Thursday, June 12, 2008

That's nice.

There's nothing like a trip to the gyno to put things into a new perspective for ya. 20 minutes of your life spent lying naked on a table, having someone stick foreign objects into your hooha, while you do your best not to fart in their face and answer the chit-chatty questions that mean nothing to them in the long run.

"So, you got married, hm?"

"Yes. Yes I did. In October."

"Oh! Of last year?"

"Mm-hm. This past October. It was a lot of fun."

"And did you go on a honeymoon?"

Which is right when I'm thinking, Good GOD woman! Let's get this done with? And did you really need that much KY? Fuck!

"Yep. We went to the, uh, British Virgin Islands? Yeah...it was so pretty! But expensive! Not to say we didn't expect it to be expensive, of course, but I just wish we could take it back now. We're doing a renovation on the house, and that money would come in handy." All the while, she's oohing and aahing over the idea of the islands, and then tells me I can sit up now, and I'm still jibber-jabbering away about how Leo got sunburned on our 3rd day there, blahblahblah...

I'm telling you...men? You have it easy. Turn and cough. That's it. You fuckers. How about YOU take the birth control and have the periods for a little while, hm? I'd bet a lot more of you men would be nicer to us if you knew what we had to go through just to maintain our systems on a daily/monthly/annual basis.

You jerks. The lot of you. JERKS! Lucky-ass bastards...**


**This rant has been brought to you by a massive hike in estrogen. Please watch your step around the estrogen-charged blog until further notice, or until said blog starts talking about things like poop, construction, or puppies again. Thank you for your attention during this estrogen-charged time.

7 comments:

You Rang said...

Turn and cough? If only it was THAT simple. Obviously you aren't up on the prostrate examination process. Doctors need to realize, that hole is EXIT ONLY.

Faith said...

Prostate. And yeah, I hear you. And I up you one by saying, how often are men required to get that exam?

And don't even get me started on mamograms, dude. I haven't had to get one yet, myself, but I will in the future. I'll be happy to explain it in all its glory when I do.

As soon as you guys start bleeding out your penis once a month, and have to stick something up in it to stop it from making a mess, or wear a diaper in order to keep it from going all over the place, you *might* have more of an argument. Until then, no. :P

meesha.v said...

This song is for you:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=DwBirf4BWew

You Rang said...

Yeah, prostate. Damn extra finger I have likes the R key for some reason. ;-)
I'm not gonna get in a pissing contest with ya, because as you probably already know, as a man my aim isn't all that good. I just wanted to point out the fact that it isn't all turn and cough for guys. Digital rectal rape about sums it up, and it's a yearly thing for people my age. Fun Fun.

MoxieMamaKC said...

I just laughed my ass off. You are so right. The chit chat is enough to make me want to go in liquored up. Not to mention I've been traumatized ever since my first "exam" when I was 18 and I had an Eddie Munster look alike all up in my business. I'm scarred, truly...I love it when my husband tells me about his trauma with the cathater when he was younger. I gently (or not so much) remind him of how I birthed his child, which he witnessed. He shuts up pretty quickly after I compare the physics of a tiny, tiny little tube and an 8 pound, 12 ounce child...

flowerparts@yahoo.com said...

amen.
and the mammograms aren't that bad. had a scare when i was 30...although...i'm much less blessed than most women in that area...and i'm guessing that may have had something to do w/ it. there wasn't much to smush and smash into that contraption! go for the ultrasound version - SO easy and much more reliable!

Faith said...

Ooh! I didn't know they had ultrasound versions! I will so do that instead. Thanks flowerparts!