!) I'll be back later, I'm sure...

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

But I am good at being uncomfortable so I can't stop changing all the time...

Well. THIS weather is making sense, isn't it now? Yesterday, it was 80 degrees. This morning, as I got ready to head to the gym, it was 70 degrees. After receiving the phone call from my trainer cancelling our appointment, and going back into the house to do some needlepoint and relax, it dropped down a bit. And then...THEN, the Mother of All Storms moved in, almost blowing my brand new lovely windows in, and scaring the wits out of me, and we were suddenly down to 62.

I was in the kitchen when the storm front hit my house, and it sounded, literally, like the windows were about to shatter. The hail hitting them didn't help. I managed to gather myself together enough to skulk over to the bedroom, where I speedily got dressed into some jeans and a shirt, and told the fiance that a big, scary storm was moving through, so I was gonna hide out in there for a bit. He kind of mumbled (it's his day off today), and then reached out to hold my hand, and I kind of crouched next to his side of the bed, just in case I needed to dive into my closet for whatever reason (tree branch flying in the room; roof being torn off by horrendously powerful winds; whatever else might happen when a line moves through that quickly), and about a millisecond later, he was snoring again. (I don't get you people that aren't afraid of big, scary-ass storms. Just. Don't.)

The storm moved through as fast as it hit (apparently it had picked up speed as it hit the metro, and moved across us at a 45 - 50 MPH clip, thank goodness), and I was back to putting my breakfast together, and getting my ass dressed in proper work clothes.

Everything is ok now...cloudy, but the sun is trying to peek through. And I just can't WAIT for th 50 degree temps later, and then even LOWER temps we'll be getting by Thursday and Friday! WTF is up, Mother Nature? Make up your mind, woman!

Monday, April 02, 2007

It's a Monday all right...

Not much to post about, I'm afraid. Just more boring shit, so go away if you don't wanna read about more boring shit, ok? I can't entertain all of the time, is the thing. It's making me feel all heart-racy and shit!

I'm deciding to try something new that I heard a girl mention over at the Knot last week (I am a bride-to-be, and therefore I also am a Knottie. Shut up.), and eat whatever I want, but only half of it. (Maybe 3/4's of it, if it's something like what I made for dinner last night - grilled halibut with roasted red potatoes and green beans...because that there is only about 400 cals as it is, so yeah...I can eat all of that, I think.)

But not breakfast. Breakfast I can eat the whole of, because it is, after all, THE most important meal of the day. But lunch and dinner - only half.

Do you know how hard it is to tell when you've eaten half of a single serving sized bag of Baked Lays? It's not easy, lemme tell ya. There isn't a whole lot in there to begin with, but then you have to eat only half of it? Pain in the ass.

I think that losing 10 pounds shouldn't be as tough as I'm making it out to be, and I'd kinda like to lose 10 fucking pounds right about now. I'm absolutely burned out on waking up early to go work out 4 days a week, plus once on weekends (even though that's usually a work out after sleeping in thing...), so I'm switching it up for a bit, and planning on working out with my trainer as usual on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the earliest of the a.m.'s, walking the dog with the fiance on nights when we have time/are in the mood, and then busting a move on weekends in the gym. Because FUCK! I'm TIRED!!!

So this eating half of everything might come in handy. And I don't even have to do it ALL the time, I'd imagine. Just 4 or 5 days a week. If I don't lose a pound or two doing that, then I'm just gonna start FREAKING OUT!!

And ALL CAPS and exclamation points seem to be the running theme of this post. GOODIE!!