Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The One in Which I Am Quite Wordy

This is part one of a series, folks. I didn't realize I was feeling so goddammed wordy on this subject until it took me as long as it did to pull this post together...

It seems that lately, people have been dead-set on tearing down my spirit. Not intentionally, mind you. Just in a way that has become more and more obvious to me as a big girl living in a standard, run-of-the-mill world of her own.

I frequent a couple of wedding websites, including the one in my ‘roll called “Weddingbee,” as a way to pass the time, and also because I have an obsession with wedding dresses. I don’t care that I don’t need one anymore…I just love looking at them, seeing real girls in them when they try them on (which I get to view via pictures put up in posts), etc, etc…so I visit these other sites to get my fill of either snark (as found on The Knot) or wedding prep goodness.

Well, Weddingbee has this little thingy they do every week where they post their “Knot Bios of the Week” for all of us readers to ogle. (The “bio” on the Knot is a place for all of us “Knotties” to put up pictures of either ideas we have about how we’d like to decorate at our wedding, what dresses we want, what kinds of flowers and cakes we’re thinking of styling after, or a place for married ones like me to put up actual pics of their wedding, so as to hopefully inspire others, or give info on the vendors we used, and that sort of thing. Mine is a mess…I don’t have any pro pics to post on it yet, so its full of photos from friends, and doesn’t look as polished as some girls’ bios look. To be fair, I don’t care to be much more polished…it’s just a place to see what I wore, how I decorated, and who I worked with, IMO. I don’t take it too seriously, really.) I’ve noticed that the Bios of the Week that are picked trend toward the idea that only thin girls get married, and I’ve mentioned as much a couple of times before in the comment section on the posts. Sometimes I get people who agree with me. One time I forgot to follow back up and see what people said after I mentioned it.

This last time I mentioned it, though, went a little like this…

Me: Hmm…look at that! More thin brides being honored by The Knot. What a shocker…

Another random reader that doesn’t have the guts to post with a link to a profile: ^LOL! You people are so hysterical! If there are some “non-thin” brides on the Knot that you think are deserving of “Bio of the Week,” you should mention/nominate them, instead of complaining all the time that you’re underrepresented. In the mean time, find something that’s actually important to worry about.

Me: Yes, and that’s something I’m soooo worried about and everything!

Look, the Knot can put up whatever they want. I’m sure more than 2 bios are “nominated” (or reviewed however they actually review them) every week for the darned recognition, and I’m willing to bet that a few of those brides are *gasp!* PLUS SIZED! God forbid they actually feature one every couple of weeks or so.

I’m not denying that the bios featured are lovely, and have fab ideas in them for brides currently in the planning stages (as well as fun pics for those of us that like to look post-wedding as well)…I’m just saying it’s hard to believe that NONE of the bios submitted for consideration for bio of the week ever seem to involve anything above a size 12 bride.

I don’t even know how the process is done, I care so little about it. My own bio sucks, but it gives people an idea of what my wedding looked like in case they need guidance or ideas. I’m still waiting for pro photos to be sent so I can make it look a bit nicer than it does at this point.

But my point is that people seem biased towards the thin girls to be used as examples and to be praised for their fabulousness. Again, not saying they aren’t worthy of that praise (particularly the girls’ bios that are featured this week…VERY envious over here!), but fat girls get married too. That IS a legitimate beef that LOADS of people have, so don’t try to brush it off as something people shouldn’t worry about. It’s called discrimination…perhaps you’ve heard of it?

Another reader who agrees on wanting to know how the Knot Bio of the Week process is done: I’m still wondering how my bio got nominated/chosen etc…can someone explain the process? Thanks.

Weddingbee Owner: wow faith, pretty harsh accusations. if you’ve been reading weddingbee for some time, you’d know that we never discriminate based on weight.

the sole criteria is whether a bio is beautiful, inspirational and helpful (and we have no affiliation with theknot whatsoever).

perhaps you’d like to nominate some bios you think we should feature?

Another ‘Bee contributor: Hi Faith, If you’re not sure how the selection process is done, then please don’t make false assumptions.

The “Knottie bios of the week” featured on Weddingbee are not sponsored by The Knot. Nor are they selected based on the size of the brides.

Weddingbee Owner: [Responding to the reader that wanted to find out how the bios were chosen as well…] mrs bop scours the net for beautiful bios and selects a couple to be featured every wednesday. readers often nominate their favorite bios as well.

Me: Ok, I’m SOOO glad [the other reader] asked that question! For the record, Mrs. Bee, I was responding to the harshly-toned comment from “[bitchy commenter]” directly below my first comment and…

I thought this was a Knot thing, not a ‘Bee thing, to be very honest. I had no idea that it was a bee choosing what she thought looked fabulous (and again, not saying I disagree at all! They ARE faboolous bios, by all means…), but instead thought that it was the Knot choosing the bios and you all were just linking to them based on what you saw there.

As a reader, I’ve never felt that Weddingbee discriminates based on weight, and I thought I commented enough for you to know that I’ve been reading for quite some time now. I’d never stop and think that any of the bees (or the creators of this site) are discriminatory in any way, shape or form.

With that said, I’ve mentioned this before in comments about the Knot bios of the week that are picked, and can’t help but say that I have noticed a trend. Again, had no idea that Mrs. BOP did this on her own, and graciously volunteers her time in viewing probably many, many bios in order to show the ones that she feels have the best details included that she thinks other Bee readers might enjoy viewing. I would never nominate myself (again, my bio really stinks!), and probably wouldn’t ever think to nominate any others that I come across, simply because when I look at bios, I’m looking at the dresses girls chose! (I’m addicted to dresses…no idea why.)

It’s probably over the top as a suggestion, but perhaps a little information about how the bios are chosen should be included in each “bio of the week” post, so new bee readers (and even semi-long time readers like myself!) can be properly informed about how the process is done? I even posted a question about it over on my local board on the Knot, because I couldn’t find any “bios of the week” sections anywhere there! LOL! Now I know why!

Another reader/responder that doesn’t have any kind of link to a profile: it seems to me that Faith is trying to discriminate against “thin” girls by wanting some sort of percentage to be allotted to brides above size 12 or by requesting that all sizes be considered. bios should be picked solely on the amount of inspiration they provide since that is their purpose and no thought should be given what so ever to the size of the bride. that has no relevence and to consider it is discriminatory to all brides of all sizes.

Me: Yes, that’s what I’m doing... You’re right. Big girls are never discriminated against…I was wrong and you’re right. I hate thin girls and wish they would all move to another planet and leave us big girls here by ourselves! (Sheesh…)

I don’t see what the big (heh!) deal is here. I pointed out something I noticed…again…and I got attacked. I fought back, was corrected on my assumptions about how this process is done, clarified about what caused my confusion in the first place, and got attacked…AGAIN.

I’ll just keep saying it…big girls get married, too. And we have lovely weddings full of inspiration for other brides or party-throwers of whatever type. I’ve just never seen any of their bios featured here in the bio of the week. I honestly might have missed them when they’ve been featured…I can say that a lot has been going on over the last few months since I got married, and I don’t see the featured bios EVERY week…so that might be the problem.

Or maybe all the big girls that get married don’t have nice bios? (Like mine…again, just a thrown together bio that I made to help those that might need it. I’m still waiting for pro photos that I want to include to be sent to me by my photographer, so that might help it look less crappy.) Maybe they aren’t as prolific on the Knot as I thought they might be?

Again, apologies to the Bees, especially BOP. I know y’all work hard for all of this, and it is sincerely appreciated. The bios picked ARE lovely. That’s for sure.

After all of that, I went back and looked at all the bios that have been chosen by the ‘Bee contributor (a.k.a. “Mrs. Bird of Paradise” or “Mrs. BOP”) since December, and out of 28, there are TWO that feature a bride that is on the plusser side of thin. (One of them is from KC, even.)

I’m not saying that said Bee is in any way prejudiced toward thin brides. If people are presenting her with this material for her to review, then obviously she’s working with people who might have a tendency toward thinking thinner girls are prettier and/or more stylish than bigger girls, and they might not. But the numbers speak for themselves. I think more of an effort should be made to even things out, since they aren’t discriminatory in any way there, as Mrs. Bee asserts, and which I fully believe.

What I don’t understand is why I got attacked over my observation.

And this is just the beginning…


faithstwin said...

Hmmm. Interesting. I don't see why anyone would have come down on you either. Maybe I am being biased since I am your Twin and I TOTALLY get what you are saying?

I can see why you would spend time on it, but don't get "Me*" crazy over it.

*for those of you who don't know me well: I have been message boarding for many MANY years and have had my crizazy moments when it comes to people misunderstanding and my misunderstanding, that wasn't a dig on Faith and her mental status. :D

Sizzle said...

Sounds like typical size-ist bullshit to me. Discrimination towards thin girls? Is that sort of like how white males are discriminated against in our culture?


As for the person who told you to "find something that’s actually important to worry about"- she has clearly never faced the blatant discrimination that plus sized women feel every single day of their lives.

I'm so bloody sick of this shit!

(Now I'm all riled up!)

Sizzle said...

Here's another thought- we should start a wedding site like "the knot" that caters to plus sized brides to be. It'd make a huge difference!

Faith said...

Hahahahah!! "...huge difference!" Get it?

(See, I've been dealing with the fat bullshit for so long that I can't help but be self-depricating every time I see a fat-associated word like that in relation to any big girl commentary! I'm such an asshole like that...)

Twin, resist. Reessssiiiisssst. It's long over, anyway. The post was from last Wednesday, and is dead and buried. Different from a message board in the fact that it's a blog. So old posts get buried by new ones.

Waldo Oiseau said...

We ALL know that only thin people are truly creative, so that MUST be why their bios are the ones that get selected, right?

Faith, just know that at least you are the same beautiful self now as you were on your wedding day. I know (far too many) women who "got thin" for their big day. It was, frankly, creepy and when you see their wedding pictures, it looks like a totally different person. Kind of sad.

faithstwin said...

Dammit! THAT'S what I was supposed to do, Waldo- get thin...not pregnant. Oops!

emawkc said...

I didn't read that whole post. I got to the part where you started talking about wedding stuff and quickly tuned out.

However, I'm certain that you had several references to bowel movements and I'm certain the writing was AWESOME as usual and that you had several irrefutable points.

H-Train said...

Big girls are discriminated against. Even in the blogosphere. Even in the KC Blogosphere.

The Bee and The Knot sound like sites that would piss me off immensely. Which is also why I plan on eloping. I don't deal with Bridzillas.

Faith said...

Well emaw, even if you HAD made it through the whole post, it was about living life as an overweight woman...two things which you are not. So it wouldn't have been interesting to ya anyway. (But you're damn straight on my writing and the points I made with it.) My nest installment might be a bit more interesting. It involves some very funny cut-and-pasted info from The Knot, so I'd at least recommend that you read through that point. Just because I'm talking about things that happened on wedding websites doesn't mean I'm talking about weddings, man.

Heather, same goes for you. Don't write off The Knot completely. You have to read my next installment, because you'll see why it is that I visit there as regularly as I do.