Friday, April 18, 2008


Ladies (and gentlemen, for that matter), I'm beseaching you here. I'm imploring. BEGGING, almost. (Not quite, though...just almost.)

If you are the type that loves to splash a perfumed scent on yourself before heading out the door to work/a restaurant/church/the GYM, please do the rest of the world a favor...

...and stop it.

I'm not talking body sprays that tend to fade within 20 minutes of you spraying them on. I'm talking about the lotions or actual perfumes that you can buy that stay with you for hours. And then you can't smell it anymore (and perhaps it's just gotten to a reasonable smell level for those around you), and you reapply it mid-day.

Listen, I understand you want to smell pretty...we all do. For sure. But if you really want to smell like patchouli or opium or some other musky gross smell, just do it when you're going to be sharing your space with yourself, in the comfort of your own home, mkay? If you're heading to the office, you don't NEED to smell like Elizabeth Taylor or Calvin Klein or any incarnation they currently deem necessary to inflict on the general public at large. The soap you showered with in the morning is just fine. You're clean! Why fuck it up by spraying some weird scent all over yourself?

I like the scent of air. Or a nice apple-cinnamon candle, maybe. But I do NOT like perfume. It's just not pleasant. It literally seems to attack my nose when I encounter a whiff of it.

We'd love you anyway if you just smelled like you! (A clean you, of one needs a musty, dusty version of anyone wandering around their office/restaurant/church/gym!) We swear! Love us back, won't you? At least love our noses back. Again, beseaching. I don't do that too often, really.


faithstwin said...

When I went to check in at the hotel last weekend, one of the ladies behind the counter had perfume on that was so strong, I smelled it before I opened the door. After walking in my left eye immediately began watering like mad. They were all, "Ohhh, you poor thing! Is there anything we can do?" I asked them for a tissue and then said, "I'm slightly allergic to perfume." The woman wearing it apologized and the other woman helping me looked at me and was all, "OMG! I know!," with her face, of course.

People just need to step away from the spray.

MoxieMamaKC said...

I'm printing your post out and I'm going to discreetly place it in a co-worker's cube.

Right on top of her keyboard. Just so she doesn't miss it.

Everytime she walks into my office, I can taste her nasty perfume for at least 10 minutes afterwards.

(I emailed the spackling your face in the car post to a friend of mine who is a repeat offender.)

Faith said...

Dude, moxie...I'm loving that I'm a secret communicator for you to the people you know that need, well...some help with certain things. That is awesome.

Twin, you might've done that poor coworker a favor that day. Let's hope your comment didn't fall on deaf ears!

faithstwin said...

I'm hoping it helped, too. I mean, the entrance and front desk is in such a closed in area...

I'm hoping more than my words will help- the fact that I had an instant physical reaction to it should be the kicker for her.

You're soooo right, though: all it takes is a shower and some deodorant. I put Aveeno on after I shower, but it doesn't really have a scent. Sometimes I use lotions from Bath and Body or what have you, but very rarely since Aveeno does such a good jobs with my dry skin.

Serenity said...

AMEN,Sista!!! I work for Wal-Mart and have had to be by little old ladies(well, beyond AARP years) that 'splash' their old lady perfume on before going to the store INSTEAD of showering/bath time. I almost heaved my lunch on the old bats shoes.

meesha.v said...

I love a good smelling woman, but damn if one bitch at work is not buying her stuff in a 5 gallon bucket from Costco. And there is no non-offensive way to give her a hint. Maybe it would've been ok if she didn't take a bath in her perfume.
Maybe someone can give me some advice on how to stop the smell torture? I beat farts at work but these were men so I wasn't bound by sexual harrassment guidlines.

Faith said...

I put up a sign once in a restroom shared by all offices on our floor in one building I worked at a couple of years ago, Meesha. I'm not kidding when I say I was 20 feet down the hall from there, behind three closed doors, and I could STILL smell that woman's perfume when she did her mid-day reapplication. Walking into the bathroom any time during the hour and a half afterwards was like walking into a cloud of smoke. It. Was. Disgusting.

Unfortunately, the cleaning people in the building took the sign down that night. BUT! The perfume applicator never put her perfume on least not in that small, poorly ventilated room. So she must've read it before it got taken down!

The only way is to do something like what moxie did. Leave a note on her desk. But if you work in a small office, good luck keeping anonymous on it!

meesha.v said...

men cannot do this to women, that's the surest way to get in trouble.

Lurch said...

Don't worry Faith, that'll be one of the next things City Councils all around the metro will begin passing laws to regulate.

emawkc said...


Maybe keep a bottle of Febreeze at your desk. Spray it on the offended as she walks by.