Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Hump day!

First things first...

Blogger Meet-Up tonight, mofo's! Get your asses there, ok? WOO!

Date: Wednesday March 26, 2008
Time: 5:00 pm - ? pm
Type: Happy Hour
Location: Jaywalkers Sports Bar & Grill
Street: 3916 Rainbow Blvd.
City/State/Zip: Kansas City, KS 66103

Now for the post o' the day...

I’ve been trying to figure out what to write for the last couple of days, but it just seems this week is sapped of anything interesting going on in particular. We’re just plugging along…people are pissing me off here and there, but it’s nothing worthy of reporting. Leo and I are doing exciting things at home like installing a new garage door opener, getting Jake vaccinated and groomed, having Izzy put under in order to scrub her teeth clean of tartar (which will hopefully help with the smell o’ death that resides in her mouth 24/7), arranging for the tree out back to be torn down in preparation for the new addition to get started, discussing plans and such in order to get the new addition priced out properly, working out, etc, etc…

Last week was a somewhat exhausting one, thanks to the family issues that I had going on, the lack of workouts I was able to accomplish, and the ensuing back pain associated with my lack of focus in the workouts I did get accomplished, and then the basketball tourney and wedding over the weekend to pay attention to. So I’m glad this week is more peaceful overall. Last night’s yoga class was a good one…I feel like I’m really starting to open up my hips and their flexibility (still have a loooong way to go, obviously!), which will in turn help my lower back issues over time.

The family issues last week are still nagging at me in teeny little ways. My sister who lives in Texas has an ex-husband that currently resides here in Kansas City with his new wife that he married sometime over the holidays. (About 2 months after his divorce with my sister was final, mind you.) He and my sister have two girls that they share custody over…they were in town to visit last week during their spring break, and while it had been discussed between my ex-BIL and I that we would somehow get together and hang out while they were here, when it came time to actually execute some sort of visit between me and my nieces, he turned into a royal DICK about it.

I’ve tried to remain civil when it comes to our relationship. He and I worked together for years back when I first graduated from college, and so we had a professional relationship that went above and beyond what our personal relationship was and currently is. But what he did to my sister and my nieces…it’s hard to look past it. But he lives here, and not far from where I live, so we run into each other at The Moose every now and then. And he and his wife sit and have lunch/dinner or a drink with Leo and I, and we watch the game that’s on, and we chit chat about random things, and it’s been fine so far.

But after the way he behaved last week, putting his new family before his old and basically making time spent between my nieces and myself very difficult to attain, I’ve lost even more respect for him than ever. In my opinion, he appears to want to have them in his life just so he can have two more people that he can push around and bully. He’s not interested in what’s best for them. He doesn’t care about what they think or how they feel…he wants to tell them what to do, and that’s it.

All of my nieces and nephews have broken homes they have to deal with, except for my brother’s kids. And while it makes me happy to see how they love spending time with each other, with their aunts and uncles and grandparents whenever they can, it just destroys me in little ways to think of how they feel when they have to be with the parent that they don’t like or have the amount of respect for that parents should have from their children.

When I talk to my sisters I can’t help but utter, “We were so lucky,” every now and then. Our parents, while having some fucked up moments in their marriage at times, were great parents who clearly loved us through thick and thin. They didn’t have a need to use us as pawns in their marriage (or ex-marriage, as the case is with my sisters), or as another thing to control in their lives. They loved us unconditionally…the both of them. And in the case of my sisters with their children, they all seem to have divorced men that just don’t care about the kids. Those men, in turn, do not care what they’re doing to them emotionally or mentally. They’re just pawns…left-over bits from their marriage that they have to put up with, like furniture that doesn’t quite fit in their new apartment they had to move into after leaving the house. (My oldest sister’s kids go far beyond that, even…I could write a whole book about them and their father, but I don’t wanna. He’s a creep and a half, that’s all you guys need to know.) And it just eats me up inside when I think about it.

Since everything worked out fine with the visit last week, and the girls are more willing to try again in the future (as long as they get to see “Aunt Faith” while they’re here) which was part of the goal, I’m working hard at letting go. But I’m afraid of seeing my ex-BIL in public again. Our last phone conversation about me visiting with them happened last Friday, and did not go well. I want to maintain a civil relationship with him so that future visits with my nieces when they’re in town won’t be affected by him trying to bully ME in some disconnected, retarded way. (Um, not gon’ happen…) I’m afraid of my ability to keep my big mouth shut, and not tell him (and his wife!) the things I know…the disgusting behavior he displayed while married to my sister, and the sad, sad way he chose to live his life while in that marriage. I want to behave in a petty way. But I don’t want to lower myself to his level, either.

So that’s what’s on my mind lately. Trying to move past it all, and forget about how things worked out this time, and hoping the next time won’t be so difficult. (But also hoping that they don’t have to come here again soon…as much as I love Kansas City, and would love to see them and share it with them, that’s not how it works when it comes to their visits.) They don’t enjoy coming here and being away from my sister like that. My ex-BIL and his new wife don’t make it enjoyable for them when they keep them from seeing actual family in favor of introducing them to her family members (ex-in laws of her own) and their friends. It’s a tense, uncomfortable, unhappy time for them for the most part, and that’s not fair to them. They’re KIDS. They should be having fun, not acting as the go-betweens for family feuds and attempts to emotionally bully people.

I hope I don’t get in trouble for talking about all this out here!

Anyway, this week is better than last week, is my point. In a mellow, non-drama kinda way.


Coley said...

Jaysus. Poor little kiddos. That's a shitty situation for them to be in. Oh man, I'd find it hard to be kind and civil to the ex-BIL after feeling so irked at him.

meesha.v said...

I think so far we managed to avoid all the divorce drama and I think our daughter feels pretty good. I give a lot of credit to my x.