Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Faith's Beauty Tip #1,491

Here's a tip for all the women that insist on finishing their daily beauty routine in their vehicle while it's moving down the street: when you put makeup on in your car on your way in to work, or wherever you might be headed? You tend to look like you put your makeup on in your car, mkay?

Wake up 10 minutes earlier. Fucktards...

I was behind a woman this morning that swerved slightly into oncoming traffic, correcting herself in time to avoid clipping the car coming towards us on the other side of the road. I immediately wondered what her issue was...cell phone? Fishing for something in her purse? Reading the news on her way in? When we stopped at the red light at 75th and Nall, and she proceeded to put on mascara while we sat there, I got my answer. And then she put on eye shadow as we drove between 75th and 83rd, at which point she turned left, saving me from possibly witnessing her driving into a pole or small child as she did her makeup while she drove.

She also kept trying to fluff her unfluffable over-permed and crunchy from styling solution hair in her rear-view mirror (which she had aimed at her face, of course, because how else was she supposed to do her hair and makeup on her way to work? DUH! It's what it's there for, obviously!), which I wanted to tell her wasn't helping much, but I feared approaching her since she was so busy, and all.

I never have understood these people, and while I'm guilty of smacking on a bit of lipstick while sitting at a signal now and again, I would never, EVER attempt to put on mascara in my car. Fuck, I have a hard enough time doing it when I'm standing still in my bathroom! (See pictured evidence above. Ok, ok...that was my clown makeup I had done professionally for my wedding day, but still...)

Seriously, if you're a girl that even goes so far as putting on blush while driving (and I don't care if you only do it when you're sitting at a signal. First of all, that's a lie and you know it. Second of all, what am I supposed to do when the light turns green, it's our turn to go, and you're mid-paint on the left eye? Sit there and wait? HELL no. I'm gonna lay on my horn and express my feelings about your lack of ability to get your shit together in the morning BEFORE you leave the house. You dolt...), just take the extra time at home. It's really not that tough...just wake up a few minutes earlier. Because seriously...the makeup you put on in your car does NOT look good. I can assure you. Taking extra time at home, if your care so much as to try to make yourself presentable and everything, is the way to go.

Oh, and perms are soooo 80's.

That is all.


emawkc said...

If I were a chick, I don't see how i could put on makeup while driving, what with my hands being full of coffee, bagel and cellphone already.

Plus me being a chick and not a very good driver in the first place.

MoxieMamaKC said...

I totally agree with you. Rush hour make up is always a bad choice. Plus, this one of the reasons men complain about "crazy women drivers". Don't be that girl! Thanks, Faith, you made me giggle about the scrunky '80's perm.

faithstwin said...

People who fard are NOT cool. Farding is dangerous and annoying and down right honktastic.

Dude, I am so sorry I was such a bad chick-of-honor...nooo, no. It wasn't THAT bad. I promise. But I'm sorry. Seriously.

Ok, I'm off to post my Morrissey update. Yay!

Sizzle said...

One of my friends ALWAYS does her make up in her car. She is perpetually late. It doesn't matter if I tell her 30 mins before I actually need her to arrive. Sometimes she arrives with only one eye done.


Well Hell Michelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Well Hell Michelle said...

Some people who aren't old ladies still get perms? That's some seriously scary shit.

Faith said...

Well, from what I could see, she appeared to be in her late 40's/early 50's. Coulda been the bad makeup and hair that made her appear that "old" but I'm thinking you mean 70's/80's type of "old" so is scary. I don't understand it.

meesha.v said...

there is a poodle looking lady in my gym. not sure why she subjects herself to this,not too old either.