Monday, June 23, 2008

That's not a public toilet, man.

So, Saturday we had a couple of friends over, after we started our evening at Hoopers in Brookside having some relatively cheap beers and appetizers. We decided to go back to our house to grill burgers and watch t.v. and chill. It was nice.

On the way up the driveway when we got back from the store, we were mocking the port-a-potty on our front lawn. For some reason, Leo and friends decided to look inside the port-a-potty. Alisha saw something on the floor as Leo started to close the door again. It was someone's checkbook. And it had money in it, too! SCORE! (Ok, it was just $5, but still! WOO! Free cash!)

So we brought it inside, and kind of forgot about it for a while. (We were more focussed on drinking some more beers, and bugging Leo as he made the burgers for us.) After dinner, I grabbed it, and started going through it.

Dude has written two checks in the last week to Aquila for his utility bill, and man is he getting it up the ass! One check was for $103, and the next one was for another $50. He wrote them within 5 days of each other...which just makes no sense to me. (He had another check to MO Gas for $60 in there, too. I would not want to live in his house, mkay?)

Anyway, what makes even less sense is the fact that we haven't had any work done on the house since Monday, when the gas company came out to move the gas line and our meter from the yard to the house. This guy wrote a check to Aquila on 6/17. Which was Tuesday.

What the fuck was he doin' in my port-a-potty after he'd written that check?

It was kind of strange, because his street address made it look like he lived right down the street from us, but it turns out he lives on a street with the same name in Raytown, MO. I tried calling the number on the check on Sunday morning so I could tell him we had his check book (which has his account access code written in it...der), and to find out (a) what he wanted me to do with it, and (b) what the fuck he was doing in our port-a-potty, but the number isn't in service any more. (No wonder...seems he spends all his cash on utility bills and at Walmart, so he probly can't afford a phone of any kind at this point.) He also gave a check to some chick at the beginning of the month that says it was for child support and text messaging. (???) So he has that to deal with too, apparently.

I feel like I know so much about this guy already. And it's all due to the memos he writes on his checks!

Anyway, I called his bank. I'm not an asshole, so I'll even give him back his $5. I thought about mailing the book back to the address printed on them, but figured that if the phone number had changed, maybe it wasn't safe to send it to an address that might've changed, too. So the bank is gonna try to contact him at the work number they have for him, and I'm gonna pop it in the mail to send it to the bank later today if I don't hear from them or him by 3 p.m.

Because I'm a good neighborly-type chick, dammit.

Just don't use my port-a-potty, ok? 'Cuz that just pisses me off.


Xavier Onassis said...

The thing that I find most disturbing about this story is that you were touching, with your hands, someone elses checkbook that had been laying on thhe floor of a port-a-potty.


Don't shake my hand our touch anything close to me at the blog meet tonight, mkay?

Faith said...

Oh, I so wanna keep the jacket of the book now, just so I can rub it all over you when you least expect it. Mwahahahahaha!!!

Coley said...

Is this a Kansas City thing? This whole driving through a residential neighborhood, seeing a port a potty in someone's yard and deciding, "You know, I could wait until I get home, or wherever I'm going, but gosh, that port a potty just looks so inviting. I think I'll stop in."
I'm utterly confused. And...if you're using a stranger's port a potty, did you really need to bring your checkbook inside? At that point, why not drive around with bathroom reading material, you know, just in case the mood strikes?

Weird. Faith, I might consider a lock on that door. Yikes!

Sizzle said...

I would rather pee in a bush than in a port a potty. Those things are so nasty! Eww.

That's nice of you to send his checkbook back.

Nuke said...

No lock and no sign saying off limits... sounds public to me.

Besides if you don't have to clean it, why do you care who uses it? Just resist temptation to peek, and you'll live happier (and most likely longer).

N }:-

Anonymous said...

On a related note: I was working my crappy 2nd job as security @ the Death Cab concert at the City Market. A guy comes up to me and hands me a wallet that he found on the ground. So I look through it to see who it belongs to...the owner was a youngster from Omaha who just turned 21 in December.

I debate whether to turn it in to my employer or see if I can get the guy his wallet back on my own. I decide that the security company would just hold it until Monday and would royally eff up the process, so I'm going to get the guy his wallet back before he heads north to Omaha.

So, after looking through the wallet again, I find the owner has had a moment of genius and written the address and phone # of a hotel near the airport on a sticky note and put it in his wallet. So I call the hotel, ask for him by name and leave my name and cell phone # on the room voice mail.

He called me at 1:30am (thankfully I was still up) and we set up a time meet at the Argosy the next morning.

Faith said...

Shmigs, it's folks like you and me that make the world a better place. :D I sure hope these people appreciate us, dammit.