Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Taking a Break

I'm gonna take a little bloggy vacation. I don't do this often, but I'm not in the mood to try to explain what I meant in posts when my point is missed, and the fact that I have to explain means that I'm not communicating well enough to begin with.

I'm stressed. My chest hurts off and on most days. I'm depressed much of the time. I want to send Leo's dental bills to his parents so they can see how much they fucked up his life with the way they raised him, in even the most mundane ways like ignoring his health, which in turn gave him such a high self-worth that he didn't find it necessary to brush is teeth every day for 20 years. And we have to pay exhorbitant amounts now in order to make up for it all. And he invited them to our house for Christmas this year. Goody. (To be fair, I love his mother to death. I think she made poor decisions when he was growing up, but I don't think that was entirely her fault. I cannot imagine what it would have been like to have been in her shoes. BUT! She still stood by and let her husband treat her children like shit. That is a painful reality that I wish just hadn't occurred.)

I'm having a hard time reconciling my emotions with much of the stress that I'm encountering every day, and it's affecting everything, from my emotional outbursts at home, to the way I want to respond to people asking for time in a weekly staff meeting my team has, to how I'm able to deal with the construction project right now.

My body is ballooning before my eyes, and while I'm doing everything I can fitness-wise (well, just about, anyway), I still sabotage with food. Which I'm fully aware of. And yet I still do nothing about it.

Basically, I'm a mess. And hashing it out here isn't helping. So I'll be back next week, I hope.