Thursday, March 20, 2008

So much depends upon a red wagon...

Ok, Kent State is a lost cause. Bastids. Doesn't matter, because I have KU picked to win over the winner of that game, anyway.

Those of you who are confused, just keep reading, because there was more fun Knot crazy action today keeping me entertained most of the morning. Unfortunately, the original poster ran away and hasn't come back to respond to our questions since about 9 a.m. this morning, but here's the craptastic idea she had for her wedding that had us lobbing the insults...

Original Postard:

Our ring bearer is only going to be two months old at our wedding! I have seen it done before where the flower girls just pull him down in a wagon, but does any one else have any cute ideas? Also how do you make a red radio flyer, cute and white for the big day? All suggestions are appreciated!

[Ok, first of all, she totally lied about any suggestions being appreciated. You'll see what I mean...]

Replies from other Knotties:
(1) 2 months old isn't old enough to be pulled in a wagon. At that age babies can't even sit up on their own. I wouldn't want to risk the wagon being tipped over with him in it, even if you had him in an infant carrier. If you must have him "walk" down the aisle then I'd suggest asking his mom or another adult to carry him.

(2) sounds like you need a new ring bearer. He can't hold the rings, let alone his own head up.
Why on earth would you have a 2 month old be your ring bearer when he can barely hold his head up! If you are really stuck on this, have his mother walk him down the aisle and then be seated with him. There is no need for him to be up there the entire time.

The wagon idea is not safe for a 2 month old infant, please don't do this!

Original Postard:
Any positive ideas?

More replies from other Knotties:
(3) Seriously? You being a nanny should know that this is not in the best interest of a 2 month old.

How can there be some positive ideas when this is a bad idea? Did you even ask his mother waht she thinks?

(4) I think you're positively batsh!t crazy.

(5) since a kid that small can't "bear" a ring, i'd suggest strapping the ring pillow to his head.

also, to actually answer your question: "Also how do you make a red radio flyer, cute and white for the big day? " i would suggest paint

Original Postard:
Oh my gosh I totally forgot to ask his mom! Thank goodness you said something carrie! C'mon people she's my sister. You people crack me up!

More replies from other Knotties:
(6) So the mother of a 2 month old thinks this is a good idea?

I wish there could be a common sense aptitude test before allowing people to breed.

(7) If you paint a red wagon white, does it turn into a white wagon, or does it retain some essence of its red-ness? As matter cannot be created or destroyed, one must believe that the wagon is still, in its essence, a red wagon. Calling it such would not be incorrect. What is white, anyway? Can one really know? It is taught to us, but that information is reliant on other people's expertise and is subject to a person's bias. Can a person truly know anything???? The cute part I can't help you with.

(8) if you're a nanny of any sort of training in early childhood education, you would know that a two month old baby is in no way capable of being a ring bearer.

you are using the child as a prop...and i for one, as a mother, would NEVER allow my two month old, who has no control over his faculties, to be pulled a a wagon (red or white) by another child, who has no control over her emotions.

don't use this baby as a prop on your "spayshul" Day.

(9) According to Zoolander, the paint will actually make the wagon cute. Paint is wet. Moisture is the essence of wetness. And wetness is the essence of beauty. Therefore, wet paint is beautiful.
But don't let it dry. Then it'll just be a white wagon. Formerly known as red wagon.

you know, foolowing wetness is beauty: the kid would be covered in wet paint = beautiful

the kid will probably wet his diaper = beautiful

(10) so much depends

a red radio

glazed with lead

besides the stupid
bride in white.

(11) How about something like this? The baby should be safe if you do this. AND it looks very wedding-y.

[That one seriously cracked me up...and is what threw off all the spacing in this post. Godammit.]

Ladybug [a.k.a. our resident Mormon moron on the Knot...]:
What a lovely idea to honor your baby in a way that shows him off to the world but I wonder if maybe you can perhaps either carry the ring bearer and have another person hold your rings or change your wedding date to reflect a date that the infant is slightly older and can possibly handle more responsiblity? I would think though that the flower girls may not be aware that such a young baby could be in danger by dragging a wagon down the aisle in the event the children were to start running I would fear for the safety of your new baby. I think you can buy a wagon in white but it is not going to be a red radio flyer although white is more appropriate for a wedding. Good Luck and keep us posted!

(12) Seriously though, if you're going to do that, make sure you buy a wagon that is NOT easily tipped.

I asked my sister if she would've let our nieces (who are mellow kids and wouldn't be all crazy & wild) pull her kid in a wagon at 2 months old.

Her response: "I think not".

(13) See, even Ladybug sorta agrees with us and she has 1/2 a brain.

(14) I will spare you my personal opinions on the whole wagon thing. But we did go to a wedding once and the couples newborn baby was pushed down the aisle in one of those pop out stroller things. It was decorated with tulle and flowers and other wedding crap. The rings were in a sippy cup in the stroller.

It was kind of awkward but whatever. I feel like being nice today so that is my suggestion if you insist on having a newborn as a prop. Oops. I mean ring bearer.

(15) You don't think any of these suggestions are positive? Think about this- you go with your original plan by having your flower girls (I'm hoping they are above the age of 3 or at least know how to walk) pulling a two month old baby down the aisle in a painted radio flyer wagon, a wagon with 4 inch walls. If your flower girls are young then they won't understand the importance of being EXTREMELY cautious with a two month old baby. They may walk a little too fast due to all of the excitement and that "cute" little white wagon of yours just may tip over and injure the innocent two month old baby. Now, does THAT sound like a very POSITIVE thing to happen on your "special dayyyyy"?

I think anyone who suggested to NOT go with your idea is giving you a very positive suggestion.

Please have a responsible person (the mom) carry the baby down the aisle, if you insist on him being a part of your wedding. Or choose a boy capable of walking himself down the aisle AND can carry a pillow at the same time!

(16) OMG! Ladybug said something LUCID!!

::throws back of hand to forehead and faints::

Yes, like Ladybug says, you should DEFINITELY change the date of your wedding so that the ring bearer will be 5 months old, and able to hold his head up on his own.

*rolls eyes*

You DO realize that at 2 months old, he'll be lying down in the wagon, right? I mean, what's the friggen point? Unless you're planning to prop him up in some way, which would be almost as ridiculous as having a 2 month old in a wagon down the aisle in the first place of course!

Anyway, there's no nice way to put this. It's a stupid idea. Period. (I do, however, like the cage idea from the pp above. That would look faaabulous...)

(17) Ok, the obvious safety hazard has been pointed out, so I won't reiterate, but think about how this idea could ruin the ceremony. The baby is probably very likely to:

-all of the above

Do you really want all this going on during your wedding ceremony?? Why not spare yourself the stress and keep the baby with his mom who can quietly step out with him if needed.

(18) "You DO realize that at 2 months old, he'll be lying down in the wagon, right? I mean, what's the friggen point? Unless you're planning to prop him up in some way, which would be almost as ridiculous as having a 2 month old in a wagon down the aisle in the first place of course!"

Eh. Some duct tape and plywood would solve the problem. ;)

We're currently discussing the different options to secure the kid to the wagon in the post. The original poster hasn't been back since this morning to respond to our fun, and I don't know that she will be until maybe tonight, if at all. I'm hoping she calls me fat. It's been too long since someone took a hit like that at me.


Alisha said...

Wow. People are dumb.

Also, why are people so obsessed with putting kids in wedding ceremonies? It is an adult institution. I never got that.

Sizzle said...

Wow people can be kind of brutal in their responses. I mean, yeah, she's got a dumb/unsafe idea. I agree. But woah!

faithstwin said...

Girls get catty. It can be annoying, but it can also be rather entertaining.

I loved the philosophical answers re: red/white wagon.

Unless they are Shirley Temple, kids in wedding ceremonies shouldn't happen.

Cheri said...

LOL This cracked me up. Very bad idea! My son was 2 1/2 as a ring brearer and it didn't work out well. 2 months - how crazy!