Friday, June 13, 2008

Mom.

It's been 10 years since you passed away.

It's been a bit longer than that since I heard you laugh, or had a talk with you, or just hung out and did nothing.

I talked to you all throughout the night last night, because you were on my mind more than usual, and I needed you. Every time I tell you I miss you, you always say, "But I'm right here!" And I have to explain, again, that I mean I miss you. Hugging you. Hearing you laugh. Seeing you in front of me. I know you're here, woman! That's not what I meeeaaaan. :P

And over and over again, all I wound up thinking was Mary my mother; my mother Mary. Over and over and over and over in my mind.

Tonight, as the 7 o'clock hour comes over the midwest, I'll think of you, and light a candle and probably have a glass of wine in your honor. And I'll hope that you're proud of me. And that you're watching over the older sisters, Twin, and Dad as they go through their hard times. And that you really do have Dan with you wherever you are. And that you're in a happy place. (I know it must be. You seem at peace with it, whatever it may be.)

Thank you for being here. But dammit, I wanna give you a hug.

7 comments:

Sizzle said...

Thinking of you.

faithstwin said...

:(

Nuke said...

I don't think your Mom could help but be proud of ya Faith. Heck just how much she still means to you should make her day!

Anonymous said...

I'd like to think she is also watching over your brother. Who is Dan?

Faith said...

My brother seems to be doing just fine, thanks. He's not going through any custody battles with evil exes from hell, dealing with a cheating ex-husband also from hell who doesn't know how to pay his child support because he can't accept he's not CEO material anymore, or having to fight an autoimmune disease from hell while trying to raise two kids on his own without the help from yet ANOTHER ex-husband from hell who seems intent on making his kids feel as worthless as he helped their mom feel when he was with her. And let's not even get started on why I want her watching over dad.

Yes, brother has a lot of stress in his life, but he makes good money, has a loving wife and fabulous kids, and in general is doing as well emotionally and mentally, presumably, as I am. So there ya have it.

As for who Dan is, if you don't know, then I don't know you very well, I'd imagine. You can read through the archives to find out, but he was my boyfriend that died a little less than a year before mom did. That anniversary is coming up, too. On the 27th. 11 years. He died from a fire in his apartment when he was 23.

Faith said...

Oh, and sorry for the bitter tone. I don't take well to anonymous commenters. I have no problem explaining things that people are interested in knowing, but it'd sure be nice to know who I'm explaining things to.

faithstwin said...

I have a feeling who anonymous is and that is not cool. Not cool at all.